The Heroes Parody Project
Season 5
Chapter 11
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. Reader Discretion is advised.
Far, far away on the surface of the moon. Some henchmen open up the lid of a Space Dumpster as the vilest of villains, Sylar Repulsa, pops out.
Sylar: AHHH! YES! I'm finally free!...And what in the world am I wearing?! YUCK! Anyway, it's time to conquer Earth!
Meanwhile….
Noah's Head In A Giant Glass Tube: ELLE-BOT! Earth is under attack!
Elle (dressed as Harley Quinn): Tell me more about it, Mista B!
Noah: Why are you dressed like that!? You're supposed to be a robot!
Elle: Nah, this outfit was much cuter.
Noah: Whatever. We need to protect Earth! Find me some teenagers with attitude!
Elle: I'll do better than that! How about some stuffy 30-year olds who don't know how to use their powers for the greater good!
Noah: And that's better…how?
Meanwhile, at the arcade. Claire, Peter, Niki, Matt and Hiro get zapped away.
Claire: WAIT! I didn't get to eat my hamburger yet!
GO! GO! HEROES RANGERS!
Peter does a roundhouse….ripping the bottom of his suit.
Peter: AHHH! My unmentionables!
Peter Petrelli as The Red Ranger
Niki does some impressive yoga. She does a difficult bend which causes the bottom of Peter's suit to rip.
Peter: OH COME ON!
Niki Sanders as The Yellow Ranger
Matt tries to bust out some sweet dance moves.
CRACK!
Matt: AHHH! MY HIP! Going down….
Matt falls to the ground.
Matt: Someone help! A squirrel ran off with my Life Alert bracelet!
Matt Parkman as The Black Ranger
GO! GO! HEROES RANGERS!
Claire climbs up on the balance beam.
Claire: Here I go!
Claire's stunt double does a fantastic job doing flips across the bar. She goes past Claire, who is standing by on the ground chowing down on a meatball sandwich.
Claire (spitting food out): You're doing great, Maya! Thumbs up!
CHOMP!
Claire Bennet as The Pink Ranger
Hiro gets attacked by Putty Patrol goons.
Hiro: AHH! RUNNING AWAY!
Hiro Nakamura as The Blue Ranger
GO! GO! HEROES RANGERS! MIGHTY MORPHIN HEROES RANGERS!
Hiro: OOH! A penny!
Hiro bends down to pick it up. The bottom of Peter's suit rips.
Peter: THAT'S IT! I'M TAKING THIS CHEAP THING BACK TO THE COSTUME STORE!
Matt: It's morphin' time!...
A lawyer approaches Matt.
Matt: I'm getting sued for using that line!? Figures that's the one thing we get popped for.
Matt pilots his Mastodon. Hiro drives the Triceratops. Niki pilots the Sabretooth Tiger. Claire flies down in the Pterodactyl. Peter drives the Tyrannosaurus Rex. They all come together to form…
The five of them are joined together in the cockpit.
Niki: Did we just transform into a VACUUM CLEANER!?
The enemies below scratch their heads.
Hiro: Could we just….suck up the baddies?
Peter: I like the way Hiro thinks! Activate….."SUCKS MODE"!
Niki: I think you just described this entire bit.
Peter pushes a button. The Mastodon portion of the Vacuum Cleaner falls off.
Matt: BASTARD! You killed Mr. Wooly!
Hiro: I think you just ejected the Life Support System.
Peter: Well, I don't know how this stupid thing works. Where's Harley Quinn and that big floating head?! Why didn't we get training for this? And why aren't we getting paid!?
Niki: WHOA! We're not getting paid for this crap!?
Claire: Well, no Hulu for me this month.
Sylar: HEY!
The group looks at Sylar on the ground.
Sylar: If you ninnies are finished arguing about nothing, can you move please!? This dress weighs a thousand pounds and we're apparently fighting in the desert. I'm very hot and uncomfortable.
Peter: Sylar Repulsa! I should have known YOU were behind this.
Sylar: Who the hell else would it be? I'm the main villain! Now move it, you Turkeys!
Claire: What do you plan to do with this land?
Sylar: The world's largest Dairy Queen….None of your freaking business! Though that DOES sound amazing! Oh my god, I'm so hot….
Sylar tries to fan himself off with the bottom of his dress.
Sylar: It's not working!
Claire: Just asking…rude.
Niki: I've had enough of this. DIE!
Niki slams a button. Claire's Pterodactyl goes flying off into space.
Claire: Thanks a lot, Niki! You know I can't get Uber out here, right?
Niki: Does this stupid thing do anything but disassemble? It sounds like a major design flaw that should be brought up at the next meeting.
Sylar: Are you losers done yet!? What part of "I'm roasting in this dress" isn't making it up there? Move or die! My hat is very pointy, don't think I won't hesitate to stab you with it!
Peter: Well, here goes nothing.
Peter presses a button. The Triceratops explodes.
KABOOM!
The Vacuum Cleaner starts to shake.
Hiro: Oh no! That was a load bearing Triceratops! We're all going to die!
Peter: Niki, our animals are still safe. Let's boogie!
Niki: Oh yeah, why the hell are we still here? Laters!
Niki and Peter run off.
Claire: Some stellar leadership skills as always, PETER!
The Vacuum starts to tip over.
Sylar: AHHH! I can't move in this thing! Someone come and push me!
Claire, Matt and Hiro: AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sylar: AAAAH!
Sylar tries to hide inside his dress.
KA-BOOOOOOM!
Peter and Niki look at the wreckage from a nearby cliff.
Peter: It was a long and perilous battle. There were many casualties.
Niki: What are you talking about? We didn't DO anything!
Peter: We vanquished our enemies….but at the cost of our friends.
Niki: What friends? I hated those fools!
Peter: Today. We leave the Mighty Morphin Heroes Rangers. But the world will need saving again one day. And when that day comes….we won't be here.
Niki: Couldn't have said it better myself.
Peter: And now….we go! T-REX! AWAY!
Peter's Tyrannosaurs Rex flies away.
Niki: What the!? T-Rex's can't fly! What the hell!? At least come back and get me, butt face! We're a million miles from civilization!...and my built in Coffee Machine used up all my gas! Hey!...HEY!…Well, that's just great!
Back at HQ.
Elle (on the phone): Uh huh….uh huh…..uh huh…..so, Peter's T-Rex accidentally flew into the Mesosphere and burnt up to a crisp and Niki died in the desert? Okie dokie. Thanks!
Elle hangs up, excitedly turning to Noah's Giant Head In The Tube.
Elle (To Noah): The Teenagers with Attitude are dead, sir!
Noah: Well, that's not good! Who is going to fight the forces of evil now?
Elle pulls out a gun.
Elle: I WILL!
BANG!
Elle notices the tube containing Noah's head is leaking.
Elle: Uhhhh….
Noah: DID YOU JUST SHOOT MY TANK!?
Elle: Tank? I thought you were just…a hologram or something.
Noah: Oh RIGHT, like we could afford that! Hurry, scoop it back in. I can't live outside water!
Elle: Like…a fish?
Noah: Yes, like a fish. Hurry! The air is making my face lungs close up!
Elle: I don't know, it's really messy…..…..FACE LUNGS?!
Noah: DAMMIT ELLE! Stop stalling and grk….
The water completely drains from the tank.
Elle: Oops! Oh well….looks like I'll have to run things from now on. OOH! A meatball sandwich.
Elle takes a bite and immediately starts choking.
Elle: URK! I'm choking! Must….wash it down…..with…..three more bites…..
CHOMP!
Elle: ….BLRRRK!
Elle falls over.
Matt closes the book he was reading to the horrified class.
Matt: THE END!
Kid: THEY ALL DIED!?
Matt: That's right, little Cindy.
Kid: My name's Bobby, stupid!
Matt: This is a classic tale of tragedy. A life lesson that not all things end in Bubblegum Drops and Rainbows. Now let's put this aside and read the book that I personally wrote….it's called "Bubblegum Drops And Rainbows – The Matt Parkman Story".
Kids: …..
Matt: A thrilling tale of how I came from broken beginnings, crawled my way to the top from a dead end job, and finally, utilizing my dream and making it come true….by having my album hit number one on the R&B charts and shoving my Grammy in Toni Braxton's face! She hasn't gone through what I have to get to where I am today! No sir-ee, Bob!
Kids: …..
Matt: Chapter One…..Previously On Heroes.
Benjamin and Chloe approach Micah.
Benjamin: Micah, you are the only one who can save the future. Find a time traveler, come back and save our future.
Edgar (to Claire): Too many references to the Canon Universe is making this alternate universe collide with it. Everything will be destroyed unless if you commit the final act of the canon universe before it ended.
Claire commits the final act, destroying existence, as Micah, Niki, and Hiro get thrown into the book pages with Peter and Matt.
Matt: Hello!
Niki: Where are we?
Micah: The future.
Bob Bishop is taking a shower in his trailer. Angela rips open the shower curtain.
Bob: AHHHHHHHHH!
Angela: BOB! We have to track down Peter and the others! They're in trouble! Let's move!
Bob: WE'RE NOT EVEN FILMING! HOW DID YOU GET IN MY TRAILER!?
Meanwhile, a B.I.E.B.E.R. van pulls up to the tent where Peter and the others are hiding out.
Micah: Uh oh.
Guard: You're going to have to come with us.
The Van takes them back to the B.I.E.B.E.R. compound.
Bob is relaxing in a tanning bed. Angela flings the cover open.
Bob: AHHH! WHAT HAPPENED!? IS IT A GHOST!?
Angela: Bob, they got to Peter and brought him back to the compound. And now the leader wants to see us!
Bob: How do you keep finding me!?
Elle and Nathan in the underworld.
Nathan (to the Gatekeeper): We need to go back. If you let us go….here are my terms.
Gatekeeper: I can accept these terms. But you must help me with something first. It's the only way.
Elle: We have to hunt down 7 people who haven't gone into the beyond?
Nathan: If we can get to them. We'll be able to go back.
Elle and Nathan pull up to a shack in the middle of nowhere. Elle takes a bite of a meatball sub and immediately starts choking.
Elle: GRRRK!
Nathan: EW! Where did you get that!?
Elle (choking): Under….the…seat…
Nathan: Double EW!
Elle starts pointing to her neck.
Nathan: Are you….choking….do I….do I need to sing a song or something?
Elle is dramatically pointing to her neck.
Nathan (Singing): Happy Choking To You…..you….choked on your food….and you look like one too…and many moooore….now spit it oooout…
Elle continues pointing to her neck.
Nathan: So….Do I smack you on the back of the head or something?
Elle spits out the meatball sub bite.
Elle: Okay, first of all, take a damn CPR class! Second, I wasn't choking, I was wondering what you thought of my neck. Doesn't it look lovely? I just had it steamed!
Nathan: You….steamed your neck?...How does that even work?
Elle: I go to a woman who wraps my entire body and face in saran wrap, just leaving my neck exposed. I don't have to worry about breathing since I recently learned that we have face lungs. Did you know that?
Nathan: I don't even want to know what that….OH MY GOD! ARE WE STILL IN THE PREVIOUSLIES!?
Elle: Oh, are we filming today?
Nathan: Oh good grief! Come on, let's go.
End Previouslies
Niki and Matt
B.I.E.B.E.R. Prison Compound
Did somebody say "Laundry"?!
Niki and Matt are on the prison line cleaning laundry that passes by on a conveyor belt.
Niki: I sure as hell didn't! I don't even like doing my own laundry!
Matt: Don't be so morbid. It's fun here! I like to take the laundry and make a game out of it. "O" is for "Overalls"…."B" is for "Bandana"…."C" is for AHHHH! SOMETHING JUST BIT ME!
Niki: Dammit, Matt! We have to find a way out of here! We're trapped in a futuristic limbo because WHO KNOWS what happened to our timeline after the Earths….ran into each other…or something…I don't know…I kinda wasn't paying attention. Anytime somebody starts talking science I immediately think of Mohinder and my brain starts to ooze out my ears.
Matt (happily): What a disgusting visual! Uh oh…..the line is getting faster! It's reaching "I Love Lucy" Levels! AHHH!
The clothes begin flying past Matt as he starts grabbing clothes and starts frantically putting on jackets, gloves, hats, wind pants…
Niki: Aren't we supposed to be in prison!? Who is wearing this crap!?
Matt: Oh well, I tried my best.
A guard walks up.
Matt: Ricky! Do I still get to be in the show!?
Ricky the Guard: NO! GET BACK TO WORK!
Matt: …WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Niki: I am literally in Hell.
Angela and Bob
Same place, different floor
The Big Cheese's Office
Angela: Alright…."Linderman" wants to see us.
Bob: To give us a promotion?
Angela: I doubt it. We've hardly done any work.
Bob: Let's go in and find out!
Angela: Wait, Bob! Don't forget. If this is the Linderman that we know….we'll be in hot soup!
Bob: Hot soup?
Angela: Though if it's someone way down Linderman's family line….we might…MIGHT…be in the clear. I can't image someone getting their great great great great great great grandchild to do their dirty work. But I could always be wrong.
Bob: Uh huh….yeah, I'm going in.
Angela: But I'm not done stalling!
Bob enters the office, Angela hurries behind him, the sign on the door reading:
Chapter Eleven "Dead On Arrival"
They both stop dead in their tracks to see a young man, slumped over his desk…dead.
Angela: Is that…..Linderman?
Bob: Looks like it. Though it's still unclear if it's our Linderman or one of his ancestors.
Angela: …
Bob leans over to Angela.
Bob: You're soooo gonna get fired for this.
= = = HEROES = = =
Angela: I…I can't believe it. The leader is dead.
Bob: That reminds me, are we actually getting paid for this?
Angela: I mean….if he's behind all this madness, then that's good? Who could have done this.
Voice: I took care of it.
Angela and Bob spin around to find Chloe standing at the door.
Angela: Chloe…I remember you, you're Benjamin's partner. You…you did this?
Chloe: Yes. He was a loose end I needed to take care of.
Chloe makes her way around the desk, moving Linderman's chair out of the way.
Chloe: We need to get you out of here.
Peter and Hiro
Prison Cell, Lower Level
Peter has a ball he keeps throwing against the wall. Hiro is watching.
Hiro: I wonder where they took Micah and the others.
Peter: Beats me.
Hiro: I also wonder if there's really no world to go back to. Ando…..Claire….Flying Man…..Mr. Bennet…The CW….I wonder what happened to our friends?
Peter: I don't know, Hiro…..if we can just find a way out of here.
Hiro: But there's no time to go back to…My powers couldn't do it…..I don't know how we'll be able to go back or if we're just stuck here forever.
Peter: We just need to find a way to escape, then we can make our plan.
They turn to the sound of a knock on the cell. It's Niki.
Niki: Laundry time, strip or die.
Peter: Well! I never!
Niki: Come on, Peter, I don't have time for this….I have….other prisony things to do.
Peter: How are you guys not in cells?
Niki: They select random folks for work, you'll be selected eventually. If you pull any crap you get blasted by robot wall guns.
Peter: That doesn't sound pleasant...
Niki: I can't imagine it is. Now, make with the skivvies, mister!
Peter: Not while you watch, I'm not! I am a gentleman! Turn around!
Niki: Oh for the love of….FINE!
Niki turns around to see Matt run up with an elderly lady.
Matt: Hey Niki!
Niki: Who the hell is that?!
Matt: Oh, this is Ethel. Me and her are going to go on crazy adventures. I can't believe we're going to steal John Wayne's footprints from Grauman's Chinese Theater! (Points to the lady) This one's a pistol, I tell ya!
Niki: I'm going to beat you with John Wayne's footprints from Grauman's Chinese Theater if you don't think of a way to get us out of here! Where are Angela and Bob, don't they work here or something?
Peter slingshot's his underwear out of the cell, it flies out and wraps around Niki's face.
Peter: You better put that on the rough wash, I don't remember the last time I washed those.
Niki (barely calm): Matthew.
Matt: Yeeeeees?
Niki: Please put your friend up…..I do not want her to see the many murders I'm about to commit.
Matt: Okay, Ethel….back into your bottle.
Matt pulls out a luxurious bottle.
Matt: I might be mixing up my shows. Oh well….ENTER YOUR BOTTLE! For I am your master…Darrin Stephens!
Peter: Dude, that's Bewitched.
The Old Lady gets sucked into the bottle. SWOOOOOOP!
Matt: AHHHH! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! OH MY GOD! Did I just kill her!? How did she…..HELP! Somebody get somebody! Ethel!? Are you in there?!
Matt starts shaking the bottle.
Matt: I don't hear a rattle! I DON'T HEAR A RATTLE! I think she's in trouble! HEEEELLLPP!
Back in Linderman's Office.
Angela: Chloe, what is going on here? Who is that!?
Chloe: That is Daniel Linderman…the one from our time, not yours.
Angela: You killed him?!
Chloe: Yes, it was the only way to ensure he doesn't proceed with his plan.
Angela: What plan? What is this all about?!
Chloe: Daniel Linderman built this complex from the ground up with the intention of imprisoning people with powers, suppressing them, and turning them into his slaves. I am one of the few he didn't suppress since he needed my ability to dream the past.
Angela: Dream the past….?
Chloe: Yes, Angela. I do know who you are. With us dreaming of each other's timelines, I managed to submerge myself into your dream.
Angela: Well, that's unsettling.
Chloe: As the only other person I met who could dream prophetically, I used this opportunity to ask for help.
Angela: So you're the one with those cryptic messages. You could have just said "HELP" or "BAD STUFFS A COMIN"!
Chloe: Daniel was monitoring my dreams using machines, I couldn't be too blunt. Anyway, during one of my past dreams he discovered something in the timeline that wasn't supposed to take place.
Angela: Ah….that.
Chloe: Yes, the Cheerleader. Reenacting the event that resets our existence. It needed to be done, but Daniel wasn't going to have his perfect vision jeopardized.
Bob: What was he trying to accomplish?
Chloe: He discovered that one of his prisoners, Benjamin, was blood related to Micah Sanders and also had the ability to manipulate machines. He wanted me to break him out and "team up with him" so he could create a time machine under the ruse that it would be used to save the future. We became business partners and created the time machine, but it was flawed. So using my ability to see the past we were able to power the machine long enough for us to temporarily travel back long enough to warn Micah.
Angela: OH COME ON! THAT MAKES ZERO SENSE!
Chloe: Benjamin thinks that Micah would be able to get a time machine or more importantly, a time traveler, to come to the future to fix everything. But it was just Daniel's plan to use Hiro to teleport away from this timeline before he gets erased.
Angela: But there's no "time" to travel to. The timeline has already been erased, Hiro, even if he had his power, can't time travel.
Chloe: That's not what he wants. Time manipulation and teleportation are only the beginning. At its full potential, your time traveler can teleport across alternate universes.
Bob: Neat!
Angela: So, what do we do now?
She quickly rummages through the desk and hands a key card to Angela.
Chloe: Micah is in this room, go set him free then meet me and Ben in the parking garage. We'll escape then start finding a way of getting you guys back home.
Angela takes the key. Her and Bob leave.
Downstairs, havoc ensues.
Guards: AHHH!
KABOOM!
Peter and Hiro make their way over to Matt.
Peter: Matt! What happened!?
Matt: Niki's gone on one of her rampages. You flinging your underwear in her face really set her off!
Peter: I can't see why.
Niki: ROAR!
Niki is punching down doors one by one.
Hiro: She's out of control!
Matt: Don't worry, I can handle this. I know how to calm her down.
Matt walks out and confronts Niki. He is sporting a short, red wig and wearing a jet black body suit.
Matt: Hey there, big guy….remember me? The love of your life? Why don't you turn back into Dr. Banner and we can go get scones or something?
Niki: DID YOU JUST INSINUATE THAT I WAS THE HULK!?
Matt: Well, duh!
Niki: ROAR!
Matt: AHH!
Matt takes off running.
Matt: This suit is so uncomfortable! How does Black Widow fight crime in this!?
Back upstairs. Angela and Bob are checking random doors.
Bob: I think the prison cell number is on the key.
Angela: There's no time to read that! Let's keep checking doors.
Bob: I'm literally looking at the number and reading it right now.
Angela: I found him!
Bob: Ah.
Angela and Bob make their way in, they see Micah in a cell.
Micah: Angela?
Angela: Micah, we're breaking you out. We have to meet Chloe and Ben in the parking garage.
Micah: Good, they're ok.
Bob unhooks Micah's restraints.
Angela: Let's go.
The three of them exit the room they turn to the right to see Chloe being held hostage…Daniel Linderman emerging behind her.
Daniel: I see we have fugitives.
Angela: What the?
Micah: Linderman?! Is that…?
Angela: No…it's not the one we know. It's his great grandson….but he was dead.
Daniel: Was….after a pitiful poisoning attempt by Chloe here.
Chloe: RUN! Get out of here!
Daniel: Not yet.
The guards raise their guns.
Daniel: Wait, wait, wait….hold on. Nobody is shooting anybody. It is imperative that those three live.
Angela: What are you talking about?
Daniel: I am aware that time is no longer…well…a thing. Our little slice of history is just lost in limbo. But….we're still here. Do you know why?
Angela: I'm sure you're going to tell us.
Daniel: When this cheerleader caused existence to reset….yeah, I was alive during that conversation.
Bob: Eavesdropping?! How rude!
Daniel: A whole new timeline is supposed to be reborn, and why weren't you guys taken along for the ride?
Micah: Because…we're here?
Daniel: Exactly! Think of it as a puzzle that was taken apart and put back together….with the exception of….(he counts to himself)….seven?...pieces. Without the full piece of the puzzle….it can't be viewed in its full state.
Angela: That's an strange analogy, but whatever. I just want to get home, I'm missing Wheel Of Fortune!
Daniel: Your new timeline cannot exist without you guys. At the same time, our timeline cannot end because you're here.
Angela: Oh….
Bob: Neat!
Micah: Are you saying you're making us stay here!?
Daniel: No, quite the contrary. Your time traveler is going to take all of you….and me….back with you into new world where I can rebuild my empire once again.
Micah: Empire!? You're just imprisoning people with abilities! Why?
Daniel: My great grandfather…..the one from around your time….was a great man with an amazing ability.
Angela: That's a stretch.
Daniel: He used his gift for good….not like you people. You people have no idea how to use your powers for the greater good.
Angela: Well, he's got us there.
Micah and Bob nod in agreement.
Daniel: Nobody in my family ever came close to his greatness! And he was struck down….by someone who used their power for evil. The new world I create….will have control.
Bob: Man, come on. I know that sucks but that was over 200 years ago, he'd be dead anyway. That's a really big grudge to hold.
Angela: And you…plan on doing this yourself? Don't you want….anybody else to come back with you?
Daniel: Hm? No, they can just be erased and reset to whatever the new timeline brings them. The only thing that matters is that your entire group….along with myself, goes back to the new timeline.
Chloe: WHAT!?
Micah: You think we're going to take you with us!?
Daniel: You will. Trust me.
Bob: One thing….so….you're not dead?
Daniel: The great thing about my grandfather was his ability to heal. I've inherited this….and used it to purge the laughable amount of poison Chloe got into me. I can heal myself, I can heal others, I can bring things back to life!
Angela: …..
Daniel: However….if anybody tries to cross me….I can very easily tap into the other end of the spectrum. I can restore life…
He places his hand on Chloe's shoulder. She immediately falls to the floor.
Daniel: I can also take it away.
Angela and Bob: ACK!
Micah: Chloe!
Daniel: Now….let's find your friend and go back to your home, shall we?
Micah exchanges looks with Angela and Bob.
Suddenly, the wall next to Daniel explodes, sending him over the guard rail to the floor below. Niki emerges from the wreckage.
Micah: Mom!? How did you get free?
Niki: Peter's underwear to the face can make a woman do crazy things.
Bob: I don't think any follow up questions are needed.
Angela and Micah: Agreed.
Micah: We have to get out of here! Where are Peter, Matt and Hiro?
Niki: Probably still downstairs.
Angela: We need to get with them and meet Ben in the parking garage. Let's move!
On the lower floor, Daniel stands up and starts walking around with more guards. Matt, Hiro and Peter cross paths with them.
Peter: EEK!
The guards raise their guns.
Daniel: DON'T KILL THEM! THEY ALL NEED TO BE ALIVE! Capture them!
The guards holster their guns and start running after them. The three of them take off running.
Guard: Sir! The prisoners are currently in the parking garage. Gathering up teams to tail them.
Daniel: The hunt is back on.
In the Parking Garage. Micah, Peter, Hiro, Matt, Niki, Angela and Bob run up to a car where Benjamin is standing.
Micah: Ben, Chloe…
Benjamin: I know….Everything will be fine once we get you guys back. Come on, lets get in.
Everybody loads up into a van. Benjamin hops in the driver's seat and peels out, crashing through the gate.
Niki: Well, we made it….for now.
Peter looks outside the rear window.
Peter: Not for long though.
Peter watches other guard vans, one by one, start coming after them.
Elsewhere…..
Guy: So….what are you selling again?
Elle and Nathan are standing at the door.
Elle: Girl Scout Magazines! Made fresh from the finest ingredients. Like…."Thin Mint"….and "Samoas" and "Tiddlywinks!"
Nathan: I don't think that last one is….
Elle: SHHH! See! They're tasty too!
Elle takes a bite of the magazine.
Elle: Yep…this tastes like crap.
Guy: What else are you selling?
Elle: We have pamphlets. Life is great and all….and the afterlife is 'so-so'. But you want to know what's REALLY great. The Black Hole! The one that carries you into the abyss, the beyond that holds life's greatest mysteries.
Nathan: Subtle.
Guy: Okay, let me get my checkbook.
Elle: SWEET!
The guy turns away and closes the door.
Elle: A checkbook, huh? Do people even still use those? Do they even have banks here? I wonder if they would give us a loan for a new car. Ours is kinda….
The house explodes, sending Elle and Nathan flying, they slam on the hood of their car.
Nathan: Uh…ow….
Elle: OH NO! Now that guy isn't going to buy my magazines.
Elle takes another bite.
Elle: Yup, they still taste like crap.
Nathan: He was trying to get away, let's get after him.
Elle and Nathan hop into their car and chase after the guy. The Gatekeeper watches from afar, he circles the first name on the list of Seven Souls. He turns and walks away.
To Be Continued.
