Chapter 11- Stage One: Denial

He wakes up to a burning sensation. It feels like a pit of fire is raging in his stomach, and that he is being burned alive. He quickly scrambles to his feet, noticing that he's in the sunlight.

He looks around, dazed. He speeds under a large tree.

Did I kill Bonnie? It felt too real to be a dream, and too crazy for it to be real. Is Elena safe? There are so many thoughts running in my head right now, I can't focus on any of them. They seem so distant, so far. I can feel myself slowly walking into the bright light. I need to escape this gloomy place I have built inside my brain. It's eating me, and I can't control it. I can't control it. I open my mouth to try and scream for help, but I don't need help. I never have. They don't care about me. If they did, they would have found me already.

Why can't I leave this place? Why am I trapped in here? What did I do? Oh, that's right. I lived. As long as I live, he will continue to torture me. Since I'm being honest here, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I don't know what's going to happen to me, I don't want to. I don't have any will to live anymore. It's consuming me, and I can't stop it. It's blackness suffocating me, and I can't shine a light through it. I'm stuck here between the border of living and dying. I can cross it and end it, or I can continue fighting.

Damon closes his eyes and mutters out something inaudible. He picks up his feet and crosses the border, from the shadows to the sun. He can feel his feet burn even though he's wearing shoes. His eyes are still closed.

I can die and no one will miss me. I'm an idiot for going back to Mystic Falls. I'm in idiot for believing that Katherine was still in the tomb. She constantly goes out of her way to screw people over and over again. I'm done with that. Stefan always blabs on and on about how I need help, on how I will break. I don't need him to tell me what's going to happen to myself. I've given up, and I can't do anything. Nothing is going to happen to me, except for me ending my own life. I know what the future holds for me, and I'm going to make that the present.

Damon puts his hands across the shadows and into the sunlight, immediately causing a reaction. He silently curses but keeps it contained in a bottle deep within him. His bottle is starting to get full. It's going to start pouring out like lava if he doesn't let it out. It's going to burn through him, making him break, letting Vaughn succeed. His hand is dark cherry red, bubbling with blisters. The searing noise pierces through his skull. He relaxes his muscles, still holding his hand in the sun, and focuses just on the sizzling noise.

I'm not worth the trouble. I can't make it out of this alive. There's no way. What can I do to make this better? I have to listen to the rules if I want them to live. It's the only thing I can do. I have to follow the rules. I can't let Bonnie, Stefan, Elena- or anyone die because of me because I didn't follow a stupid rule.

He leans forward, the sunlight hitting his face first. It burns and stings. His eyes become teary. He can start to feel himself crumble, slowly. One by one, he falls. His brain is the first to stop working. If Stefan was here, he would push Damon back into the shadows, lock him up in the cell, do anything except letting him die. It was expected of Stefan to be the person who saves everyone.

Everyone betrays me. No one likes me. I'm useless. I can't live like this. I deserve to burn in hell. It's where I belong. I don't deserve anyone, especially not Elena. She's too good for me. She can finally belong with Stefan once I die; it's one more obstacle out of their way. They're destined to be together anyways. I'm just something they have to trample over. I feel empty inside. Is it because I'm dead? Did I burn to ashes already? I can't feel anything in my body. I'm not controlling my body, someone else is. Someone else, who else could it be other than me?

Damon steps fully out into the sun, holding his arms up, letting the sun end his life. He's made his decision. It's final. It's too late to change. The world is going to be rid of Damon Salvatore in about 2 seconds. It's his time, to end his life with a bang. Just when he's about to let the sun take him, to breathe his last breath, to have him see the light burning through his skin, he gets brought back into the shadows. Damon, out of breath, his skin still bubbling, slightly opens his eyes, just enough to let him see that he's back under the tree. He sharply moves his head down, his neck burning, trying to look at his arms. He groans out in pain from the piercing pain on his neck.

How am I alive? Did I manage to pull myself out? What is going on? Is it because I can't die? Did they do a spell on me so I can't die? Did they think that I was going to end my life? Why is this happening to me?

All of a sudden, Vaughn is standing in front of him. Damon, surprised, starts immediately backing up, closer to the tree. He ignores the flaming sensation on his skin and his muscles. His wide blue eyes stare straight into Vaughn's blue orbs. Vaughn slowly walks to him and grabs ahold of Damon's neck.

"I don't believe the question you should be asking is why it's happening to you. I believe it should be what is happening to you. I hope after all of this, you become nothing. You're going to feel dead inside. I need you to feel how I have felt for these past few years." Vaughn spits out, releasing his hand from his neck. Damon glares at Vaughn, not knowing if this is reality or if his brain is making it up.

"I won't let you break me." Damon hoarsely speaks out. He knows that it isn't true. His heart tugs at every word he says. He knows that he lost the battle. He knows that he isn't too far from actually breaking. In fact, he probably is already broken; he just doesn't seem to realize it. He already reached stage one: denial.

"I've already done, Damon Salvatore. And also, remember my rules. Bonnie won't live much longer if you don't. Obey them and respect them. They're going to be the only stable thing in your life from now on."

"It was a dream?" Damon whispers out, his voice lowering with every word he speaks. "Bonnie's still alive?"

Vaughn kicks Damon in the stomach, resulting in a low grunt from Damon.

"If you don't follow my rules, she won't be alive much longer. Do you hear me?" Vaughn sternly speaks out, still kicking Damon.

"Yes… Yes… Yes, sir." Damon gives in. Vaughn stops kicking him and merges into the forest setting.

After a while of staring out into the forest with his nerves tense, waiting for Vaughn, his eyes become heavy. His head starts wobbling back and forth, a sharp pain in his neck every time he moves. And then, his lifeless blue eyes close. Damon Salvatore surrenders.


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