Thankyou for all your never-ending patience and support, peoples

Thankyou for all your never-ending patience and support, peoples!! I'd never have gotten this far without all of you!! Thankyou very much!! Please read and enjoy chapter eleven!!

ELEVEN: 'cause of your Compassion

It was Saturday morning when Tai finally came to grips with his miserable reality. He squeezed his eyes shut as the sunlight streamed in through the window breaking his restless dreamless sleep.

What… should I do now?? He moaned as he lay back and threw an arm over his eyes to block the ever-powerful sun rays.

I… I treated Sora like crap yesterday… and I… I hated that I ever decided to try move on from her!! If I had never tried to forget these feelings for her then… maybe at least we could still have been the best friends we once were. Because… even back then… even though it hurt a lot, at least she would still smile at me. But after all those years… I couldn't take it anymore. And I had to move on.

But… maybe I never should've done that. That little… lie to myself. Tai growled at himself as he threw his pillow over his face. I can't stop loving her. And I'm hurting Shiori by lying to her like this. But…

Hurt crossed his face as he remembered all that Mimi, Matt and Sora had planned. He still didn't understand how they could've hurt him like that. Why?? He had always believed they were his friends, why would they stab him in the back now? And what did Sora want with him now that he'd finally left her alone? He had… given everything for her and then he had given up on her because he didn't want to bother her with his feelings any longer. Why then… why did she have to continually torment him?

Tai sank down deeper into his bed and turned away from the sunlight constantly bugging him to wake up. What time is it? His mind wearily asked. Maybe it was getting late. Maybe he should get up and do something productive with his weekend.

He sighed as the deep aching pain thudded in his heart. And then again, maybe not.

--

Kari's voice floated up the stairs into his room. She was yelling at him, but Tai didn't pay attention. She was saying something like, "TAII!! There's someone here to see you!! Are you even up yet, bro?! It's getting really late!!"

Tai grumbled in reply and made no effort to budge. He heard Kari's apologetic voice, sorry for her older brother's sluggishness. His ears picked up the tinkling laughter and voice down in the hallway. "Nah, it's all right! I'll go up and see him anyway!"

He heard the footsteps bounce up the stairs, energetic and light as usual and he knew who it was.

"Tai!!" Her delightful sweet voice rang through his ears, so clear he wanted to block them. Dammit, he was feeling like total crap right now, he didn't want to see her! He didn't need her to make him feel better or make him smile with her always overwhelming pleasantness.

"Tai?" Her voice grew confused and then lifted again in cheeky happiness. "Tai? Tai, it's time to wake up!! It's almost eleven! Let's do something together today!!" She moved towards him and gingerly sat down on his bed, careful not to squash him, her feet resting lightly on the floor.

He grunted. She smiled. "Come on, get up."

Tai let out a little sigh. "I don't want to, Shiori! Leave me alone!!" He whined.

He could feel her deep eyes on him and he gritted his teeth in annoyance. Suddenly, he was surprised as he felt the blankets lift up above him, letting cool air onto him making him shiver slightly. And then… soft fingers reaching towards him, gripping onto his shoulder and tugging at him, pulling him up.

At last, grudgingly Tai sat up in bed, his hair messier and poofier then usual, a scowl on his face. "Shiori…" he muttered slowly.

She giggled in her tinkling voice and leant over to him, remarking, "Hee hee, your hair is hilarious!" She smiled genuinely as she reached out and gently ran her hand through his brown hair. "But I reckon it's cute!"

Her eyes widened suddenly as Tai tensed. He didn't look at her, but his voice said everything. It was harsh and strained. "Don't… touch me, Shiori… please…"

She removed her hand and watched him fearfully. Truthfully and secretly, she actually… expected that this would happen.

"…Tai," she started, but he put a finger on her lips, just like she had done when she had first convinced him to date her. She stared at him in silence and confusion.

He settled his brown eyes on her, more serious than she had ever seen before. His voice was still strained but hoarse as he spoke.

"Shiori, I can't… I can't do this anymore."

Her eyes were surprised then darkened in realization and hurt. She slowly and gently closed her hands around Tai's wrist and pulled it down from her lips. "I… I see."

Tai's eyes were still solemn on her face. She avoided his gaze as she tried a forced smile and said, "I… I guess maybe I've always known this would happen."

"…I knew it was too good to last. I knew… that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I fought, your heart would still belong to her. You really… really must love her to have gone through so much hurt and still not turn away from her. She…" Shiori bowed her head and her eyes were dark with retreating sadness. "Sora Takenouchi… she must really be incredible, huh?"

Tai felt bad for her but also understanding. He really… really knew what it felt like to have your heart broken!! But he also believed in her! He knew that he could let go of Shiori and she would find someone better than him, someone who would love her the way she deserved to be loved!! She was… strong… she could bounce back, fight her way back so that she could love again. She could recover… unlike him.

His mouth twitched in a moment of irony. So much for courage, eh? I'm the one… who just can't climb back up and love again. For I… I'm only able to love once.

"I know what I have to do." she said, reluctantly dropping Tai's hand and he felt the way her gentle fingers lingered on his wrist, and how she didn't want to let go.

"And I also know," she said, her voice rising as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and clear, "that I should be so grateful, so thankful that I was so lucky I could've dated you for a while, even if it was only around a month… but I… I…"

He was surprised at how her lips trembled and she had to turn away from him so that he wouldn't see the tears beginning to run down her face.

"I'm finding it even more painful having to say goodbye now than all that time I spent with you, knowing that you didn't feel the way I did. I am really… really grateful for what you did for me, I really am, but I…"

Tears she had failed to catch with her hands trickled down and splattered onto the bed. "I'm more in love with you now than I ever was before, Tai!! Because of you… because of your great compassion!! Because of your wonderful kindness… because you were willing to go out with me, because you made me happy, in this short period of time I spent with you."

She paused, taking in a breath to continue. "It was because of this, your compassion and kindness, Tai, that I fell for you. And I… I hate to say that I'm feeling so bitter and jealous towards Takenouchi, but I really, truthfully… I'm so grateful!!"

"…Thankyou!!" She said.

"Shiori," Tai started, but she quickly got up and stood there, head bowed and next to the bed.

"I sincerely pray for your happiness, Tai!!" She said, smiling through her tears. He watched with widened eyes as she carefully turned and headed for the door. She paused hesitantly and then added, "…I hope Takenouchi will finally realize just how lucky she is to have someone as wonderful as you loving her…!"

And then she was gone.

--

He sank back onto his bed in despair and the deepest sigh he had ever heaved. He could hear the footsteps down the stairs echoing in his mind, her soft voice repeating over and over.

"…Thankyou!!"

And the tears that were in her eyes, and streaming down her face, the way she smiled so hard although he could see the evident pain in her eyes. The bitterness and pain she must've felt then was not lost, he could still feel it so clearly. But what was it he felt for her as he watched her cry and leave?? Not quite guilt, nor regret and not love.

"…because of your great compassion!!"

Yeah. That was it. Tai fell back heavily onto his bed and grunted. Compassion. Of course he had compassion. It was so much more than old one-sided sympathy; of course he felt the pain she had as much as she did. For he had been through it before.

And he knew exactly what it was like. He had felt every ache, every stab, and every bitter pain that coursed through him when he had his heart broken.

He looked towards the ceiling for help and found himself wondering what the time was. He had been lying here, sitting here, whatever for so long now… maybe the day had already passed him by. Because it certainly felt that way to him.

Suddenly, his door swung open and Tai wanted to yell with frustration but the expression on his younger sister's face was too much. He couldn't say anything.

Kari entered the room, obviously furious and wanting some explanation. She stood there, at the door with her arms folded across her chest and eyes boring into his. "Tai…" she began.

They had been the closest siblings you could ever find, the best brother and sister ever. And although he had kept so much from her recently, he knew that it was finally time to let it all out.

"What the hell has been wrong with you?" she shouted, eyes angry. "You haven't been talking to me or telling me anything that's up!! And that girl came here just to see you and she leaves crying!! WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON, TAICHI KAMIYA??"

The corner of Tai's mouth twitched as he smiled a forced smile. "Guess it's finally time to face ya, huh, Kari??" He lifted a hand to cover his forehead and eyes with. "Please… wake me up from this wretched dream… and beat some sense into me! I finally want to get up and fight for what I want again."

"…what do you think I should do now, Kari? Teach me how to be myself again!" he said, his voice lifting up again in the good ol' Tai way again.

Kari finally let out a little grin. "Right. You got it, bro."

--

I'm waking up. I'm getting up again, picking myself up off the ground. I've forced myself and tried to go a different path; I've lied to everyone and attempted to get over her. But I guess I finally know now. I don't want to try this dishonest methods, I can no longer ignore my feelings and be by her side always just hoping she might notice me. I have to… finally wake up from this ignorance of mine and face her once and for all.

I'm so sick of hiding and running away. I'm so sick of pretending to be over her. So I'm finally getting up again and facing it.

"It was because of this, your compassion and kindness, Tai, that I fell for you."

Maybe its just I've finally been able to grasp the courage I've wanted all along. Maybe it's just I've found the confidence I need to move forward in the direction I want to go.

"…I hope Takenouchi will finally realize just how lucky she is to have someone as wonderful as you loving her…!"

Tai stared determinedly into the mirror as he looked at his appearance. At last he was out of his pyjamas and looking presentable. His brown eyes shone in the mirror as he began to turn away and open his door to leave.

You say you should be grateful to me, but I think it's the other way around. Because without you I wouldn't have been able to find myself again.

Tai was firm as he pulled open the door and walked through.

Thankyou, Shiori.

And his bedroom door swung closed behind him, shutting off all his self-hate and weakness.

Well… hmm… I'm not too sure about that last part. I wanted to illustrate the Tai and Shiori break-up mainly, but wanted to point out Tai's final conclusion. Basically, he's still in love with Sora and is sick of lying to himself over it. I hope you liked it…