Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
Chapter Eleven
Ron's Thoughts
Ron was sitting on his bed in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place just thinking. In a day's time Harry was going to be here, which he was really looking forward to, but at the same time he was worried about, he knew that Harry was going to be pretty upset when he gets here. Harry had been attacked by Dementors and had to defend himself by using the Patronus charm to save himself, which in turn caused him to be in trouble with the Ministry. Ron frowned at that thought, about the Ministry and the way that they were treating his friend, how they happily (and unjustly) jumped on his friend for using a spell like this. Though what he was most noticeably bitter at was the fact that his brother, Percy, had actually chosen the stupid Ministry over his family.
However, these thought could only stay in his head for a moment before he was thinking about something else… something that had captive his mind for the last year. Hermione. No matter what he did, he couldn't seem to get her out of his head, though he so desperately wanted to. He still remembers exactly when she had forced her way in his head, of course he had thought of her sometimes before that but he didn't realized it until then. It was during the summer before fourth year, when she was staying at his house. He had woken up that morning and he was fine, he was himself and he didn't have to deal with anything but himself (well and his best friend being one of the most dangerous people to be around but that still was better than what happened next). He was trying to walk down to the kitchen, knowing that breakfast was almost ready (judging by the smell that made it's to his room, one benefit of being in the attic room, he always knew exactly when a meal was ready) when he was blocked my his mum, she was looking in Ginny room with an shock expression and he just had to see what it was. What he saw was his sister laying peacefully on Hermione's chest, who had her arms protectively around the younger girl. Ron couldn't look away from that until his mum had started talking, snapping him out of his trance and causing him to go down the stairs suddenly feeling sick. He really didn't know what he had just seen, what the significant it had but he couldn't get how peaceful and comfortable they looked together (he hadn't see his sister like that in a long time and that was part of the reason why this hurt so much).
He hardly ate anything that morning, he really wasn't hungry anymore, and went up to his room not feeling like doing anything. As he laid in his bed that day he thought about the wavy haired girl that was staying in his house, all the fights that they had in the past, especially the ones that they had the last year. He thought about how she was always there to help him (okay them) out, even though most of the time it was just because she was trying to follow the rules or something. He groaned, as he realized that he actively tried to pick fights with her because he liked to see her flustered and that he had felt so bad, empty almost, when he wasn't speaking to her last year. Was it possible that he liked her?
Ron present self laughed bitterly as he remembered coming to that realization and how that had dictate his next year, and how that it didn't even come close to describing how he felt about her. Then he remembered how every time he tried to think about Hermione, he would always see the image of her and his sister sleeping in each others' arms, with peaceful smiles and he would get so angry. He was in such a bad mood about this that he didn't come out of his room all afternoon, not even coming down for lunch (his mum was worried about him, but let it go this time hoping that he would be better by dinner). However he knew that he couldn't do that when Harry got here, his friend was going to need him to act like a normal human so he tried his hardest to pick himself up. It probably would have been impossible for him to do this, even knowing that he had to for Harry, but he had come up with an idea that made him both hopeful and presentable.
He was going to keep a close eye on Hermione and Ginny and see what kind of relationship they really had, because he wasn't even sure if what he saw meant what he thought it meant. Okay, so he couldn't really think of many reasons for two people to be sleeping in a bed like that, especially as closely as they seemed to be, but he might have been wrong. So he watched them closely that year, as closely as he could without drawing any attention to himself. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for, so he didn't see anything for a while. He noticed that they were really close, but that was a given seeing as they were best friends, so that didn't suggest that anything more was going on there. However, it was about a month after they had gotten back to school, he had noticed how upset Ginny was one day, in the way that she was nearly crying (and Ginny never was a crier). He wanted to talk to her, to cheer her up but there really wasn't anything that he could do, and no matter how much he hated seeing her like that he knew he couldn't handle that (and more importantly that she wouldn't want him to). However, Hermione didn't even hesitant to go to her and wrap her arms around her and Ginny smiled at her friend. Okay so maybe that didn't mean anything but he still never seen anyone that was able to handle his sister like that, someone that Ginny allow herself to be that open to.
Present day Ron sighed as he thought of that, because he could see how much his sister needed Hermione, and that there was no way that he was going to be able to do anything with the feeling that was growing even stronger the longer he watched Hermione. And then the worst thing that could happened, happened. The Yule Ball. He shuddered at the mere thought of that. How he struggled with his desire to asked Hermione out, but finally deciding that he didn't have a chance with her so there was no point to asking her out (and it didn't help that he then embarrassed himself completely by asking Fleur Delacour out, as if that would happen in a million years). And then she showed up with Viktor Krum. Viktor Krum, who he had idolized for the last few years after his many spectacular catches! Viktor Krum, who had been the hero of the last Quidditch World Cup! Viktor Krum, who was the Durmstrang champion! The longer he thought about that the more angry he felt about this. How could she go out with this prick? Didn't he give up on her because of what she had meant to his sister? Maybe he was wrong about that, he had thought hopefully but that didn't last long because it didn't mean a damn thing if she was with this ruddy pumpkin head. Then he saw her look over to where his sister was dancing with some bloke that he instantly hated though he couldn't tell who he was at the moment, and the sad smile on her face, and was more confused about this whole mess than ever.
So he had yelled at her, taking out all his anger he had on her. It was easy to yell at her, he's been doing it for the last three years, but this time seemed different. This time he was really angry at her. He felt completely betrayed. Either he was wrong about her, and he could have asked her out (not that she would have said yes to him anyways but at least he could have asked) or she was somehow betraying his sister. He was willing to suffer in silence as long as it was for his sister, but if she was going to go around with this stupid pumpkin head, there was no way that he was going to let her get away with this.
After that disastrous ball he had to rethink everything that happened the last few months. Somehow he felt more hopeful that someday he could be with her, and yet every time he saw her for the next few weeks he couldn't help but be angry. Okay so he was mostly angry at himself for not doing anything sooner, but there was still enough anger directed towards her that he couldn't talk to her.
Of course Harry then has the brilliant idea that he was going to asked her to help him figure out the next task. What the hell was that about, wasn't he always the one that Harry turned to? Okay so he wasn't there the last time (something that Ron knew that he was going to regret the rest of his life) and Harry had gone to Hermione that time… and Harry really did have a point about her being the only one that might have any clue about this and even if she didn't, she would still be a great help, but didn't Harry realize that Ron didn't want to be anywhere near her right now.
Okay so Harry really couldn't see that because Ron was trying his hardest to hide that fact from his best mate, and everyone else too, but bloody hell he really didn't want to deal with her right now. So he tried his hardest to convince Harry that they didn't need her, he even went so far as telling him that they shouldn't trust her because she was so close to the stupid pumpkin head (which he was really feeling for himself but he knew had nothing to do with Harry, like she had shouted at him during the Yule Ball, she had proven she could be trusted with something like this). However, Harry was adamant that they go see her, and all Ron could do was go along with it, because there was no way that he was going to let his best mate down any time soon.
The next big thing that had him even more confused than he was before was when they went to McGonagall's office and he found out that she was the pumpkin head's hostage. It was obviously that if she could be his hostage that Krum at least would think that there was some kind of future there and he didn't think that Hermione was the type of person that would string along a guy when she knew for sure that nothing was ever going to happen between them. So he felt totally justified in being angry at her again (he had relented when she was helping them with the second task because it was just too easy to be himself around her, at least when he's not forcing himself to be angry). Then she goes and says that just because she's his hostage it doesn't mean that he would be hers. He just had to smile at that, it seem that he really didn't have to worry about Krum after all. However when he asked who's her would be she just looked at him blushing and saying she didn't know. It was obvious by her look, that she had a good idea, and that it would be someone that she probably had a crush on at least, though he thought it was likely stronger than that. He frowned at that as he thought of everyone that he could think of that might fulfill that requirement and all he could come up with was his sister again.
The article that Rita Skeeter had wrote about Hermione didn't help any either, not only did it piss him off that it showed her as some kind of Scarlet Woman (which he couldn't stand to think of her like that or have anyone else think of her like that), but it also made him think that Harry might actually be the one that she liked. Fact one, she was always helping Harry, even when he doesn't ask for help. Fact two, whenever something serious (and usually emotional) happened in Harry's live she tried to push Ron to try and open up more with Harry (like last year when they found out that Sirius was Harry's godfather and this year before the first task when he was acting like a complete prat). Fact three, she was always beaming at Harry whenever he said something nice to her, at least she beamed at Harry more than she beamed at him (though that might have to do with the fact that he was hardly nice to her). However, he was once again thrown into more confusion when he saw his sister storm up to Hermione dragging her up to the girl's dormitories clenching Witch Weekly (where he knew the cow's article was in). After that the two girls were as friendly as ever, so whatever Hermione had told his sister, he assumed it was something good for her.
Ron groaned as he thought of all this, he heart started to ache and he really couldn't take this torture anymore so he thought about the other moment during the year that made him think that maybe he could still have a chance with her (because nothing that he went through that year had made him want her any less). He thought about the way that she looked at him after he had his big fight with Harry, she looked angry and disappointed to be sure but it was more than that, she looked understanding. Not in the way that she was expecting him to do something like this (like he was expected to screw up) but in a way that told him that she knew him well, and knew why he was acting that way. Okay, so maybe that wasn't a good example but at least if he was right it proved that she cared enough about him to know that he was going to act like a prat in situations like this.
Another moment that he felt that he could see that she might just care about him was when they were fighting at the Yule Ball. For the most part he tried not to think of that night, but there was something there when he was glaring into her eyes and it wasn't angry (though there was plenty of that there too). For a moment he thought he could see lust in her eyes, like she seem to want him almost as badly as he wanted her. That look, more than anything else, was seared into his head and he would often have dreams about that. Of course it was often followed by the next look that she gave him, which was also seared in his mind (but not in a good way), the look of hurt he was able to see as she turned away from him. However even that look made him think that she might perhaps like him back, because you don't get that hurt my someone unless there were great feeling there (as he knew from experience).
Then there was the whole ordeal with the third task and what happened afterward. Somehow, she had known that he was worried about his best mate and she did the best thing possible (the only thing that had any change of making him feel better), she held his hand. It wasn't in the way that he thought it would be, like a boyfriend and girlfriend would hold hands walking down the hall (not that he ever thought of that anyways) but it was like she knew that he needed something and she was there to support him. Then, when Harry had came back she had followed him to find Harry (okay so maybe that made him a little jealous because it also showed that she cared about Harry (which he so didn't think about at the time but now that he revisited it he could afford to be jealous) too, but still), she was there to keep him from going insane with worry about his best mate.
However it was after Hermione tried to leave and Sirius had stopped her, but before the Minister came and made a complete arse of himself, that he really had hope that she might feel more about him. She had pat Sirius on the head (like she would any dog knowing full well that he was really a man; though Sirius seem to think that was funny because he licked her on the face and Ron could swear he saw the dog smirking at her affronted face) and then sat next to him. He wasn't sure how long she sat there before she grabbed his hand again nor did he know how long it took for her to rest her head on his shoulder. Both actions seem to have been taken effortlessly, like she has always done them in the past and she would keep doing it in the future, but what was really great about them was how right it felt having her sitting there like that. She seemed to just fit in his arms, and he really didn't want her to go anywhere, but then the stupid Minister had to come and rune everything.
So, Ron was completely confused about this whole bloody situation, and frustrated because he knew that he couldn't really do anything and yet all he wanted to do was yell this out and get it over with. He even contemplated telling her at the end of the year how he felt, but he couldn't do it. He was afraid of what it would do if it really was his sister that she liked (he knew that his sister would hate knowing the fact that this was affecting him like this). Though what he was mostly afraid of was that Hermione would said no (in his worst nightmare she would even laugh at him, but he knew that she wasn't the kind of girl that would have done that) and that would crush him.
"Ron?" Ginny called from the other side of the door, she had just had one of her nightmares and really could use someone to talk to (she wish that Hermione was here but knew the other girl was probably safer the farther away she was). "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," Ron groaned, not knowing what time it was but knowing it was late.
"Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you," Ginny said biting her lip. "It's just... I didn't want to be alone."
"It's okay," Ron sighed, he could tell whatever it was that got Ginny this upset was bad, she wouldn't come to him like this if it wasn't. Though he could remember a time when she did come to him whenever she was scared, but that was a long time ago, before either one of them went to Hogwarts and she was his best friend then. He kind of missed that, not that he didn't love having Harry around, but he did miss how close he use to be with his sister, and more importantly the sister he use to have before she went to Hogwarts, because there was no doubt that she wasn't the same person she was before the whole diary incident.
She sighed as she climbed up onto the bed that was going to be Harry's the next day but thankfully was empty today. This is what she really loved about Ron, he didn't pry, he didn't act overly concern, he didn't look at her with pity, he was just there and somehow that made her feel better. She had remembered after the 'incident' that she was upset at Ron seeming to ignore her when they got back at Hogwarts, but now that she looked back on it she could see why he did it. It wasn't that he didn't care about her; she knew that he probably cared more about her than anyone (except her mum and dad of course) he was just trying to act like he always did around her. Trying to show her that nothing had changed between them. That thought was comforting, especially when she thought about how all her other brother started to treat her like a little girl again after that and how she had to show each of them that that was a mistake.
"Gin," Ron said a little while later.
"Yeah," Ginny answered, it was weird she normally didn't like her family calling her Gin, but she didn't seem to mind that Ron had used it.
"Are you all right?" Ron just had to ask.
"I'm fine," Ginny said and it was true enough, she was feeling a lot better just being near him.
O
When Harry got there the next day, he had yelled himself horse and Ron just took all the angry that Harry was throwing at him knowing that his friend need to vent or he was going to explode (okay so maybe he was exploding right now, but at least he wasn't trying to hurt Ron or anything like that). After the rant however, Harry seemed to became a little more like himself and by the time dinner was done, Ron knew there was nothing to worry about there, seeing as Harry allowed him to stay when Sirius decided to tell him more about the Order (which Ginny had forced Ron to tell her about the next morning under the threat of severely hexing him if he didn't). The next couple of days his mum kept them all busy working on 'cleaning' the house. Though it was busy work, and Ron didn't much like doing it, he was pleased that it at least seemed to keep Harry from constantly worry about his up in coming trial (at least it stopped Ron from dwelling on it, so he figured it would work on Harry too). Ron was so ecstatic when Harry was cleared of all charges he didn't even gripe about doing housework, which was a first for him.
The rest of the summer holiday were better, seeing as they didn't have Harry's trial looming over them (because Ron was almost as worried as Harry was about it because he had no idea how he would manage without having his best friend at Hogwarts). When the Hogwarts letter came for that year Ron was surprised, overwhelmed, and surprisingly pleased that he was made Prefect. He was also pleased, though he would never have admitted it, when he noticed that Harry was jealous of him because of this, it was the first time that anyone was jealous of him about anything (of course he didn't realize that Harry had been jealous of him since they first met because of the wonder family he had). Ron proudly wore his badge and tried his hardest not to get annoyed when the twins harassed him about this (though he knew that they really would never want it, he keep telling himself that at least he had something they would never get).
O
"Harry?" Ginny asked only blushing slightly (she was resolved that she was going to talk to him this year and show him who she really was in hopes that she could at least be his friend).
"Yeah," Harry said.
"Er… I was wondering what I can tell my friends about this," Ginny said biting her lip; it was the last night of summer holidays and she really needed to know this now.
"Oh," Harry said. "Well, it's not really a good idea to tell them anything… at least not Neville."
"I think he could handle it… he wouldn't tell anyone," Ginny said.
"You're probably right," Harry said smiled. "But it's probably better for him if you don't… it's kind of a crazy thing to be involved with after all."
"Right… and what about Mione?" Ginny asked.
"You can tell her anything you want," Harry shrugged. "I would say that she knows almost everything already."
"Really, even about Sirius," Ginny smirked.
"Especially about Sirius," Harry chuckled. "How do you think we could have saved him without Hermione's help?"
"You're serious aren't you," Ginny said looking amused and frowning at the same time.
"No he is," Harry said pointing at his godfather and Ginny just rolled her eyes at his lame joke. "But it is the truth that Hermione saved his life… er… soul really… that night."
"Hmph," Ginny huffed. "So that's what she wouldn't tell me at the end of my second year."
"She was only trying to protect Sirius," Harry said, not wanting Ginny to be angry with her friend because of this.
"I know," Ginny smiled at him, knowing that her friend would be pleased that he defended her like that. And Harry was right, she couldn't blame Hermione for keeping that secret, not when Sirius well being was at stake. However, she did know that she was going to have to have a serious talk with her bushy hair friend the next time she saw her.
A/N: I must admit that when I first started writing this story I never once thought of what I was going to do in the fourth year. I started in third year because I knew exactly what I wanted to show that year. And then as I continued to think about the story in my head, they would skip to fifth year and I would have a general idea of what was going to happen there. I even have a good idea of what is going to happen in the sixth and seven year, but my point is it was kind of hard for me to come up with things for the fourth year and I'm hoping to get it better this year (and that it would be easier for me to write because at times it was rather difficult to write some of those chapters). Anyways, that's all I have to say about that, hope you like this chapter and it explain a little more about where Ron was coming from.
