A/N: So sorry to do a double chapter again tonight, but I have GOT to get this story out of my head. Had some minor editing on chapters two and three, nothing major but here we go. Slipping into that broken world again. Warnings are sexual innuendo and descriptions of torture, etc. (And now I'm seeing all the typos, gah! Must sleep now, so will fix tomorrow!)
Chapter Eleven
Thread of Hope
What was happening? Ichigo had retreated into the inner world as quickly as he'd come up to see what the hell his hollow half was doing. He was doing that, with Renji? His mind was racing. He'd often thought of Renji that way, those dark eyes, long red hair he longed to see released from his ever present hair tie, but it was all in his head. After what he'd done, after what Aizen had turned him into, why would anyone, let alone Renji, want anything to do with him?
He was a despicable, filthy creature. He'd broken, shattered, and he didn't want to even think of trying to piece himself back together, it would hurt too much. He'd let all this happen. Aizen had told him so many times. He hadn't resisted enough. He hadn't tried hard enough, and he wanted to be hurt. He longed for it. And when it stopped, he wanted it again. And that was the most disgusting feeling of all. Wanting those hands gripping his body, wanting those eyes staring down at him with lust and…hatred? He wasn't sure. He just wanted to escape, but even his inner world offered no sanctuary, becoming inaccessible once his reiatsu was sapped away and he couldn't reach his soul's other pieces.
Maybe that had been the worst part. Unable to touch Zangetsu and Hichigo. Unable to feel their comforting presence through the whole ordeal, he couldn't even have assurance that there was life beyond the white walls and pain of Aizen's touches. All he knew was he was locked into fear, pain and need. And he'd been abandoned by his friends.
Maybe that knowledge was what led him to the breaking point. When Aizen told him how long it had been, and how no one had come to his aid at all. It broke his heart more than a little to know it. It was then he didn't have to chain him up to keep him from leaving the room. He just gave up and wanted to die.
But why would Renji do that? Let Hichigo…and then let him know that he knew he was in there…why would he do something like that?
Ichigo shivered at the memory of that warm and thick reiatsu that was distinctly Renji flowed into him. It wasn't like the pressing, cold reiatsu that Aizen had forced him down with. Forced, Ichigo thought. Forced. He felt the difference. Could he be wrong? Could he really not be as dirty and disgusting as he thought for what he did? Had done to him? Which was it? He was so confused.
He pulled his black clad legs to his chest and rocked, barely noticing that his shihaso was almost fully replaced. That meant his reiatsu was healing, didn't it? How had that happened, he thought, his head a whirling mess of emotion and turmoil.
-Urahara Shoten—
Renji emerged from the room, tying up his hair and looking up to see everyone sitting around the tea room table avoiding his gaze.
"What?" Then he glanced over behind Urahara's back and remembered the monitors that displayed what was happening in the room he'd just emerged from. "Oh."
He shrugged and sauntered over and flopped down beside Yumichika and Ikkaku, both of which had a bemused, slight flush on their face. Renji dropped an arm around each of them.
"Ya enjoy the show?" he said with a quirked eybrow.
Urahara cleared his throat behind him. "Renji-san, I think now, while Ichigo's in…ah…flux would be a good time to attempt another foray into his inner world."
Renji stood up again, flinching as pain shot up his backside. Now he remembered why he rarely did that…
Grimmjow sat still where he had been watching the two alphas tangle. It had been awkward, neither one really submitting. But it had done something. He'd seen those big brown eyes open for even the slightest of moments in something other than fear. He shifted uncomfortably, quelling his own desires. He wanted to bring the orange haired boy back. The one with the fire in his eyes, and the unbelievably cocky attitude that didn't back down, the one who spent over three months of torture before he finally broke under Aizen's twisted ministrations. And he'd be damned if he didn't get that boy back. And tell him how absolutely hot his cockiness was.
Grimmjow looked up as Urahara and Renji came in again. Hichigo, positively blissed out after his romp with the red head laid back comfortably, not having bothered to replace his shirt. He grinned at Renji who rolled his eyes.
"Oi, Red, ya still able to walk, proud a'ya," he smirked.
Renji glowered at him. "Why you…"
Urahara put a hand on Renji's shoulder. "Yare, yare, settle down, let's try this again before Ichigo can resume his defenses. If nothing else, you may have shaken his foundation enough to allow you to stay in his inner world long enough to do some good. Now come," he said, getting Grimmjow to lay down on one side and Renji on the other.
Grimmjow grunted, and crossed his legs and lay on his side, hiding his obvious arousal at the events that had just taken place. He was going to ache after this. Renji locked eyes with Grimmjow over the form of the seemingly sleepy Hichigo. There was something in his eyes and Grimmjow recognized it. Determination to drag the orangette out of his fog and back into reality.
"Okay boys, try not and tear down anything Renji's…ah…sacrifice…built up," Urahara said with a grin. There was chanting and humming of machinery and once more the three opened their eyes to the sideways world.
Something was different though. The rain wasn't as heavy, the sky wasn't as dark, and the buildings were higher out of the water. Hichigo looked around appraising the situation. There was a flash and Zangetsu was beside them.
"He's confused, but the thread wasn't cut off as I had feared it might."
"Thread?" asked Renji, turning to the older figure.
Zangetsu nodded. "The act would either widen the small thread of hope connecting Ichigo to the surface world, or sever it completely. The attachment to the surface world is slightly stronger, but the thread is fraying at the edges, so it must be solidified before it breaks completely."
"Well, fuckin' hell, let's do this shit," the white version of Ichigo muttered flash stepping away, Grimmjow and Renji following a second later.
"He'll resist still, he can't help it," Zangetsu said, keeping pace easily beside them. "Don't stop, don't let him push you away. Hichigo and I are part of him, so we cannot possibly repair the damage. He controls us both, after all."
There was sickening spin as both Renji and Grimmjow lost their footing and were somewhere Grimmjow recognized immediately, and after a moment so did Renji. Las Noches.
There were screams from down the hall and a string of cuss words. They both recognized Ichigo's voice, and obviously unbroken at this time. They entered the room, unseen, to find a pink haired Szayel leaning over the boy bound to the surgical table. He was panting, blood leaking from a few punctures on his arms and chest.
"Fuck you!" he screamed, catching a breath. "Quit fucking stabbing me with that goddamned needle, teme!"
Szayel moved away, disappearing, leaving the panting shinigami alone for a moment. He returned just as quickly with a different instrument. It looked like a drill with a space at the end. Ichigo's eyes widened. "What the fuck is that?" he cried out.
Szayel sighed. "I'm sorry, Ichigo-chan, but this is really going to hurt. I need a marrow sample, and you've seemed to have built up a resistance to the drug I've been using to knock you out. I've given you as much as I can, but it doesn't seem to be effecting you like it should. I didn't want to do this while you were conscious, but this is the last one, I promise Ichigo-chan."
There was a buzzing sound as Szayel turned the device on and Ichigo began to squirm away from him. He put a hand on him, turning it off and grabbing another syringe from his table. "I'll give you this, it will paralyze you, maybe numb some of it, but I can't numb the bone," he said, injecting something into his arm. His body visibly relaxed, and he looked someone blissed out.
Szayel looked disturbed, and Grimmjow had never seen that pink haired freak look like that. He reached down and ran a hand over the boy's head.
"I'm sorry, Ichigo, but Aizen doesn't like what I've found. He's angry because he wanted so much more from you. I can't recreate what happened to you. I can't even understand it. And the tests, they show so much potential in you that it's ridiculous. The power you possess, even you can't fathom what it can do, and I tried, I really tried, but I couldn't keep it from him," Szayel leaned over and put his head against the semi-conscious boy's forehead. "He's going to break you, Ichigo, and that's a shame, but what I am going to do against the likes of him? I'm only octavo, nothing compared to the eight above me. He's making me come up with something after Gin's done tormenting you. I'll do what I can, but he'll know if I do too much. I'm sorry.
"Truly, for the first time in this miserable existence, I'm sorry. I doubt you'll remember this, what I'm saying, but I hope you do, somewhere, because what he has planned is terrible, and if I had the guts, I'd kill you on this table. But I can't do it. I can't just kill you."
The pink haired espada stepped back, sighing and turning on the drill-like device and pressed it against the boy's thigh and began the procedure. It wasn't long until he was done, and cleaning the blood and vomit afterward, Ichigo having screamed himself horse as the thing drilled into his bone. Szayel put the sample away and patched up the various wounds from testing his body, his fingers stopping to press against his sweaty face as he breathed heavily, winding away into unconsciousness finally.
The world spun sickeningly again, causing both Grimmjow and Renji to stumble, crashing to the floor. Quickly they gathered themselves up and started walking, just following the corridor they were in.
"That's why he let me go," Grimmjow said with a sigh.
"Huh?" Renji said looking up.
Grimmjow swallowed. "When I found him, I took him to Szayel, and he watched as I left through the garganta with him, never stopping me."
They heard screams again, this time peppered with a gentler voice laughing and talking around them. Both Grimmjow and Renji recognized that voice. Gin Ichimaru. There was a flash and they were standing in another room, Ichigo's body spread out, arms open to either side. Blood was flowing down his chest and back as Gin circled him. They noticed now and then Gin glancing up and back down to Ichigo.
Renji followed his gaze and saw a small black globe. "Monitoring device, Aizen watched this every time," Grimmjow provided. "Szayel didn't allow them in his lab, but Gin loved putting on a show for Aizen with that zanpakto of his."
"Fuck off, Gin, leave me alone," Ichigo said breathlessly. "I'm tired, how much more of this is there? Just fucking kill me."
"Ichi-kun, ah can't kill you!" Gin announced, leaning down and smiling foxlike at him, then whispering almost too low to be heard by the voyeurs in the room. "But ah do wish ah could do that fer ya. Sorry 'bout that, Ichi-kun."
There was another spinning sensation and they were still in the room. Only now, Ichigo was laying on the dirty mattress sleeping it would seem. The door opened and Szayel entered with a plate and glass. He slowly set them down beside the sleeping form. He sighed and injected him with something. Ichigo stirred sleepily and his brown eyes opened and stared at Szayel again, half aware.
"It'll keep you alive, but I wish I could fill it with poison. Aizen's taking you out of here tomorrow, Ichigo. I…I wish I could do something, but he watches everything. It's wrong, I know it, Gin knows it. We tried. But Aizen made sure to watch every move we've made, making sure we didn't slip up and 'accidently' kill you before he got to the last stage. Always a game with him, Ichigo, always a game. Stages. He's so angry that the research into you yielded no results. He even quit incursions into the world of the living. He wanted you to help him take the soul king's place, or at least use your power. But he can't, you're the only one that can use it, and it infuriates him. And gods help you, he's going to show you and soul society how angry he is."
"What are we watching?" Grimmjow asked quietly.
Renji stared. "This is stuff he doesn't remember, not really, he was half conscious. So he doesn't remember them saying these things. I think we've jogged it loose. Maybe Gin and Szayel trying to tell him that it wasn't his fault will help him in some way?"
It seemed time passed and Szayel came back again, this time with Ulquirro.
"Please hurry, I must return soon. This is not my idea of a thing that requires my attention," Ulquirro said, impassive as usual.
"I'm sorry, Ulquirro-san, but Aizen-sama does not want any of the more aggressive arrancar or espada interfering in this transfer," Szayel said, unhooking Ichigo and lifting him from the bed, his weight surprising.
"Why does Aizen-sama not simply kill this boy?" Ulquirro asked as they headed out of the room. In Szayel's arms, Ichigo moaned and rolled his head, his eyes half open. "It is beyond me why he does not."
"Some perverse pleasure," Szayel muttered, staring down into the sunken cheeks of the half starved boy.
Renji and Grimmjow followed, but they really didn't half to move, it seemed the world followed Ichigo at a blinding and sickening speed.
"Pleasure?" asked Ulquirro, pushing open a door almost identical to every other. Szayel entered and laid his bundle on the bed, securing wrists and ankles as Aizen had asked.
"Yeah, you know, gets his rocks off?" Szayel said with a frown at the utterly emotionless arrancar.
"As in sexual pleasure?" asked Ulquirro, tilting his head to the side. "I have participated in such acts before, but do not understand why Aizen-sama needs this particular boy for that purpose. There are many arrancar with which he could couple."
Szayel shook his head. "It's more than just sexual pleasure. He's his enemy, someone he's struck down; he wants to humiliate him in every sense of the word. You'd never understand, Ulquirro, so don't try."
Szayel leaned over, pulling a couple syringes from his leather satchel. He carefully administered each one. "What are those?" Ulquirro asked passively.
"One is a chemical Aizen wanted, to make the boy enjoy his torture. The other…is something I'm giving him to dull pain and clot blood faster," Szayel said with a sigh.
"Did Aizen-sama ask you to administer that one?" Ulquirro said, staring at the stirring body on the bed.
Szayel shook his head. "No, he didn't, but I'm trying to keep him alive, though I should really just kill him and suffer Aizen-sama's wrath."
Ulquirro looked over at him. "Why would you kill him if you should be keeping him alive for Aizen-sama?"
Szayel shook his head. "You wouldn't understand no matter how hard you tried, Ulquirro. I may be completely fucking insane, but some things shouldn't be done."
The world shifted again and they were staring at Ichigo. He was sitting on the floor in the room and Grimmjow recognized the scene all too well. Ulquirro was staring down at him, impassive as Ichigo writhed in pain, blood spreading out around him.
"Interesting," Ulquirro commented and turned and left.
Renji's breath hitched. He was seeing memories so he couldn't even interact. Ichigo finally tried to stand, his legs buckling, the shattered bones unable to support the weight of his body.
"I want to die," he moaned, beginning to sob. "How could they…leave me…like this…after everything, after I…gave…"
Around them a voice spoke, not in line with the things happening in the room, but it must have been Ichigo remembering. Both Renji and Grimmjow recognized the smooth silky sounds of Aizen's voice.
Ichigo, they're not coming for you. You heard the head captain, he wouldn't help Inoue, you think he would help you? You're a monster, you're not worth saving. You're worthless now, look at you, mewling and begging me to touch you. What a little whore you've become… And they wouldn't want you now, who would want you now? I'm going to keep you here until you give up completely. Don't think I don't see that tiny spark in your eye. That tiny little sliver of hope that someone, anyone will save you. They aren't. And until that spark disappears, I won't let you die. Only when you've given up all hope, will I kill you and end this, Ichigo. Only then.
You enjoy this, you crave my touch on your skin, how sick and twisted you must be down deep, Ichgo to like what I'm doing. I feel your breath and the shaking of your body. No, they would be so ashamed to see you like this. Once their strong and powerful protected, reduced to this writhing mass of…nothing. You're nothing now except my toy, my pet.
They've always been afraid of you, my pet. That untamed and wild hollow inside you. They don't understand it. They fear it. And they'll always fear it. That's why they haven't come, you know. That way they don't have to kill you themselves, because they can't bring themselves to do in an ally. But they've abandoned you, it's been almost four months Ichigo, and not even a one has come to Heuco Mundo to even find out.
And then the world faded out and they were standing on one of the sky scrapers, the rain falling full force again, the sky almost black. And standing on the edge was Ichigo, screaming at the sky.
"How could they leave me?" he sobbed, dropping off the edge of the building.
