Chapter 11 - Why?
Edward's POV
I wasn't really sure how to tell Bella, but Charlie was right, I had to. I waited for her to arrive home before I knocked on the door.
"Edward," Bella greeted me happily, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close. "Come inside," she insisted once she released me.
As I followed her inside my brain was screaming at me not to tell her, too just make an excuse and leave, maybe go see Jacob... But I wouldn't listen, I had to tell Bella, the whole truth.
"Bella, can we talk?" I asked her hesitantly.
"Sure," she replied and led me up to her room. She sat on the end of her bed and I turned the chair facing the desk in the corner to face her. "What did you want to talk about?" She asked me intently.
I swallowed thickly. "This is not easy to say, so I'm just going to come right out and say it." I began tentatively. "Things have been very confusing for me lately and I'm still not entirely sure what has been going on, but I know you don't deserve the way I have been treating you." Bella looked confused and I knew she wouldn't have noticed anything besides me simply being slightly distant lately. "You don't deserve to be kept in the dark like you have been," I went on before she had a chance to speak. "I have not been honest and I have been keeping things from you." I paused, mustering up the courage to say it. "I cheated on you." I forced the words out before I could give up and just not tell her.
"W-what?" I hazarded a glance at Bella and saw the look of shock and disbelief on her face, it cut me like a knife. While a knife could technically not hurt me, it literally felt as though someone had just stabbed me in the gut. I never wanted to hurt her.
"I'm sorry Bella, I really am," I assured her almost desperately. "I don't suppose that means much as words are just words and anyone can say them, but I really am truly sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm still not even sure what I've been doing but I know I can't keep this from you any longer." I looked deep into her eyes and the hurt look in them caused me such pain, but I couldn't bring myself to look away.
It was a long moment before Bella spoke. "Is, is she prettier than me?" Bella asked sadly.
"No." My response was instantaneous.
"Smarter than me?" Bella went on, trying to find some reason why I would have done this to her.
"No."
"Kinder than me?"
"No."
Bella paused, trying to think of some other reason. "Is she a vampire?"
"No!" I said much louder than before.
"Then why?" Bella begged with unshed tears in her eyes. "Why would you do this to me Edward?" She was practically sobbing and right then I would have done anything to make her feel better. "What does she have that I don't? What is so special about her? I just want to know why, Edward."
"Nothing," I stressed the word. "Bella this person is not better than you. I don't even like them. I can't stand them. All we have is physical and I don't even no why, I honestly have know idea why I even want that with them." I told her all I could without revealing who it was I was talking about.
"You mean sex," Bella said timidly. "The one thing we don't have, the one thing we can't."
I couldn't speak, I couldn't confirm it, she just looked so heart broken.
"Well why don't we have that?" Bella asked me after a long moment.
"Because," I began but Bella cut me off before I could continue.
"I have heard all your excuses before, Edward." Bella sighed in frustration and possibly a little bit of anger. "I sat and listened to all your stupid excuses," yep definitely anger. "And frankly, I am sick of it. Your vampire strength doesn't seem to matter with her!" She was almost yelling, almost, but not quite. "Abstinence didn't seem to matter with her!" A tear escaped Bella's eye. "So why should it matter with me?" That wasn't quite a sob, but it was definitely close.
"Do you love me Edward?" Bella asked quietly after wiping away the tear on her cheek.
"Of course I love you Bella, I know I haven't been the best at showing it lately, but I do love you." I assured her for what it was worth.
"Then let me touch you," she begged me and I wanted to protest but I couldn't bring myself to do so, not with her looking at me like that. "If she is nothing then prove it; let me touch you, let me make you feel good, let me show you that you don't need her. If you want to try and fix this relationship, to try and get past this, then you have to try. Do you want to fix things between us?" Bella asked me sadly.
I opened my mouth to respond but it took me just a second too long to get the words out. I know Bella noticed, although we both tried to pretend we didn't. "I do want to fix things," I told her just a second too late. I think it was that that ruined everything, somehow that one second seemed to tare down everything left between us. Once that second passed I knew there was no salvaging things between Bella and I. But we both tried to pretend.
Bella moved from the bed an kneeled in front of me. All desire I had for her was gone and I wanted nothing more than to stop her as she spread my thighs and slowly reached for my zipper. I tried, I really tried to grow stiff for her but I just couldn't do it. Bella removed my flaccid member from my pants and slowly stroked it until it eventually hardened; I wouldn't exactly call it hard, but it was something. Neither of us wanted this but I didn't stop her as she brought me to her mouth. I was both surprised and ashamed by the slight moan that escaped my lips as I entered her's. I lay my head back and tried to enjoy it. Bella proceeded to work me with her mouth but all I could think was that he was so much better.
After a while Bella released me and ran from the room with tears streaming down her face.
I took a moment to replace myself inside the pants before standing and following her.
"Bella," I said to gain her attention when I found her crying over the bathroom sink. She turned around and started slamming her fists against my chest while crying. "I'm sorry," I repeated the meaningless words I had said earlier. "I should just go."
Her fists changed from hitting me to grabbing onto my shirt. "Don't," Bella begged. "I just need to hit you for a bit," she told me and I remained were I was. She didn't hit me again though, she just clutched my shirt and cried, eventually laying her head against my chest.
"Why him?" She asked after a moment and I really should have been more surprised than I was; Bella obviously gained her observation skills from her father.
"I don't know Bella," I told her honestly, "I really don't know."
"Of all the people in the world, why Jacob?" Okay, that time I was definitely surprised. "Why did you have to cheat on me with my best friend?" Bella questioned but I was too surprised to answer.
"How," I began but my voice failed me and I had to try again. "How did you know it was Jacob?" I asked her, completely in shock. No one had ever seen us speak without arguing, how could she possibly know?
Bella pulled back and looked at me, her eyebrow raised in question. "You really couldn't have been more obvious," Bella informed me dryly. "First you used non-gender specific words to describe him, then you said you couldn't stand him," I cringed as I realised where I had given myself away. "And then there was the taste." I opened my eyes to view her in surprise.
"The taste?" I asked her in confusion.
Bella sighed and stepped away from me. "When we were on the mountain Jacob kissed me." Bella admitted what I already knew. "I remember he tasted strange, sort of sweet," Bella met my eye. "He tasted of you," she told me. "I didn't realise it at first because I had never tasted that part of you before." I didn't know what to say to that so we just stood there in silence.
"I think you should go," Bella told me and I nodded once before turning to leave. "Don't skip town this time Edward," Bella instructed me. "Don't run away just because you are scared, don't do that again."
I paused, unsure of how to respond, eventually I just nodded and continued on my way to the door.
Authors Note: I wrote this on my phone so I apologise if ther are any more typos than usual, they should be cleared up within a day.
lytebrytehybrid88 - A lot of Edward/Jacob stories are Bella bashing but she is actually very good at listening, finding the truth, and being understanding and accepting. In this story Bella is a beyond reasonable person. If you are a Bella hater I apologise but you are going to have to get used to her for this story.
~SophieAngel69
