Chapter 11 – How To Fall In Love
Kurt was in love.
At least it felt a lot like how he imagined love must feel like. All day long he couldn't stop smiling and he couldn't stop looking at Blaine who in response couldn't stop smiling back at him. There was no denying the wild heartbeat and unreasonable amount of sneaked kisses whenever they felt unwatched. They sang silly love songs in the Spotlight Diner together, much to the delight of their customers and dread of their co-workers. In the theatre workshop they didn't just play their parts, but felt as passionate as their alter egos Gideon and Felix – the gay lovers fighting for their love in a cruel world. And in the backroom of the Peter Pan show they spent two hours making out like horny teenagers – always on the verge of breaking apart in case the parents come in – in this case Kurt's fellow cast mates. It was exciting and thrilling and made Kurt's heart beat in unknown ways.
It was Friday night and although Kurt and Blaine wanted to head straight to the Astoria's for a repetition of last night, Rachel had other plans. After the show had ended, she grabbed Kurt's arm and wouldn't let go.
"No, you're not leaving!" she ordered with a smile. "I promised Adam I'd bring you along tonight. You owe us your company, Kurt! Besides, you've promised weeks ago you'd come to Callbacks with us."
"What do you say?" Kurt turned to Blaine.
"What's this Callbacks?" Blaine asked.
"It's a piano bar and NYADA hangout mostly," Rachel explained. "But us alumni are allowed to come back whenever we like."
"Sounds like fun," Blaine said.
Kurt gave Blaine an apologetic shrug, but Blaine didn't mind the detour all that much. He knew he would have Kurt for the rest of the night, and he didn't mind spending time with Kurt's friends, even if Adam was going to be there.
The piano bar was fun and Kurt had to admit that it was nice to sit next to Blaine with his friends around. It made his thing with Blaine so much more real to acknowledge it in public, whatever it was. Blaine was touching him constantly, whether by putting his arm around Kurt's back or holding his hand on the table. It made Kurt feel light-headed and giddy.
"It's great to see you smiling again, Kurt," Adam said with a warm smile and Kurt tilted his head and gave him a happy smile. "Thank you," he said.
"Let's have a singing contest," Rachel suddenly suggested. "The girls have to sing men's songs and the boys have to sing women's songs."
"Nah, I don't want to sing. You guys have fun," Kurt said.
"Come on, Kurt," Blaine said. "We all know you have a great voice."
"Another time," Kurt said with a one-sided shrug.
"I'll go first," Rachel said and conquered the stage and spoke with the piano player. She introduced herself to the audience and was well received, apparently she was a regular on the mike. Kurt watched her perform, proud to know her and a little bit jealous of her brazenness to just go out there and ask for her applause.
Rachel returned to the table after her amazing rendition of Sinatra's My Way, a song choice that was no surprise to those who knew her well.
"You guys, it's so amazing up there!" She squealed in joy. "Kurt, you have to do your Wicked medley!"
"No, I'm out of practice," Kurt dismissed the idea. "All I have in mind are the Gideon and Felix songs from our workshop and I can't sing those for copy right reasons obviously."
"Can I sing something?" Blaine asked and all heads turned to him.
"You can sing?" Rachel asked, pleased and surprised.
"Right, I heard you've joined the workshop for the French musical with Kurt," Adam said. "Everyone seems to be enchanted by you. I happen to know the writer. He's raving about you. Congratulations."
"Thank you," Blaine said humbly. "I'm enjoying myself so far."
"Just go up to Pascal the piano player and let him know what you want to sing," Rachel instructed him.
"Can I play, too?" Blaine asked.
"You can play the piano?" Kurt asked, intrigued.
"Yes, I've had lessons as a kid."
Rachel raised her brows in appreciation. "Just remember to sing a song traditionally sung by a woman. Also, it should be something that expresses how you feel about yourself."
Kurt let out a low giggle. "Good thing you chose to sing My Way, Rachel."
"Don't worry," Blaine winked at her. "I've got it covered."
Kurt was excited about which song Blaine was going to sing. He had proven to have a wide-range knowledge of tacky love songs so far, a trait that Kurt found adorable now that he was in love with him.
Blaine sat down at the piano and stretched his arms and shook out his fingers before he leaned towards the microphone. "Hello, I'm Blaine and this is a song I've been singing to myself since I was eleven and dreamed of finding someone to love. It's the first time I'm singing it for an audience, so please bear with me."
Kurt and his friends clapped supportively and a smile settled on Kurt's lips. Blaine could be such a sap, who knew?
Blaine's fingers met the keys softly but skillfully as he played a sad but sweet melody. His voice was soft yet loud and clear.
"A simple choice, nothing more
This or that, either or
Marry well, social whirl, business man, clever guy
Or pin my future on a green glass love
What kind of life am I dreaming of?"
Blaine looked over to Kurt and gave him that sweet smile that Kurt had grown so fond of.
"I say gimme, gimme ... gimme, gimme
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I want it
Highs and lows, tears and laughter
Gimme happy ever after
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!"
His voice grew stronger and fiercer with each line, more desperate and wanting.
"Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I crave it
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I'll brave it
Thick 'n thin, rich or poor time
Gimme years and I'll want more time
Gimme, gimme that thing called love
I don't care if he's a nobody
In my heart he'll be a somebody
Somebody to love me!
Here I am, St. Valentine
My bags are packed, I'm first in line
Gimme fat boy's famous arrow
Gimme, gimme that thing called love!"
By the time he finished the song, Blaine was panting, but grinning happily like a maniac. He had given a number one performance of how to sing your heart out and received a thunderous applause. Standing up, Blaine took a bow and blew a kiss in Kurt's direction.
Kurt clapped so hard his hands hurt.
"What a show-off," Rachel muttered next to him.
Kurt immediately took offense. "What did you just say?"
"Just look how much he's craving the spot light," she said. "If you ask me he's sticking close to you because you're his ticket into showbiz."
"He loves to sing, but his parents didn't allow him to pursue his dreams," Kurt explained in Blaine's defense. "God, you always feel threatened by someone else's talent. Let him have this moment on stage."
"It's not just this moment," Rachel went on. "I think it's weird how he's taking over all your jobs. He's a singing waiter now, I hear. And he's gotten the lead role in your workshop play."
"He doesn't have the lead. He just took over for as long as the other guy is ill."
"What a coincidence." Rachel rolled her eyes.
"He's a man who's got nothing to lose," Kurt pointed out, although he couldn't tell Rachel what exactly he meant by that. "If he sees an opportunity he takes it. There's nothing wrong with that."
"He's taking advantage of you," Rachel said.
"No, he's not," Kurt became annoyed with her. "He just—" Kurt didn't know how to explain why Blaine stuck to him twenty four seven without mentioning his suicide attempt. "We're in love, Rachel. It's as simple as that. He just wants to be close to me."
"Didn't you listen to his song?" Rachel pointed out. "He's clearly in love with love, not with you."
Kurt gave her an incredulous look and would have told her to shut up, if Blaine hadn't returned to the table in that instant. Rachel greeted him with a fake smile.
"You were amazing," Kurt gave Blaine a half-hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Thank you," Blaine said, glancing between Kurt and Rachel and sensing that something was off.
"You're next, Kurt," Adam said from the other side of the table.
"Oh, no, I'm really not in the mood," Kurt dismissed.
"You have to sing, Kurt! Please!" Adam said with a pout. "I haven't heard you sing in such a long time."
"I'm sorry, but Blaine and I can't be out too long, we have an early flight to catch," Kurt said apologetically.
Rachel widened her eyes at him. "We?"
"Blaine's coming with me to Lima," Kurt said matter-of-factly, but Rachel would have none of it.
"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she nodded her head towards the restrooms.
Blaine gave Kurt a questioning look, with worry in his eyes. "It's okay," Kurt murmured. "I'll be just a minute." Kurt extracted himself from Blaine and followed her.
Rachel turned around in the small hallway to the restrooms and poked her finger into Kurt's chest.
"You can't take him to Lima!"
"I'm sorry, but I think it's none of your-"
"As your best friend and roommate I have to speak up!" Rachel said in all earnestness. Kurt crossed his arms in front of his chest, preparing for a long critic. "This thing with him and you is getting creepy. This guy shows up out of nowhere and just like that you're inseparable. He has started working in all the places you work, he sits in the theatre backroom with you every night, and now you want to take him to your hometown?"
"Why is all of that a bad thing?" Kurt asked. He knew it was weird, but he didn't see why it was so hard to believe that two people would meet and fall for one another.
"You haven't slept at home all week long," Rachel pointed out. "Where does he even live? I don't know a thing about him. He could be a murderer for all I know. If you went missing, I wouldn't know which direction to point the police to. Are you listening to me?" Rachel shook him by the arm when his gaze had turned back to the table.
"I hear you," Kurt said in a tight, pinched voice.
"I get that you think you're in love, but be realistic here for a moment, Kurt. This kind of fairy tale stuff doesn't happen to anybody. You hardly know the guy. This isn't normal."
"What do you know about normal, Rachel?" Kurt hissed at her. "Maybe I don't want a normal guy."
"Okay, just for a moment let's say he's for real. Then you shouldn't take him to Lima! It won't be a sweet getaway weekend and you know that. I see you each time you come back, Kurt. No matter how infatuated you are, taking Blaine to Lima will destroy whatever it is you have with him. You can't let him see you like that. He'll be freaked out."
"He already saw me in a bad condition and vice versa," Kurt admitted. "Blaine has to come with me. I can't tell you why, but there's no other option. And to tell the truth, I don't know how things are going to turn out with him, but right now it feels right."
She looked at him with pity in her eyes. "I just worry about you," she said. "Nothing would make me happier than seeing you happy again and Blaine really seems like a sweet guy-"
"But?"
"I have a bad feeling about this. Something is off. Life isn't like the movies and the man of your dreams doesn't just show up out of nowhere and wants to spend every minute with you."
"Well thank you, Rachel, you've got this tremendous gift to put everything back into perspective," Kurt said sarcastically. "I'm taking him to Lima and I'm going to introduce him to my father and I'm going to meet his parents, too – they live in Westerville – and maybe this weekend is going to destroy everything but maybe it's going to be the start of something great."
"Maybe," she agreed. "And if not, I'm here for you."
He knew that she meant well, but it was just like her to spoil something for him.
"Thank you for your concern, but I feel good about this. Maybe he's the one. Maybe finally something good is happening to me."
"I hope so for you," Rachel replied, still sounding skeptical.
Kurt turned away from her. He was so angry and confused by her words that he didn't know how else to use this energy than to put it into a song. So he hit the stage and told the piano player which song to play. He met the surprised and delighted gazes of his friends, especially Adam and Blaine seemed amazed that he would sing after all.
"Maybe this time, I'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time, For the first time
Love won't hurry away
He will hold me fast
I'll be home at last
Not a loser anymore
Like the last time
And the time before
Everybody loves a winner
So nobody loved me
Mister Peaceful, Mister Happy
That's what I long to be
All the odds are there in my favor
Something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time I'll win
Maybe this time, maybe this time I'll win!"
His song had a hopeful melancholy to it that it was almost too hurtful to watch. His voice grew strong and determined in the end and he received standing ovations for hitting the high notes, but he felt deflated instead of exhilarated after he'd finished.
He returned to his friends, but only to grab Blaine's hand and take him out of the bar. "Let's go."
Blaine followed him without asking why Kurt was in such a hurry to leave or what he'd talked about with Rachel. He wanted to say how much he enjoyed Kurt's performance, but he kept his mouth shut, noticing how something was brooding inside of Kurt.
They took a cab to the Astoria and went upstairs.
Kurt had a fleeting thought about how fast the hotel had become like a second home to him just because it was where Blaine lived. How he had grown accustomed to the luxury, because it seemed to be a part of Blaine, but not a very important part. And he noticed how Blaine had grown accustomed to holding his hand in public. Maybe all Blaine had needed was someone who was willing to hold his hand, to make him feel that it was normal to fall in love with someone – man or woman – and hold their hand.
But was this really love? Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe this was just an illusion. Love didn't happen within a week. This wasn't love – couldn't be love. This was just two desperate people clinging to one another and looking for an excuse to forget about the rest of the world.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Blaine had both hands on Kurt's neck and face, caressing him with hands and words, placing little kisses on his skin, trying to get back to the can't-take-my-hands-off-you situation they had left in the theatre's backroom.
But Kurt couldn't succumb to his advances. "I need some water," he mumbled and stepped out of Blaine's grasp to go over to the fridge and get a bottle of water. He leaned with his back against the refrigerator and sipped his water, glad that for once Blaine wasn't following him and he had a moment to himself.
He heard Blaine moving in the living room, probably igniting the fire. Kurt imagined cozying up in front of the fireplace again like they had the other night, sitting across from each other on the carpet where Blaine had kissed him the first time.
But he couldn't make himself go into the next room. He felt like the magic was gone. It was as if Rachel had brought him back to reality. Of course this wasn't a normal love story. This wasn't a love story at all. He had talked a stranger off a bridge and offered him a shoulder to cry on. If Blaine was clinging to him, it was out of despair, not love. He wanted to be closer to Kurt, because Kurt had been the only one to give him perspective and hope. Kurt had read an article once about how people fell for people who complimented them, because they made them feel better about themselves. So maybe Blaine was attracted to Kurt, because of the way Kurt made him feel. That made much more sense.
The only problem was that Kurt was fairly certain that he was in love with the guy who had wanted to be dead a few days ago and who avoided talking about it. At least, Kurt wanted it to be love or some kind of love. But what if it was just temporary? Could it be something to last? If they wanted it to be serious, they had to stop avoiding the hard questions.
He still stood motionless and staring at the floor when Blaine came looking for him after a few minutes.
"What's wrong?" Blaine asked softly, reaching out to take Kurt's hand and giving it a gentle tug, a prompt to follow him into the living room of the suite. "Is it something Rachel said to you?"
Kurt gave a half-shrug. "She means well."
"Have you told her how we met?" There was a slight quiver of mistrust in Blaine's voice.
"No, and I don't intent to," Kurt assured him. "She just thinks it's odd how we spend every second together."
"Well, it is," Blaine agreed with a grin. "But who cares? Nobody needs to know why. If anybody asks we'll just tell them we're so much in love."
Are we? Is this love? The words sat on Kurt's tongue, but he didn't let them out. Instead he allowed Blaine to pull him along until they sat down Indian style in front of the fireplace, facing each other. Still, he couldn't just let it go. "Is this what you're going to tell your parents?" Kurt challenged. Blaine paled, just like Kurt had thought he would.
"I don't know if I can tell them about us," Blaine confessed.
"I know you are afraid, but you need to start being honest with the people in your life," Kurt said in a soft voice. "Maybe they just need to hear the truth. As long as you don't tell them who you are they can go on molding you into someone they want you to be."
Blaine shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. "Do we have to talk about this now?"
"Yes!" Kurt said. It came out harsher than he intended. "Because you can't keep on avoiding the hard questions!"
"Stop pressuring me!" Blaine countered, getting angry himself. "You're supposed to help me feel good about myself!"
"I'm not supposed to do anything," Kurt argued, his face a hard mask. "I'm not here to magically turn your life around. You can't depend on me like that. You have to do it on your own."
Blaine let out an angry huff and punched the carpet with his fists before he got to his feet and started pacing the room, silently fuming. Kurt remained slumped on the floor, watching Blaine throw punches into thin air and tearing at his curls, clearly hating that the one person he had counted on turned out to be a flake. Just like everyone and everything around him.
What had Kurt been thinking? Being responsible for someone else's life when he couldn't even handle his own? Kurt started to panic. Blaine couldn't depend on him. He couldn't be Blaine's reason to live, because that was bound to go down. Kurt closed his eyes, bit hard on his bottom lip and began counting his fingers to keep himself from freaking out.
Suddenly Blaine was there, taking his hands into a firm grip to make him stop going crazy. "Are you okay? Kurt?"
Kurt squeezed his eyes shut tighter and hung his head, pressing his chin to his chest.
"I'm sorry, okay?" Blaine said helplessly. "I'm a coward. I feel helpless when it comes to my parents, but now that I've met you everything's changed. I promise, I'll try my best to make them understand how much being with you means to me and—"
"You can't let another person be your reason to live!" Kurt told him fiercely. "I know it's tempting. You want to cling to somebody and hope they save you—" His voice broke and he tasted the salty tears building in his throat. "But if they let go, you're right where you started."
Kurt let Blaine hug him, but he didn't hug back. He collapsed against him and felt Blaine stiffen as he held his body's weight. Kurt could feel his own heart pounding and it felt so heavy and big and he wondered how it was still beating when the rest of his insides were empty and all that's left was his lonely, beating heart. His breathing was shaky and he took a few gulps to try to steady himself.
Blaine pulled away from him so he could look him in the eye. "I don't want to be a burden," Blaine said softly, taking Kurt's hands again. "I just need someone to shake me back to life and you're doing a great job of that."
Kurt just gave a nod.
"It's even more than that," Blaine went on. "I feel like there's this amazing connection between us. Tell me you feel it, too."
Their hands were locked together in a tight grip and Blaine gave them an encouraging squeeze, but Kurt didn't respond.
"You never let on how you feel about me," Blaine said, trying to coax something out of him. "I don't know how I stand with you."
"Is it important how I feel?" Kurt asked, genuinely interested. "You didn't care much about Tina's feelings, either, which I understand. You're tangled up in your own problems, so you don't have the energy to worry about other people's finer feelings. That's normal, I guess."
"Do you think I'm a selfish prick?" Blaine asked, his face scrunched up.
"No, I think you should become more selfish as long as you're doing it for the right reasons," Kurt said tiredly. "Tell the people you care about who you are and who you want to be. Give them time to process and wait who's going to support you and who will turn their backs, but don't allow them to define you."
"Let's move to bed," Blaine pleaded in a murmur, stroking his hands up and down Kurt's arms.
"We're not done talking," Kurt said.
"I didn't think we were," Blaine replied. "I'd just like to be in a more comfortable position for the hard talks."
Kurt took the hand Blaine offered and got to his feet. He took in the suite with different eyes tonight. The luxury didn't intimidate him anymore. The fireplace, the leather couches and canopy bed, the expensive view over Manhattan. It was all meaningless. Like all worldly possessions, you couldn't take any of it with you. It was just a farce. If he was taken out of this luxurious suite, Blaine would still be the same miserable, depressed boy who couldn't stand up for himself.
Kurt realized that Blaine had known this all along. He didn't care about his extravagant life style. He knew that nothing in this room, nothing in this rich world of his could save him. That was probably the reason why he leaned on Kurt so much.
They went into the bedroom and undressed. There was no sexual innuendo in the way they stripped to their undies and slipped under the covers. Kurt was grateful for the suggestion, because he found it way easier to talk when he didn't have to look Blaine in the eye, but to have him lie by his side, feeling his body next to him and have him caress his skin. Blaine's hand wandered from Kurt's collar bone down his chest to draw circles on his belly and move up again, in a soothing motion. Every now and then he would put little kisses on Kurt's shoulder or just press his face against Kurt's arm. It was only then that Kurt found he was ready to ask the hard questions.
"The night on the bridge," Kurt said and it came so out of context and out of the blue that Blaine scrunched up his face. "Has it been your first attempt at ending your life?"
"That's not important anymore," Blaine claimed.
"It is," Kurt disagreed. "I need you to tell me how long you've had these thoughts. For how long did you plan to kill yourself?"
"That's silly," Blaine said with a sigh. "I've been thinking about killing myself all through high school and during college, too." He said it like it was the usual thing to do as a teenager.
"Were those just abstract thoughts, like, Gosh, life sucks, I wish I was dead?" Kurt asked. "Or did you think about how to do it in detail?"
He felt Blaine shrug beside him. "Mostly I didn't think about the act itself, but more about afterwards, about what would happen once I was dead, you know? Like, I'd picture my funeral and who would mourn about me."
"Did you never imagine the different methods how you'd do it?"
"Yeah, sometimes I would compare methods," Blaine admitted. "I thought about taking pills mostly. Just falling asleep, you know? But then I thought about how horrible it would be for my parents to find me. No matter how much I argue and disagree with my parents, I couldn't do that to them. Same goes for hanging myself. So horrible."
"What made you go to the bridge that night?" Kurt wondered. "You could have taken pills here." He gestured with his arm, encompassing the hotel room, and imagined Blaine lying on this very bed, surrounded by the red roses he had bought for Tina with an empty bottle of pills on the nightstand. He shivered thinking about it.
"Well, that was kind of a knee-jerk reaction," Blaine explained. "I felt so hurt by Tina and so hopeless about my situation – and to tell the truth I didn't have pills at the hotel, so I went out to get to the next grocery store, but then I ended up just walking across the city and then I was on the bridge and I was so angry and sick with everything and—"
"I heard you yelling," Kurt said quietly. He didn't mean to interrupt, but Blaine stopped talking and the arm on Kurt's chest moved to drag him closer.
"You were shouting into the sky how much you hated someone," Kurt went on. "You were talking about yourself, weren't you? How much you hated yourself, how pathetic you thought you were. Self-hatred is a feeling one doesn't recover from within a few days."
"I don't really hate myself," Blaine murmured. "I just hated feeling all alone."
"They say people who want to kill themselves don't actually want to die, they just want their life to change," Kurt said. "And because they feel trapped they attempt suicide. Another reason to wanting to die is because of guilt. I'm glad you don't want to jump because you feel guilty of something, because that's a hard feeling to step away from."
"I was up on the ledge, because I didn't know where else to turn and what else to do," Blaine said, shaking his head.
"Drowning is a painful way to go," Kurt said in a matter-of-fact tone. "But it's a fire-sure way to make sure you'll be gone. Even if people tried to rescue you, by the time they would get you out of the water your lungs would be filled with water and you'd be frozen to death, too. Plus, if you jump into a river that leads straight into the ocean, your body might never be found. You'd spare your family the sight of your dead body or the costs of a funeral."
"I never thought about it that way," Blaine said, clearly disturbed by the thought of it. "It's brutal to deprive them of a proper funeral. I mean, how are they supposed to say goodbye if there isn't a body? God, if I'd gone through with it—I didn't even leave a note. Nobody might have known I was dead. I would have just disappeared and they might have looked for me forever, hoping I was out there somewhere—"
Blaine took Kurt's hand and squeezed it hard, as if reassuring himself that he was still alive, and frightened with the thought.
"I'm so glad you were there—it must have been fate."
"Maybe," Kurt allowed. He closed his arms around the arm holding him.
He could sense the way Blaine was glowing beside him, so happy that Kurt agreed to something like fate bringing them together. Kurt didn't actually believe in fate, but he knew that it hadn't been coincidence that they had both been there that night.
"Well, the whole concept of suicide is new to me," Kurt went on. "I haven't spent much time thinking about dying before. There has been a tough time for me back in high school when I was being bullied. But even then I never considered taking my life. I understand that there are certain circumstances in life that leave you no choice or at least make it very hard to go on. Like a fatal illness or like I said guilt—"
"Do we have to talk about all of this?" Blaine asked, nuzzling into the crook of Kurt's neck. "It's depressing. And I'm okay now. I feel like I'm a whole new person since I met you! It's like I get a vacation from my life."
"The worst feeling is to love someone and not be able to help them," Kurt said in a faraway voice.
"But you are helping me!" Blaine protested and tightened the embrace.
Kurt's face crumpled and for one awful moment Blaine was afraid he was going to cry, but then Kurt turned towards him and kissed his cheek, saying "Thank you" in such a world-weary way that Blaine almost wanted to cry himself, except that he was feeling much too good for that.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. "Why are you so weirdly sad all the time?"
"I'm just nervous about tomorrow," Kurt said which wasn't a lie.
"About meeting my parents? It was your idea!" Blaine pointed out.
"No. Well, yeah. But I'm more nervous about taking you home with me."
"Believe me, meeting your father will be much more pleasant than meeting mine," Blaine said with a giggle. Kurt didn't say anything to that.
They went back to kissing and though Kurt's head wasn't in it at first, soon he relaxed and began to enjoy Blaine's mouth against his, willing away the doubts and concerns. They made love again this night, but instead of passionate and urgent this time it was gentle, sensual and took a great deal longer than the night before. It was as if Blaine wanted to prove that he could be an attentive lover rather than a horny dog.
Afterwards they lay in a tangle of limbs and blissful exhaustion. They were sweaty and hot, their breathing slowly going back to normal.
After quite a while Blaine whispered, "Kurt, are you still awake?"
Kurt didn't respond, because he was almost asleep and he didn't want to talk anymore that night. Blaine put his mouth near Kurt's ear, his breath warm and ticklish, whispering, "I'm in love with you."
Hearing this felt so right and Kurt considered saying it back, but the moment passed and Kurt found that he couldn't admit that he too was in love with Blaine. He couldn't afford feeling this way.
Hearing Blaine say it - even if it was just a whisper in the night - gave Kurt's heart a happy jolt, but at the same time it scared the hell out of him.
Songs in this chapter:
Gimme Gimme – Thoroughly Modern Millie
Maybe This Time – Cabaret
16. Mai 2016
