Chapter Ten

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: They are both starting to let each other in, but Brooke's headed towards a downward spiral and Lucas isn't sure if he is the right person to help. The closer they get the worse things get, and they both start to wonder if they are really best for the other

Authors Note: Sorry it has been taking me so long to update. I guess now that BL is doing better on the show my inspiration to have both their life's suck has kind of gone out the window. But I am working on twelve now, and actually sat down the other night and did an outline for the next few chapters. So even though I have always known where this story is going and what will happen, I now have a set up for it all, which helps. But I will stop rambling. please keep the reviews coming so I know you all aren't hating this. Thanks to every single on of you that have been reviewing, I know everyone says this, but it truly means the world!

Enjoy!


When Your Dreams Died

Chapter Eleven: Hour Stops the Sunlight

I'll drink myself to sleep, cut my skin until I bleed
hold my breath all the night

cause it's 5 o'clock, the hour stops the sunlight,
the buildings shade the masquerade and kill time,
here we're nothin more than fools and whores and sad highs,
through the summer sand, we're living in a wasteland

"Mommy?" it was late, just after ten o'clock and all the lights were out in the apartment, but she wasn't asleep. Her door opened slowly to reveal her small curly haired daughter in the door way in her pink night gown holding her baby blanket close to her as she tip toed in to the room

"What's wrong baby, why aren't you sleeping?" Brooke asked sitting up slightly, helping Brynlee on to the bed and in to her lap

"I heard a noise" Brynlee said resting her head on Brooke's chest

"What kind of noise?" Brooke asked stroking her daughter's hair softly

"A scary one" the small girl mumbled in to her mother's chest

"Do I need to do a monster check?"

"No, Casey did one yesterday"

"Then why are you scared bean?" Brooke asked softly, moving away slight so her daughter was looking at her

"I don't like my new room… I miss my old one" she knew it was nothing personal, but hearing her daughter say that she didn't like the room that Brooke had spent so much time on hurt slightly "Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Of course" Brooke smiled slightly laying back a little, letting Brynlee get comfortable atop Brooke's chest

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Why don't I have a daddy like Jamie?"

"Who's the father Brooke?"

"Why is it any of your business Lucas?"

"Because!" He snapped, yelling causing her to jump slightly "If I have a fucking kid, I would like to know about it!"

"She's not yours" Brooke said simply "Like you pointed out in high school, you aren't the only guy I have ever slept with Lucas" Brooke spat

"Then who's the father Brooke"

"Why does it matter? He is out of the picture"

"Was that by his choice?"

"Again… this is your business how? Yes, Lucas, by his choice, he was a random one night thing, I got pregnant let him know and he said he didn't want anything to do with it, so now here we are… happy?"

"Thrilled… but that doesn't explain where the hell she has been this whole time, we have been hanging out for months know and this is the first I am even hearing about her"

"First of all, you didn't ask me to explain where she has been… again, not that it any of your business"

"Why are you being like this Brooke?"

"Why am I being like this Lucas? You are the one that burst in here yelling and screaming… what do you want me to do, fall to my knee and say how sorry I am for not letting you in on every detail of my life?"

"Every detail? Brooke you have a fucking kid… that is a pretty major detail…"

"She has been with my grandmother in Long Island while I finished up school… I would go up there every weekend to be with her, and now that I have a job and am stable she is living with me" Brooke said in a softer voice and she sat on the end of the bed

"If you needed help Brooke..."

"Don't, okay, this was nothing to do with you… it was hard at first but we are fine now"

"Listen" Lucas started with a sigh moving to sit next to her placing a hand of her knee "I am sorry I came in here the way I did… I was just shocked"

"I am sorry I didn't tell you, I just didn't know how"

"I guess I understand… I don't agree but I understand, just from now on, talk to me okay? I like to think we are actually getting somewhere and I would hate to see anything change that, so just talk too me okay?"

"Deal"

"Baby" Brooke started slowly, playing with Brynlee's soft curls "You have a daddy… he just… isn't in our lives"

"Why not?"

"It's complicated"

"How?"

Brooke laughed slightly, she should have known better, Brynlee was her daughter after all and simple answers would never get her out of this one

"Maybe I will explain it when you are older"

"Does my daddy love me?" Brynlee asked after a moment or two

"Of course he does baby" Brooke sighed, kissing her forehead gentle "Of course he does"

Xxx

She watched as her daughter lay beside her, sound a sleep, thumb half way in her mouth as her chest rose and fell. She looked so peaceful and so small laying in the large bed, surrounded by pillows and blackest. It has been just over two hours since the small child had fallen back asleep, but yet, here Brooke sat, still wide awake, unable to shake her thoughts. It had been going on three weeks now that Brooke found her self sitting just like this, immersed in thought, unable to push them aside long enough to get more then an hour or two of sleep. She hadn't eaten in a while either come to think of it and it was starting to show. She was wasting away and to be honest she really didn't care.

She had made a mess of things. She'd known that form the start. Nothing was going as she planned; nothing was working out the way she thought it would. She was suppose to be rich and famous by this point, she was suppose to be not be able to seep because she was out gallivanting around New York city, visiting the best clubs, and drinking free drinks. She was supposed to be happy; she was supposed to be carefree. But she wasn't.

She looked beside her again, moving a hand to gently move a stray curl from her small daughters face. The light from the large moon shined through the window, framing her small face causing Brooke to smile. She loved her little girl more then anything. But she would be lying if she said she couldn't help but wonder if things could have been different.

She paced up and down, her hair was a mess and her face was ride of any make up, she wore a large oversized sweatshirt with a part of shorts, her feet bare as the walked back and forth across the wood floor of her small dorm room. The timer had gone off a good ten minutes ago, but for some reason she couldn't bring her self to look. Too much was riding on this.

She sat up in the bed, making sure not to wake the sleeping girl beside her, as she carefully pushed the covers off her thin frame. She turned slowly and got out of the bed, looking once more at the small blond to make sure she was still asleep before grabbing the large sweater off the end of the bed and pulling it over her head.

Sitting down on the end of the bed she looked down at the phone in her hands. She looked up at the thin stick that sat face down on her desk before looking back down that phone, looking up once more before opening the phone slowing. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before her shaking finger punching in the first number of an all too familiar number. Her eye started to burn slightly as tears began to form, but with another shaking deep breath she managed to slowly dial the rest of the number before standing up and hitting send. Slowly she brought the phone to her ear as she made her way to the desk, her index finger slowly trance the stick as she listen to the ring.

It was a cold night, colder then she was expecting. It was quiet too, quieter then she was expecting. The only sound to be heard were the few cars below her and the faint sound of wind chimes in the apartment next to her. She sat down slowly in the large wood chair, pulling her sweater tighter around her body, bring her bare legs up, rubbing them in a almost pointless attempt to warm them before she leaned back to move the large flower pot just slightly to the left. She reached back behind it, felling around slightly before she felt to cool glass hit the tips of her fingers. She grabbed the skinny top of the bottle and pulling it out from its hiding spot, not even bothering to look down at it, before she started twisting the cap. She found it rather odd that sound of the plastic snapping as the bottle open brought her a since of comfort, but she normally didn't pay it that much mind. It was a sound that lasted no longer then three seconds, but it was sound she knew lend to numbing that she crave, it was a sound that lend to an escape she needed. The faint sound of the plastic snapping gave her a since of relief and for a while now it was sound that she longed to hear.

She hated the sound on the other end of the phone; it always seemed to make her heart rise. It made her wound what would happen when it was cut off, what would be said, who would be on the other end of it… it wasn't comforting in the least.

She slowly untwisted the cap, removing it from the bottle before she look down at the bottle in her hands. A part of her was screaming to just put the cap back on and forget the bottle even was there. She needed to stop this; she needed to face her life. This was the life she chose and she needed to learn to accept that, she needed to take responsibility for that. The catch was that taking responsibility was never her strong suit.

"Hello?" The voice hadn't changed, it was still deep, it was still soft, still comforting. There was still that something in the voice that made her want to melt in to a puddle, it made her want to spill her heart out.

It was that reason however that she didn't speak, in fear of what she would say. Tears wheeled in her eyes, taking a deep breath she began to speak but no words came out. She shut her eyes tightly, tears squeezing out the sides as she took another deep breath

"Brooke?" The desperation of his voice was obvious and it made her heart ach. It was as if saying her name was a plea for her to say something… anything. But she couldn't. She couldn't do this to him. Leaving was her way of letting him go, letting him be free.

She set the cap down on the small table beside her and took a long drink from the bottle, letting the liquid burn down her throat as a numbing warmth trickled down in to her body. Slowly she moved the bottle way from her mouth and shut her eyes leaning back in her chair. The cold air bit her as it blow by, and with that she let her body shake in a painful sob. The tears escaped her eyes quickly, rushing down her face freely. She hadn't known how she had got to this point. Things were never suppose to be like this. She was not supposed to be like this.

"Brooke are you there?" With yet another deep breath she tried to speak but, yet again, no words came. Her fingers still tracing the thing stick in front of her

"Brooke say something please…" He'd called her countless times in the last three months, leaving message after message pleading with her to just call him back. The calls had stopped about a week ago however. She took it as a sign that maybe he had moved on, abandoned all hope, which she didn't blame him for. After all that was her goal. Why else wouldn't she call back, let alone answer the phone. The truth was though that there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think about him. What he was doing, what he was thinking, even what he was wearing… or maybe if he had that cute little squinty thing stuck on his face as he brooded in the corner. She missed everything about him, and even though he had been calling, she still wondered slightly if he felt the same way.

Maybe that is what made her finally flip the stick over. She thought it would give her' her answer. It would tell her where to go from where she was now. Maybe that is why when she turned the stick over; she shut the phone with out another word.