Dear Diary,

Without words, I stared into his eyes. I felt the pain and sorrow rush into my body as I discovered what I had done. The ecstasy I felt before was gone, completely gone. I backed away from her lifeless body in horror, stumbling over myself as I did so. James just stood, staring, unbelieving of what he was seeing. It pained me to see that look in his eyes, that gaze of disbelief, of pain. I opened my mouth, attempting to speak, but no words traveled from my blood stained tongue.

"James-" I muttered, leaning my head upon the couch behind me. "Listen," He shook his head wildly. He did not want to hear me talk. I found the strength to stand and I did so. My legs were weak and shook with uncontrolled vigor. My heart was completely stopped, and I gripped at my chest in fear.

As I shuffled towards him, still swaying with the feeling of blood in my body, he frightenedly backed away. "James." I whispered, tears inundating my voice. I reached up my hand towards him, as if entranced by him. I reached for him, as if reaching for a distant star. Still, he shook his head and backed away. "No." He said. "No."

"Just stop, James, please. It was an accident." For some reason he was completely horrified. Was he not a vampire? Had he not seen blood as this? Had he not felt the lust?

"No, Julie, you are no longer our savior." His words cut through me like a knife, a newly sharpened, metallic knife. "You are now the monster." He continued backing from me, out the door and into the wild jungle. His back hit a tree and he stopped. I could hear the monkeys screeching around us, the insects making their noises, the birds chirping their songs. I could feel the warm rain upon my bare skin, the moonlight flashing over my body, but all I could see was him. His horrified face.

"Just let me explain, James. Please." I dropped to my knees, my legs splashing into a puddle of mud. Tears began flowing down my cheeks, and I reached up in disbelief to touch them. "Please, I can't lose you." I whispered.

I felt a hand graze my cheek, then rest upon my shoulder. Its coldness amazed me, a cold shock of ice in the warm rain. I raised my head, trying to pull back the loose tears. There stood those green eyes, staring longingly into mine. They were glazed with wet tears, and that made them all the more beautiful. "James," I whispered once more. My love for him was beginning to destroy me. Was this not what Jannice had said? Do not let your emotions destroy you. Forget her, you killed her, she is dead. I lunged towards James, leaping into his grasp. My arms flew around him, and my face plunged into his chest. I let the tears flow freely now; I let myself drown in a puddle of sorrow. James just stroked my hair and gazed up at the falling rain. Time passed, it seemed like hours and we just sat there in the pouring rain, intertwined. He began singing a tune, seeming to try to calm me. I still remember it, it went something like this:

My love, let your tears disperse

Let your sorrows be gone

Leave all thoughts of the worst

Let my love be all you need

To dry those unwanted tears.

These words succeeded in calming me. My tears indeed did disperse and all seemed right in the world. I forgot about the blood, about Jannice lying lifeless in the jungle cottage, and about the mother and two children. All I could think about was him, and all his love. Of his eyes, his voice. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything in my life. But he teased me, dangled his love in front of me, then yanked it away with a careless motion.

He stood, releasing his grip on me. "We must leave, immediately." He said, no emotion tracing in his voice. I still sat on the mud filled puddle, looking lovingly up at him. I nodded then placed my hands upon the ground. The mud splashed up towards me and I made no attempt to move from its path. He reached his hand down to me, I took it and stood. He pulled me into an embrace. "I am sorry." He said, whispering into my ear. I nodded, then pulled him closer to me. "I love you." He whispered, then my heart soared. This situation had turned for the better.

It is hard for me to say, but as I look upon that moment now, I am somewhat glad I sucked Jannice dry of blood. It caused that loving moment between me and James. I regret nothing.