Title: "Last Goodbye"

Author: Wish Wielder

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing / Character Focus: Ten / Rose

Challenge: Fanfic 100

Theme / Prompt: #30 (Death)

Word Count: 4,207

Rating: K Plus / PG

Summary: She wanted a world with more than two minutes left to live. She wanted a world where she didn't have to live out the rest of her years dead and slowly dying.

Notes: Set during their final goodbye at Bad Wolf Bay. Song bit used is from Miranda Lambert's "Last Goodbye". Also, my DSWD really shone through with this one, so here's your Tissue Box Warning of the day.

Disclaimer: "Doctor Who" and all respective properties are © the BBC. Megan D. (Wish Wielder) does not, has never, nor will ever own "Doctor Who".

"Last Goodbye"

She pushed open the old jeep's door and threw her legs out, looking around the desolate beach with desperate eyes. It was so lonely and cold; it felt out of place in the world. But then, this wasn't her world. Maybe here beaches were sad places people strayed away from. Maybe it was just because she felt so broken nothing could seem happy anymore. Maybe it was just that strong sense of foreboding she had creeping at the edge of her mind. Whatever the reason, she knew this wasn't somewhere she would have come to on her own. At least, the old her wouldn't have. This new her – the one that had emerged after the war – might find this place a comforting home.

She heard the others getting out behind her, but she put them in the back of her mind. She still heard his voice ghosting through her ears, stronger than it had ever been. She knew that this was where he had been leading her, though she still wasn't sure how. It had just been a quiet echo, calling her name over and over. The closer they got the more intense the feeling became; it wasn't louder, but it was stronger. And now, standing a good deal away from her family and staring out at the bleak, gray ocean, it suddenly stopped.

She was just as suddenly very cold, and she knew it had nothing to do with the wind whipping around her. She blinked, taking in a shaky breath as she wished for just a moment that his voice would return to her. It had been torture, but at the same time it had been a comfort. Hearing him, even if she couldn't see him…it had been something. Something she desperately wanted to cling to, as insubstantial as it may have been.

The first spark came as a glimmer out of the corner of her eye. The spark wavered as she turned her head towards it, suddenly terrified and hopeful all at once. He was there, right beside her, but he was just a ghost. She could see the waves slap against the rocks behind him, a good stretch of sand leading up to them. Something in her stomach knotted as she turned towards him, and though a million things sped through her mind only one question managed to break past her lips.

"Where are you?"

Confused and cracked, it hardly seemed appropriate. "How did you get here?" "Why can I see through you?" "I thought I'd never see you again." "I love you." It all fought in her throat, and "Where are you?" had won out. He was here, obviously, but…not. Transparent. A ghost.

"Inside the TARDIS," he said, and her breath hitched in her throat. He wasn't here. "There's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection."

Not here. A projection.

"I'm in orbit around a supernova," he said. He paused, a defeated smile twisting his lips. She wondered if the same look was on her own face, almost sure it was; she felt as broken as he looked. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."

He was burning up a sun, for her. Something in the back of her mind told her she should be touched, but beneath the pain and confusion it was barely registering. All this way, and he wasn't even here.

She didn't even want to think about that last word. She didn't want to think about 'goodbye'. She wanted to stay with forever and running and together. He came to say goodbye. Good…her throat clenched and she forced the thought away. No, she couldn't dwell. She couldn't think of this as goodbye, no matter how definite he sounded when saying it.

"You look like a ghost," she said, shaking her head. She wondered if maybe that was worse than his not being here, looking like he was dead and yet not. He raised his hands, and she could see the sonic screwdriver in them.

"Hold on," he said, adjusting the screwdriver. He looked off to the side, pointing it at something she couldn't see, and she felt crushed again. He was home – where was she? Suddenly he wasn't a ghost anymore, and she walked towards him. Her body shook as she reached up, her eyes hesitant and breaking at his grave look.

"Can I t-" she started, somehow already knowing the answer before he said it.

"I'm still just an image. No touch," he said, and it broke her all over again. She decided that maybe this was worse than before, looking real but without substance. Nothing to touch, no hand to hold, nothing to feel – it was a special kind of torture, and despite her joy at just seeing him the rebellious part of her mind hated him for it.

"Can't you come through properly?" she asked, nearly choking on the question. Fix this. Let me hold your hand again. Let me touch you again.

"The whole thing would fracture," he said, though it hardly seemed like a reason to her. "Two universes would collapse."

"So?" she asked, and he smiled at her. It was selfish, she knew, but she didn't care. She wanted him here, or – even better – her there. She wanted home, and this cold beach was most certainly not her home. He was, and he was taunting her by standing there, an incorporeal image so close and yet an impossible stretch away. It was selfish, and stupid, and she knew better than anyone the bazillion and one reasons why she should never even entertain the idea. And she didn't care.

"Where are we? Where did the gap come out?" he asked, turning his head to look around. She saw it, briefly flashing through his eyes before he had turned to cover it up. It took all she had to remember how to breathe then as she realized he wanted to be just as selfish as she was. For a moment, she wished he hadn't had nine hundred years of responsibility pounded into his mind or a burning planet reminding him just why he couldn't give in to that want. Stupid? Yes. But she still didn't care.

"We're in Norway," she said, deciding to go along with him for the moment. She didn't know how long this would last, and as selfish as she wanted to be she couldn't waste her time. She was stupid for being selfish, but that was stupidity ascended, and she knew that would be even worse. He nodded, seeming relatively ok with her answer.

"Norway, right," he said, sounding as if he was trying to distract himself. Well, wasn't she guilty of the same thing?

"About fifty miles out of Bergen," she said, looking back to the sea. "It's called 'Dalig ulv Stranden'."

"Dalek?" he asked, his face scrunching up in surprise and terror, and she shook her head. The name still sent chilling needles through her veins, causing visions of death and destruction to flicker behind her eyes. She wanted to close them against it, but at the same time she didn't want to miss a moment of seeing him. Still, the name cut all the same. Every time she went up against a Dalek she lost something, and it didn't take much for her to hate and fear them as much as he did now.

"Dal-ig. It's Norwegian for 'bad'," she said. His face relaxed in realization, though she only barely registered it. Her mind went back to Satellite 5 as she considered her next words, once again wishing she had a TARDIS to rip open so she could manipulate the time vortex. There was no vortex to send her back to him this time. Even if there was, would she have been able to manipulate it to traverse the Void? A bitter laugh tore itself from her throat as she decided he should know. "This translates to 'Bad Wolf Bay'."

Bad Wolf. Her bay. Was it possible to spread her message across the Void? Had she known, even then, that this is where their time together would lead? Had she known this would be her final chance to see him, to tell him everything? She still didn't remember much from that day, but something made her question it. With how the universe worked, she wouldn't be surprised if it was just cruel irony. Scattered, cryptic messages had no purpose here, not anymore. The universe just wanted to mock her.

"How long've you got?" she finally asked, her voice cracking despite her best efforts to remain calm. It was the question she didn't want to ask, but she needed to know. How much longer until you disappear? How much longer before we're both alone again?

"'Bout two minutes," he said, and her heart broke all over again. Two minutes hardly seemed fair after traveling so far. All this way for two minutes. Two bloody minutes with an insubstantial Doctor she couldn't even touch. She hated the universe just then, more so than she had the past three months. She looked down and breathed, forcing herself to calm as she shoved a hand through her hair. Don't dwell. Live for him, for now. Don't dwell.

"I can't think of what to say…" she said, her voice caught between a sob and a laugh. She had so much to tell him, and all they had was two minutes. She couldn't sort through it all to find what was important and what wasn't – it all was. Thank yous, unanswered questions, unspoken confessions…how could she possibly decide what one thing was more pressing under that kind of pressure? Two minutes wasn't enough, but, she realized begrudgingly, a lifetime probably wouldn't be enough, either.

His light laugh brought her out of her stupor, and she joined him briefly. It seemed surreal, laughing when she felt her heart being ripped to so many tiny pieces. He looked over her then, over to the jeep and her mum and dad and Mickey.

"You still got Mr. Mickey, then," he said, and she wished all the harder that he would turn corporeal then, just so she could hug him. She was a sobbing mess before him, trying her best to be strong, and he was throwing on his best grin and upbeat voice just for her. She loved him all the more for the thought, though it didn't really work; how could she let herself be happy when their time was ticking away? And he chose to spend it talking about Mickey?

"There's five of us now," she said, swallowing back the urge to yell at him. He was doing this for her, and wasn't she trying not to dwell? This would be their forever; it had to be. She looked away, once again going along with his lead, all the while praying time would just up and stop. "Mum, Dad, Mickey…and the baby…"

She glanced back at him then, and she bit her lip as his eyes widened.

"You're not…" he breathed, and his voice mixed with that terrified look almost killed her. Why was he so scared? Did he think the baby was theirs? No, he couldn't…there had never been…she had never been brave enough to try to get to that level with him. She hated herself for it now, but then…they had had all the time in the world, all the time they needed to get there. Why had they wasted it?

Glancing up at him, into his nervous eyes, she realized where the fear was coming from. He wasn't scared that the baby was theirs; he knew it couldn't have been. He was scared that it was hers – and someone else's. Someone that wasn't him. He was scared she had moved on already. He was scared she had forgotten him.

"No," she said, quickly. She didn't want him to think that; she never wanted him to even think that she could move on to someone else after him. Hadn't Sarah Jane told him the same thing? After him, there could be no one else. If it couldn't be him loving her that way – if it couldn't be his child – then it would be no one. When the fear only slightly left, she laughed, and she smiled as she saw him relax. "It's Mum."

He laughed with her then, looking back to Jackie with a bemused sort of smile. He didn't have to say it for her to know exactly what he thought of that idea, a mix somewhere between 'Good for her!' and 'Oh no, Jackie Tyler in charge of another life…Rassilon help us all!'. She was grateful for the relief on his face; it was a welcome change to the fear. She didn't want him to fear anything, not if this was…no. Don't dwell.

"She's three months gone," she said, trying to snap her mind back from any thought that would keep her from the here and now. "More Tylers on the way…"

He looked back at her, and she was almost overwhelmed by the concern she saw in his eyes. All for her, like she was the only person in all the universe.

"And what about you?" he asked, and she bit her lip. How could she tell him? "Are you…"

"Yeah, I'm back working in the shop," she said quickly. What was it – a joke or a lie? Was she that ashamed of her job? Was she that scared of how he'd react? Or did she just want them back to that place where it was only them and nothing to remind them of anything horrible?

"Oh. Good for you," he said, nodding. She tried not to laugh as she shook her head, rolling her eyes at him. Really, could he be that happy to hear she was a shopgirl again? He had told her, before he had regenerated, the first time she thought she'd really lost him, that he wanted her to have a fantastic life. They both knew that working at a shop wasn't fantastic, especially compared to all she had done after he had blown up her job. No, he couldn't have meant it; he was just trying to make her feel better, but really…he couldn't make her feel better anymore. Not when he was a projection with under two min–

NO. Don't dwell!

"Shut up," she said, the laugh still lingering in her voice. He deserved the truth. And hadn't Jake told him? Here they weren't so evil. "No, I'm not. The Torchwood on this planet's open for business. Think I know a thing or two about aliens."

She was expecting him to frown, to tell her to get as far away from Torchwood as possible. Torchwood had caused the war. Torchwood was the reason he was just a projection while she stood on an alien planet. Torchwood had torn them apart. But that was the real Torchwood – the Torchwood from home. Her dad – her parallel dad, at least – ran this Torchwood, and it wasn't evil. And if she was there – if a group knowing how horrible Torchwood could be and once was – maybe they could keep it from becoming such.

He didn't seem disappointed, though. If anything, he looked proud. Proud and happy with a thousand-watt smile lighting his face. She had to smile herself at that; he wouldn't hate her for joining the enemy. Or at least a company with a name she knew they would both always associate with the enemy.

"Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth!" he praised, and her smile grew just the slightest. It sounded so much better when he said it, not traitorous at all. It only took a moment, though, and he was suddenly looking past her, to a point not really anywhere behind them. A grimace covered his face as he swallowed, as if he wasn't sure if he should continue. "You're dead. Officially, back home."

Dead. Wasn't she really? She felt it. Inside, it was just a numbing chill that had wrapped itself around her heart the moment she had let go of the handle. It was a cold she knew only he could heal, but it was also one that she knew he never could. Not now. Dead…somehow, it seemed to fit.

She wasn't sure if she smiled because of the simple irony of it all or just to make him happy.

"So many people died that day, and you'd gone missing. You're on the list of the dead," he said, and for a brief moment she hated him. It was like he was rubbing it in, reminding her again and again of her death. Right now, it was just emotional, but a quiet corner of her mind couldn't help but whisper that emotional might was well be physical. They both led to the same ends, didn't they? At least physical was less painful. His smile threw her off guard, but it was a welcome distraction.

"Here you are, living a life day after day," he said, sounding amazed at it all. She didn't feel as amazed; she felt hollow. How could it be a life if she was here, without him, stuck on solid ground? How could this be living? His smile vanished, and she found the pained, heartbroken look he gave her so much more fitting.

"The one adventure I could never have…" he choked, and suddenly she knew. Her mind flashed back to the time on the space station, trapped on the planet that never should have been. She had joked at their dire situation, saying that they could get a mortgage and live out life together. He hadn't answered, seeming devastated by the simple prospect, but now she knew. With that one look, she realized that – right now – he would leap at the chance for a proper life, with a mortgage and a picket fence and a little dog and kids in the yard. If it was with her, and it meant they could be together, he would go domestic. He would grab the adventure in a heartbeat if it meant it they were together again.

And suddenly it was too much, and she felt the tears spilling from her eyes as she ran another nervous hand through her hair. She looked up at him, her face scrunched in her effort to not cry. She didn't want him to remember her as a blubbering girl on some dead beach in Norway.

"Am I ever gonna see you again?" she gasped, and he shook his head. Her heart split at that, and she wondered just how far away her physical death was.

"You can't," he said, and it was so definitive her heart shattered the rest of the way. She didn't know how she remembered to breathe as the tears fell down her face. She didn't know how she managed to keep standing as the earth was ripped out from under her.

You can't.

But why? Why couldn't they have that one adventure together? Why couldn't they have their forever?

"What're you gonna do?" she asked, her tears choking her voice.

"Oh, I've got the TARDIS," he said, but it sounded so hollow with the bitter laugh he let out after. "Same old life – last of the Time Lords."

"I'm left traveling on my own because there's no one else."

"There's me."

That's how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to always have her – forever. She had promised him! How could the universe rip that promise from them now? How could it leave him alone again? How could it leave her alone again?

"On your own?" she asked, feeling so horribly torn. He nodded, short and quick, and she couldn't remember a time she had felt worse. And then she was back at the 2012 Olympics, looking up at the council worker as she realized he was still missing, so alone. Who's going to hold his hand now?

And then it was all so much clearer, and the millions of thoughts parted to let her know. If this was it…if this was the last time she would ever see him, ever speak to him, there was really only one thing she had to tell him. There was only one thing she could tell him, and it wasn't any of this idle chatter and her mum's pregnancy or where she was working or where in Norway they were. Just one thing, and it was something she should have told him eons ago. Something she should have told him the very moment she had realized it.

How had she wasted so much time?

"I lo-" she started, but it caught in her throat. She would have laughed at the irony of it all, but it was something too cruel for laughter. How could she laugh at this, at him? She looked down, swallowing hard as she gathered her last few shreds of courage. She looked back up at him, and she cursed the tears that blurred his face. "I love you."

"Quite right, too," he said, giving her a smile that made her feel like she had just ripped out his hearts. She nodded, smiling and willing the lump to leave her throat. He had said two minutes, and they had already spent so much of it…right then, she wanted nothing more than just a bit more time. Just a bit.

"And I suppose…" he started, looking as lost as she felt, "…if it's my last chance to say it…"

She smiled, her already broken heart breaking even more as she realized exactly what he wanted to say. It tore just a little more as she realized it was something they had both always known yet had never acted on. So much time they had spent together, laughing and loving and never saying a word of it, and now it was all reduced to two minutes on the most God-forsaken beach in existence. She would never forgive herself for wasting those two years.

He didn't have to say it, but she knew he wanted to. She could see it in his eyes as he watched her, trying to force his mouth to work properly. He wanted her to know as badly as he wanted her back with him, and it killed her just a little more as she realized just how definite this was. They had finally found their impossible, and it was the one impossible she knew he'd never be able to stomach.

"Rose Tyler –" he started, and that was it. No sooner had her name left his lips than he had vanished, leaving her alone to have the wind sweep around her and blow the fragments of her battered heart to the far corners of the world. Her throat constricted as she watched where he had just been, her body shaking as her mind struggled to catch up with reality.

Time's up.

Her mouth opened, letting out a strangled breath as her eyes slid closed. There, right behind her eyes, he still stood, smiling at her as he whispered the words he had wanted so desperately to tell her. But she knew, the moment she opened her eyes, she would find him gone, and as the thought washed over her she threw a hand over her face. She covered her eyes, willing them shut just a bit longer, trying with everything she had to hold onto the image of him standing before her, smiling at her with that goofy grin.

But time trudged on, and her hand slipped to her gasping mouth as her eyes peeked open. He was still gone, and she was still alone. They both were now, and she leaned forward as the enormity of the thought slammed into her, stealing her breath.

Alone.

She straightened and turned, seeing her family back by the jeep. Mickey and her dad looked grave, but her mum looked horrified. She hated herself all the more then, watching them stand so far away. She had them, but she still felt alone. He was really alone. He didn't even have a mum to push her way past her husband and run to him, wanting nothing more than to make him feel better again. He didn't have her to hold his hand as they ran through the tough times. Her shoulders bobbed as her sobs increased, and the need for warmth and comfort and arms around her crashed over her like a tidal wave. She tore herself from that spot and raced to her mum, meeting her half-way. Familiar arms wrapped around her and held her tight, but they weren't the arms she wanted to feel. A soothing voice whispered ignorant assurances in her ear, but it wasn't the voice she wanted to hear, either. It wasn't her mum she wanted – it was him, and she felt horrible for thinking it.

She wanted a world with more than two minutes left to live. She wanted a world where she didn't have to live out the rest of her years dead and slowly dying.

And I'd say, 'Just a few more minutes. Daddy, please, we need a little time

To say our last goodbye.'

A.n.: I do believe this is the longest one in this batch so far. Anyways…I was gonna do this theme focusing around Rose's 'death' anyway, but after I heard this song a few days ago it had to be done this way. I think it's now become one of my favorites in this challenge, even if it's an idea everyone and their grandmother's cat has done. And really, had to use a country song for this, 'cause in the end, your best broken-heart songs will always come from country; nothing tunes the angst better than a steel guitar.