The soft melody was supposed to be soothing her, putting her mind and heart at ease like they usually does but somehow tonight, the melodies seems to have lost their magic. Tears smeared all over her face, her eyes and nose red due to the tears that wouldn't stop leaking out from the corner of her eyes. Her head felt so heavy and her heart ached and confused unsure whether her assumption is true or not.

Cagalli wrapped her arms around herself, secluding herself from her family members who looked at her worriedly as soon as she stepped in to the house, as if they knew something that she don't.

Athrun…you are Athrun, right?

Those words keep on repeating again and again inside her mind, unsure why she muttered something like that out of the blue. She was sure that Athrun would most certainly tell her if that was him. He wouldn't lie to her and Kira would able to recognize him when he came over the other day. She was almost positive that her thoughts were right about Alex Dino is not Athrun Zala that she knew and love but a small conscious of hers wouldn't let her settle her judgments.

She took a deep breath and settles herself to sleep accompanied by the soft melody humming next to her bed.

"Alex Dino is a bastard and Athrun is not." She muttered softly, smiling.

III

The bustling noise of people walking here and there, checking for their passport and checking in for the flights gave Athrun a sad feeling. His grip on his luggage tightens and his fingers hidden inside his side pocket fingered the bottle of medication for his, wondering whether today the medication will work efficiently today. He was praying hard that today let him be able to walk as much as possible but just in case his prayers are not heard, he had his wheelchair prepared by the agency.

He heard loud running footsteps behind him and he turned, smiling softly at his flushed and sweaty best friend.

"You don't have to come see me if you are busy." He said, watching Kira who is trying to catch his breath and when he did, he smacked Athrun on the back, making him jump.

He sighed, face looking grim and serious. "I know I won't be seeing you awhile I am sure of that." He kept quiet for a moment. "Are you sure you want to leave? What about Cagalli? You should really tell her something."

"Kira…you know I can't."

"She's waiting for you…everyday. She waited for so long just to see you."

Athrun nodded solemnly. "I know Kira. I know…but give me more time. I am not ready yet."

The loud booming announcement stating that his flight is ready and it's time to say goodbye.

He gave his friend one last hug and patted his back as his way of saying thank you.

"Tell Lacus not to worry."

"Call me frequently during your stay there. Be careful."

Athrun's grip on his luggage tightens as he walked towards the attendance, ready to hand in his passport to him. He looked at his passport and he smiled a soft sad smile before entering the platform. He didn't even know whether he will step back right here anymore in this airport. Yes or no, he suppose only God can make the decision for him. He took one last glance around the airport but trying to avoid looking backwards, afraid that Kira will still be there.

There's no turning back

III

Cagalli took a stroll around her housing neighbourhood, enjoying the soft breeze that blew her hair to and fro. The thoughts from yesterday still lingers but she was determined to let it all pass for now until she met Alex Dino again and most important of all get to see Athrun again and all her doubts will went 'poof' in an instant.

She couldn't imagine how he looked like even though after all these years being with him. She dreamt of him, trying to imagine how he would look like, how handsome he is, what kind of hair and eyes colour he have. She had prohibited anyone from telling her how Athrun looked like because she wanted to look at him by herself as soon she gets her eye sight back.

Turning around the corner, she remembering she used to be here with Athrun as he slowly explained to her the directions to his house. She saw the milk lady and when she looked up at her, she smiled. She remembered the very mother like lady who always treated her nicely and she was surprised that the milk lady looked so young.

"Good morning Cagalli." She greeted, with a big smile on her face.

"Good morning Ria. How's your business?" she said, giving her a small hug like she usually does.

"It's great. I am so happy that you gained your eyesight back. I am really happy for you." She patted Cagalli on the back, and Cagalli noticed there are tears at the corner of her eyes. She is just like a mother figure.

"Thank you." Ria releases her and wiped off her tears, laughing trying to hid her embarrassment. "So what are you doing here?" she said, changing the topic.

"I am trying to find Athrun's house." Cagalli laughed, feeling utterly ridiculous for not able to remember his house at all.

"Just turn around the corner dear. It's very near to your house. It's the third house from the side."

"Thank you."

She waved at Ria and remembered they used to chat whenever she waited for Athrun or when both of them are taking a scroll. It's been such a long time since she gets in touch with Athrun. When she was in New Zealand, she is not used to the environment and she was busy getting treatment for her eyes. Athrun was most probably busy with his work and barely getting enough sleep like what Kira had told her.

At the mentioning of Athrun, she really wanted to meet him so much. She walked around the corner and counted the third house from the side and bends down and took a key from underneath the mat. She inserted the key into the door and took a deep breath before turning the key. She heard a soft 'click' and she pushed the door slowly.

The familiar smell of the perfume that she insisted Athrun to buy attacked her sense of smell so that every time she enter that house, she can smell the sweet smell of jasmine.

"Athrun…I'm home."

She closes the door softly and took of her shoes before she stepped in even further. The place looked so coordinate just like Athrun. She on the other hand is a totally opposite from Athrun. Her room would have been a pig sty if Lacus wasn't there to help her out; making sure her room is clean but not tidy enough.

She went into Athrun's room and looked around and saw his bed neatly folded. The wheel chair was gone only some photo frames on the cupboard. She walked closer to the cupboard wondering if she should take a look at it, to see how Athrun really look like but she hold still, remembering her own promise only to see the real Athrun. She walked away from the cupboard and saw a small diary on the bed and she sat down next to it.

She took the diary and flipped it until one entry that caught her attention.

20th January

After I recovered and able to walk again, I felt happy and blessed. I concentrated so much on work, trying to do what I wanted to do but held back due to my handicap but realized I started to neglect everything dear to me. Cagalli especially…

25th January

Cagalli went to New Zealand to have treatment so that she can able to see again. I am praying for her. I hope that she can gain her eye sight back so that she can be even happier than she is now. I wanted her to able to see the pretty colours that light up her world .I wanted her to be able to see me.

3rd February

My leg hurts today and it seems like my nerves are blocking me from moving them. I wonder why…

10th February

I met with Cagalli in the wine shop ordering her favourite Concord grape wine. I ordered everything since the company needed them for a celebration but I left one bottle all wrapped nicely just for her. She doesn't seem to like me since I bought all of her favourite wine. I wonder what will she think when she saw that bottle of wine now sitting on the table.

She looked very beautiful and her eyes are sparkling.

A small drop of tears dropped on the page and the ink spread slightly. Memories of her meeting with the Alex Dino flooded slowly. She remembered how she beg him to let her have one, how she glared at him, how she was attracted slightly by his smile and his look. She would have never known that Athrun is actually Alex Dino if she hasn't found this diary.

"Why didn't you tell me Athrun?" she wiped off her tears and continues to read his entries. Her heart impatient to know more about Athrun and the reason he hid his true identity from her. Did he want to be with her like they used to be?

25th February

When I woke up this morning, I couldn't move both of my legs. I struggled to get my phone and call Kira. I was so afraid that Cagalli will be the one who picked up the phone for I am not ready to see her yet .At least, not with this kind of condition. She will be disappointed and devastated to see me like this. I danced with Cagalli today just like I promised her. The feeling of her body against mine made me feel so comfortable. She looked stunningly beautiful today and I really wanted to tell her that I'm Athrun not Alex Dino which I made it up and I really do not want to leave her. I can only kiss her as my last memories of her. I wanted to tell I love her.

30th February

I resigned and I am going to New Zealand tomorrow. I told Kira to keep it a secret from Cagalli. It's best if she doesn't see me anymore. I will only be a burden to her once I am unable to walk again. I will miss her…

Cagalli couldn't help but letting her tears fall. The medication failed and Athrun is having difficulties to walk again. She wanted too much to be next to him giving him her support, telling him that it's alright and to tell him how much she love him.

She hugged the diary near her chest as she sobbed into Athrun's pillow. His smell lingers on the pillow and more thoughts of him filling her mind.

"I love you Athrun. I love you more than anything."

Author's Note:

I am sorry that I went missing for so long. I am busy with my college life lately and I couldn't update as soon as possible. I am sorry for any grammar mistakes and crappy chapter. The longer I didn't write, the crappier it becomes. I hope you will continue to read it and thank you for reviewing. I hope you will all continue to do so.