Beating Hearts
Chapter 11
If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment. -- Henry David Thoreau
Saturday. The day of the dance. Kari was still keeping her distance from Matt, although they had both kept their cool when they met in the halls. Matt seemed to be awkward though, which Kari found oddly satisfying. She liked it that she could tilt his world a little.
But then she thought of the dance again, and her stomach would curl. She hadn't spoken to TK since the hallway incident, where she had proclaimed she needed 'more time'. And yet she was meeting him at the hall! What was she going to say? So far Kari had thought of nothing to justify her words.
And then there was the dancing. All she had learned was some useless waltzing. Matt had tried to show her that funny way kids danced together, but… and what about just dancing alone? With friends? Was she supposed to wiggle her elbows or what?
Matt. Matt. Matt. She tried desperately not to think about that part of the dance. But how would Kari be able to forget him with his deep, soulful voice resonating through the entire hall?! Argh!
Just then, there was a knock on Kari's door.
"What?" she called out, her face muffled in a pillow. Kari had stayed home from school, throwing out the old, "I don't feel well." She'd been doing good all week, but Kari didn't know if she would have been able to stand another day of making polite conversation with Matt. Something had changed with him, and now he was matching her false sweetness. It was odd.
"I'm off to work," said her father.
"Have a good day," Kari mumbled out in her best weak voice. She waited until her father's steps faded away before relaxing completely. This normally wasn't like her: playing hooky, laying around in her pyjamas, avoiding her problems. But sometimes it was just too much to take. After all, Kari was a normal teenaged girl. She was going to feel stressed sometimes, and not just from schoolwork and being sick. Boys would obviously make up a large part of her problems.
But she had never imagined they'd be this large of a problem.
She lay in bed for several moments before deciding she should think of something to wear to the dance. Usually Kari was careless with her appearance, as she often met up with her friends in a school uniform. She had always tried to pretty herself up a little when Matt came over for dancing lessons, but…
Shaking her head and scolding her silliness, Kari hopped out of bed and began scanning her closet. What did one wear to a dance, anyway? Things like this never happened, and if they did Kari never went. Social functions made her nervous in a way just hanging out with friends didn't. She always felt as if everyone were watching her, or judging her clothes or her hair or something silly.
Kari turned and stared at herself in the mirror. Instantly she could choose several things she'd want to change about her appearance, but for a brief moment she pretended she was a stranger staring at her, not herself picking on what other's rarely noticed. She had an okay body, but it was more or less too thin because she was sick so often. No, no, she couldn't get picky about that. Moving on. Her eyes were big and a strange amber chocolate color. That was something nice about her. Her face okay, if not a bit too round, and her hair which drifted two or three inches past her earlobes was still the same dirty brown color. Its natural wave was beginning since she had slept on it all night, and she hastily finger combed through it. Enough with looking at herself (although she knew that was what she was bound to do all day). She had to pick clothes, make a convincing argument to her parents about being able to go the dance that night, and think of a way to break the awkward silences that often drifted between her and TK now. A pang of regret suddenly attacked her. If only Matt had stayed away. If only Kari had been smart enough to stop looking at him with moony eyes. Things would still be normal, and she'd still be anticipating the dance because of TK, and TK's smile and voice and comforting hand around her shoulders, and TK's laugh and the way he always looked right at her, never avoiding her (until recently). She could still be looking forward to all of that, giggling with her girlfriends about maybe he'd kiss her, or ask her out, or something.
But it had gone too long and now it was too late, because Matt—TK's older brother—had the power to change the heart of any girl in the expanse of a week.
It wasn't fair.
Matt wasn't very anxious. He'd played at dozens of concerts, most of them… well… a lot different than a school dance. He'd rarely seen the students outside of the classroom walls, and wondered idly how everyone would act.
It wasn't as if his band was playing the whole night. A DJ was coming in later so people could listen to their favorite squeaky pop tunes. He was just there to get everyone excited for the dance.
"Matt? What're you doing?"
He looked up from his steady gaze at the roof down to Tai, who was sitting backwards in the chair ahead of him, staring at him curiously. "You look so serious these days."
Matt quirked a single eyebrow. "And I'm usually in a light, joking mood?" he asked back sarcastically. Tai shrugged, and Matt felt guilt poke him in the sides.
"Excited for tonight?" Tai asked, changing topics rapidly again. "I am! I'm gonna dance with all the gorgeous girls, and it'll be so great!" he giggled, looking pleased and sneaky at the same time. Matt rolled his eyes underneath closed lids, so that his friend could enjoy himself at the moment.
"Yea, it'll be a great party," Matt said in a flat tone, rolling his pencil back and forth on his desk.
Tai stared at him. "You are such a downer sometimes," he said, but Matt couldn't tell if he was joking or serious. Tai smiled after his words, but Matt didn't believe it.
"Yea, well," was his intelligent reply. So what? He wasn't allowed to think? He was allowed to stay quiet sometimes? Good God.
Kari paced anxiously in the entrance to their apartment. It was almost seven o'clock, which meant that TK would be (hopefully) picking her up in a few minutes. Tai had already left, saying something about meeting up with 'his ladies' before going to the dance. Kari's parents had 'ooed' and 'awwed' over her dress, although it was nothing too special. But it was a rare occasion to see Kari dressed up, so they'd taken lots of photos and she'd stood there, embarrassed but happy. She really thought she looked good, in the light green dress that was slimming, but not so much that it showed her gangly stick-thinness. Her hair was nice too. She'd let it dry naturally… let it dry wavy.
She tried not to think that this was Matt's influence. Because it wasn't.
At the moment, Kari was just glad her parents had bought her story about feeling better once they'd come home.
A sudden buzzing snapped Kari out of her thoughts. After hastily telling TK he could come up, she paced outside of the door rather than inside the apartment. It was too stuffy in there.
TK appeared at the top of the stairs, and Kari jumped, smoothing out her dress embarrassedly. "Hey," she greeted TK, who was wearing a nice set of casual clothes, and yet it looked very classic and appropriate for a dance.
"Hey," TK said back, smiling at her. "You look great," he said sincerely. Kari felt a small blush creeping up on her cheeks. Was this it? Could things go back to normal from here?
"You too," she said softly, elbowing him in the side lightly. "Look at us, all dressed up."
"I know," TK agreed, chuckling. Kari noticed he hadn't brought flowers, but she didn't blame him. The last time he'd brought her flowers she hadn't managed to choke out a 'yes, I'll go to the dance with you'.
Things will be okay, Kari told herself as another horrible silence settled over them. They weren't even halfway down the stairs yet! How was she going to get through this night? Everything she had piled up in her mind to talk to him about was forgotten. Oh God.
So Kari pretended to enjoy the silence, like it was a comfortable friends thing.
It wasn't.
Dread built up again.
The whole walk to the hall had been silent, except for TK's few attempts at conversation, and Kari's sad replies. So the two of them had just decided to stay quiet. At one point TK had grasped her hand in his between them, but that was it. Now it seemed like nothing compared to Matt's ki—
Kari walked into the darkness of a large room. She blinked, trying to adjust to the sudden change of light. There were a few colored lights twirling around across the ceiling, walls, and floors. At the far end she could see a stage with instruments set up. Her heart pounded.
"Wow, there's lots of people here," said TK, stating the obvious. But Kari grasped onto that one sentence like it was a lifesaver.
"Yes! Aren't there? Wow, I wonder if there's going to be room to dance. And it's only like, 7:15!" The fake enthusiasm was so obvious, she was surprised TK didn't frown at her. But he seemed to want to believe her, and nodded agreeably. Kari let out a small breath of air.
It was true. The room was full of mulling people, some she recognized from classes and in the halls, and others she'd never noticed before. There was a mixture of clothes, from casual to semi-casual to a little over the top, but it was so nice to see everyone here. She had been nervous about being the only one to show up, or something.
"I bet it's cause Matt's band is here," TK told her, leading her over to a wall where was some space to sit on chairs someone had set up. "You know? His band is really popular."
Kari snorted. "His band, or him?" Bitterness creeped into her tone. She bit her lip, feeling foolish again. Wasn't she supposed to be forgetting him?
TK gave her a funny look. "Both, I guess. Haven't you seen all his groupies? I bet he has no time for other girls." He paused long enough for Kari to let these words sink in. "Poor guy."
Kari glared over at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked before thinking. TK had never been the type to… hide his meaning behind other words, and that's clearly what he was doing. Kari felt her stomach clench at the thought that TK had noticed her eyes straying to Matt everytime he was around, or the way she never stopped talking about him, or—
"I dunno. I mean what I say," TK replied evenly, not the least bit flustered. That irked Kari even more. Since when did TK grow so cool and offish?
"Well maybe Matt doesn't like groupies," muttered Kari. Augh, why couldn't she just drop it?
TK looked over at her with a hurt expression; Kari was so surprised she couldn't say anything to cover up the meaning of her words. "TK," she finally sputtered out instead, in a tone that sounded like 'please understand'. But he didn't respond, only looked out on the empty floor.
Kari fidgeted in her seat, trying to find the right words to say, when TK suddenly looked her way and gave her a large grin, reminiscent of the old TK. "Want to dance when the music starts?" he asked, and Kari gave him a small smile back. Had he just done what she usually did? Stuff whatever it was he wanted to say deep down inside of him and paste on a smile? That wasn't comforting.
"Of course," was her reply.
At that moment there was a noise in the back. Kari looked over to the stage to see Matt's band stepping up to their places. She felt her heart thud in her chest as she saw Matt adjusting his mic, bass strapped on over his shoulder. He looked good. Really good. Better than at school, and better than at home when he wore his uniform shirt rolled up to his sleeves and tie loosened. He was in his own clothes, and Kari forgot how nice he looked in them. She noticed his hair and felt a blush take over her face like a flame, in an instant. The feeling of running her fingers through that hair was just…
The crowd was gathering around the stage, cheering at the Wolves. The drummer was waving his drumsticks in the air as a gesture of 'hello', and the guitarist was fiddling around with his instrument, tuning it, too absorbed in his preparation to notice the crowd. It was that moment Kari remembered that she wasn't the only girl who was a fan of Matt. He was grinning down at the people below him, a real smile, one that showed that he was excited to be playing, happy to be up on that stage. She knew that once he started playing his smile would slip back into a glamorous sort of smirk, one meant to make girls swoon. She knew it, and so she revelled in the grin of the moment.
"…Ri? Kari?" A hand shook her shoulder roughly, and she snapped out of it.
"Oh, sorry TK! I was just watching the flood of people. This means the music is gonna start soon, right?" She stood up and pulled a confused looking TK to his feet.
"Uh—yea…"
"Oh hey, look! There's everyone!" She pointed her finger near the front of the crowd, spotting their friends. "Want to go join them?" There was no way she'd dance to fast music alone with TK. She didn't know what to do! The jittering of her nerves started again. Images of her flapping awkwardly around the dance floor attacked her mind.
No, no… it's just a dance! Stay calm! And so she did, laughing with TK and dragging him through the crowd. For a moment it seemed like old times, as TK squawked and tried to slow her down, advising her to go around the crowd of kids. But she ignored him, feeling invigorated and ploughed straight through.
Matt was adjusting his bass as Kari risked one glance up. She saw his eyes scan the crowd, and for a brief second their eyes locked. She stopped, TK nearly running into her. He greeted their friends, but Kari was still looking up at Matt. He was the first to break eye contact, finally looking back down at his bass. His face wasn't pink, like Kari's was. Another thing that wasn't fair.
The Wolves started out with a strong bass riff, building on it with intense guitar wailing and catchy drumbeats. Before Kari knew what was happening, people around her were jumping up and down, cheering and fist pumping into the air. Even TK was getting into it, shouting, "that's my brother! My BROTHER!"
Kari would have started laughing if the music wasn't so infectious. She herself felt the need to jump up and down, to cheer and whoop and maybe shake her head a few times like the kids around her seemed to be doing. For a moment, Kari forgot she was near the front, that Matt was right in front of her, preparing himself to sing out into the crowd. For a moment she didn't think 'would Matt like this' or 'what would Matt think of this?' She was herself, and she was feeling the adrenaline pump through her veins, because it was so rare to have a moment like this: a moment where she could feel happy and excited and not care about boys. She was dancing (or something), and she was having fun. Boys be damned. Kari was going to enjoy this night.
It was a slow song. Kari might have been going crazy, but she thought she heard the structure of a waltz deep in the bones of the song. But she could have been imagining things.
Everyone else had paired up, doing exactly as Matt had told her they would: the girls wrapped their arms around the boy's necks, and the boys held them close with their hands on their hips. Kari stared, aghast. What about the waltz? Frantically she glanced up at Matt, for one second wishing stupidly he'd come down and waltz with her, and then finally her night would be magical. But of course he was busy singing the lyrics to the song. They were soothing, so low his voice sounded husky. Hearing it alone made Kari embarrassed.
Before she could react TK had asked if she wanted to dance. Of course she said yes, and he pulled her close, hands on her hips. Kari stiffened, feeling conscious and awkward. Slowly, carefully, she placed her hands around TK's neck, resting on his shoulders. He smiled down at her; Kari returned it. But somehow, it just didn't feel… right.
They swayed to the music, and Kari felt herself caught and getting wedged tighter and tighter between two walls. Funny, how the boy she loved (oh God love was that even what she was feeling NO don't think about it!) and the boy she was supposed to love surrounded her at the moment, tingling her senses. But TK was there, in front of her, watching her, and it would have been the perfect moment for a kiss. The thought struck her, and instead of pleasing her it was horrifying. Embarrassing. No, she did NOT want to be kissing both Ishida boys in the course of a few days!
"What do you think about waltzing?" she blurted out. TK quirked an eyebrow at her, a smile on his face. But he answered.
"Uh… it's a dance."
Well, duh. "What do you think? Should we waltz right now?"
They were still swaying, but TK's expression was dumbstruck at her words. Then he started giggling. "Waltz? At a dance?" More laughing. Kari felt heat rush up her neck. "C'mon, Kari. Waltzing is for old people. You don't waltz at a dance."
She felt her heart deflate, just a little. "So you don't like it," was her toneless statement. Kari refused to look at his face, keeping her eyes trained on his chest. All the while, Matt's soft voice sang in the background.
"Well… Kari, what's the big deal? A waltz is a waltz. I didn't even know you knew how to do it. I don't."
"Well I do." At this moment, Kari felt the gap between TK and her grow even more. "And I like it."
TK made a noise like he was going to say something, but at that moment the guitar plucked out the last chord of the song, letting it reverberate throughout the room. Clapping started, and restless chatter broke out after the romantic song. Kari took this chance to pull away, feeling how sweaty her hands were and thank God she was finally done dancing. "I'm gonna go cool off for a minute," she explained hurriedly, and turned around to walk outside of the side door of the building, which was stopped open to let in cool air. She slipped outside, wanting just a moment of peace.
TK still stood on the dance floor, hands hanging uselessly at his sides. Matt's voice spoke into the mic. "And that's it for the Wolves. Thank you! Goodnight!"
Kari could still hear cheering, although she'd heard Matt telling them goodbye several minutes ago. She sat on a bench outside, holding her legs out in the air, inspecting her feet that she had slid into sandals last minute. She hadn't even painted her toenails. At this thought she wiggled her toes, trying desperately to forget that TK was inside the building, waiting for her. No wonder she didn't go out much.
A door behind her swung open, and heard someone talking on a phone. "Yea… Okay… Huh—well, sure. Fine. Yea. It's fine. Yea. Be home later. Gotcha. Yes, Dad. …I'm at my concert right now. Remember? I was playing at—" Matt stopped right in front of Kari. He clearly hadn't noticed her sitting casually on the bench, but must have caught her last second in the corner of his vision. Kari tried to look innocent, but a thrill went up her spine. She waved cheerfully at him. After a moment Matt gave her a half-hearted wave back, still talking on the phone. He cupped a hand around his one ear as he tried to hear his dad on the phone.
"No Dad, I'm not partying. Huh. Yea. Look, Kari's here and I'm gonna—Kari, Dad. Tai's little sister." He gave her an exasperated look that read 'sorry', but Kari waved it away with her hand like she didn't care that Matt's dad didn't have the slightest clue who she was. "Okay. Yea. Bye. No, I'm good. I'll eat when I get home. Okay. Bye." With a heavy sigh he clicked his phone shut and after a moment of not moving, turned around to sit on the bench beside Kari, sliding his guitar case off of his back last second and leaning it against his knee. "Wow, you call your dad to tell him one thing and he never stops complaining." He cracked open an eye and finally looked over at her. Kari noticed when he rested his elbows on his thighs, immediately falling into a relaxed position. This was good. It almost seemed like they hadn't been frostily greeting each other regularly over the last few days.
"Yea… parents," she replied with a giggle that sounded horribly off. Why had he even sat down? Kari had been happy at first, but now she was regretting it. All that would happen would be awkward silence. Good grief, they hadn't even been together! It wasn't like he broke up with her. Stay positive, she told herself. That's what she was best at. Staying happy. Staying happy.
"Great playing!" she chirped sincerely. "I've never seen you guys play before, so seeing the crowd swarm was a bit… strange." She had to laugh.
"Thanks," he said warmly to her first statement. It threw her off, but then he kept talking, looking up at the darkening sky. "I know, isn't it weird? But at the same time, it's just… great." A dreamy smile took over his face, an echo of the real thing that he had worn at the beginning of the set.
"Yea," Kari said agreeably. The two fell into silence, and at first Kari was comfortable with it, until it was stretching on for far too long, and Matt still had his eyes closed, and his brow was furrowed like he was thinking hard, and Kari had no idea what to say. I must really be cursed to mess up with both brothers, she thought dryly, but Matt's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I'm sorry."
It was a shock. She stared over at him. Kari knew how rare it was for Matt to apologize. He'd already said sorry to her several times, but she thought he'd passed all that; like it had been a phase or something: 'be nice to the poor young girl who cried a lot' or some such. But now he was looking earnestly over at her, all coolness of expression gone. Kari had no idea what to say.
"I—uh—" She couldn't get over the determined set of his mouth, how frustrated but nervous he looked. Had she caused those expressions? Really? "F—For what?" Kari finally managed to splutter out.
"For how I handled that thing in the park," he said slowly, as if he were thinking about what he was going to say before every word. Matt was still watching her; it unnerved Kari. "I mean, clearly it wasn't the best route—"
"No, no. It's fine," Kari interjected. "You handled it like you should have, trust me. It was better than just… not acknowledging it." Matt looked perplexed.
"That's frighteningly… mature," he finally said with a chuckle. Kari had to smile.
"Well, I'm always trying to be the adult," she said wryly, speaking her feelings on the matter for the first time. "Erm, sorry," she added quickly. No one would care about how she felt on growing up too quickly.
"It's all right," Matt replied, but he looked worried. Kari felt flustered once again. "So, um, the dance…" She couldn't think of any adjective that would describe it, so she fell silent. Matt gave her a flicker of a glance, but then looked away, up at the sky.
"You and TK seemed to be enjoying yourselves, huh?" he asked nonchalantly. Kari's face flamed up.
"Oh man, did you see me do the lame dancing?" she cried. Matt was watching me, Matt noticed me, Matt was watching me!
"Yup," chuckled Matt. "What about the waltzing, Kari?" he asked in a mock pleading voice.
Kari had never seen this side of Matt. Maybe it was because he was just so relieved to get his apology off his chest. But whatever it was, Kari liked it. "I asked TK if we could waltz, but he laughed at me!" She crossed her arms stubbornly. "So much for the lessons."
"Yea, well, they weren't all that bad." Matt seemed to have caught the jabbering bug from Kari. They both froze, and Kari saw his eyes flicker up to her hair, and she just remembered she had let it dry naturally. Oh, irony.
"So… I don't know… what to do." What? What was she saying?
Matt seemed relieved she was switching the topic. "About what?" he asked kindly.
"About… TK." There, it was said. Finally. Matt paled slightly at her words, but she kept going. "I mean, he's acting sweet and almost normal, but it's making me feel so guilty! I feel worse and worse, and more and more evil, and he's just sitting there smiling so sweetly and I'm feeling like the worst person in the world!" It had been bothering her so much that Kari cried it all out in an anguished rush, glad to finally talk about it. "It's driving me crazy! I don't know what to do, or what to say, and sometimes I feel like I have to tell him but then—" She lifted up her hands into some sort of helpless gesture, letting them fall back into her lap lifelessly. "But then I just chicken out."
Silence. More silence. Kari peeked over at Matt, almost afraid to see his reaction.
Matt was sort of glad. Well, not glad exactly, but… relieved. He, too, had been worrying about TK, and about Kari's ability to lie and keep a secret. It was obvious it was scaring her. She just wasn't built for keeping secrets and building walls around something that had clearly shaken her life up a bit. But Matt knew that this might be their only chance to talk about it, to sort out what they should do about TK.
Of course, that didn't mean it was going to be completely comfortable. He avoided her gaze, and he knew she was looking at anything but him, as well. "I think that… well… we should tell…" He let his words drift. It was obvious that Kari was going to burst soon. The thought of telling TK sickened him, though. Things would be ruined between the dream couple. Matt knew his brother well enough to see that he wouldn't take this lightly. He might stay with Kari, but every second he'd be thinking about it, comparing it, wondering why Matt and Kari had made out in the time span of a week, whereas he and Kari had been 'together' for nearly their whole lives and hadn't had so much as a simple kiss.
"Really?" she whispered softly, drawing Matt back into their conversation. "I was hoping you'd say we shouldn't." He noticed she couldn't even bring herself to laugh; she looked so pale and scared.
"Hey, hey, calm down," Matt urged her quietly, scooting over closer to her, but not too close. "Weren't you saying you two were done… a long time ago?"
She looked surprised that he would remember such a faraway conversation, when really it hadn't been too long ago. "Well… I guess…" But he knew what she meant. They had been done then, but guilt had stepped in and she had amended things with him. And now, if she broke his heart a second time, she would feel too horrible. Kari was just too empathetic.
"When you get yourself into these situations, it's best to learn how to step back, look at it from a different point of view, and then deal with it," Matt advised her carefully. It must not have been careful enough, because she glared at him.
"I didn't 'get myself into this situation', if I remember correctly you kissed me." There. Bringing it up again and stabbing him like that always stunned him.
"Hey, hey," he muttered, holding up his hands like an innocent man caught. "We both know that, now let's not bother with it again." Hopefully. Remembering the kiss made him feel queasy and happy at the same time. He didn't like that combination, especially when it concerned little Kari… who—at the moment—didn't look so little.
No! No! Stop! He told himself, and desperately looked away from her, to the ground, to the sky. "He's gonna wonder where you are," Matt finally said.
"Yea, well, he can wait," Kari muttered uncharacteristically. "I need to figure out what I'm doing. If I go back in there now I'll just explode." Her fists were clenched in her lap, and Matt was tempted to hold them, or to hug her, or ease her pain somehow. She was so young, and it was just…
Wait. I'm in on this mess too, he reminded himself, and mentally slapped himself for getting sentimental over Kari.
"I still think we should tell him. Sometime. He'll hate us—" the words made Kari look fearful "—but it's better than lying." Quiet. "You of all people know that, Kari."
"Arrrrgh! I know! I know! I get it, I get that it's horrible!" She threw her hands up in the air and then hid her face in her palms, leaning over like she was feeling sick. "It's horrible. I just don't want to deal with it anymore," she mumbled. Matt felt something pull at his heartstrings. He got just an inch or two closer and patted her back awkwardly, struggling to be comforting but not too comforting.
"The sooner we tell him, the sooner it's done."
She didn't reply, but he could tell that she was breathing heavily, struggling to hide whatever emotion was taking over at the moment. Matt leaned forward into a more comfortable position, still patting her back, when he noticed her hair. Again. Just dangling there, all wavy and dry (this time) and it reminded him of the kiss. The feelings overtook him again, those potent emotions that blinded him. Hesitantly, he reached his hand over from her back and toward the back of her head. She was still leaning over her knees, oblivious to his hand that hovered over her head. Taking a leap, and knowing it might make things worse (but it might also make things better), he rested his hand carefully on her head. He felt her hair, soft under his skin. Then, he stroked it lightly; making sure to keep his hand under control so that it didn't start to tremble or something stupid.
Kari had stiffened under his touch, but like a puppy responding to a rub she soon relaxed. Her breathing grew more even, and Matt couldn't help but feel the small smile that was on his face as he leaned forward, stroking the hair of the poor girl beside him. It was nice, being able to calm someone down rather than make them angry or sad or confused. This whole moment was… nice.
"Kari? Kari, are you—" TK was at the door, TK was looking outside, and TK saw Matt leaning over Kari, stroking her hair as her face was concealed in her hands, leaning over, hidden. He froze in the door, speechless with horror.
Matt saw him, and heard him, and TK only saw his hand on Kari's head for a second, two seconds at the most. In an instant his hands were gone, and he was standing up with his guitar slung on his back. Kari was sitting straight, face composed into a mixture of confusion and trying to look normal, hands clenched into tiny fists in her lap.
"What—What—"
"Teeks, have you abandoned your girlfriend again for some harder partying?" Matt teased, feeling his insides roll as he struggled for something normal, something to take the heat off of him. Good Lord, what horrible timing. Now he remembered why he wasn't too keen on telling TK. If he only saw him stroking her hair, then…
TK looked horrified. Confused. Apprehensive. Good. Maybe he didn't believe what he'd seen yet. Like he didn't want to believe he'd just seen his older brother and his somewhat-girlfriend in an intimate moment the two of them had probably rarely shared. "No—I—I was waiting…" TK's confused face looked away from Matt and toward Kari, as if hoping for some kind of answer.
"I wasn't feeling well," Kari spoke in a quiet voice, but it was calm. Matt stared at her, once again surprised at how when she needed to, Kari lied rather nicely. "Matt was just leaving through the back door and saw me here…" She suddenly paled, and Matt figured she had probably just been gripped by fear of lying or something, so he quickly interjected.
"And you know how Mom always used to pat our hands when we were feeling sick, right? So I just—" Matt made an awkward patting motion in the air, although it had been nothing like patting. It had been completely different. "It seemed to be the right thing to do."
"Oh…" TK's eyes flickered between them, thinking. Matt was tense. Too tense. He was just about to say something to lighten the mood (or try to) when TK finally looked over at Kari. "Are you feeling okay now?"
Matt could have gasped in relief, but didn't want to ruin it now. "I'm… no, not so much," Kari replied softly, and even Matt could have believed she was indeed feeling ill. He looked away suddenly; worried that TK would look over at him and see him inspecting Kari. As if he wasn't in enough trouble.
"Well, I guess I can take you home." He seemed a bit relieved. Matt could see that neither of them was really comfortable with the situation.
"You're such a hero, Teeks," Matt congratulated him with a clap on the shoulder from behind. TK twitched and looked over at him, not saying anything. Matt could understand the glare well enough, though. 'The next time I see you, we're talking about what the hell just happened' seemed to be written all over his face. Just great. As if Matt wanted to deal with more of TK's whining and complaining.
"Well, I guess I'll see you two later," Matt said, wondering if it would be together or apart the next time he really did meet up with them. Somehow he couldn't help the thrill of wonder that crept through him. It wasn't good to feel like this, but who was he to deny what he felt? Well, he would try, but not for long.
"Bye," Kari called out, and before anyone could see what she was doing she had stood up and tugged on Matt's sleeve. He paused, looking back at her and trying to keep his face calm. He could sense TK glowering to the side.
"What?" asked Matt, ignoring her face, which looked so cute and confused at the moment.
"I—ah—thanks." And then she dropped his sleeve, turning back to TK who wrapped an arm around her shoulders almost protectively, as if he could shield Matt out. Matt resisted a derisive snort of laughter and instead turned away, clutching onto his guitar bag as if it were the only thing he had left to hold onto.
Kari hadn't missed the tension between the brothers. But she couldn't truly acknowledge that something like jealousy was passing through them, especially over her! So she let TK walk her home, although it was mostly silent. TK didn't seem mad, but he didn't seem inclined to chat, either. Kari, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about Matt's hand stroking her hair. It had calmed her down like a mother with a crying child. Ridiculous, really, but it amazed her that Matt still had the ability to swing her off course like that at the littlest touch. Chalk another one up for the unfair board.
And although this dance—this dance, which Kari had been waiting for for weeks—didn't climax into some romantic fantasy like she had been dreaming, it hadn't been a total failure. She had somewhat fixed things with Matt. They were now able to have a normal conversation, and… well, it seemed like Matt had made some sort of move or something? Who knew what would have happened if TK hadn't come out?
So nothing much had come out of the dance except for a better understanding between Matt and Kari. And on Kari's end, she realized that was all she had really been hoping for.
