A/N Okay, so I have a question for you guys. Next week is Thanksgiving and it's going to be busy for everybody. Most people will be traveling etc. and probably won't have time for fanfic. Do you guys want me to wait an extra week before updating, instead of updating on Black Friday? Or update the Tuesday or Wednesday after Thanksgiving or something like that? I don't want to make you guys wait but with the holidays you probably wouldn't notice. Anyway, please review and let me know.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I was so ecstatic! Last chapter got more reviews than any other. You guys really have no idea how much your reviews inspire and encourage me. So thank you! Your reviews, no matter how long or short, are important and special to me. :)
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A Level of Understanding
Tony barged right into the throne room without so much as knocking. In the back of his mind, he knew he could get in big trouble for barging into the throne room without permission but like with most rules and protocols, Tony didn't give a crap.
"Can I speak to you privately?" Tony asked Odin, but the request came out sounding more like a demand.
Tony crossed his arms and held his head high. King or not, there was no way Tony was bowing to the guy, especially when Tony was less than happy with him to begin with.
"Can it not wait?" Odin snapped, clearly displeased with the lack of respect Tony was showing.
"It's about your son," Tony said.
Odin studied him for a long moment before motioning the other men in the room to leave.
"You're a coward," Tony said as soon as they were alone.
"How dare you!" Odin boomed angrily as he stood up from his throne.
"I dare because no one else will!" Tony yelled, not a bit afraid of the king's anger. "Your son has been back for almost two days and in that time you've seen him twice, barely spoken to him at those times, and not once have you sought him out. Your wife has spoken to him, we've just about had to tie Thor down to make him give Loki some space, and you haven't so much as knocked on his door."
"I am giving him, space, as you call it."
"You're hiding!"
"I am doing no such thing! I am a king and as such I have responsibilities-"
"Oh, don't give me that crap! You may be the king of Asgard but I'm the king of hiding from my problems and emotions, and I am telling you, if you keep going like this, you are going to lose him."
"What do you know of losing a son?" Odin demanded.
"I thought my son was dead for five years! I thought I would never get to see him again and as soon as I got him back, the only thing I wanted to do was hold on to him and never let him go. Even now, that's all I want to do. You thought you lost your son, emotionally and physically. For a year, you thought he was dead, then you thought him changed and irredeemable. Now you have him back in both respects and you're standing here hiding in your throne room? If Loki's memories showed me anything, it was that he loves you and all he wants is for you to love him. Now just tell me one thing," Tony said. "Do you love your son?"
"Of course I do," Odin said.
"Do you? Really?" Tony pushed.
Odin looked Tony right in the eye and spoke with conviction and sincerity.
"Yes."
"Maybe you should tell him that," Tony said.
"He knows I care for him," Odin said.
"No, he doesn't. He actually isn't sure whether you care about him at all or not. You can't let this go or you will lose him," Tony warned. "Take it from someone who knows. It wasn't until a few years ago, long after my father was dead, that I finally knew for sure that he had loved me, but by then it was too little, too late. Don't let your son slip through your fingers, not when you have the ability to prevent it."
With that, Tony turned on his heel, not waiting for a response or a dismissal, and left the throne room without so much as looking back. The choice was up to Odin now.
)()()(
For several minutes after Tony left, Odin sat on his throne, thinking.
He had been a coward and it had taken a Midgardian to make him realize it. He didn't know how to talk to Loki. He never had. And every time a conversation between them didn't go the way Odin wanted it to (which was almost always) the king would default to anger, a strong, manly, and kingly expression of emotion. But all that ever did was stir up Loki's own anger, resulting in heated words and hurt feelings.
As many times as that had happened, Odin should have learned by now that it didn't work, but he kept doing it anyway because it was easier than trying to voice his true feelings to his son.
Stark had been absolutely right when he called Odin a coward. The king could ride into battle against a thousand men and never blink an eye, but he was afraid to talk to his own son.
Ever since Loki had been back, Odin had wanted to seek him out and talk to him, but the king had been afraid he would mess up the conversation as he always seemed to do. He was afraid of saying the wrong thing and pushing Loki even farther away than he already was. And if Odin was being honest with himself, he was afraid Loki would reject him outright before he could even talk to him.
Stark was right, though. If Odin continued on like that, hiding from what ifs, he would lose his son. Odin already knew what that felt like. He didn't want to feel it again. Finally, with a deep breath, the king stood up and started walking out of the throne room.
He didn't know how to talk to Loki, but he knew it was far past time to learn.
)()()(
Odin knocked on Loki's door and waited until he heard Loki bid him to enter. He opened the door and stepped inside. Loki looked up from where he was sitting at his desk and quickly schooled his features into a blank mask as he saw it was his father. Loki stood to face his father, keeping his stance tense and guarded.
"My Son, I would like to speak to you for a moment," Odin said.
"Are you sure you won't fall asleep again?" Loki asked scathingly.
"I do regret that. If I had not fallen into the Odin Sleep, perhaps we could have averted what happened."
Loki snorted and crossed his arms. "It wouldn't have made a difference. You saw my memories. Thanos maneuvered me to him. It was all part of the plan. I was just too weak to notice I was being manipulated."
"You are not weak. You were being controlled by a great power. If your memories showed me anything, it is just how strong my son truly is."
"What do you mean?" Loki asked, caught off guard by what sounded like praise coming from his father.
"There are many who could not have endured that level of power and remained sane. And yet, not only did you keep your sanity, you fought back against a force that was supposed to be all-encompassing. You managed to regain control, if only for a few moments, and you hid from Thanos the key to saving Midgard. If that is not enough, you also survived merciless torture and you never broke. They had to control your mind to get you to submit. You, My Son, are so strong and it is my fault that you've never felt that way. I never told you that you were strong. I never made you feel as if you were as good as your brother. I never let you know that I was proud of you. I ruled you as your king, but I failed you as your father. And for that, I am truly sorry."
Loki stared at Odin in shock. He had never heard his father talk to him like that. And he had certainly never heard the king admit to being wrong about anything. It was so blindsiding that, for a long moment, Loki simply stared, speechless, at his father as if he had never seen him before.
"Just know, no matter what I may have said or done in the past, I have always loved you," Odin said, before turning and walking out of the room, leaving a now twice shocked Loki in his wake.
It was everything Loki had ever longed to hear from his father and he wanted to believe every word more than he had ever wanted anything, but part of him had to wonder if it was sincere or if the All-Father simply sought to manipulate him. He hoped beyond hope that Odin had meant what he said and that this was a turning point for them, but Loki wasn't fool enough to just buy into it all. Time would tell if it was real or not. Until then, Loki was going to try very hard not to get his hopes up.
)()()(
That night, dinner was a somewhat better affair. It was still a bit uncomfortable but not unbearable. Loki still didn't sit in his normal seat, though. Loki arrived to a scene similar to the previous night. His family and the Avengers were already present but this time the Avengers had thought ahead. Clint was once again sitting next to Thor and Loki sat next to Clint, but instead of having Steve on Loki's right like the night before, Tony sat next to the younger prince while Steve sat across from his father with Bruce and Natasha to the super soldier's right.
Loki still didn't talk much, especially to his family, but he was a bit more vocal to Clint, Tony, and Steve. It was still less than ideal, but any improvement was a good sign. And although Loki still didn't stick around for very long after he was finished eating, he also didn't flee the room as if it was on fire.
)()()(
The next morning, Thor was standing in the throne room waiting to speak to Odin. He wanted to ask his father's advice about Loki but he couldn't find him. So Thor had decided to wait for Odin in the throne room, knowing his father would come back there eventually.
"My Prince?"
Thor turned to see a few councilmen enter the throne room and frowned in disdain as he saw that the one who had spoken to him was the man who had said such treasonous things against Loki the previous day. The man, Agir, if Thor remembered his name correctly, was older, on the shorter side for an Asgardian, and overweight with thinning white hair. He was arrogant and believed his age and position meant that he knew everything. He had been one of Odin's advisers for many centuries. He had fought in the great war against the Frost Giants and had been bitter and prejudice ever since.
Although he hadn't known before that Loki was a Frost Giant, Agir had always seen Loki as severely lacking. He had been one of many who looked down upon Thor's younger brother for many things, not the least of which was his fighting style. It never helped that from an early age, Loki had had a knack for showing up and embarrassing the councilman and did so often. However, in Loki's defense, Agir had always been the one to start it. Loki had just retaliated. A penchant Thor and his younger brother seemed to share in most situations. However, now that Agir knew of Loki's heritage, the man's dislike for the younger prince had turned into hate.
Thor knew that, as a prince, he didn't have to so much as answer the man but he decided to be polite. What was the saying Steve and Bruce said on occasion? Kill them with kindness? Well Thor wanted to kill him, but he knew that wasn't an option, at least not yet.
"I am waiting for my father. I need to speak with him," Thor said stiffly.
"Anything I can assist you with, My Lord?" Agir asked, showing the utmost respect, which just angered Thor further.
This fool called for Loki's imprisonment and death with one breath, and displayed the utmost help and respect to Thor with the next. It disgusted the crown prince. And yet, it hit Thor like a punch to the gut that this was not the first time something like this had happened. Loki had been shunned, looked down upon, and disrespected for most of his life while Thor had always had all the privilege, respect, and admiration from everyone. He had just been too blind and foolish to notice it before. Yet another of his woeful shortcomings when it came to his brother.
Thor forcefully pushed his anguish and guilt away for later. It wasn't the time or place to be dwelling on those things. Those were not thoughts or feelings that the councilman in front of Thor had any right to know.
"I must speak with my father. It concerns Loki," Thor said, trying to end the conversation before the urge to pummel the man became too much.
"Oh," Agir said disdainfully. "What's he done now?" he asked scathingly.
"My brother," Thor stressed, trying to remind the man of his place, "has done nothing wrong."
Agir snorted. "That's debatable."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Thor asked, anger starting to creep into his voice.
"Don't tell me you have truly bought into that Frost Giant's lies."
"You saw his memories the same as the rest of us," Thor said. "He is not lying."
"Oh, yes. We saw memories projected by magic, from the mind of a master of magic. No, there couldn't possibly be any falsehood there," Agir said sarcastically.
"My brother is innocent!" Thor said forcefully.
"Innocent?" the councilman asked incredulously. "My Prince, your brother," he spat the word , "is many things. Innocent is not one of them. You saw what he did here on Asgard, then later on Midgard."
"He was being manipulated and controlled against his will!" Thor exploded.
"Oh, come now. Loki has always been a trouble maker and jealous as well. He could never live up to you so he sought to humiliate you with his tricks."
"While Loki has always had a love of pranks, he has never done any real harm nor has he ever intended any. And more often than not, when I would drag him on my adventures it was he who saved me, and indeed, even all of Asgard, from my recklessness and stupidity, usually ending up hurt for his trouble," Thor said, thinking back to all the times Loki had bailed him out of his messes.
Agir snorted again, making Thor want to smash him into a wall just to shut him up and wipe the smirk from his pudgy, arrogant face.
"Loki is a master manipulator and liar. It would not surprise me one bit if he had always been planning some elaborate takeover, nor would it surprise me if he were doing so again even now," the councilman said with a careless wave of his hand.
"How many times does my brother have to save my life, as well as all of Asgard, and even Midgard, at great risk to himself, before you will accept that he has no ill motives?" Thor asked, far past having grown tired of the useless conversation.
"Those seemingly good actions could all have been part of some elaborate plot."
"Any plot he could have, would be worthless if he were dead!" Thor boomed angrily.
"Exactly!" Agir yelled with an excited gleam in his eye at the prospect.
It was no secret that, although he had gotten better, Thor still often let his emotions get the best of him and this time was no exception. He swung his arm and backhanded Agir. The councilman was lifted off his feet and sent crashing to the ground. Thor towered over the dazed man, the blond's chest heaving with barely controlled rage.
"Thor!" Frigga cried in alarm, causing Thor to look up to see his Father and Mother standing in the doorway.
He spared them only a glance before turning back to the prone man.
"Next time it will be my hammer instead of my hand."
Thor turned and stormed out of the room, not even giving his parents a backward glance as his still overpowering anger drove him to seek solitude, preferably where he could destroy something.
)()()(
Loki silently stepped away from the column he had been hiding behind, going unnoticed by those in the room, and followed Thor. Growing tired of staring at the walls of his room and feeling the need to escape his thoughts, Loki had ventured out once more in an attempt to clear his head and move around a bit. He hadn't had a particular destination in mind but as he randomly wandered the halls he had ended up passing by the throne room. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop but when he heard Thor's voice mention his name, he couldn't help himself.
He had silently slipped into the room and hidden behind a column just as Agir had asked Thor what Loki had done now. The younger prince's presence had gone unnoticed by the few people in the room who were focused on the conversation between Thor and the idiot councilman. Agir's words didn't bother Loki all that much. The younger prince had long since grown somewhat used to people like that. He had been dealing with them most of his life. It was new, however, to see Thor not only aware of that treatment, but acknowledging and reacting to it as well.
Loki had expected, at best, for his bother to brush off the man's comments as not important enough to comment on or maybe offer some weak defense of Loki simply because propriety demanded it. He had never expected Thor to actually stand up for him. It was one thing to hear Thor profess to have changed and to claim to be sorry to his face. It was quite another to witness Thor stand up for him when he wasn't around to see it (or so Thor thought). Loki had long ago learned that most people's true thoughts and intentions usually became clear when they thought they were alone or away from whoever they were trying to convince.
If Thor's words had just been an act, he would have no reason to keep up the pretense when he believed Loki was not around. The fact that Thor did defend him, added a level of validity to Thor's seemingly changed and matured words and actions. Could it really be true? Could Loki believe him? Trust him? A large part of the younger prince wanted to.
As Loki followed the angry Thor from the throne room, it took the younger prince only a minute to realize where his brother was going. Sure enough, Thor entered the observatory where he and Loki both had often gone to think growing up. It was where they had had some of their rare, brotherly moments when Loki had truly felt like Thor cared about him.
The observatory was a circular room, over half of which was floor to ceiling windows that let in bright sunlight. It overlooked the beauty of Asgard but was high enough over the city to still be private. Several bench seats dotted the perimeter of the room. Thor, however, ignored the seats in favor of standing in the middle of the room with his back to the door, staring out at the city with his arms crossed as he sought to calm his anger.
Loki stopped right inside the door and regarded Thor for a long moment, trying to decide whether he should ask what was on his mind, or simply return to his own room. At last, he decided things were never going to clear up, for better or worse, with his family unless he stopped hiding in his room and started talking to them.
"I see some things never change," Loki said softly, referring to Thor's choice of location.
Thor turned as he heard the familiar voice, pleasantly surprised to see Loki standing there and actually talking to him.
"This place has always been good for thinking, and..." Thor paused for a moment. "And it holds some of my fondest memories. Times when I was at least in part the brother I should have been. The brother you deserved."
"Oh, I don't know. I think you did a pretty good job today," Loki said with a shrug.
"You heard?" Thor asked, a bit embarrassed.
"Did you mean it?" Loki asked.
"Every word," Thor said, his embarrassment gone and complete seriousness taking its place. "Brother, I can never apologize enough for how I've treated you over the years. I failed you as your brother. But I swear to you, for all my failings, I have truly always loved you."
"It's hard for me to trust you," Loki admitted. "I know you've changed. I've seen it for myself, and part of me is proud of the man you have finally become, but old habits die hard and old hurts take time to heal," he said, allowing Thor some honesty.
"If I have to spend every day of the rest of my life, making it up to you and earning back your trust, I swear to you, Brother, I will," Thor vowed.
Loki stared Thor in the eye for a long moment, searching for any sign of falsehood. Thor met his gaze unflinchingly, imploring Loki to believe his sincerity.
Thor's words were the ones Loki had always dreamed of hearing and he wanted to believe him, but Loki's internal skeptic was reluctant to just take his word for it. However, as he held Thor's gaze, he found nothing but honesty in Thor's eyes. For a moment, Loki debated between holding onto his disbelief in an effort to keep himself from getting hurt, and letting himself believe that his brother was different and that he truly cared.
He surprised himself by just how much he wanted to believe Thor, just how much he had wished to hear those words. He had always longed for Thor's love and to be his equal, in Thor's eyes if not in anyone else's. Now, here was Thor saying exactly what Loki wanted to hear and he seemed to be sincere.
Loki wanted to dismiss it, to say something hurtful and to distance himself from Thor, to keep himself from possibly getting hurt again. Loki had discovered over the course of his life that the ones who could hurt him most were his family, Thor in particular who he had looked up to and aspired to be like for so long. The reason his family were the ones who could hurt him most, was because they were the ones who he loved most and in that moment he wanted to accept Thor's words so badly that he decided to let himself believe it.
"Okay," he said softly, giving Thor a slight nod of acceptance.
Thor's face lit up with a huge grin and he took a step toward Loki. When his brother didn't move and didn't reject him, Thor walked forward until he was standing directly in front of Loki. Loki held his ground, unsure what Thor was going to do but unwilling to push him away and go hide in his room again.
For a moment, neither moved. Then, suddenly, Loki found himself wrapped in strong arms as Thor hugged him tightly. Loki froze and tensed at the sudden contact but then relaxed and wrapped his arms around Thor, returning the embrace. Loki knew it could possibly lead to pain later, but for that moment, he decided to let himself feel loved.
A/N Please review and let me know if you liked this chapter and if want me to update next Friday or wait a few days or an extra week. If you guys want me to update, which will be a feat in and of itself with all the homework I have plus the busyness of the holidays, you'll have to promise to review the next chapter and let me know that you read it and my update didn't go completely to waste. :P
Next chapter, dinner goes a bit better than it has been and there will be more Loki hurt/comfort with Thor and Loki brotherly fluff and feels.
