A Hated Reflection
Disclaimer: Never will, never have, owned Inuyasha.
A/N: I just want to thank everyone for all the reviews and additions to favorite lists. It means a lot to me to be getting all this support. I especially want to thank Shin Wal-New Moon-, kodiagkitten, all590, CatLover260, and VampireInuFreak for being there and supporting the story throughout its 'life.' Thank you everyone else who has been sticking with it too that I didn't mention! I love you all and feel very grateful for the support! Enjoy!
Chapter 11: Never Too Late
If someone dies, the hearts of humans seem to die within them, making them weak, crumbling in their own pool of sorrow. It's as if you've died with that person, but you're forced to reside on Earth, just as an empty body; instead of being stuffed in a coffin or having your body burned and thrown into nature. Either way, it still stands, you're alive, they, are not. People all deal with death in different ways. They never talk about it; they always talk about it, write poetry, songs, etc., and in some cases, kill themselves… Whether it is emotionally or physically, they just, die. Physically, of course, they actually fall down dead and gone. Emotionally, well, then they still breath, walk, have the ability to talk, but they just don't do anything. They've beaten themselves to an emotional robotic wreck. Eventually some die physically; ever heard the term 'they died of a broken heart?'
Inuyasha carried Kagome to Kaede's hut, slowly and painfully dragging each step. He hadn't even bothered to check Kagome's pulse. How could anyone survive a shot to the heart? Shot to the heart… that's how Inuyasha felt at the moment. As if he'd the one that had been shot, and lived. With each step he felt one more crack in his heart form. It was as if his heart had turned to paper and now a girl with raven black hair and an innocent ebony face had grabbed a pair of scissors and was slowly ripping and cutting at his paper heart.
As Inuyasha came out of the forest and entered the village he ignored the stares and cries of all the villagers and plunged right on to Kaede's hut. He knew that the others were probably already there since that's what they'd planned on doing once dawn had risen. Slowly Inuyasha pulled away the beads hanging in front of Kaede's hut and he entered still clutching Kagome to his chest. Then he fell to his knees from the weight and pain of Kagome's death. As he heard the screams and cries of the people in the hut he tried to grasp Kagome's cold hand. But before he could move he slowly closed his eyes and submitted to the darkness that consumed him. (A/N: Ok someone has to count for me. How many times have people fainted in this story!?)
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Slowly Inuyasha felt himself come back to the world of the conscious. He quickly snapped out of his daze and sat up quickly. "Kagome!" Then he swayed and fell back down grasping his head groaning. Okay, maybe sitting up so quickly wasn't the best idea, he thought.
He heard somebody sigh next to him. This time he slowly sat up and leaned against the wall next to him. Moaning a little he massaged his head looking up at the figure standing above him. It was Sango. She was smiling a little at his frantic actions and stupidities from his worry about Kagome. But as he looked a little deeper he also saw worry lines etched into her pale features.
"What are you smiling at, wench?" he asked stubbornly crossing his arms. Then he sighed as Sango looked away from him and wiped her eyes. He felt guilty for adding pain to the already stressful day. "Well there's nothing to be smiling about. Kagome's dead." He murmured out loud, arguing with himself.
Suddenly Sango burst out into a full blown smile. It was still a little stressed and worried, but otherwise mostly happy. While she giggled to herself Inuyasha silently wondered if Kagome's death had brought her into hysterics and she'd now gone emotionally insane.
"What are you laughing about!?" He nearly screamed at her in fury. Kagome's death was no laughing matter. Kagome's death… he looked at the ceiling in despair. Dead… just like his mother, as sweet and kind as his mother too. And just as undeserving to be dead as her! he yelled sadly to himself.
"Inuyasha. I'm sorry, but it's been such a stressful day and I'm still exhausted." Sango whispered softly as she kneeled down next to him. Since there was still traces of a smile on her features Inuyasha turned his head away not wanting to look at her. She smiled once more a put a hand on his shoulder. "I smiled because you're wrong, she's still alive Inuyasha. Please believe me."
Inuyasha's head snapped up as he looked quickly at her, searching for any trace of a lie in her face. What stared back at him was a sincere and truthful looked that told him that she was definitely telling the truth. Now he looked at her dumfounded. "How?" he whispered.
Now Sango snorted and rolled her eyes. "Only you would be so pessimistic as to immediately believe she was dead. I doubt you even checked if she had a pulse." Inuyasha turned his head away blushing and murmuring an unheard, 'feh.' Then he looked back and Sango curiously.
"Will she be alright though?" Sango looked down her brow immediately creasing into a worried frown. Inuyasha almost wished he hadn't asked. Like Kagome earlier he too had a sudden sense of deja vou. Only this time the breaker of bad news was Sango, not Miroku. Hopefully the outcome would be equally good, and Kagome would live.
"We're not sure." Sango said slowly and softly. "She lost a lot of blood. So far Kaede has been able to remove both arrows, while successfully keeping her alive." She looked up meeting Inuyasha's curious eyes. She smiled once again. "You were out for a long time. You must love her a lot to have been so upset at her death." Inuyasha scowled and turned away his face now as red as a cherry.
Sango giggled quietly at his expression and turned away so he wouldn't see her big smile. Then she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. It had been a long, long day. Kagome, please heal. If not for me, then at least for Inuyasha… And with that she fell into a deep much deserved sleep.
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It was close to midnight when Inuyasha woke up from his fretful sleep. Biting his lip in indecision he finally stood. Careful not to wake the others he tiptoed over to Kagome's sleeping form. When he saw her he smiled some of his worry leaving him. She was sleeping peacefully and was bandaged up quite nicely.
I'll have to thank the old hag later… he thought smiling to himself. He moved a little closer to her until he was almost touching her. After hesitating a bit he reached out his hand and stroked her hair. It was soft and silky under his touch. Smiling he lowered his hand to take hers.
"Kagome," he whispered, "please, I just- I wanted to say that… that." Man even when she was sleeping this was hard. He cleared his throat softly. "I love you, and I just don't want you to die." His voice cracked towards the end and silent tears made their way down his cheeks. After wiping them away he curled up next to Kagome and then kissed her on the forehead, ready to make sure that no one would ever hurt her again.
As he drifted into a guarded sleep he was unaware of the 'sleeping' forms that were watching him. Each held a soft grin that if Inuyasha had seen them he would have smacked each one of them on the head.
"Told you so." Sango whispered quietly to Miroku who was lying next to her.
"I never doubted you for a second my dear." Miroku whispered back. Then he snuggled up to her wrapping his arms around her waist. And for once she didn't protest.
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About a week later, Kagome still hadn't fully woken up. Every now and then she would feverishly wake and look wildly around until Inuyasha grabbed her hand and soothed her back down to sleep. He watched her bedside constantly, rarely getting up, and only letting her friends see her. Since she'd barely eaten anything and hadn't made much progress in recovering, Inuyasha was very worried by this time.
After a particulary stressful night of having Kagome's fever rise menacingly high, Inuyasha was exhausted. He hadn't slept all night and dawn had broken hours ago. Blearily wiping his hand across his forehead he sighed in relief that Kagome's head had finally cooled down to a normal temperature. Now he just watched as her eyes stayed closed and her hand twitched nervously in her sleep.
As out of it as he was he almost didn't notice her eyes flutter. When his demon hearing heard her breathing quicken he shook his head and looked down at her only to see the sweetest face he'd ever seen, staring right back at him. Scrambling to grab her hand he leaned over her.
"Hey sleepy." he whispered trying, uncharacteristically to be cheery, "How are you feeling?"
Smiling slightly for a second she stopped and frowned. Uh oh he thought that must mean she doesn't feel good. Concerned he squeezed her hand lightly, before realizing that, that might not be the case. What if.... what if she actually does hate me?? What if Kikyou had nothing to do with that??
"What's wrong?" He asked a little too fiercely, now wanting to know the truth. As he watched her she seemed almost to know what he was thinking. She weakly squeezed his hand, almost so lightly that he couldn't feel it, and flicked a small reassuring smile at him before frowning again.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, looking him straight in the eyes with so much clarity that he forgot for a second that she was sick. "For everything." Coughing she cringed as her chest moved. Eyebrows furrowed Inuyasha wanted to protest her apology, but he saw that she was already slowly drifting back to sleep. Fighting to keep her eyes open she tried to stay awake, but eventually succumbed to slumber. Before she was completely under though, she murmured, "I don't hate you, Inuyasha."
Surprised at her apology and admittance that she didn't hate him, he blinked before smiling slightly and curling up next to her to finally sleep. She's going to be okay, he thought determined, I know it.
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About a month later Kagome was well on the mend, much to everyone's relief (in other words Inuyasha.) Though she was better physically, her wounds had mostly healed and such, she still hadn't woken up since the day she had told Inuyasha she was sorry.
Every day Inuyasha stayed by her side, nursing her slowly back to health and making sure that no one touched her without his say so. Ever since he'd learned about Kikyou's betrayal, there was no such thing as too careful. At night Inuyasha would curl up, just like he did the first night, and guard her while everyone else slept. Nobody had, yet mentioned that they'd been awake to here him say he loved her, nobody, at least unless they were suicidal, was going to.
Today Inuyasha was trying hard not to get up and pace the floor with impatience and worry. Her not waking was driving him to the brink of insanity. To distract himself he grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb back and forth across it. Everyone had gone out to the village to do something or another today. But of course, as usual, Inuyasha refused to leave Kagome's side, so nobody was too worried that anything would happen to her.
"Inu…yasha?" Inuyasha nearly jumped as high as the ceiling when he heard the voice. Looking around he finally realized it was coming from… Kagome. Quickly he looked down at her and smiled joyfully, happier than happy that she was finally awake. Seeing her looking red, he was worried that she'd gotten a fever.
"Kagome, what's-" Suddenly he realized why she was red. She wasn't sick, she was blushing. He was still holding her hand. Quickly he pulled back his hand and looked away from her, trying fruitlessly to hold back his blush. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked around the room trying to distract himself from his embarrassment. Hearing her laugh, though, he looked back down curious.
"What?" His ears wiggled a bit and his head was cocked to the side, wondering why she was laughing. Did he have something on his face? He hoped not, but tried to conspicuously wipe his face anyway.
"You. The look on your face was cute." She giggled some more, as he blushed yet again. Inuyasha wondered if she had gone crazy, all she'd been doing really since she'd woken up was giggle, although that was admittedly a nice change from the former frowning that had followed her previous awakening. Scratching his head he looked back at her, making the mistake of looking straight into her eyes. He felt his heart skip a beat as he stared deeper into her eyes. All the feelings he'd been hiding from everyone slowly came forth and showed in his eyes as he stared at her.
Kagome looked back into his own eyes feeling the heat rising in her face, but really not caring. As Inuyasha slowly started to lean towards her, she felt her own heart start to pound faster and faster. As she listened to it, she wondered if he could hear it too, with his super sense of hearing.
"Umm. Are we intruding?" Quickly Inuyasha pulled back and Kagome looked away from his amber eyes as she felt her face turn very red. As they both looked up, blushing of course, they saw Miroku standing in the doorway smiling a very perverted smile. Sango, Shippou, and Kaede stood behind him also smiling and feeling very mad at Miroku for interrupting the couple.
"Miroku." Inuyasha growled, a vein threatening to burst in his forehead. Uh oh… Miroku thought as he saw the hanyou take a threatening step towards him. Maybe it's time to run…Gulping he turned on his heel and waved back at the two.
"Well glad to see that you've awakened Kagome, heh heh, erm bye Inuyasha!!" Quickly Miroku started to get out of the hut before Inuyasha pummeled him to the ground. Phew. He thought as he started to run away. That was close. Suddenly he realized that he wasn't getting anywhere. Looking behind him, he saw an amused, yet mad Sango holding onto him by the back of his robes. Looking closer, Miroku saw a smirking Inuyasha crack his knuckles. Ack! Traitor!
"Saannggoo!!"
BAM!!!
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They all settled around the small hut as Inuyasha slowly helped Kagome sit up and lean against the wall. He avoided her eyes and she avoided his. Ever since the little episode where Miroku and the others had interrupted them they had been very quiet around each other, at least when the others were close by... Miroku too had been oddly silent… (A/N: hee, hee). Today was the day that they were going to have Kagome tell them what actually had been happening to her. She had been reluctant to say anything since she had woken up. Inuyasha, though curious, had sensed her distress and made everyone stop asking her saying she would tell them when she was ready. Today, she was ready.
"Kagome." Inuyasha whispered. She had been silent as she had been thinking over how to start. After Inuyasha spoke she looked slowly up at him and smiled. Knowing he was next to her she felt a lot better. He smiled back and placed a arm around her shoulders knowing she was going to need a lot of comfort. Sinking into his half-embrace she felt a lot better. Slowly she took a deep breath… and started.
"Do you all remember when we were attacked by that lot of demons and got separated?" she asked. When they all nodded she continued. "When I was wandering through the forest looking for Inu-… all of you." She blushed little, and ignored the others small smiles and nudges. Clearing her throat for attention she continued. "Anyways, when I was looking around somebody grabbed me. I turned around, but then somebody hit me over the head and I blacked out. When I woke up I found myself in the middle of the forest with someone standing above me. Once my vision cleared I looked up and saw… Kikyou." That last part she said in a whisper, completely avoiding everyone's eyes, especially Inuyasha's.
Taking a deep shaking breath, she closed her eyes, slowly bringing forth the memories she'd tried to block out. "She said that she was tired of me always messing around in things I had no business in. Then she kicked me in the side and kept hitting me and hitting me. Suddenly she stopped. I thought she was done and I sighed in relief. She started to laugh…" Kagome fought to keep her voice steady as the horrid memory continued. "She whispered in my ear 'Don't think this is the end. I'll make sure your life is a living hell for what you did to me. You will never be with Inuyasha, you are nothing, nothing.' I felt something cold on my arm, and then fire. She'd cut me with a knife. It wasn't a light cut either. She'd plunged the knife into my arm and just sliced it. I'd never hurt that much before." Unfortunately despite her troubles, Kagome started to cry. Inuyasha leaned closer towards her his eyes burning with hate at the woman he'd once loved. How dare she do this to Kagome!
After she controlled herself she spoke in a monotone, emotionless voice. "After that I fainted for a bit. When I woke up I stood up hoping to escape Kikyou. She was already gone, but I was afraid. I ran through the forest looking for a sign of Inuyasha." Nobody smiled or nudged each other this time. "You know the story for when I found him." They nodded their heads solemnly. "But what you don't know is that Kikyou sent Itsuki…" they gasped in unison at this new bit of information.
"When we left that one day, I thought that I would be safe, now that I was surrounded by you all. I was wrong. Kikyou came back that night and started to beat me again. She told me that she'd kill me if I didn't leave Inuyasha… then she knew that, that wouldn't stop me from leaving him. So she told me that if I didn't leave him by tomorrow at noon then she'd take his soul with her to hell… I did what she said…" Now Kagome looked at Inuyasha sadness and regret shining in her eyes.
"I didn't mean anything I said that day." She said tears now streaming uncontrollably down her face. "The reason I said that I hated you was because you couldn't come after me, you just couldn't. I don't want you to leave me!" Now she sobbed into his chest, feeling the pain of leaving him come back to her. What if she had to leave him again? Kikyou would be sure to kill them both if she found out that Kagome was alive.
"Kagome." Inuyasha whispered soothingly. "It's okay. Shhh." It hurt so much to see her like this. Stroking her hair, he hugged her tighter. How could Kikyou do this!? Hate burned throughout him as he watched Kagome cry. With each throb of his heartbeat and each sob that racked Kagome's body he felt his hate swell. "Kagome, don't worry. I will never leave you. Ever."
