So I've spent the holiday being thankfull for you, my wonderful readers and followers and reviewers. Here is the next chapter. Let me know what you think. I'm just as irrationally nervous about this one as I was about the last one.
I don't know anything.
Betaed by dowlingnan.
After our first two trips down memory lane Edward held me as I recovered from controlling my shield. This time, after I show him the memory of our daughter's birth, I hold Edward.
The moment I open my eyes and let my shield snap back into place, Edward collapses into my arms, his forehead resting against my neck. His need for comfort is not something I anticipated, but I give it to him anyway.
I was prepared for his anger and his confusion. I was prepared to explain and watch him leave me for a final time, but I was nowhere near prepared to offer comfort.
I am a fool.
In the last several weeks Edward has found out not only that he has a wife and a history, but also a hybrid daughter almost totally unique to the vampire world. Of course he needs comfort.
I stroke his hair and rock him slightly.
We sit like that for a very long time. My mind goes a million miles a minute as I try to understand this reaction. I desperately want to know what is going on in that beautiful head of his, but I don't dare speak.
This is the first time I've seen such intense vulnerability in the cold, hard, vampire version of my husband. He needs me now, for the first time in a century, and I will not ruin the moment with questions.
We sit for an hour and forty-eight minutes, slumped sideways against the couch. Edward pulls me more firmly against him, bringing me into his lap as his head stays buried in my neck. He learns more firmly back into the cushions and I rest on his chest. I hold him tight and wrap myself around as much of his body as possible.
We sit awhile longer.
At some point it changes. Although I continue to comfort him, I let myself be comforted at the same time.
He won't leave. How could he ever leave? So much of the man I married remains within this vampire, all those fears seem laughable now.
"Bella," he says, disturbing our fragile quiet.
The last few weeks have been so emotional all I can manage is a small whimper in reply. Edward's grip tightens. I can feel his ragged breath against my neck.
"Does she know about me?" he asks.
I close my eyes and exhale, letting my tense body relax into him for the first time since we were in the lake.
"In a way," I murmur, continuing to stroke his soft bronze locks. "She's heard stories of her human father, although not as many as she should have. It was so hard to talk about you, even to our daughter."
Edward shudders at the phrase. I press on.
"She knows I'm here with someone I knew as a human. She knows I've been helping you with memories. Does she know you are a vampire and her father? No. I haven't told her. I was waiting to tell you."
"And now you have."
"And now I have."
Silence reigns once more. I continue to rock. I find the motion soothing, and Edward lets out a sigh.
"Is she happy?"
His second question surprises me, although it shouldn't. I pause for a moment to consider, as I really want to be honest with him.
"Yes," I reply as I smile to myself. I think about our daughter learning to snowboard. I think about her bursting through our front door, still overjoyed to get straight A's for the twentieth year in a row. I think about her falling asleep in Carlisle's lap as he reads to her. I think about her extraordinary gift and how she smiles when Jake lets her beat him at basketball. "She's very happy. Vanessa… our daughter, she's so happy she'll make you feel alive."
Edward nods into my neck.
"It's been the only reason of my existence," I continue. "Her happiness. Until you came back to me, that is."
Edward lets out a shuddering sigh and nods again.
"Is she… has she aged? Will she die? Is she ninety-five? Actually ninety-five?" He shoots these questions to me, rapid fire.
"No," I reply. "Mentally and physically she's only about thirteen, an eighth grader. I guess it's a hybrid thing. She ages seven times slower than a human."
"So she won't die?"
"Not of natural causes, no. She'll stop ageing at 120. She'll be around seventeen, physically. It's as if she has to grow into immortality."
"Wow."
"I know."
"How do you know all this?" He asks his questions into my neck. I want nothing more than to be able to see his face, but he continues to hide. And really I don't mind. It means I get to hold him close. Plus, there is the divine feeling of his lips against my skin.
"There are others like her. A very small community of hybrid children and their mothers that Carlisle and I found in the Amazon two years after I turned. They told us."
More nodding. I decide to take a risk and keep going.
"She is so like you, Edward, our Vanessa Elizabeth," I murmur into his hair.
"Elizabeth?" he asks, lifting his head slightly. It knocks me in the chin, but still I can't get a good look at his face.
"After our mothers. Remember I told you? Mine was Vanessa Renee and yours was Elizabeth Ann? God, how I loved your mother," I say, marveling at everything I'm feeling. I know it has to be harder for Edward, but I'm not exactly used to indulging in my humanity either. With him I feel so much. It's overwhelming, but in a good way.
"And I loved her too?"
"Yes. Very much."
"What happened to her?"
I wince at the memory. There is no way either of us is up for emotionally dealing with that one. "That is another story for another day. I'll show you."
More nodding into my neck from Edward.
"She looks like you," I tell him, talking about our daughter again. His fingers slip under my shirt and press into my spine, making me shiver. "Just like you. Except the eyes. She has my eyes."
"Big, brown and deep?"
"It's hard to say no when she looks at you with those eyes."
"I can imagine," he replies with a chuckle.
And he really can. That's the one thing he's always remembered. My eyes.
"And she's so gifted. Wait until she shows you her gift. She can project images right into your head. She shows you and makes you feel what she feels. It's amazing. And she smart, too. Smart like you. And musical. Hearing her sing is a religious experience. It will make you wish you could cry," I continue.
"Everything you've told me so far about her makes me wish I could cry," he mutters.
"Me too."
More head nodding followed by more silence. Once again I'm thankful to be what I am, not only because vampirism has brought me Edward, but also because it allows me to stay in this one position for so long. I don't get uncomfortable, even though we've been wrapped around each other for hours. Time means something different post death. I would sit here like this with Edward for days if I thought it would help.
"Bella?"
"Yes, Edward?"
"Does this mean…" He takes a deep breath. "Does this mean I didn't ruin it?"
"Oh, sweetheart," I say, my voice breaking. Even though I'm not entirely sure what he's talking about, I provide comfort. "You haven't ruined anything."
"I almost did. But, Bella, we can still be a family."
A sob hitches in my chest. My lungs feel tight. Not in a million years did I think he'd want this. Perhaps I'm just prepared for the absolute worst-case scenario, but the fact that he wants us comes as a total shock.
And it shouldn't because this is Edward. He wouldn't leave.
"You didn't ruin anything," I repeat.
At this Edward finally peeks up at me, so nervous and tentative. He is very obviously still somewhat in shock, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping slightly. He stares at me with pale red eyes for a long moment before he smiles a shy, perfect smile. It's slow and at first just the corners of his lips twitch up. I give him an encouraging smile of my own before his blooms fully.
There he is. There is my husband.
"We have a child," Edward murmurs, reaching out to stroke my cheek with his thumb
I'm too overcome to do anything but nod. At my confirmation, Edward lets out a quick, deep burst of laughter.
"We have a daughter," he says again, marveling at the situation. "Vanessa. She's our daughter."
His joy is infectious. I find myself smiling and laughing right along with him. This is the best possible reaction I could imagine. This is the best possible moment, beyond anything I could imagine.
He's happy. I told him about our daughter and he's overjoyed, ecstatic even. Just the thought that Vanessa exists and is his makes Edward happy.
I laugh and smile in relief. We embrace on the couch, me in his lap, my calves lined up on the outside of his tights.
Edward kisses my forehead, reverently, tenderly, and then lays his forehead against mine. He cradles my face in his hands and I breathe him in. I kiss the tip of his nose because it just happens to be the closest thing to my lips.
Edward lets out a breathless chuckle. We smile at each other for another long moment before he frowns. I feel his brow furrow, and I pull away to study him warily.
"She's almost all grown up," he murmurs. "And I wasn't there. Not when you found out you were pregnant, not when she was born, not for any of it."
"Oh no," I say, shaking my head at his as I cover his mouth with my hand. It's a little more forceful than necessary and Edward's eyes go wide. "No, no, no! No more guilty Edward. You weren't there because you didn't know. You had no way of knowing. It's not your fault. You can feel sad. It is okay and understandable to feel sad, but no more guilt."
Slowly I remove my hand from his mouth.
"But it's my fau—"
"Edward!" I say with a groan.
"Bella, you were all alone because I left—"
Kissing him seems like the only reasonable way to make him stop. I absolutely cannot go down the Edward berates himself for leaving me road again. Not right now when he's just reacted so wonderfully to finding out about Vanessa.
I succeed in silencing Edward. It's hard and quick and I'm so desperate for more, but Alice's warning lingers in my head. I don't want to rush him, even if I need him so badly it hurts.
Edward stares at me with this goofy little grin on his face for a moment before grabbing my head between both his hands and yanking my face towards his. Edward kisses the thought right out of my head, stealing the breath from my chest, making me moan.
This kiss is different from the others we've shared as vampires. It's desperate and so passionate, lacking that tentative, wary edge of the others.
He tastes just the same. Just like I remember. But better, oh so much better.
I groan around his tongue as it probes my mouth and don't even worry about my complete lack of control. My arms lock around his neck as his fingers tangle in my hair.
Edward's moans fuel the flames in my belly. I push my hips more firmly into him, gasping at the familiar hardness I encounter. Edward makes a similar noise before kissing me with even more urgency.
Our mouths remain fused together, lips moving, tongues probing, teeth nipping, as I lose all sense and rip his shirt from his body. I don't have patience for something as trivial as buttons with this need raging in me.
God, he feels so good. This feels so good. In a hundred years I haven't felt this good.
Edward growls into my mouth as I shredded his shirt. With vampire speed I attempt to touch all of his exposed skin at once. Lips never leaving his, I run my palms over his chest, pausing to flick his nipples with my thumbs. My nails dig into his rippled stomach as I roll my hips against him.
Edward follows my lead, mangling my sweater in his desperation to get it off me. Neither of us seems willing to stop kissing now that we've started. It's like I'm scared that if my lips leave his for even one little second I'll remember all the reasons I should not be doing this.
Kissing him is the only way to keep Alice and her stupid logical advice out of my head.
He touches me like I touch him, like he wants to absorb as much as possible before it's gone.
Before we get separated for another hundred years.
Not that I'd let that happen again.
His fingertips leave a trail of fire in their wake as he presses them into my skin. The way he squeezes me through my black lace bra is so achingly the same. His body remembers mine as heat crackles between us.
And it's just the same. No one knows my body like Edward. A century of separation combined with the extra vampire senses makes this so much more intense. So intense that I can't manage to focus on anything else. It's so scary because usually I am so focused on everything.
Edward dominates all my senses.
I feel both more vampire and more human at the same time. He just makes me feel more everything.
"Bed," I murmur against his mouth.
In a flash we're across the room and Edward is holding me against a nearby wall. My fingers weave through Edward's hair, holding his mouth to mine, as his hands drop to my belt. He pulls it through the loops in one swift motion, jerking me closer to his body. I hear the metal buckle clang on hardwood floors.
Edward's fingers fumble for a moment with the fly of my jeans. He growls in frustration and a laugh gets caught in my throat.
Another millisecond and we're farther down the hall. I find myself pressed into another wall. Edward leaves my mouth for a quick moment, dropping to his knees in front of me and yanking my jeans down my legs. He completely gives up with the zipper and the seams of my jeans come apart.
He doesn't even give me the opportunity to step out of my ruined pants as he lifts me off my feet and into his arms before he's even fully upright. Again, I find myself pressed so firmly into the wall it begins to crack.
Edward pulls back slightly before he destroys our very first home, his mouth once again finding mine. I melt in relief. The one point three seconds Edward was not kissing me felt unbearably painful.
That's new, the pain part. There is an edge here that wasn't here before, a keen awareness of just what exactly we've missed out on over the last lonely century.
But it's worth it. This hurts so good.
I writhe against him, frustrated that he still wears pants.
It seems like we are once again in real danger of demolishing this hallway wall. This time when Edward moves up with vampiric speed, I find myself lying flat on my back under my husband, his hips pinning mine against our bed for the first time in almost a hundred years.
We both freeze, seeming to understand the significance of this moment at the same time. We stare at each other with such intensity, our chests heaving with our similarly labored breaths.
My body wants so badly to move, to arch off the bed and demand that he makes me soar, that he gives me what I've been without for so long.
Him. It's always been. Every part of him.
But Alice, my stupid, logical, future-seeing sister seems to be screaming in my head. This is probably rushing. We've only been in Chicago for a week and there is so much he doesn't know.
He can't make a decision like this, to really be with me again, when there is so much he doesn't know.
Edward's beautiful, awe stricken face shifts into a scowl, and I know he can see my intentions written all over my face.
"Don't even say it," he says with a low hiss.
"But, Edward—"
"No." His voice is a harsh whisper, demanding obedience. "I'm not going to let you talk either of us out of this."
He is so earnest and I want this with every fiber of my long dead body. I have a very hard time forcing myself to speak.
"There are things you don't know," I whisper, unable to meet his eyes. I don't have the energy to push his body off mine. He feels so unbearably good. "Things that might make you change your mind about this."
He scoffs. Scoffs! I'm talking about my worst fear and he scoffs at me.
"Bella," he says my name a reverent whisper as he bends his head to my ear. His breath tickles my skin and I shiver, making my body move against his in endlessly pleasurable ways. I hear Edward's breath hitch in his chest. "Stop thinking. There is absolutely nothing that could change my mind about being with you. We are connected forever, you know. We have a daughter, a history. You've given me everything."
I whimper because it's too good to be true. It's so good that I'm terrified.
"Please," he says, lips hovering so close to mine I can feel the heat bouncing between us. Logically, I know we don't make body heat. It's hard to remember such inconsequential facts in this moment. "Please," he repeats, thumbs stroking my cheeks. My feet settle on the back of his calves, and I squeeze him slightly with my thighs. "We need to be connected this way too."
And I give in. Was there ever really any doubt? How could I possibly refuse him, after a night like this?
My hands trail down the sculpted planes of his back as I crane my neck off the bed, kissing him again. We've slowed way down. Each moment is drawn out into waves of excruciating pleasure.
The speed and strength of our movements a few moments ago were wonderful and so very much the vampire side.
This feels more human, feels more like our first time. I remember it so well, and it happened right here in this room. And I feel like he remembers too. He has to. I can feel it in every touch.
We kiss languidly. Our hands run over skin in a gentle exploration that steadily builds in urgency. Nothing is rushed. We have all the time in the world, and for the first time since his miraculous return, I really let myself believe it.
I'm the first one to get impatient, of course. This fire that he has steadily been stoking in me since I found him in Alaska is threatening to consume me. Never have I felt such need.
I run a hand down the length of his body, easily flicking open the button on his jeans. He doesn't have many clothes so I avoid the ripping thing we were doing earlier.
I use my feet to push his pants down his legs. He pauses his fervent kisses long enough to kick off his jeans.
I very nearly pass out when I realize that Edward, my Edward, is underwear less. He is without underwear. My Edward has been going around commando. We've just been trapped here, in very close proximity, and he has not been wearing underwear the entire time.
I close my eyes and freeze because I'm sure I'll pass out. It's not possible. I know it's not possible, but all this lust has strange things happening in my head.
"Bella?" He sounds so shy and unsure, just like the first time we did this. It hurts, but in the good way. The healing way.
"Yes?" I squeak out, also sounding like our first time.
"Um… is this okay?" he asks.
I just nod my head vigorously and let out a ridiculously juvenile giggle. It is obscenely unvampire of me.
Edward makes a bunch of stuttering sounds. I reach out to touch him, my fingertips resting against those lovely abdominals of his. It silences him immediately except for a sharp little intake of breath.
Something about that sound gives me the courage to open my eyes.
My unnecessary breath does funny things in my own chest when I see that look on his face.
He loves me.
It's painfully obvious. That look says it all, even if he hasn't quite figured it out yet. He watches me with such intensity and wonder. I watch him back as I let my fingertips drift lower and lower.
I hit soft curls and pause, giving him one more chance to stop us. Up until this point everything has been relatively innocent. Despite his nudity and my almost nudity, until right this very moment there has really only been kissing and touching.
I bit my lip, trying to determine what to do.
Edward groans softly, his eyes flickering closed.
He hasn't had sex in a century.
I wish I hadn't had sex in a century.
Refusing to think all those things I really should have told him before letting it get this far, I touch him. It's tentative at first as I marvel at how something can be so soft and so hard all at once.
Edward's eyes go wide. I smile a little smile.
I wrap my hand around him and we lose all and any notion of tentative and slow.
Again, a bit like our first time.
We attack each other, all hands and mouths and bodies pushing together. I flip over, straddling his waist and grinding down onto him as he rips my bra from my body. His hands find my chest, kneading me in a way that has little mewling noises escaping my throat. I lean into his touch as his back comes off the bed, enabling him to kiss me more insistently.
I wrap myself more firmly around his body, all four of my limbs tightening.
We move together, touching each other, in a way that makes the room fill up with our sighs and moans and pants. Occasionally a name slips out and gets lost in harsh breathing.
I am once again on my back, only this time I'm completely naked. I'm not totally sure when my little black panties disappeared, but it doesn't matter.
Nothing matters.
Not the fact that my cell has been ringing almost incessantly for the last thirty minutes. Not Alice, who is probably on the other end, trying to remind me of her stupid logic. Not everything he doesn't know yet.
Just Edward. Just this special love between us that is so resilient.
And then he's between my legs, filling me up. The sensation of being with him like this again is so overwhelming I instantly shatter, all the while wishing I could cry. Because as good as it feels it hurts too. I can't really explain it, but there is pleasure and pain. Both physical and emotional.
I open my eyes to see Edward's love look again. His eyes flicker closed as he lets out shuddering breaths, and I reach up to stroke his hair. A little furrow appears between his brows and I recognize that he needs a moment that he's trying to adjust and comprehend.
But I need him to move, move, move.
"Edward." It's a pathetic little plea that I had no intention of releasing. I want to give him any thing he needs, even a moment to get used to being inside me again.
But I'm needy too, it turns out.
One long deep stroke from Edward, accompanied by a rumbling groan. An extremely wanton moan from me. I feel him everywhere.
I tilt my hips and demand more.
He gives me what I desire and together we build into a rhythm that is achingly familiar and shockingly new all at once. We were so good at this, right from the beginning, even not having any idea what it could be like.
We've only improved with age.
I grip his hips, my nails digging into his hard skin. He touches me absolutely everywhere. I bite his lip. He groans into my mouth.
We're in balance, with each other and with our humanity.
And it's perfect. In this moment, we're perfect.
"I love you," I tell him as my every muscle tightens and my limbs shake. Edward lets out a sound that is part sob and part relief. His pace gets even more frantic and I arch up off the bed. "I love you," I tell him again.
I'm going to keep telling him until he believes me, until he really understands what that means.
He grips the headboard and I hear it crack. I reach up and pull him back towards me, both wanting his hands on me and protecting our old piece of furniture. His arm comes around my body, pulling me closer.
Edward touches me where we're connected and I'm done for. It's almost too much, all these things he makes me feel. It's too human. It's too big. But I fight my instinct to pull back, to protect myself, and lean into the feelings instead.
Edward collapses on top of me, burying his face in my hair. His whole frame shakes. I try to hold him, but I'm shaking too. I try to kiss his temple, but it's more like I just press my lips into his skin. I just don't have control of my body in this moment.
I feel cleansed, like someone took a power washer to my insides. It stings, but I've come out on the other side feeling more like myself than I have in a hundred years.
I might be giving him a past, an identity, but he's giving it right back. I feel like a long ago forgotten, far happier and superior version of the cold, hard vampire I've become.
With him I'm Bella. Just Bella.
And I'm not scared anymore. There is nothing I am more certain of than Edward and I.
It takes us both twenty-nine minutes and thirty-six seconds to stop shaking. He rolls off me then, lying sideways and facing me. I mimic his position, getting a good look at his face.
Edward is stunned, scared, and so in love with me.
Suddenly I can't stop smiling. My beaming grin is wide, stretching from ear to ear. I have no control over it, especially when Edward gives me a shy, secret smile. We don't touch. A measly inch or so separates us and we just lay there, grinning at each other like it's our first time all over again.
And in a lot of ways it was.
My happiness seems to spread through my body in a way that almost reminds me of the transformation, but this doesn't hurt. Not anymore. It warms me up, makes me feel alive.
I hide my giggle in my pillow, pushing my face in to the feathery goodness, but keeping my eyes on Edward all the while. After years of being without him how am I ever going to stop looking at him?
How am I ever going to stop making love to him?
It seriously might turn into a problem. How are we going to get anything done? We have a daughter to take care of.
That just makes my smile grow even more.
"I remember," he murmurs, intently gauging my reaction.
It takes me a full four seconds for his words to sink in to my love-saturated mind. When I understand them I bolt upright, not at all conscious of my nudity. Although I do take a moment to appreciate the way Edward watches me appreciatively.
"You what?" I demand, needing every single detail. I turn to the side to get a better look at him, folding my legs underneath me. "Really? You remember?"
For the hundredth time in the last few weeks I berate myself for not experimenting with that gift commandeering thing Carlisle is so sure I'm capable of. I want to read his stupid mind for once.
"Well, no," he confesses, frowning slightly at me. "I don't exactly remember."
"Oh," I reply, shoulders slumping in disappointment.
"It's difficult to explain," he says, tugging on my hand until I close that measly inch of space between us. I lean into his side, resting a hand on his chest, and he throws an arm around my waist. "I told you about remembering a feeling."
I nod at him to go on.
"We've definitely done that before," he says with his crooked grin.
I throw my head back and laugh. He joins me, tugging on my elbow until I fall forward. I quite like where I land, all sprawled out on his chest. With my chin on my folded hands, I smile up at him.
"It was familiar and new all at once," I murmur. Shy is not something I've done often as a vampire. It's an odd thing to get used too.
"Yes," he agrees, pushing my hair back off my face. "It was perfect, Bella. You, my love, are amazing."
"Ditto," I manage, biting my lip. I didn't know this much happiness was possible for a vampire.
"Even if I never really get all these memories back for myself, I do remember you, Bella," he says with such urgency. I feel like my dead heart expands in my chest. "I do. I remember your eyes, of course, and the way you make me feel. And that… well, that I certainly remember. I have this image of you blushing up at me, staring at me with those endlessly deep eyes of yours, with this look on your face."
Holy crap, listen to him. This is one of the best nights of my existence. Definitely top five.
"That was my I love you look," I whisper, smiling softly. "That look, it means I love you."
I'm giving it to him now. I wonder if he's noticed.
"Bella, I—"He gets panicky and I cover his mouth before he can pop the bubble with his words. I know what he's going to say. He thinks he is incapable of love. The memory of that conversation breaks my heart.
"You're doing so well, Edward. We're right here, together. That's not going to change."
He nods and calms slightly.
"What else to you remember?" I ask.
"You were warm," he says, running his thumb over my cheekbone. "Your edges were softer, rounder. You were alive. I had you alive."
It's about to get melancholy. My phone vibrates in the kitchen. I know its Alice, calling to ruin my night with her stupid glimpse of the future. With a gift like that you'd think that she'd know well in advance that I have no intention of answering.
Not tonight.
"You had me human," I agree. "You have me every way imaginable. And there are positives to this whole living dead thing we've got going on."
My hand runs down his torso, palming him. He raises an eyebrow at me and I smirk right back.
"There are definite good parts," he murmurs.
"We could do this forever if we wanted," I say, throwing a leg over his waist. I bend to his body and whisper in his ear. "We'd just go on and on and on like this."
Edward's hips come off the bed, his hands running up my thighs.
"It seems a bit impractical," he replies with a groan.
I simply hum in response.
"We'll just have to start with tonight," he says.
"I want to meet her," he murmurs. My cheek rests against his shoulder. Our naked frames are pressed together and he rhythmically runs his hands through my hair.
"You will. Soon. There's no more reason to stay in Chicago. You've seen all there is to see in this place." I gesture to the four walls of our bedroom with their faded wall paper.
"I'm glad you kept it," he says, giving me a good squeeze. I snuggle more firmly into his side.
"Me too."
"What's she like?"
I smile, pressing my lips into his skin. Edward looks down at me with wide eyes. He looks so sad. He has to ask about his own daughter, and that is sad. He's allowed to be sad.
But I can't help but focus on the good parts. The fact that we are right here is a miracle.
"She's amazing, Edward," I gush, beaming at him. "She's so special. It amazes me, how alive she is. Really alive. And so positive. People are drawn to her, humans, vampires, werewolves."
"Werewolves?"
Crap. He doesn't know about Jake. I'm going to have to fill him in before we make it back to Forks. That's not going to be pleasant.
"Later," I say, dismissively. Right now it's about our daughter. "She laughs a lot. She is interested in everything. And she's so very beautiful. It's like she preserves a lot of our best human parts. She's smart like you and stubborn like me. Vanessa, our daughter, is the one thing we did right. Absolutely right."
Edward smiles.
"I don't know how," he says, sounding miserable. I can anticipate his words. It was only a few days ago that he confessed that he didn't know how to love anyone. "I don't know how to be anything to anyone."
I sigh, wishing this were easier somehow.
"Have faith, Edward," I murmur. "You'll get there. All you have to do is get to know her. Can you handle that?"
"Yes." There is no hesitation.
"Alice," I say in greeting as I smile softly. Even as I answer my phone my eyes never leave Edward at the piano. It will never stop amazing me, the little things that my husband brought with him into death.
After spending half the day in bed, we emerged to feed ourselves. Edward somehow found his way into the music room and there are no complaints from me. I love lounging around in my underwear, watching him play. Again, it feels like the last century didn't happen.
But it's time. There is really no way I can keep ignoring my sister.
"Where the hell have you been?" she snaps. Her tone is in such opposition to my languid, joyful mood, it takes me a moment to understand that she's mad.
"What—"
"Never mind," she continues, interrupting me. "I know exactly where you've been and who you've been doing. I am psychic after all"
Edward's fingers slowly stop their playing as he listens in on my conversation. He turns on the bench and looks at me with concern. My eyes go wide with panic.
"Are you angry with me?" I ask, still not understanding. "Should I not have done that with Edward?"
Now he just looks embarrassed and pissed as he rises from the piano bench to sit near me on the love seat. I take his hand and smile apologetically. It is incredibly difficult to keep secrets from Alice. I've been trying for the last fifty years.
Alice sighs heavily, taking four deep breaths before she continues. "I am all for what you've done with Edward. I' m thrilled for the two of you. I guess even you deserve a moment of irresponsibility."
"It was irresponsible?" I ask terrified by whatever future Alice has seen.
"No, not that," she says, obviously frustrated. "Not answering when I called you twelve times. That's the irresponsible part."
"Well, I'm answering now."
"Okay Bella. Don't freak out," she says. Her words obviously have the immediate effect of making me freak out.
'What happened? Where's Ness? Put her on the phone right now!" I shriek. Edward's grip on my hand tightens. I've lost all feelings of happiness and wonder Edward gave me earlier today and am now on high alert.
"Ness is fine. She's sleeping. It's been a long day," Alice assures me.
"What happened?" I ask with a menacing hiss. "She's only been home from camp for two days. What could have possibly happened with her entire family plus a pack of wolves looking after her?"
Edward looks at me, confused by that one no doubt.
"Bella, don't be mad. Nessie will be fine."
"Will be?" I growl, rising from my seat to pace around the living room. I can feel Edward's eyes following my movements. He's as tense as me.
"She broke her leg."
"She what? How is it possible that she breaks her leg after getting home from snowboarding camp?"
I know I'm fully freaking out here, but I already feel so guilty for being away from my daughter for the last few days. Somehow irrationally, it's like if I was there this wouldn't have happened.
And I was too distracted to even answer my phone.
What the hell was I thinking, ignoring my phone like that? No one in my family would call that incessantly for anything other than my daughter. I am a giant moron and a horrible mother.
"Well… Bella, please don't overreact."
"I never overreact when it concerns Vanessa." The harshness of my tone might be an overreaction. Logically, I know that a broken leg for Vanessa really isn't too bad. Carlisle took care of it I'm sure, and there is enough vampire in her to ensure she'll heal quickly.
Still, I wasn't there.
"How?" I demand.
"Well… She asked Jake about how the two of you met and it piqued her interest."
I glance at Edward, but quickly look away.
"What exactly did Jake say?"
"He skimmed over the bits where he was pathetically in love with you." I wince. Edward growls. "He called it a crush, I believe. The thing she was really curious about was the cliff diving."
I sink back into my seat by Edward, letting out a low groan.
"I'm going to kill him," I mutter. "I'm going to take his head right off."
Alice sighs, having heard this statement from me countless times over the years when it comes to Jacob
"We all know how relentless your daughter can be when she wants something. It's hard for Jake to say no. The rest of us didn't even know until he carried her home. She was very brave, Bella. She didn't even cry," Alice says.
"I'm going to kill him."
Alice just sighs again.
"Are you coming home?" Alice says.
"Of course," I reply.
"Will you bring Edward, now that he knows?"
I glance at my husband. He nods tersely.
"Yes," I reply.
"I'll let Ness know you're on your way when she wakes up. You won't be able to get a flight until the morning. I recommend you hunt. Edward isn't used to being in an enclosed space with so many humans for long."
"Okay."
"See you soon, sister. Love you."
I hang up without saying goodbye. I'm too pissed for pleasantries. Mostly my anger is at myself, but I fully intend to take it out on Mr. Jacob Black when I get my hands around his throat.
"Bella," Edward asks, rubbing my back. "Are you okay?"
"Yes," I reply, sounding not very okay. "I just hate that I wasn't there to stop that idiocy. I hate that I wasn't there when she got hurt."
"She's really okay?" Edward asks. His obvious concern calms me greatly. I smile softly at him and stroke his cheek.
"She'll be fine. She's broken a few bones in the last ninety-five years. But I've always been there."
He looks away, but the move is not quick enough to keep me from seeing the look of pain on his face.
"You would have been there too, Edward," I say, understanding what has him upset. "If you had any idea about any of this, you would have been there. For both of us."
He pulls me into his arms and nods against my neck as I stroke his hair.
"Are you ready for this?" I ask.
"No," he says with a nervous chuckle. He breaks away, running his hands through his hair as he looks down at me. "But it's already been far too long. I don't want to go any longer without knowing her."
"Okay," I reply, taking a shaky breath. "Well, let's book some tickets."
"We're not running?"
"No, flying will be quicker.
"Then flying it is."
"So I'll be seeing your whole family again," Edward muses as we slowly make our way towards O'Hare from the woods. If I'd answered my damn phone when Alice called we probably would have made a flight tonight, but I can't bring myself to regret being with Edward again.
I can't even think about it without smiling. Or wanting to do it again.
Edward really did need to eat. I can tell he is nervous about being on a plane, not something he's ever done before.
"Yes, that you will," I say with a frown. Although I need to be with Ness right now, the fact that my alone time with Edward is over.
For now.
"What do they know, about me? When they met me in Denali they had no idea."
"They know who you are now," I tell him. "When you left… well, let's just say I didn't react too well and it raised all sorts of questions. I didn't give them any details, but they know you're my husband."
His eyes go wide in shock.
"Or, were my husband," I quickly correct. The pain's back. I thought after what happened between us we were passed this. Guess not. He is obviously not comfortable with that sort of title when it comes to our relationship. I can't really blame him, but it stings anyway.
Edward nods. Things get awkward. I'm thankful when Edward breaks the silence.
"So I'll meet the man who turned you," Edward says as we continue to walk. "Knowing the whole story this time."
"Indeed you will. He was quite the mentor to you, back in the day."
Edward growls low in this throat.
"What?" I ask.
"It's just… strange. The way he just turned you while you were pregnant. I'm weirdly thankful and pissed about it at the same time," he confesses.
"Yup, I hear you. It was like that for a long time with me. It's hard to be too angry at him when what he did gave Ness a shot at life."
Edward tentatively takes my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. This makes me feel much better given how he reacted to me calling him my husband.
"And gave us a second chance," he murmurs, making me glow with happiness.
We don't say anything for a moment. We just enjoy the knowledge that we are both right here. Together.
"Still, Carlisle got lucky things worked out the way they did," Edward continues. His thumb strokes my knuckles and I find it difficult to focus on his words. "What would he have done if your body really did freeze like that? You would've ended up eternally pregnant!"
I laugh because he's so incensed.
"I asked him that not long after my transformation," I reply. "He said he didn't know."
"Didn't know?"
"He didn't even think about the possibility of me ending up like that."
"Well, that seems horribly irresponsible."
"Yeah," I say with a chuckle. "Not like Carlisle at all. He still doesn't really understand why he did it. Now that you've reappeared in our lives he thinks that there were greater forces at work."
"What do you mean?"
"He says it's too big of a coincidence. It wasn't by accident, both of us turning. He says something bigger wants us together."
I expect Edward to laugh or dismiss my words, but instead he just looks thoughtful.
"It sure doesn't feel like a coincidence," he agrees. "Although I do wish these powers that be would have figured out how to reunite us sooner."
And to that I cannot help but agree.
"So who exactly is this Jake individual that you are planning to kill?"
I get mad all over again and squeeze Edward's hand so hard he winces.
"Fucking Jacob Black," I let out with a growl.
"Who is he? Alice mentioned that he was in love with you." His question is overly casual. I smile because he's adorable, even when he has absolutely nothing to worry about.
Well, except the whole imprinting thing. It took me almost twenty years to get over the urge to kill him every time he showed his face. How Edward will manage I have no idea.
"Yeah," I reply. We stop at the edge of the wooded area. I look out to the highway beyond and get my bearings. "That was creepy."
"Creepy?"
"It's kind of a long story."
"Well, we have hours before our flight and no one is around. Why don't you show me?" he suggests.
"Edward!" I say, totally shocked. "Are you seriously suggesting I show you something? I thought you hated me doing it."
"The last couple times have been better, haven't they? Your head didn't hurt so much, right?"
"Right."
"So, fill me in on this Jacob character."
With a final glance around to double this deserted patch of forest, I pull him to the ground and sit facing him, my hands on his arms. He has to know before we get to Forks.
Here we go.
Aren't they just the cutest? The next chapter is going to be the last flashback for awhile here and then, back to Forks!
Have a lovely day. See you soon.
