A/N: Think of this as a filler chapter, but still holding plot-related significance. Let me say this: the best is yet to come, and is right around the corner. And by corner, I mean update.

Enjoy, everypony! (Enjoy, everyone, for you non-bronies out there.) :P

Gotta avoid offending the masses of brony-haters, eh? Just sayin'.


Chapter 11: Suffer In Silence

If only I had died in my sleep that night and met my necessary end. That way, I wouldn't have had to endure the internal torture of seeing Jewel smiling at me lovingly when I awoke.

I smiled back, but it was hollow.

I was doomed to suffer in silence for the rest of my meaningless life, every tender word I said and every affectionate gesture I performed classifiable as a lie. I was guilty of being a dirty cheater, and I would also be guilty of building this façade of deception to prevent Jewel from ever realizing the truth.

There was no way I could forgive myself, nor could I ever fathom telling Jewel what I had done.

I was trapped, with death being the only refuge I could hope for. But just as I lacked the courage to admit my disgusting mistake, I lacked the courage to take my own life. Perhaps one of these days I would be subject to a fortunate run-in with a predator and be taken from this world, but I couldn't count on it.

I was forever the prisoner in the body I had used to betray my lover, and that's all there was to it.

"Good morning, Blu. Did you… sleep well?" Jewel quietly asked, her beak opening wide as she let loose a yawn.

"Yeah. I slept… well."

"I'm glad. So did I, in case you were wondering. Don't you just love dreaming sweet dreams?"

Ha. The only visions that play out in Blu's head are nightmares. His cheerful dreams perished along with his honor.

"Heh, yeah, I do. Wish I could have them more often, though. The one I had just now… it wasn't so pretty."

She formed a small frown.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You want to talk about it?"

"No... not really. It's… it's over with."

But your waking nightmare will never cease, you greedy fool.

She cocked her head to one side and presented her cheek to me.

She cooed, "Morning kiss, handsome?"

I obliged, smooching her fuzzy feathers. The beast within me proceeded to give my soul an aching kick.

I flinched and clutched at my stomach, to which Jewel responded, "You okay? Are you hungry?"

"Hungry? Oh... um… a little."

"I'll head out and bring you back some food. How does a… banana sound?"

"That sounds great. Thank you, Jewel."

"No problem, Blu."

She weaseled her way out of the nest, cushioning the egg's fall as it tilted over onto its side.

"Whoops. That was a close one," she squawked.

Jewel then lifted her head and locked eyes with me.

"I'll be back in a flash, Blu. You know what to do."

"Okay. Stay safe, honey bun. I… I love you."

"I love you too, Blu."

With that, Jewel hopped into the peach-tinted Rio dawn and sailed away on beating wings. I stepped to the right and picked the oval up, bringing it to eye level.

I sighed remorsefully and mumbled, "Maybe I'll be gone before you hatch, so that… so that you won't have to meet me, your despicable father. You're better off not knowing me at all…"

I set my child's capsule down and lowered myself gently onto it, feeling my belly feathers mold around it completely.

You're making great sense now, you pathetic waste of feathers! Too bad you couldn't put your gifted brain to use yesterday. Nothing would have ever gone so terribly wrong…

I hung my head and sandwiched it between my wings, shaking it from side to side. The mental walls that repressed my emotions crumbled away to dust, and pure sadness burst forth.

I sniffled and sobbed profusely, refolding my wings so my hot tears wouldn't stain them. I stared at the floor as I cried and cried, the globules of water cascading from my eyes splattering on contact with the hard surface.

I literally broke down then and there, caving under the stress of my grave mistake.

"I… I have to tell her. She has… to know. I have… to be punished. But then… no… I don't want… to lose her. I can't… speak… the truth."

You've already lost her, Blu. You just don't know it yet.

"What do… I do? Someone… anyone… please help me…"

You either confess, or sink deeper and deeper into your regret. And when you hit the cold, dark bottom, you will go insane. Your choice, you slimy backstabber.

"I want to die… just die. Disappear forever… and never come back…"

It would be so easy to make it look like an accident. Just fly around, find a Bushmaster, and kick it in the scales. It will bite you and flood your body with venom, and your life will come to an end.

"I've already given up… on fighting. Maybe I should…"

Consider it for now. I want to taunt you for a few more days. If you don't want to confess and endure Jewel's fury, then allow me to torment you without pause instead.

I sniffled loudly and wailed some more, kicking myself twice in the side of the head.

I lifted myself off the egg so my heaving stomach wouldn't put it any danger, sheltering it with the primaries on my right wing. My tears changed tactics and oozed out of my eyes slowly and steady, dribbling down my cheeks.

My oxygen-starved system forced me to breathe deeply in a pulsing rhythm, though the rich supply of tepid air did nothing to ease my lachrymose state. It was simply too much, the fact that there was no easy way out, and that was why I continued whimpering.

A small number of tears were still leaking from my eyes when Jewel returned with our breakfast, and she haphazardly dropped the bananas as she entered.

Shocked and concerned, she darted over to me in an instant.

"Blu, what's wrong? Why on Earth are you so upset?"

"I've just…. been thinking… about things…"

"What 'things' are you talking about? It isn't like you to lose your composure like this."

She slid her wing under my beak and raised my head so that our eyes met.

"I want to help you, Blu. I'm your mate. It's what I'm supposed to do."

"You can't. I have to… solve this… on my own. Please Jewel… don't ask me… about it… anymore."

Her stunning teal eyes shimmered with worry, and she used her supple wing to wipe the fluid from the rims of my visual organs.

"I understand, Blu. I guess… I guess I'll respect your wishes. But it kills me to see you like this…"

She spun around and dragged one bent yellow fruit over to me, peeling it deftly with her beak. She gripped it near the flatter end and presented the exposed tip to me.

"This is for you, Blu. Eat, and maybe you'll feel better."

I hesitated, knowing I was the last bird on the planet who should have been the recipient of such kindness.

But Jewel's melancholy expression scrunched my heart into a ball, compelling me to acknowledge her gift. I bit off a tiny chunk and processed it, Jewel urging me with her eyes to have more.

I sliced off a larger chunk this time and chewed it heartily, the mushy pulp becoming caked to the insides of my beak. I unglued it with my tongue and swallowed it with a gulp, the faintest of smiles manifesting on my face.

Jewel inched the remainder of the banana closer, whispering, "That's it, Blu. Have some more…"

I devoured the banana piece by piece, Jewel basically feeding me like I was a newborn human baby. She discarded the flaccid peel by tossing it out of the hollow, and then munched on her chosen item of nutrition.

When she had completed that fundamental task, she waddled over to the nest.

"May I join you, Blu? I bet you would appreciate some close company."

"Yeah. There's plenty of room. Come on in..." I said solemnly.

She hopped inside and nuzzled herself against my left side, wrapping her right wing around me.

"How is the egg, Blu? Still safe and sound?"

"Of… of course it is…" I replied, my voice less than enthusiastic.

I brushed it in her direction with my wing, and she cast her eyes upon it for a few moments. She tucked it under her belly with a smile and a sigh, looking my way immediately after.

"I'll always be able to rely on you to nurture our chick, Blu. In spite of your rocky choices, I can see you have the spirit of a good father in you. You'll do wonderful when it comes time to raise him or her."

He's gonna need the practice for when the rest of his offspring come into the world. And I'm not talking the ones created by his sperm and your eggs...

"I admire your faith in me, Jewel. I really do. But I wouldn't assume so much about the future. Things may very well be different than how you expected them to turn out."

"Are you getting all nerdy on me again?"

"No… I'm… well, maybe I am. I just don't want you to be… disappointed if I don't perform as well as I should, for any reason."

"I won't be, Blu. And besides, we're both new to this parenthood thing, so we'll tackle it together. Sound good?"

"Yeah... it does. You truly are all I ever wanted in terms of a mate."

I think your one night stand with Lisa kind of degrades your credibility, idiot. But it's whatever. Keep spinning your web of lies. You're already entangled in it, so what does it matter?

Jewel hugged me heartrendingly and laid her head on my shoulder.

"And so are you, handsome. You mean so much to me, and I adore you with all my heart."

I kissed her head feathers and watched as she closed her eyes in residual bliss.

As I turned my head away, I let slip one solitary tear and felt it plop onto my foot.

I sat there for over half an hour, my second-rate lover napping contentedly. My stomach gurgled as it churned my food, or maybe that was the growling of my personal abomination.

Not once did Jewel stir due to the rumbling noise, but the disturbance at the end of those thirty minutes did.

My cunhado glided into our home and opened his beak, but I flicked my head in the direction of my lover. He got the message and shushed himself, tip-toeing over to us stealthily.

He grazed the side of her neck with his wing and mumbled, "Rise and shine, Jewel. I am here to see you."

"Huh… what… leave me alone…"

She snapped awake upon recognizing Ronaldo and grew coy.

"Oh, hey. How… how long have you been here?"

"Less than twenty seconds, Jewel. I didn't have to wait long at all."

"Oh, well, that's good. How are you?"

"Absolutamente perfeito. And you?" {Absolutely perfect.}

"The same, Ronaldo."

He turned his attention to me, puzzled by my weariness.

"Something bothering you, cunhado? Are you sick?"

"Pardon the pun, Ronaldo, but lately, Blu's been feeling… well… blue."

"Basically," I squeaked out.

"C'mon now, cheer up, old buddy. You have such a splendid female to support you in your time of need. You should be happy."

That's like asking a dead, wilted flower to come back to life. Impossible, Ronaldo. Impossible.

I answered dully, "You have a point. But some things… are easier said than done."

Ronaldo nodded his agreement, but said, "Just work at repairing your mood. Something that is broken can always be fixed… in my opinion, anyways. I have a hunch it applies to you too, cunhado."

"I have all the time in the world to find out, huh?"

"That you do, Blu."

How about all the time in the world to realize it's hopeless? You will never be quite the same, Blu. Oh no.

Ronaldo squatted down onto his belly in a sitting position, his legs being covered up beneath him. He held his head at an angle and looked from me to Jewel and back again, apparently contemplating something.

He then straightened his head and quipped, "You two have come so far together, and it astonishes me. A shy Americano like you earning the favor of the gem of the rain forest… it's quite the magical fairy tale."

He inhaled a preparatory breath and held my mate's gaze.

"Jewel, I apologize if this brings back bad memories, but I was never meant to be yours. Even though we were lovebirds in the past, Blu was destined to be a part of your heart. He risked his life for you, something I never had the chance to do."

Ronaldo grabbed my attention with the twist of his head.

"And you, Blu, are the perfect fit for a wild bird like Jewel. How can I ignore the fact that opposites attract when the evidence is right in front of my beak? You may have your flaws, and I mean that in the nicest of ways, but you are committed 110 percent to Jewel and a more dependable mate than I could ever be."

That's it. This is the last statement I am going to make. Trade places with Blu for one minute, and you would tear your heart from your chest, Ronaldo. You definitely possess the strength to mutilate any rival… including yourself.

The beast writhed like a confined snake, offended by Ronaldo' skewed perception of me. Ronaldo was wrong about me in so many ways.

If only he knew…

My breathing increased in pace as his misguided admission sent me on the guilt trip of the century.

If only he knew

"Cunhado… I… I don't know what to say. But how… how can you think so highly of me… when you consider… my mistakes? Jewel is an angel… I am not."

He rolled his eyes and hopped closer to me.

"Ah, but Blu, mistakes are what help us develop our identities and improve our personalities! How are you supposed to learn right from wrong without doing things wrong in the first place? That kind of knowledge doesn't show up in your brain at random. It can either be taught or demonstrated, but since you lost your family, you missed out. Until you met Jewel, that is."

Nope. No comment. My nonexistent beak is sealed. Wait crap…

Jewel asked petulantly, "Are you taking after Blu in the nerd bird department, Ronaldo?"

"That is up for you to decide, Jewel. I am simply repeating a life lesson of mine," he fired back with a smirk.

Jewel said, "Blu. I agree with him, nerd bird or not. What about you?"

I turned to face her, my breathing still elevated.

"Mmm hmm. I totally agree…"

"You having a heart attack, cunhado?" Ronaldo joked, pointing a primary at my upper body.

"No. What you said… it affected me deep down. You really… know your stuff."

He grinned haughtily, slapping me once on the back.

"I could never compete with you, cunhado. You carry the 'smartest bird I know' trophy. I am proud to call you my brother-in-law."

A pang of extreme guilt rippled through my gut, and I couldn't stand the awful feeling. I stifled a potential regurgitation and swallowed a pool of my own saliva.

"Jewel… please excuse me. I need some… fresh air."

"Oh, okay Blu. Take your time."

I scurried outside and ran out to the end of a stout branch, quelling another wave of bile that tried to erupt from my throat. I was reaching my limit. The raw, acidic shame was poisoning my soul… the very essence of who I was.

I stared endlessly into the picturesque blue sky, that was free of clouds, and that was when I saw it.

A Harpy Eagle circling high above, scanning the terrain below for its next target… its next meal.

It was the Brazilian equivalent of a raven orbiting above a doomed animal, ready to take the plunge and feed upon the warm corpse when that animal breathed its last. That eagle was merely an allusion, a transmutation of the proverbial raven that meshed more intuitively with my inevitable demise.

When fate slammed down its trump card and the repercussions of my sins came full circle, that would be it. A bloody, agony-riddled demise it would be for me. But I demanded that it not be quick and merciful.

I wanted to grovel in the pain as long as possible, to be tortured rather than executed, because I deserved no less.

I watched the apex predator continue his sentry duty for the longest time… until he dived. A grayish needle streaking down from the sky, he was but a blur as he homed in on his oblivious victim.

In that moment, the symbolism became glaringly apparent.

Dread coalesced with the guilt for a one-two punch that chased the breath from my lungs. Someone… somehow… was going to divulge my secret… and all I had ever known and loved would be stripped from me.

It was an unquestionable premonition of the living hell that was to come and engulf me as swiftly as the eagle plummeted.


You guys must be thinking this by now: Stop the brohoofs, RAS! You're abusing them!

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