Chapter Eleven
Joxer peered through the trees at the long and winding road that two figures were slowly appearing on, like two little specks. He needed a bit more time before Gabrielle and Xena showed up. He had been planning this meet up for about a week, and it could go horribly wrong.
He glanced across the branch at Callisto, who didn't seem as concerned, one leg stretched out on the branch she lounged on. The last week had been mostly training. Not with a sword, of course—Callisto could have taught Joxer a thing or two—but about being an idiot. It was important that Xena and Gabrielle didn't suspect that Ursa was really Callisto or else not only would they probably try to bury her in rocks again, but also they'd start suspecting that good old Joxer the Mighty was hiding something—and that could be deadly.
"You're worrying too much," Callisto noted, stretching against the tree. Joxer had to admit that had she been wearing her old outfit of all that leather and her extremely good abs showing, that stretch might have been a bit distracting, but she had decided to not look as fearsome and had changed to a black pants and velvet green bodice combo, with intricate braided strands marching down the edges—she refused to wear a peasant dress. This outfit covered all her warrior muscle up, and made it a little more believable that she was a simple look alike. Her glares, however, were harder to cover. "I tried to kill Xena plenty of times. I doubt a stupid thing like a curse will take down the Warrior Princess."
Joxer gave his own version of a glare towards Callisto, maybe not as impressive, but a lesser degree of malice. "I'm not taking any chances. How do I know this isn't a whole plot by you to take advantage of my curse and kill your archenemy?"
"That tune is getting pretty old, Joxer," Callisto said. "If you thought that for even a second, I wouldn't be here now. You trust me, idiot. Just admit it."
"Maybe if you admit you don't really think I'm an idiot."
Callisto rolled her eyes, but Joxer caught a small grin before she turned towards the road. "They're almost here. Should we jump down on top of them for our entrance?"
"No! We'll just scurry down this tree, and double back to meet them on the road. Now, remember, you don't hate either of them. Keep those glares to a minimum."
"You should talk!"
"Just try to be not ferocious but . . . loveable. Can you do that?"
Callisto batted her eyes at Joxer, who groaned. She looked about as loveable as a dagger. He really hoped she could pull this off. If he didn't know that this meeting was inevitable—Greece just wasn't that big for two powerhouses such as Xena and Callisto to never meet up—he would have just kept the three apart forever. He chewed on his bottom lip in worry.
"Still worrying, I see. Okay, okay," Callisto said, as they slipped out of the tree and started arranging the meetup. "I can be stupid. Look, I know this is hard for you, but you should know by now when I do something, I do it with all my heart. No one did vengeance like I did, right?"
"True."
"So, the same is true for this act. I agreed with you that I needed to reinvent myself. I would rather be seen as a cuddly teddy bear than that . . ." Her voice caught and she looked away. Did she actually have tears in her voice? That amazed Joxer. She actually was starting to feel for what she had done. It was taking its time, like a glacier thawing, but Callisto the Warrior Queen was starting to own up to what she had done. Her journey would be a long and painful one.
"Can you do this?" Joxer whispered again as they walked out of the trees and started their walk towards Xena and Gabrielle.
"Watch and learn," she said.
As they got closer to the two, Gabrielle noticed them (Xena had already noticed as they appeared on the road). Her jaw dropped for an instant as she saw Callisto, but then she shook her head and jumped to the false conclusion that Joxer had hoped she would.
"Another double?" she asked.
"No, she really is Callisto! I found her getting beat up by a bunch of guys and saved her," Joxer said, posing a little and then showing his muscle. "You may praise me."
"Right, Joxer," Xena said with a grin. Joxer could tell she was relived, because she thought that Callisto had returned again. "Who are you really?" she said to Callisto. Joxer held his breath. It was his idea that he would tell the complete truth, and Callisto would lie, like a one-two punch. They never believed his truth, but Callisto could still ruin everything.
"I am Ursa, the seventh star in the night sky, owner of the dreams of mankind," Callisto said in a strange tone. Joxer's jaw dropped. He had never seen Callisto act . . . nutty—psychotic and insane, sure, but not nuttier than a squirrel's hideout. This was perfect! She looked like she had spent too much time with those opium dealers. He quickly got himself under control. With Callisto doing so well, the last thing she needed was for him to screw it up by being surprised.
"Um, you're a god?" Gabrielle asked.
"No, of course not, what makes you say that?" Callisto asked. It was at this moment for a tiny instant that Callisto's façade dropped as she gazed at Gabrielle with utter sorrow, mixed with awe. Along with the gratitude that Callisto had for Gabrielle and her selfless act showing Callisto a new path, there was also the fact that Callisto remembered the murder of Perdicas. To her credit, she recovered quickly. Joxer just hoped Gabrielle hadn't caught that.
"Well," Gabrielle continued. She seemed to have missed that look. "I just assumed. You're the 'owner of the dreams of mankind' and all."
"Of course, I am. I am part of mankind and I dream, right?" Joxer could see a grin at the corner of Callisto's mouth. She was enjoying this!
"Well, unfortunately, Ursa," Xena spoke up, "you had better be careful. Maybe Joxer didn't tell you, but you bear an uncanny resemblance to a monster named Callisto. You ever heard of her?"
Joxer gulped. Xena was suspicious. Maybe Gabrielle hadn't caught that look, but Xena noticed everything! He was doomed! He had better get out of here fast, before she started thinking that he was . . .
But Callisto didn't even blink. "A soul that far gone has no interest for me," she said, in a hollow dreamy tone. "She should have found peace in her own heart."
Xena grinned and turned away. Then she turned back with such speed, even Joxer couldn't see it coming. Before he could even blink, Xena had put the pinch on Callisto!
"Alright, I've cut off the blood to your brain. You have maybe twenty seconds before you die."
Callisto still didn't flinch. "Ah, if this is how I will go out of this world, then so be it. It has always been the way of the priestess to walk the path of the gods. Come to me, death! Welcome me into your loving arms!"
With that Xena took the pinch off. "Sorry, Ursa," she said, helping her to her feet. She looked a bit chagrined. "I had to make sure. Callisto has returned more times than I care to remember. I had to make sure you were mortal and, well, not her."
"That would be 'not she'," Callisto reprimanded.
"Well, okay. It was nice to meet you, Ursa." Xena turned away and headed towards Argo.
"Joxer, we're heading for Corinth," Gabrielle said. "You going to join us?"
"Maybe some other time. Ursa and I are headed towards Andreas. She's my new sidekick, so we have to go places and learn how to be warriors as a team."
"That's great, Joxer. Have fun," Gabrielle said. Joxer could hear as the distance grew between them Gabrielle say to Xena, "How could you put the pinch on that poor woman?"
"I had to make sure, Gabrielle. But that woman, as nutty as she is, is not Callisto. She's mortal, and the last time I saw Callisto, she was a god and dead. So, I was wrong. And she certainly would have attacked me after the pinch."
"Besides, the real Callisto would never be Joxer's sidekick," Gabrielle noted, and both women broke into laughter. Joxer, satisfied, broke into his own smile.
"Good job," Joxer said. "I have to admit, you were convincing. I thought after the pinch . . ."
"I always wanted her to pinch me," Callisto admitted. "I wanted to see if there was a way out of it."
"Glad you enjoyed yourself then," Joxer said making a face. "Is there a way out?"
"I don't know." She gazed down the road after Xena and Gabrielle. "I'll need her to do it a few more times to find out for sure."
"Callisto!" Joxer said. "Try to remember you're not Xena's enemy, okay?"
Callisto sighed. "Old habits die hard, like me. Anyway, successful first mission, huh? Now, why are we heading for Andreas?"
"Well, I need to go and check on the asylum. You know the Furies, right?" To Callisto's nod, he said, "Well, there are a few victims of them in an asylum. I try to drop by and do what I can to ease their stress. When I'm there, the Furies' spells aren't as strong, something about my blood or something. I also visit someone . . . Look, you don't have to come. We could meet up later."
"No . . . I have chosen my path, and as pathetic as it is, my new path is with you. Where you go, I'll follow."
"Okay, just keep on a sharp lookout. The Furies still frequent that town."
