Hi, hello, here's the promised last chapter of Killing Me Softly! But! Don't worry, this fic is just the first part of a planned series. I can't promise any specific date when I'll start publishing the sequel but I can promise - it will be here sooner or later. For now - enjoy!


The subway ride was silent, Kurt sitting between Dani and Elliott and clutching his suitcase. They let him take his time getting used to the thought of moving out of the loft, even if it was temporary. They got out of the train and into Dani's building and only then Kurt stopped and frowned at them.

"That's your place." he said to Elliott and crossed his arms over his chest.

"We live by each other." Dani explained quickly and pushed Kurt slightly to move. "I was looking for an apartment, Elliott's neighbour was looking for a tenant, so I rented the condo below Elliott's."

"So we'll be all close to each other?"

"Yeah." Dani beamed and bounced happily, making Kurt chuckle.

"Good thing we're below you otherwise I'm sure the curry smell would spread around your place, too," he said quietly not but really quiet enough for Elliott to miss it.

"Hey, I heard that!"

"I know" Kurt chuckled and pushed the elevator button. "So, are you two enjoying living near each other? I always thought living that close to your friends could be overkill but then I moved in with my best friend and let Santana join us so my idea of 'too close' changed."

"Yeah, it's cool. When I need to borrow salt he's always close." Dani winked.

The elevator opened and Kurt went inside, rolling the suitcase behind him. He stood in a corner and looked at his friends.

"What if I'm making a mistake? And he doesn't let me come back?"

"If he doesn't let you come back then he doesn't deserve you." Elliott said confidently and chose Dani's floor button.

Kurt bit his lip and looked at them. Maybe they were right, maybe he needed time away from Blaine but maybe it wasn't going to help either. He never felt like he should break off the engagement, no matter how bad he sometimes felt, he and Blaine always managed to make up.

"Maybe I should go home." Kurt whispered and grabbed the handle of a suitcase.

"Kurt, come on, you can't back out from it now. I mean, you can, no one is going to force you to do it but it's just giving you a chance to think it through. I think it'll be healthier." Dani pushed him towards the door gently when the elevator stopped.

Kurt bit his lip and slowly went out from the elevator, his fist clenched on suitcase handle. Dani smiled at him and opened her door.

"It's not as amazing as your loft but it's home." she said apologetically as Kurt entered after her.

The apartment was designed nicely in a modern style, white walls and black, simple furniture with a lot of glass in the kitchen and a lot of personal touches like framed pictures and colourful cushions scattered around.

"I like it." Kurt smiled and put his suitcase by the wall. "It's really nice, the design and your additions."

"I'm glad you like it." Dani smiled as Elliott put Kurt's backpack on the chair by the table. "It's less homey than I would like but I made the best out of it."

"It looks great." Kurt sat by the table and drew his knees to the chest.

Elliott looked at him but decided not to say anything and went to the kitchen to make them coffee.

Dani joined him and they chatted only breaking it off for a few seconds when they brought Kurt his tea before going to talk in her bedroom.


Kurt: Hey, I'm going to leave for a few days to think. I'll see you when I'm back.

Blaine: What do you mean leave?

Blaine: Like, move out?

Kurt: Yeah. Don't worry now, we'll talk in a few days.

Blaine: Okay? I hope you're alright. Love you.

Kurt: xoxo


Kurt was lying on the bed, which he and Dani were sharing because unlike Rachel he wasn't going to make the actual owner of the place sleep on the couch, but they both decided Blaine and Santana wouldn't mind them sharing a bed in a completely friendly manner.

Santana dropped her bag on the floor and looked around and then raised her eyebrows.

"I found the lost treasure." she smiled and went to the bedroom to hug him. "I thought you were lost forever."

Kurt raised his eyebrows and let himself be hugged before sitting back on the bed.

"Where is your heart made of stone?" he joked and put down the Vogue issue he had been reading before getting off the bed.

"You know, I'm still working on it but I was worried. I'm going to actually add some salt to Dani's sugar jar as a revenge for not telling me you were here." Santana shrugged and went to the kitchen and sat on the table, waiting for Kurt.

"Well, you don't have to, I asked her not to tell anyone. And you can't do the salt trick, I live here now, too, I'd hate to have to hurt you," he winked when joining her, but after a short moment of hesitation he took the chair. "Is Dani coming soon?"

"Not right now but I'll have think about it when she's back," Santana joked and nodded. "Her shift is over now I believe."

Kurt shook his head and sighed quietly.

"How's the loft?"

"Good, angry panties is quiet for once. I think he misses you. He started cooking so there's only a diet menu for dinners which pisses me off. He's mad at me because I didn't tell him where you are. And I'll admit it'd be reasonable if I had known. He's worried. The loft has a seriously worried atmosphere."

"I'm glad he cares," Kurt mumbled back and rested his forehead on his knees. "I'm just not sure if I can really come. I've been here for two days but I've had so much rest, despite school and the diner. It's just so much easier to breathe here, when there's only Dani and me."

"Well I can move in with her and you and jell-o can have the loft." Santana shrugged and picked up a cookie from the plate on the table.

"No, I mean… I don't think I want to be with Blaine anymore."

Santana raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Good for you, Hummel."

"It's not good." Kurt snapped and stood up. "There's nothing good about it. I have to change my whole life again and it just sucks so much."

"You don't have to change your whole life because of one person, Hummel. I thought it worked like that when I broke up with Britt but it doesn't. Maybe you're not good at taking care of yourself, much better at caring for others, but this is purely for you and it means you're going to get better. Even if for a little while it feels like bullshit. So you're not going to break down. You're going to get something positive out of it now and then see how everything else just gets better slowly."

Kurt shook his head and paced around the room, his boots clicking on the floor because of his nervous steps.

"You think that's so easy but it's not. It feels like I'm going to ruin my life."

"I know. But you're not ruining your life and you'll get over it. Seriously, what good was Blaine lately? Just be honest for a moment."

"Well, he got me to perform in front of all patrons in the showcase…"

"After lying."

"We have amazing sex…"

"He sometimes forgets he needs consent for that, too."

Kurt groaned and glared at Santana.

"Every day life is good though. It feels good to be with him."

"Does it feel better than being with Brisney Prince?"

Kurt stopped abruptly and shook his head.

"It's not about Adam. I miss him, I loved him. But he's not coming back because I hurt him. So even if it did feel better, it doesn't really matter."

"But it matters to you. If you were happy with him, why did you even take the Hobbit 2.0 back? Why not just continue what was good for you?" Santana raised her eyebrows. Hummel was confusing sometimes. She was used to being around confusing people, having dated Brittany on and off for months, but he was different. He was hiding a lot and often forgot to take care of himself in favour of caring for other people. It sucked because it felt like while people loved him he just didn't love himself enough. Or kept forgetting he did.

"I said yes because everyone thought it was better for me so how could I just… Risk it? I mean, you were there, too."

"Because I thought that was what you wanted. All your friends there when you got engaged," Santana sighed.

"I didn't even know he was planning to propose. I regretted agreeing to get back together the same evening. I didn't tell Adam because I was sure I'd take it back by the time I got to New York. It was a mess. And then he proposed in front of everyone and how was I supposed to say no?" he heaved a sigh and leaned against the wall, looking at Santana. "I was starting something new in New York and everyone told me I wasn't supposed to, that I was supposed to be back with Blaine and I didn't know how to say no. Everyone loves Blaine."

Santana snorted and rolled her eyes. "That's bullshit."

"You know it's not. You know, he got everything back in Glee and he gets everything now in NYADA. All my friends are suddenly Blaine's. He gets everything so easily and it felt like if I didn't give myself to him I'd be the one to blame and lose everything…" Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose as Santana gaped at him.

"Does anyone know about it? Did you tell?"

"Who?" Kurt laughed sadly and shook his head. "There's no one I could tell because everyone instantly falls in love with Blaine so I just rolled with it. I lost Adam on the way and I didn't have anyone to talk about it. My dad didn't like the idea of me dating an older stranger, Blaine didn't even want to hear about me dating him. You didn't like Adam…"

"Hummel, no. I liked him but it felt like you didn't like him enough. You hooked up with Anderson when you were already going out and you just seemed so unsure of what you wanted, I just thought you wanted Blaine and replaced him with a new Disney prince."

Kurt sighed and closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and then looked again at Santana. How did people not realise that him trying to figure out his feelings wasn't supposed to be against Adam. Confusion didn't mean the urge to go back to Blaine. It was his first relationship so giving up on it completely was a slow, hard process but no one seemed to notice he just needed time and not to get back to dating his ex. Now it was already too late for him and Adam to have a shot ever again but at least he could get out of the relationship that felt so wrong lately.

"I just needed to get over Blaine and I didn't want to rush into anything. I'm not the one to go to bed with someone before I know for sure. And once I knew everyone was already on Blaine's side."

"I'm sorry." Santana said quietly. "We didn't know but that's not an excuse. We should have known better. I should have known better."

"I didn't exactly give you any clear signs, either. It's okay. It's just… Now I'm a mess."

"We'll fix it." Santana got up and went to Kurt. "Come on, hug time and then you forget I ever got so soft," she whispered and smiled as Kurt leaned into her arms and exhaled deeply. "You're going to be okay, we're all going to make sure you will."

Kurt whimpered and clutched harder to her as his body shook from a sob. He didn't have the energy to keep everything inside anymore. Usually it felt like a better option but it was exhausting. He deserved more, he needed more, it felt like not letting anyone in was hurting him so much and it was too painful.

"You'll be okay" Santana rubbed Kurt's back and held him, still stunned that he let himself for an emotional outburst like this.

After a few minutes Kurt moved back from her and wiped his face with a tissue he grabbed from a table.

"I'm sorry, it's… It's been a difficult year."

"I know. I'm surprised you're holding on as well as you do. But if there's anyone with a bigger ice queen mask than mine then it's you so maybe I should have expected that anyway." Santana joked and earned a playful slap on the arm from Kurt.

"Well maybe we just needed to replace Rachel's drama dose in the loft," he replied and went to the kitchen. He wanted to start making dinner before Dani got there. Kurt barely had a chance to cook lately and that was at least a tiny little bit he could do for Dani.

"Let me help you," Santana offered and grabbed the groceries she brought home with her.

"You don't have to." Kurt hummed and started making pasta.

"I want to," she replied and came behind him. "You know, I was thinking about what I'm supposed to do about living arrangements…"

"You and Blaine can have the loft. You just need to pay the deposit and the two months I had to pay to get the lease signed. So I can start looking for something new and have some money on me. I don't mind and I'm sure the landlord won't."

"I'm not staying there with Anderson, are you okay?" Santana rolled her eyes. "I'm going to move in with Dani if you move out."

"Oh…" Kurt bit his lip and looked at her. "Well then I either stay with you or Blaine does."

"Exactly." she nodded and cut vegetables. Kurt smiled happily.

"I'd love to stay in the loft but sometimes I'm thinking I should just, you know, move on. It'd be a new start."

"Both ideas are okay. We'll see what Anderson does."

"I'm glad you're not against this."

"I'm for anything that makes you happy. Hummel."


Kurt was cuddling on Elliott's side while they watched Grey's Anatomy after the rehearsal. He groaned at the scene on a screen and as he straightened his back, noticed that Dani was asleep.

"Hey, do you think we can pause this? Maybe have a drink?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Uh-huh, drinking?" Elliott raised his eyebrows and nodded. "Sure, we can have some but I think it'd be better to go upstairs. Dani has a morning shift and we're both free so we can stay awake a little longer in my place without waking her up."

Kurt nodded and grinned.

"But then we're using your alcohol.," he poked Elliott's chest playfully and stood up.

"Sure," Elliott chuckled and grabbed the remains of the chips from the table and covered Dani with a blanket.

"It's fine, I'll carry her to bed when I come back." Kurt whispered and grabbed the Chinese leftovers from the table. He put it in the fridge and grabbed a bowl of salad. "Dani won't eat it because it has chicken so we could use it if we get hungry," he explained to Elliott.

"Come on, stop worrying, she's just an elevator ride away" he chuckled and pulled on Kurt's arm gently. They left the apartment, both carrying some food and got upstairs. Kurt waited until they were inside and put the salad on the table.

"Alcohol!" he jumped up and down and clapped happily. Elliott chuckled and rolled his eyes playfully.

"Wine or something stronger right away?"

"Wine is cool." Kurt jumped up on the counter and smiled. "Sorry, I'm probably too happy about it. But I feel like lately I haven't had time to loosen up a little bit."

"It's fine. It's good to see you like this," Elliott opened the bottle of white wine and poured it into the glasses.

Kurt looked up at Elliott and smiled. They were dancing around the room to some music that was already random after a short playlist they set up. He reached and grabbed Elliott's hand, spinning around and landing against his chest with a giggle.

"You're tall." he hummed.

"You're drunk."

"We both are," Kurt shrugged and swayed his hips to the music.

"True. What are we going to do about it?"

"Nothing," he wrapped his arms around Elliott and closed his eyes. It felt good, being able to stop worry and just have fun for a few days. It only made him more sure. "But we can dance?"

"Sure, youngster." Elliott smiled and went to his docked iPod to turn something on. Kurt chuckled when "Bad Romance" played and started making paws at Elliott, who rolled his eyes and joined him.

Kurt laughed when Elliott grabbed his hands and spun him around at the end of the song and then immediately pressed them together as the next one started.

Kurt looked up at Elliott when the song ended and suddenly he realised how close they were. He reached out and climbed on his tip-toes, crushing their lips together. Elliott responded immediately by wrapping an arm around Kurt's shoulders and pulling him closely. Kurt whimpered at the deep kiss. He reached for Elliott's zipper and undid the button but Elliott grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"No, Kurt…" he broke the kiss and sighed quietly. "I know you want it now. It's understandable. But you're still with Blaine, you two are still dating right now and it wouldn't be okay." Elliott said quietly and kissed Kurt's forehead.

"But I'm going to break up with him as soon as I come back." Kurt said surely.

"You don't know this, honey." Elliott sighed and took Kurt's hand to lead him to the couch.

"I know! And you said I should!" Kurt frowned and didn't sit down by Elliott. He crossed his arms on the chest and glared which made Elliott chuckle.

"I know you know now. But you have no idea if you will feel the same way soon." Elliott explained with a smile.

"You don't believe me." Kurt pouted.

"I do believe you. I know you want to break up with Blaine at this moment, I do know it. But I also know when you meet him, when you two talk it may still change. And then you'll regret it. And if Blaine finds out, whatever you do now will be seen as cheating. Whatever you tell Blaine you'll always be a bad guy who cheated on your fiancé. And you do not want that, honey."

Kurt sighed and slumped on the couch against Elliott.

"You're right. As always." he admitted and curled against his friend's body. "It's just… I want to be free already now."

"You want to be free because you want to try things with me right now."

"Maybe…"

"If you're single again I promise I won't go anywhere but you may not want to then. Which won't make me mad." Elliott promised and ruffled Kurt's hair.

"I'm really glad you're my friend, Elliott." Kurt whispered and closed his eyes.


Kurt entered the loft after his shift at the diner. He decided now was as good time as any and went back to it, waiting for Blaine. Kurt sat by the piano and touched the keys gently. When Blaine and Sam visited them and brought the piano it was such a nice touch. Both Kurt and Rachel. Santana, too even though she would never, ever admit it appreciated the gesture. It really helped with vocal exercises and was a really nice for long evenings when they just felt like singing together. Kurt smiled sadly and started playing softly. He didn't want to interrupt his neighbours but he needed to relax before the conversation that was about to happen. He was in the middle of a third song when the door opened. Blaine stepped in and threw his bag by the door, reaching to take off his shoes and he stopped in the middle of moving.

"Kurt?" His face lit up and he straightened immediately, coming close to the piano. Kurt took a deep breath and turned on the stool, smiling.

"Hey." he said quietly and stood up.

"Are you back?" Blaine asked with a smile and reached for Kurt's waist, touching his hip lightly.

"Not really, no. I just thought we should talk." Kurt took a step back and grabbed Blaine's hand, leading him to the couch.

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good." Blaine raised his eyebrows and frowned, following Kurt to the couch where he sat down, too.

"It's not. I mean…" Kurt sighed and bit his lip. "I just don't think I can continue this. I don't think we should be together anymore," he said quietly and looked down at his lap.

"What… do you mean?" Blaine asked quietly and moved a little further from Kurt.

"I mean… Everything that has been happening, you have to see it. It's not healthy, we're not healthy for each other." Kurt bit his lip and finally looked up at Blaine, barely stopping himself from crying.

"But I love you. And you said you love me?"

"I do. And I know you do, too. But it's just not enough, you know? Not for me. There are days when everything is amazing. It can go for weeks but then…" Kurt sighed and shook his head, resigned. "I'm not going to say I'm innocent here because I'm not. But even on the days when everything is great I just keep expecting something bad to happen. And when it happens sometimes I'm not even hurt as much as I'm resigned. And it scares me. I don't want to be in a relationship that will always feel like I'm on the edge."

"I can change…" Blaine said quietly in a trembling voice.

"I know you can. But I… I don't want to be here for that. I don't want to keep being hurt because you need to figure out what's good for you." Kurt said simply and stood up slowly. "It's not… I know you're going to be hurt. It's not painless for me. I thought… I thought we were this… we were going to be forever. I had doubted for some time while we were broken up but when we got engaged I was sure I had been wrong. We were going to be forever again. But not anymore."

Blaine inhaled sharply and shook his head.

"You… You can't just leave, what will I have left if you just go away…" he whispered and reached to Kurt's hand.

Kurt sighed and took Blaine's hand in his two, squeezing it gently. "You'll just have to figure it out yourself. As for relationships… You'll figure it out. You will. If you take a break for a while then that's good, too. I just can't be here for you anymore."

"What happened? You didn't say anything before you left and now you're back saying all this…"

"I had to think about this. I had to make sure this way of what I wanted which is why you can't talk me out of this right now. I made up my mind. This isn't healthy for me and I just have to think about myself for once." Kurt said quietly and sighed. "I'll give you some time, okay? We can discuss living arrangements another time…" he stepped towards the door.

Kurt slipped the ring off his finger and put it on the piano before he went to the door.

"Just promise me one thing?" Blaine asked quietly, looking up in Kurt's direction.

"What is it?"

"Don't cut me off completely. I don't want to become enemies because of the break up." Blaine looked at him hopefully. Kurt smiled and nodded.

"As long as you can accept my decision without trying to pursue me then I'm not planning to."

"Thank you." Blaine whispered before Kurt shut the door behind himself.

Kurt managed to get out of the building without crying but as soon as he hailed a cab and was inside the car he broke down on the back seat, drawing his knees to his chest and ignoring the driver completely. He stared out of the window as sobs ripped through his chest, his whole body shaking. Kurt didn't look at anything special, just cars going by them, buildings disappearing as he rode by them.

He did it. He broke up with Blaine. That coffee shop the cab just went by? It wasn't theirs anymore. There was no them. And with relief, because it did go better than he expected and he was about to start a new part of his life, came sadness. Because they used to mean something amazing, something he cherished and it gave Kurt a feeling of safety. It was gone now. Kurt shook his head as another sob shook his chest and he hugged his knees and hid his face.

He was terrified, once again he was in New York, single and it felt like starting over once again. By the time Kurt got out of the cab he made up his mind though. He was going to make the best out of this new chance.