Sitting at the poolside, legs swishing through the water, Amanda looked at her reflection on the surface as it rippled She'd taken a few months to get back to running after Jessy was born; after the massive blood loss her doctor advised she rest for a number of weeks. When she began again she felt that freedom that reminded her why she had taken it up in the first place. Some mornings she'd take Jessy in her stroller when they'd had a bad night. Running was her escape. It had been the reason she had taken it up in the first place; to escape. The time when she couldn't run after Jessy was born left her feeling depressed. Running cleared her head and made the day easier to face.

She smiled at her reflection in the rippling water. It also had the benefit of toning her body but that wasn't why she was smiling. She was smiling because as she walked by the full-length mirror in their hotel room she caught sight of the look of desire in the hazel eyes taking in her whole body. It took every ounce of willpower she had to walk out of the room. The water cooled the warm feeling spreading in her lower belly as she lowered herself into the pool and began to swim the first of twenty laps to distract herself.

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Olivia crossed and uncrossed her legs as she lay on top of the freshly made bed. She tried to concentrate on the current affairs program on the 50-inch flat screen TV mounted on the wall in their hotel suite. The commentator was talking about something to do with financial arrears but Olivia wasn't paying attention to any of it. Her memory kept flashing back to Amanda walking around the room in a black halter neck bikini. Her toned legs, her hips, her ass - Olivia groaned and crossed her legs. Her whole body was tense and she knew a few strokes from her own fingers would push her over the edge. But she didn't want that. She wanted Amanda; her fingers, her mouth… Olivia's imagination went into overdrive for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She moved from the bed to the chaise lounge by the window overlooking Central Park. Amanda had wanted to go further afield for their weekend away but Olivia knew that the younger detective was putting on a brave face and the closer they stayed to home the more relaxed she would be about her first weekend away from her little girl.

Her attention was brought back to the present with sound of the door opening. Amanda entered wrapped in a robe but there was no hiding the shape of the body beneath. Olivia's eyes scanned the form and rested on the smile that was all for her.

"How was the pool?"
"Wet."

Olivia laughed but as Amanda shrugged out of the robe the laugh turned into a groan.

"I'm going to take a shower, wash the chlorine off."

Olivia nodded unable verbalise an answer. She heard the shower and imagined Amanda discarding the skimpy bikini on the floor. She returned her gaze to the street outside hoping that some people watching would take her mind off the naked woman only a short distance from where she sat. She crossed and uncrossed her legs again thanking God she'd brought a dress to wear for dinner that night. She didn't wear them often but tonight was special and she wanted to look good. She laughed at herself as she took the garment from her wardrobe the week before and held it up to her body. It was a form hugging number with a slightly revealing neckline and a small split at the leg, affording what Olivia considered a slightly teasing view of what was on offer. She laughed again at where her thoughts were taking her. She felt like she was 18 years old again, going on her first date. This was the magic of being with Amanda; it was all new but it was also all familiar. She felt like they'd been together forever even though it had only been two months. She made her feel things she'd never felt before with any lover, and that was before they'd even made love.

Her focus returned to the room as she heard the bathroom door open. Amanda emerged in a silk black robe and although it wasn't quite see through, it's texture did afford Olivia the knowledge that the blonde was wearing nothing underneath it.

"Rollins are you trying to kill me?"
Amanda's innocent smile set her blue eyes twinkling as she walked over to the chaise lounge and leaned in for a kiss. "What if I am?" she whispered against the soft shell of the ear of the woman below her.

"It's working," was all Olivia could manage to get out before the other woman straddled her waist and leaned in for another kiss, this one more insistent than the last. Olivia was the first to pull away seeking a look into the blue eyes that always closed as they kissed.

"I want you so badly it scares me Mand."

Amanda rested her forehead against the brunette's and spoke quietly. "Why would you be scared?"
"Because I've never felt this before. I've never wanted to be with someone so much that it takes over most of my waking moments and a lot of my sleeping ones too."

Amanda smiled and placed a gentle kiss on soft pink lips.

"Mine too."
"I'm scared I'm going to hurt you," Olivia admitted, the fear seeping through her words.

"Hurt me how?"
"I don't know… And that's the problem. I don't… I just don't know."
Amanda sat up and curled herself into Olivia's body, stroking her hair.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Maybe I can help."
"Jessy… was she… is she…"

"She's Murphy's Liv."
"Murphy? As in Declan Murphy?"
"Yeah. She wasn't the product of anything forced on me if that's what you're worrying about. We weren't dating or anything, it was just one long bleak night. The power was out; we were drinking and one thing lead to another. And well nine months later she was here. I never for a second regretted it but Declan and I were never going to be anything other than friends. That night we needed comfort and we found it. He's real good with sending stuff for her and I send messages and pictures to let him know how she is. But that's all it'll ever be."

Olivia had become very quiet and Amanda was worried she'd upset her with her confession.

"Liv?" she said after the silence had become too deafening.

"Now I'm even more scared."

Amanda sat up slightly so she could look at the woman in her arms.

"What is it? What are you scared of?"
"That I'm another person in your life who is a figure of authority, who looks like they're taking advantage of you."
Multiple emotions flooded Amanda all at once. Anger that Olivia thought she was taking advantage of her and that she was just another authority figure in her life out to get something. Worry that Olivia was still scared. And relief that she'd finally told her about Jessy. Overwhelming these emotions was love however. Love for this strong, thoughtful, funny, caring woman who wanted to be with her, to be in her and her daughter's lives.

"Liv you could never take advantage of me. What happened with Declan, that was a one-night stand. With Patton… we both know that wasn't consensual. With you, every touch, every kiss, every caress is welcomed and accepted freely. I've never once, not ever, thought of you touching me as something I didn't want."
"You'd tell me if it ever gets that way, right?"
"Of course. It'll never happen, but I will."
"I just want us to be honest with one another."

"Always. Speaking of honesty… I'm scared too." Amanda admitted.
"Of what?"
"Of being absolutely awful at this whole thing."
"Whole thing?"
Amanda was quiet for a moment and it dawned on Olivia what she meant.

"You mean sex?"
Amanda cleared her throat and muttered "uh-huh"

"Me too. I'm terrified."

They both laughed and it eased some of the tension but it was clear more needed to be said.

"I read some stuff online, watched Orange is the New Black and bits of the L Word," Olivia admitted. "I still don't know what the hell I'm doing though."
Amanda chuckled as she kissed the side of Olivia's head. "And you think I do? Hell, I've been reading stuff too and I watched something called 'Blue is the Warmest Colour", which let me tell you is not for the faint hearted. I figured though, that I know what feels good for me. I know what I like. And I also figured that maybe we could talk about what you like, how you make yourself feel good, and we go from there?"
"I hope you weren't planning on having this conversation over dinner because I'm pretty sure I'd choke on my starter if we started discussing what I like to do in bed in a packed dining room.

"We're safe in that regard."
"What?"

"Later; you remember that was the one bit of this you let me plan?" Amanda let Olivia organise everything, she knew the Lieutenant liked to plan. However, she made one proviso and that was that she could pick where they went for dinner.

"Ok but you know I'm really bad with surprises, right?"
"Yes I remember the birthday cake. Just don't pull your gun on me ok?" Olivia grimaced as she remembered switching off the light in her office and turning to exit the squad room only to have Amaro, Rollins and Fin jump out from behind the break room wall with a cake for her last birthday. She almost pulled her gun on them because she thought the place was empty. No one had tried to surprise her since.

"I promise I won't."

Amanda settled back into the position where she was resting into the curve of Olivia's body as she began to stroke soft silky hair again.

"Less scared now?" she asked, hoping the answer was yes.

"Yes and no. But I trust you and I know it'll be ok."
"That's all I can ask sweets." Amanda stroked Olivia's back and felt her sigh deeply against her neck. It had been a late night with Jessy and an early morning with Noah so she decided it would be a good idea for them to rest now. She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

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Olivia's eyes were glued to the black material clinging to the shapely ass of the woman turning to check her reflection in the mirror. A leather jacket was the finishing touch to her outfit and when the blonde turned to look at her date her smile lit up her whole face. Olivia was sitting on the end of the bed in her royal blue dress, legs crossed at the ankle, arms stretched out behind her on the bed with hands holding her up so she could watch the beautiful woman in front of her and remember that she had the pleasure of her company for the whole night.

"You look amazing," Olivia's voice was low and full of awe. "I think I might just be the luckiest person alive right now."

Amanda blushed as Olivia stood to meet her in the middle of the room. Wrapping her arms around the smaller woman's slender waist Olivia kissed her deeply.

"If you keep doing that we're never going to make it to dinner." Olivia chuckled as she stole another small kiss.

"I can't promise anything. Leather jackets have always been my weakness"

"Maybe I'll leave it on all night"

"If it's all you're wearing later I won't object either".

The look of shock on the detective's face made her lieutenant smile. It was fleeting however, replaced by one of desire and mischief. "It might be a bit hot for what I have in mind later." Amanda reached for one of the hands resting on her hip and lead Olivia reluctantly out the door; "We're going to leave this room now because if we don't we won't be eating today or possibly tomorrow."

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Walking hand in hand out of the restaurant the soft Southern accent of Billy the owner echoed "Goodnight" as both women waved.

"That was the best food I've had in a very long time." Olivia pulled Amanda to her side and linked their arms. "You need to get the recipe for that satay sauce, it is amazing."

They had sat right beside the kitchen door, the smells wafting by making their mouths water.

"Billy never gives away his recipes. Believe me I've tried. I threatened to arrest him once but he knew I had nothing on him."

Olivia laughed as she thought about Amanda trying to arrest Billy who was easily 280lbs and well over six foot tall. It would have been an interesting take down.

"What's so funny? You think I couldn't take him?"

"Oh no, I think you could; I know you could. I'm just not sure how you'd justify the arrest?"
"I'd think of something."

"I don't doubt it for a second. I've seen your paperwork. You have a real talent for the art of making things up!"

"Oi" Amanda slapped the hand resting on her arm. "It's not making it up, it's being inventive with the truth."
"The difference?"
"I'll get back to you."

They walked in the darkness, comfortable in the silence between them, listening to the noises of the city around them, both always aware of their surroundings, unable to switch cop mode off in that regard.

"What are you thinking about?" Amanda asks quietly after a few blocks?

"The truth?"
"Naw, I want you to come up with something totally unbelievable!"
"You might not believe me anyway."
"You're getting very cryptic Liv, come on what's up, what's going on in that head of yours?"

"That this is all a dream and I'm gona wake up tomorrow morning and you'll have realised what a hideous mistake you've made and you'll either be on the next plane out of here or transferring to a different department."
"You're insane you know that right?"
"Yes."

Amanda stopped dead, not caring if people needed to pass, the need to look Olivia in the eye far more important. Turning she took Olivia's face in her hands.

"Why would I be gone?"

"Because that's just what happens."
"I am not going to leave you."
"I'm sorry I'm just nervous and when I get nervous I overthink everything."

The hotel was in sight as Amanda offered her reassurance. "That's not a bad thing in our line of work. But this isn't work, this is your life, yours and mine. And you can overthink it but I'd like to help you forget about everything but you for a little bit for a while if you'll let me?"

Olivia nodded imperceptibly and leaned in for a gentle kiss, feeling one hand move from the side of her face to intertwine with her own fingers. Giving her hand a gentle tug Amanda moved forward, bringing Olivia with her the final 100 metres to the hotel. The receptionist smiled as they walked in and Amanda caught the longing stare she gave her girlfriend. A small flare of jealousy rose inside her and she placed her hand on the brunette's lower back glaring back at the young woman and noticing her turn her gaze back to her computer. The elevator ride was full of nervous energy and when they reached the room both women were silent. Amanda's giggling broke the silence.

"I feel like I'm 15 again."

"14"

"Why are my hands shaking?"

Olivia closed the small gap between them and took the trembling hands placing them in the centre of her chest.

"I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest I'm so nervous."

Amanda leaned in for a kiss. It was gentle and slow, and the longer it lasted the quicker the heartbeat beneath her fingers became.

"Well I don't think this is gona help" – the words were spoken into the soft skin of Olivia's cheek.

"Nothing is going to help except getting you out of that dress." There was a small gasp from the blonde as Olivia slipped her hands inside her leather jacket, helping her to shrug it off while simultaneously kissing her and moving her towards the nearest solid object, the wall behind them. Bodies collided as the smaller woman's body stopped first, the impact lessened by the fact Olivia's arms were now around her waist, cushioning her from the full force of hitting the wall. The kiss continued as Olivia found the zip on the back of the dress Amanda was wearing. She swore as she tried to get it open and Amanda bit her lip to stop herself from giggling again. It did nothing to dampen the heat of the moment in any way because the second the zip was open Olivia pushed the dress off Amanda's shoulders revealing the black satin bra and matching panties that she had carefully picked out in a lingerie store over a week before. Amanda bit her lip again but this time it was to stop from crying out as Olivia's finger moved over her abs, one moving higher to play with her left breast the other moving lower to gently stroke her through her underwear. Lips were kissing her pulse point and the detective was at the point of sensory overload when she felt cold air where Olivia's lips had been as brown eyes found blue.

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong?"
"Your body just did something."

"Sorry, I was… it was nothing."
"Baby you need to tell me. In case we didn't already establish this, I worry."

Amanda smiled the cupped the concern filled face in front of her, holding eye contact.

"I was thinking and feeling and everything else all in one go. It just got too much."
Olivia nodded. she knew that feeling all too well.

She moved away from the wall bringing Amanda with her and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not very good at any of this Rollins."
"You weren't doing too bad twenty seconds ago Liv."

Olivia smiled and kissed the blonde head that was now resting in her lap. Amanda curled into a ball beside her and Olivia's hands stroked her bare side.

"By the way you're wearing far too many clothes Seargent."

Olivia laughed and stood, discarding her dress on the chaise lounge and coming back to sit on the bed, taking Amanda's head into her lap again.

"I don't know how I saw this going. I don't know what you wanted. Hell, I don't know what I wanted."
"That was a good start Liv. I'm so wet."

"I took it too far, I always do. I just don't know when to stop."
"I think if there was a prize for that my love, you'd come a very distant second to me."

Olivia began to move up the bed and Amanda crawled up beside her. They lay side by side, stroking bare skin, breathing deeply, neither sure what came next.

"When we've had phone sex, sexted and all that what have you been imagining?" Amanda asked. "Don't overthink it just tell me what you were thinking about?"

"You naked."

"Short and sweet. Well you've almost got that – so what next?"
"What you'd look like?"

Amanda knelt on the bed and discarded her bra. Standing up she removed her panties. Fully naked she stood beside the bed. "Well?"
"Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful."

"What next?"
"What your breasts would feel like in my hands?"

Amanda climbed onto the bed again and reached for one of Olivia's hand placing it on her breast. A small groan escaped Amanda's lips as Olivia explored her breast, palming the full weight and eventually focusing on the nipple, running the tip of her index fingers in slow circles around the now erect pink pebble.

"What now?" the breathy voice asked.

"What you'd look like on top of me… feel like…" Olivia didn't manage to finish the thought as she felt the body beside her move. Knees came to rest firmly against her hips and nipples came into contact with her own, the weight pleasant as the other woman came to rest fully on top of her.

"And?" the voice asked close enough to her ear for her to feel the warm breath.

"What it would feel like to be inside you."

"Find out."

Amanda took Olivia's hand and rested it between her legs gasping as she felt an index finger swipe between her lips, dragging the wetness that was mounting up over her clit, putting pressure where she needed most only to remove it seconds later. The protest died on her lips as two fingers entered her swiftly, filling her completely.

"Fuck… Liv…"

Olivia waited for a sign to stop, none came. So, she continued feeling the amazing contractions of Amanda's walls as she moved against the fingers inside her. It was a sensation she never wanted to forget; wanted to feel over and over again with this woman. She caught Amanda's lips as she moved to catch her breath, kissing her deeply stroking her tongue with her own as she placed her thumb over the blonde's now straining clit.

"Harder…" Amanda panted against her lips.

Olivia pressed harder against the small bundle of nerves and felt Amanda's hips shift as she found the angle she needed to get everything she needed from the thumb playing with the most sensitive spot on her body. She felt Amanda's walls begin to grip her fingers tighter and seconds later a small cry escaped the lips against hers, Amanda's body going completely rigid for seconds before relaxing against her. Amanda was so quiet for minutes afterwards, had Olivia not been able to feel her breathing she would have been worried.

Finally, the silence broke with five simple words; "I love you Olivia Benson."

"I love you too", came the immediate reply.

Amanda lifted her head and the smile on her lips was reflected in the sparkle in her eyes. "Do you want to know what I was imagining?"

"God yes."

Amanda smiled as she kissed the woman beneath her, feeling her breathing speed up as she moved a hand between them and inside Olivia's now soaked underwear.

"That. What that would feel like… amazing…" Amanda stroked along the wet puckered lips, slowly, then a bit quicker, lower and lower until she felt Olivia's hips push off the bed against her.

"Tell me what you need?"

"You inside me." The almost growl at the end of the sentence turned into a long moan as Olivia felt two fingers slip inside her, exploring gently and moving slowly at first.

"More, please Mand… I… my clit…"

Amanda had gotten so lost in the sensations that came with being inside the woman she loved that she had forgotten her clit completely. She rectified it immediately and the sensation of her clit being pushed down was all Olivia needed, she was on the edge and that final move pushed her over. It surprised Amanda as much as it did Olivia when her orgasm took hold. It took Olivia a minute to come back to earth. When she did she tried to remember a time when she had last felt like this. She realised there wasn't one.

"That was incredible. If I'd known it would be that good I wouldn't have waited so long."

Amanda laughed and Olivia joined her. "We have all night to make up for lost time darlin'."

Their love-making went on long into the night and when they did finally fall asleep it was hard to tell where one body began and the other ended as their limbs entwined and their heads rested side by side to exchange small good night kisses and "I love you's"

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A/N I've got one more chapter planned to finish this up. It'll be written a lot quicker than this one because I'll finally have some time off! If you'd like to see anything included feel free to let me know