ReneeFF is my better half at this. Thank you for editing, love.


Chapter 11

I had cried my eyes out while I was alone but when Alice brought Mila back and my parents got home, I pretended everything was fine. I texted Jake to come over once Mila was asleep. I had to do it now and be over with it.

It's the last thing I wanted. He was perfect, not to mention the hottest guy I'd ever met, but it was time for me to understand I wasn't going to have what I wanted. The sooner I accepted that, the sooner I could try and be happy with what I did have. I had a family and a daughter that loved me, not everyone was so lucky.

I could hardly look at Jake when I got into his car that night. I felt like I was shaking.

He kissed my cheek, "You're shivering, babe, you okay? Here, I'll turn the heat up."

I shook my head. "I'm not cold."

"Alright, should we go somewhere? You hungry?"

I shook my head again and finally turned to him. He couldn't find out all that stuff about me. I didn't want to do this, but I had to act like I did.

"Jake... You're really great…" My voice gave me away.

"You're kidding me, right?"

"What?"

"That's the beginning of a break up speech."

I sighed and gave him a sad look. "I just think... all that's going on with me is too much."

"But you know I'm here to help you."

"Jake... don't make this harder." I tried really hard to stay strong and not show him how much this hurt. It's the last thing I want, especially considering he makes me feel safer than anyone. I have Alice and Jason, and they're amazing, but Jake's different. He's perfect.

"I just don't fucking get it, Rose... I know you're going through stuff but I really thought I was helping you."

"Jake..." I can't help it, I'm crying.

He takes my hands but I pull away. I have to do it. I hate it and I hate Emmett but I can't do anything about it.

"Tell me what this is really about."

I look at him through the dim light and it reminds me of our first date, the street lights illuminating his features. I wish I didn't play hard to get at the beginning so I could have had more time with him. Just another thing to add onto my long list of mistakes.

I couldn't risk Jake seeing those photos, and God forbid the videos. It would ruin everything he saw in me. He would question why I wasn't having sex with him and see that I'm the biggest hypocrite that ever existed.

I was such an idiot for letting Emmett talk me into it all. I hated him with everything that I was for coming back to ruin my life yet again. I really had no one to blame but myself though. I was in love with him and I did everything he wanted to make him happy.

"You can't want me for a girlfriend."

"What do you mean, I'm with you aren't I? I wouldn't be if I didn't want to. I don't do shit I don't want to do."

"I have a kid, I'm a teenager... I'm dealing with my ex... You deserve a girl who's going to give all her attention to you... I have nothing to give, I'm sorry."

"You have you to give. I love Mila, and this is a fucking shitty way of telling you, but I love you too..."

I sob then and shake my head. I don't want to hear it. I can't hear it.

"We've been dating for awhile, and we hardly get to do what couples do, and it's because of me... You don't deserve to have a girlfriend with this many problems... who won't even sleep with you." Before everything got messed up, I really wanted to.

"You think I pretend to care about you just because I want to fuck you? Sure, I'd love to sleep with you, but I know that's not all life has to offer. The people I care about are more important than whether I get laid or not."

"I want you to have someone without problems, who's going to give you everything... I'm not only talking about sex. I hardly do anything for you. I'm sorry I just can't do it, it's too hard being with you."

"Being with me shouldn't be hard..." He shakes his head. "Besides, I think I got my answer when you didn't say you loved me back... I don't need someone that'll only pay attention to me, I need someone who's gonna love me."

I swallow the hugest lump down my throat. I want to tell him I love him and hug him so badly, but this is the only way it'll be over.

"I'm sorry... I have to go." I push his car door open. I want him to stop me and tell me that whatever it was it wouldn't matter to him.

He doesn't though, and it's for the best. I want him. I want to be with him, and be everything he needs. Although the reason I'm breaking up with him is because of Emmett, all those things I said were true, and I really did realize how selfish I'd been. He gave everything in this relationship and I hardly gave anything in return.