Life is a bitch.
No, don't worry. You are not currently experiencing déjà vu. You haven't traveled back in time, either. I'm just saying it again because not only is it very true, it's very relevant to this part of the story. For similar reasons however, I will add that, when it tries really hard, redemption is possible. And when it fails, well that's ok too. Because life may be a bitch, but so am I.
I woke up early on Monday morning and put my clothes in my backpack. Sam had called a meeting to discuss the Volturi's recent call to Izzy.
We didn't need to meet. Anyone who'd transformed at the same time as Sam, or at the same time as anyone who had, knew the deal.
The big bad that had sent the Watchers racing to foreign soil after the Cullen boy was coming to our doorstep; more cold ones, and more Watchers. We knew, but then, we all knew a lot that should never be said aloud. Can you blame us for sacrificing efficiency over something that could be?
We were sitting around Emily's kitchen table, dressed and as human as we ever were, in jeans and t-shirts. Sam explained the new developments with the Watchers.
"They told us so that we wouldn't try and kill them; said we'd be outnumbered. They plan to squash these leeches eventually, but they don't plan to be near here when they do it. Their numbers will increase in the area, but that just means that we won't get stuck patrolling as far as Forks to keep the cold ones from snacking on innocents," he said, flatly.
While he spoke he made eye contact with each of us in turn. Part of me felt a little ashamed at how much I enjoyed the flash of pure hurt that darkened his eyes as they met mine. I couldn't let it go just yet.
In response to his news, there were the usual xenophobic comments. People complained that the Watchers were not like us, and should not be trusted. Jacob and Seth reminded them that Izzy, at least, was our friend, and that she would use her position as secondary liaison to our advantage if she could. Besides, Jack still called and hung out with the pack when he had the time to spare. Most of the pack liked him, regardless of his loyalties and his seemingly inherited pompous nature.
After the meeting, Jacob drove Seth and me to school.
At lunch, a couple of hours later, I was startled to hear my cell phone ring. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway, happy to be pulled away from the math homework that I'd been doing.
"Hey, is this Leah?" Izzy asked. I knew her voice from the few times we'd spoken before.
"You got me," I replied, " don't you have school today too?"
"Yes but I'm calling during lunch. I was wondering if you might like to hang out soon. We talked about it before but things got hectic on my end," she said, somewhat apologetically.
She wanted to hang out with me? I felt a flash of irritation towards her and I remembered my suspicions from the weekend before. If I was right, if she'd really left Jamie for Jack, as I thought, then I didn't really feel like being friends.
My mind flashed to the Cullen boy though, and I realized that my theory didn't make sense, because she'd been with him since days after her arrival in Forks. Unless she'd broken up with Jamie before she'd moved…
I needed more information.
Reluctantly, I replied, " What do have in mind?"
"I have Buffy the Vampire slayer on dvd, several seasons. I could come over and we could watch it after school," she suggested, softly but confidently, "You could also come with me to self-defense on Thursday if you'd swear not to injure anyone irreversibly."
"That sounds ok, I guess. Tonight?" I asked.
Why did she want to hang out that night? What was the rush? Suspicion has a way of snowballing. I had no way of knowing whether or not I could trust her, and my uncertainty brought half formed fears constantly to the surface of my mind.
"If you don't mind the short notice," she replied, more assertively than before. "Jack was coming up to hang out with Jacob, Quil, and Embry, anyway. If I drive we might actually make it there without his rust bucket breaking down on the way."
Her voice warmed as she spoke about Jack, and I wanted to hit her.
"Tonight it is then; I'll see you in a few hours."
After I hung up, I called my mother to make sure that it was ok.
She was enthusiastic about our plans, and she gave me permission to order pizza.
"I'm sure that you two will get along marvelously," she encouraged.
After she hung up, I made a mental list of things that needed doing before Izzy arrived, and then left the cafeteria to make it to class on time.
After school, I ordered the pizza and straightened up around the house. There wasn't much to do, because my mother had been cleaning to stay busy at home but I straightened the cushions on the couch and cleared room on the table for the pizza. Then I turned on the t.v and let it drone on in the background while I tried to school my features into something relatively neutral. I was annoyed, and paranoid, and annoyed at myself for feeling paranoid. Not only that, I was confused.
Jamie doesn't seem angry about this, why should I be? I thought. If the eye drop fetcher is too much of a saint to react like a human being, what do I care?
Then I thought about how nice his company had been, and I shifted focus to the ditzy blond who was praising Steven Colbert for his hard-line conservative stance.
About half an hour later, the door bell rang.
Izzy smiled at me as I opened the door. She was wearing a long sleeved black shirt with "I'm Watching You" emblazoned in deep red with white accents across the front, along with jeans that were decorated with fangs and bat wings.
"Hiding in plain sight these days?" I asked, rolling my eyes and hoping to hide how funny I thought that it was. I didn't want to like her. She was Emily's evil alternate self from the parallel universe known as Forks.
"I guess you could say that," she answered, "I'd ask for an invitation in, but that would likely just give you a reason to cancel."
I was side-tracked by that.
"Wait, they actually need an invitation?" I asked, disbelievingly. I stepped aside to let her in then stayed by the door because the pizza delivery car was just down the street.
"Don't I wish!"
Her eyes closed as if she were dreaming of the prospect, then opened and found mine to answer my question more seriously.
"The cold ones don't," she said, shortly, "but the Buffy vampires do."
There was a pause in the conversation as I paid for the Pizza and put it on the table.
"I'll get the plates if you tell me where they are," she offered.
"Middle cabinet, third shelf from the bottom. One of them entered un-invited?" I asked, curious.
"Edward, before we started dating, and sometimes more recently when he feels the need to have his pride stepped on," she smiled with distant satisfaction, "I'm starting to think that ex-boyfriends are only good for target practice."
She was talking about Edward but in my mind I saw Jamie, the untold hurt aging him prematurely and all because she'd ditched him for the newer model, and I wanted to slap her.
"Whatever," I said in a tone on the irritated side of neutral. I grabbed a slice of pizza and started to eat while reminding myself of my objective. I wanted to know the story behind the three of them and, to do that, I was going to have to play nice with the bitch.
"At least you've got Jack now, right?" I continued, unable to stop a little of my anger from coloring my tone.
"Right, and he's great. Living well really does make the best revenge."
She'd said it meaning one thing, but once again I heard another.
"Doesn't seem to work for his brother," I spat, abandoning any subtlety that I'd been planning to employ in a rush of pure and simple anger. My body was starting to shake.
"The one who caused his pain is beyond his reach," she answered calmly as she picked up a slice of pizza. Then she looked up at me and murmured, "Leah, what's wrong?"
I was seeing red.
"Maybe beyond his reach but not beyond mine," I hissed.
Her eyes widened and she started to back away as transformed, thinking only about the terrible cold-blooded snake that she had to be to hurt and manipulate people the way that I thought she did.
I felt the fabric of my clothes tighten and tear, cutting in some places as I gained mass and fur.
My mouth hurt as I transformed, and something felt strange but I quickly brushed it off in my rush to punish her for purposefully doing to Jamie what Izzy had done to me and for being enough of a bitch that she could brag about it.
She tried to run up the stairs, because my huge form had blocked other options, but tripped on the bottom stair.
I loomed over her, teeth bared and ready strike at her. I raised an enormous paw, and moved to do that, as she began to talk, likely begging me not to hurt her. my nails were millimeters from her face when my paw froze, as though paralyzed.
No! I've almost got her! My mind raged impotently as the memories of Sam's order not to harm the Watchers unless they betrayed the pack flooded my mind like a scene shot from different angles.
I couldn't disobey a direct order, not from him.
I snarled down at her as I tried helplessly to force myself to disobey but it was useless. I realized that the words coming from her mouth weren't pleas. They were explanations; lies.
"I didn't hurt him! It's not what you think! I meant death. Death took her away from him so he can't avenge her. There's been a misunderstanding!"
I shifted back to human form. I needed to be able to either talk to her or call up a hit-man.
"Oh trust me; I understand exactly what's going on. You ditched him for his brother, and now you use him for 'target practice'," I spat disgusted.
She looked so confused that it threw me off for a moment.
"Where did you get the idea that he and I ever dated?" she asked, in a tone that couldn't have shown more hesitance to the idea if it had jumped up and yelled " OMG, wtf?".
"The way he looks at you and at Jack when you're together. Like he's jealous, like it hurts."
I left out what he'd said on the beach.
"His…His girlfriend died in a car accident a couple of years ago. Jack and I are a lot like they were. I met Jack first, and Edward was my first boyfriend," she rattled off, killing my theory and making me feel more than a little foolish.
"Oh," I said, reeling from the revelations, wondering suddenly what she'd been like, the girlfriend. "You and Jamie…?"
"Are closer to siblings than anything," she explained softly.
For a moment we stood staring at each other, unsure of what to do now that the storm had passed.
I don't know who started it, but suddenly laughter burst into the room and we found ourselves clutching our sides as we laughed like women gone mad.
"God! You thought that I… holy…you must have thought I was a monster!" Izzy said between bouts of giggles and gasping breaths.
"You…you looked so scared! And …I'm sorry, I just…lost it."
For a long time we stood, letting the tension vanish under the waves of laughter, until finally we composed ourselves and sat down to watch an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
"So what's the verdict?" Izzy asked, as the credits played. She'd shown me the episode where Oz realized that he'd become a werewolf.
"I'm not sure how I feel about Whedon's portrayal of Werewolves, but Oz is ok," I replied.
We agreed to meet up and watch another episode on Wednesday, this time at her house because Mom had planned to head to Forks to meet up with Charlie.
A while after she left, Seth and Mom came home, Mom made dinner. I'd eaten the rest of the pizza.
I did some chores and then headed up to bed.
Lying in my bed, I thought back to those days when Sam had been off alone, his disappearance after he'd phased the first time. I thought about how horrible it had been to think that something had happened to him. I thought about my Dad, the feeling of grief, the memory grief and anger that had left me shaking for days.
I felt for Jamie. I envied his support system, but even I had to admit that as much of a bitch as life had been to me, it had done him wrong too. He needed what he had, and I couldn't begrudge him for it.
That night I dreamt of wolves, real ones, not the giants that the pack became. I saw their togetherness without the horror of a shared mind, and the freedom that they embraced through pack life, the option of disobedience and a pack leader that couldn't rule by empty orders alone.
When I woke up my bed smelled a little funny, and later I would note some odd scratches in my sheets, but I let it go, because I was late for school.
The next evening was awkward. Neither of us knew what to talk about, both of us kept secrets that weren't ours and the things that we had in common weren't things that we wanted to think about.
We watched the episode of Buffy downstairs in their living room then went upstairs to hang out until Charlie and my mom got back.
She stood in the doorway while I looked around. It was small seeming and everything from the pictures taped on the walls to old computer on the desk screamed her history there. The room had a lingering, harsh smell; cold one, I realized. There was also Izzy's scent, which was different in this room because what I typically recognized as Izzy was a mix of her and Jack. They always seemed to be together on the way to each other. Just like…I turned my mind away from the thought.
There was a photo album open on the desk, and the window was open.
I heard Izzy swear under her breath.
"Damn disco ball can't take a hint."
I looked at the open pages of the album. It was a picture of one Edward Cullen, torn down one side.
"You keep a picture of him?" I asked disbelievingly.
"He was mine," she replied softly.
"You still want him?"
My voice was louder with this question. I didn't understand.
"I loved him, ok, or I thought I did. He was too much a part of me to just… I couldn't just make myself a new life and pretend that he never happened. You know?"
I didn't, but I lied rather than admit that the closest I'd come to fixing my life after Sam was helping to plan his wedding.
"Yeah, I get it. Nailing that window shut might be a good idea though," I suggested.
"That might slow him down a little bit, I suppose," she replied wryly, "though after this week I'll at least have some back up on hand if he wants to stick around and monologue at me."
"One of the new Watchers?" I asked, curious.
She nodded, then moved from the doorway to sit on her bed.
"Wes. We've been texting throughout the day when either of us can spare the time. Maybe the politics will work out that you'll be able to meet her. She seems pretty cool," Izzy grinned.
"I might like that," I returned, before moving to sit next to her on the bed, "So…What did you mention earlier about a self-defense class?"
"It's pretty awesome. It's taught by a woman and there's a strong focus on solidarity among women. It's sort of about learning your own strength, and respecting others. As a rule when we're working out we call each other sisters. It's a little hokey, but it's nice and there are some terrific instructors in the bunch," she summed up.
"Sisters, huh? Hokey is right, but I guess it's worth a shot," I conceded.
For a few minutes after that she showed me some of the things she'd learned over the months that she'd been training. She was pretty good.
Her size, and the quiet of her presence made her easy to underestimate, but her confidence was there in spades. If she masked it when she didn't need to appear formidable, it was her choice and her business.
When she managed to pin me on the floor, I even had to accept that those "sisters" might have something going.
Soon after, Charlie and my mom got back and Mom drove us home.
When we got back, I stopped by Seth's room to make sure he was there and safe. He was, so I went on to my room.
On the way home I'd thought about what Izzy had mentioned, that she couldn't just start life over like Cullen had never been part of it. I hadn't tried to start over, but I hadn't tried to fix it either.
I'd spent a good portion of my time since Sam had imprinted feeling like crap and insuring that Sam did too.
On one level it was because of the pack mind, which caused everything from a lack of privacy to sometimes near constant bombardment by Sam's confusing feelings and devastating love for Emily. It was a big level, but there was also the fact that I'd been hurt, and abandoned, and betrayed for Sam. Then the universe had forced him to turn his back on me too.
My world had crumbled during and shortly after he'd come back from his disappearance, when I'd been shunned by association because people had thought the worst of him.
All he'd done was step on the pieces, and he'd been grinding them into the pavement without a choice.
It sucked, but what didn't was the fact that my problems predated my status as a pack member so the solutions could come sooner than I'd hoped.
On an impulse I reached for my cell phone, where the number of one Jamie Stevens had languished since the weekend before, and I called him.
I never made it to that self-defense thing with Izzy the next day. Jamie is going to help explain why.
Now, stop frowning at me like that. I'll be back, maybe sooner than you expect, but Jamie needs attention sometimes too.
Oh! And I promise that I'll get back to you on life was a bitch in this part when he stops yapping.
Here it is! I tried to do better with the descriptions in this chapter and I wrote more slowly to try and get it right, but finally it's here.
Thank you all for reading and reviewing this story, I write it because you enjoy it and reviews are how you tell me that you do (or that you don't and I should fix stuff, cause I can do that too).
I glanced it over but as always, forgive me for any mistakes that slipped past me.
Da Future: Revelations from several sides rock several worlds and the typical chapter format
