Kylo senses the subtle shift in the Force that presages momentous change. Usually loss. He felt this premonition in the immediate aftermath of Snoke's demise and then again at his uncle's passing at Crait. Kylo knows what this means. A great disturbance is coming. The Force is expecting to herald his mother's passing.
Rey senses it too for she rouses from her slumped and drowsy pose. She instantly looks to him. "Is she?"
"Not yet. But soon." Very soon.
Rey leaps to her feet and reaches for his mother's hand. Kylo stands closely beside Rey with a comforting arm around her. They both look down at the comatose older women in silent dread.
This is Leia Organa. Rightfully, she should have been named a Skywalker, and she was for a time a Solo. She was a princess, a Senator, a general, and a hero. She helped take out two Death Stars and the Starkiller. She felled an Empire and raised a Republic. She had an improbable life and a long and storied career. All of that ends here. Now.
Kylo knows that he should say something. Anything. His parting words to his mother last night had been so bitter. Kylo wants to tell her that he forgives her, that he wishes things had gone differently for them, that he has made many mistakes but he is trying to right them in his own way. It took all those experiences to get to the place he is now. Ready to reform the Force and clean up the galaxy. But the words stick in his throat. His mother wouldn't want to hear them anyway.
So Kylo stands there hearing the call to the Light ringing in his mind. Beckoning him back to the center after years spent in the Dark. But he is paralyzed and unable to respond. Thoroughly demoralized after the confrontation last night. His emotions are boiling inside and many years of Snoke's training have him automatically channeling that grief into Dark power. As usual, he is torn apart between the two opposing ends of the spectrum of the Force.
At his side, Rey seems similarly lost. Uncertain what to do. She stands still and stoic but her mind is radiating panic to him. It doesn't help.
With a deep breath, Kylo rallies and says something non-personal and appropriate. "May the Force be with you," he bids his mother goodbye with the Old Republic Jedi blessing she loved. Rey softly echoes the sentiment.
They don't have long to wait. Not a minute later, his mother shudders once and then slips away.
For a moment, the universe skews hard to the Dark Side. The loss of a Light Side Skywalker Chosen One leaves its mark. It's like an earthquake to the mind. Rey feels it too for she clamps down hard on his hand to steady herself. This is the momentary wound in the Force as the essence of Leia Organa returns to the universe from which she came. This Skywalker might never have explored her power in the traditional sense, but she had amazing sensitivity and perceptiveness all the same. And like so many powerful ones gone before her, Leia Organa's body simply dissolves into the Force. Her form becomes increasingly transparent and shimmers briefly before it is gone. On the bed before them lies her empty white hospital gown. Where her hand had rested now lies the distinctive blue and gold ring that was all that remained of the Alderaan crown jewels.
It is a peaceful passing. Calm and quiet. Without physical pain. His mother had never again roused after their acrimonious argument last night. It makes Kylo wonder if that confrontation had caused his stalwart mother to lose her will to live. Probably not. Leia Organa was the toughest person he knew. Even Lord Vader's torture techniques couldn't shake her resolve.
The medics now rush in en masse and start to react. What happened? Where did she go? One even asks if Kylo has vaporized her. Rey objects loudly on his behalf. She's offended and it shows. Kylo answers the medics solemnly with a reverence he was raised on since childhood. For once a Padawan and then an Apprentice, the only constant in his life has been the Force. "She is gone," Emperor Ren intones quietly. "Darth Vader's daughter is one with the Force."
The scientifically minded medical staff doesn't know what to make of this. As they stand there stunned, Kylo decides to rob Hux of his juicy secret. He tells everyone in attendance what they might already suspect after his shouting tirade last night. "My mother Leia Organa is dead. Another Skywalker has returned to the Force. Long live the Skywalkers," he adds as an awkward afterthought. They are, after all, the first family of the Force. Dark or Light, they are born to rule. Their colliding ambitions have shaped galactic history for almost a century now.
No one knows what to say. Are congratulations in order? Or condolences? No one is sure, including himself.
Kylo now steps forward to claim the blue and gold ring. He pockets it and turns to Rey. "Come," he bids her as he holds out a gloved hand. When Rey hesitates, he urges, "Look to the Force and you will always find her. No one is ever truly gone. Rey, she will always be with you."
And with him too, Kylo fears as he takes one last long look.
Rey nods gravely. Silent tears now run down her cheeks. Kylo can tell from Rey's expression that she is disappointed to see that he is taking this in stride. Good, he thinks. Because if he's fooling her, then he's fooling everybody else.
As he and Rey slowly walk to their respective quarters, Kylo asks, "Do you want to—"
He never gets the full question out. Rey overrides him. "I want to be alone." He understands. He's a loner too. Sometimes, it's best to be by yourself to lick your wounds.
Rey looks to him now. "Are you sure that you're okay?"
He shrugs. "Yes, I'm fine." Can she hear the lie in his voice? Apparently not, because Rey is too preoccupied with her own grief. She frowns at him and wipes away more tears.
"Get some sleep," he tells Rey when they stop at her door. It's already long after midnight and into the wee hours before first shift begins.
"Yeah. You too." Rey shoots him a dirty look. Then, she slips into her quarters and is gone.
Kylo trudges down the hall to enter his own quarters. Normally when he is upset, he reaches straight for Vader's mask. But not tonight. Kylo is not at all sure how is grandfather would feel about what just happened. So he sits down heavily and peels off his gloves to brood.
His mother is gone. He knew all along that this would have to happen. Kylo is glad that it wasn't by his own hand. That makes it better, but not much. Maybe he ought to be glad that Leia Organa is dead. Well, more like relieved. But he's not. He's just as angry as he always was, but now he's sad too. For there is no glory in this.
His mother's passing hits him hard. Very hard. He feared this would happen.
This is what it means to leave the past behind, Kylo knows. To come to grips with the people who let you down and disappoint you, to face up to their shortcomings and your own, to know that there are rifts that do not heal and words that cannot be unsaid and people, including yourself, who will not change. At some point, you have to own it all, for better or for worse. You stand before the person you confront to say 'this is who I am whether you accept me or not.' Yes, I am shaped by this broken relationship, but I shape myself too. I act as much as I am acted upon. The fault lies with me and with you, but this is how it is so we move on.
Tonight, both he and the galaxy are moving on. But it's off to a shaky start. Because his mother's death triggers a sudden spiral of self-doubt. Kylo has lived his life first with parents and teachers, then with a Jedi Master, and lately with Snoke. One by one, he destroyed them all. There are no authority figures left. There is no one to answer to but history now. But history can be a harsh judge.
The screwup kid now rules it all, but it comes with a lot of responsibilities and strings attached. Because when you burn it all down in a fit of nihilistic rage, when the ancient regime with all its storied orthodoxies is dead, when the wise men are all gone, and when there is no one with experience left to consult, your blank slate is intimidating. Since Crait, Kylo has worried that he will fail to achieve his goals. But tonight, that insecurity fades in the face of a far more debilitating and personal concern: his mother's warning that he will end up forever alone.
Loneliness has been a longtime private foe of his. Emotion is both the source of his power and his weakness, too. Even more than Snoke's influence, emotion was the primary reason why Kylo failed as a Jedi Padawan. He simply needed people too much. People who, unfortunately, were never there. As a child, Kylo knew he could never live a life without attachments. But even without the Jedi Code to adhere to, that may be how things end up. Because power is isolating and so is rank. And even before those barriers existed, people habitually pushed him away. All except Rey, who after a few chats across the Force bond had stormed into Snoke's throne room to claim him for her own.
But even brash Rey says she is leaving him. That has Kylo panicking inside tonight. He feels like he is watching happiness slip away. Like the past is gone but the future is too.
Rey seems like the answer to all his problems. Here is the Light Side consort he needs, here is the friend and confidante he wants, here is the lover who is long overdue. They would be perfect together except she doesn't see it that way. Kylo can offer her everything, but it might as well be nothing. For Rey doesn't want what he lays at her feet. She would rather be the Light Side Jedi heroine in her mind than Kylo Ren's murky grey Empress co-conspirator.
He's doing it wrong, he knows. But he has no experience with women. Kylo Ren doesn't know how to love, he mostly knows how to hate. He is not accustomed to giving, for he has been trained to take. Plus, all the relationships in his life have been either toxic or arm's length. People have hurt him and in response he hurt back. And yet, his own hurt still remains. This was his unhappy realization after killing Han Solo. With his mother, it is the same.
The aftermath of his mother's death might be even worse because Kylo still needs to lash out but there is no one left to punish, no foe to dominate. It's all so unsatisfying in the end. This is how he had felt at his own public coronation. It's why Kylo couldn't wait to get out of there. For victory is sour and not sweet, he has discovered. And, truthfully, he secretly suspected this all along. This is the paradox of the Dark Side, for it gives you power and glory that do not sate. In the end, you only want more to compensate. It's a trap, Kylo knows. It's why he rejected being Snoke's neo-Sith. It's why he wants to moderate his Empire and balance the Force.
It's why he needs Rey and her Light so much.
He is Dark, so Dark in his grief and self-doubt. And that makes Kylo Ren hear the siren call of the Light very loudly. Weakened by his mother's death, tonight he willingly succumbs. Kylo leaps to his feet and heads for the door. He knows just where to find compassion and understanding.
He bursts into Rey's quarters uninvited, having waved a hand to open the door with the Force. The lights are out and the rooms are lit only by starlight from the windows, giving everything a shadowy haze. Still, the layout is the same as his own living quarters, so Kylo knows his way around. He heads for the bedroom. Sure enough, it's as he suspected. Rey is asleep.
He's disappointed. He was hoping for company. But still . . . look at her. This is worth seeing. Bathed in the reddish glow of Coruscant from the large window across the room, Rey looks lovely turned on her side to sleep. Her hair is loose and strewn across the pillow. Her features are relaxed and shown to him in profile. This is his Jedi sleeping beauty he has fantasized about for so many nights.
He won't wake her up. Even with her asleep, there is something magical and calming about Rey's presence. It helps just being near someone who sort of understands. So quietly Kylo settles himself into the chair in the corner of the room. Unfortunately, the respite of his relocation turns out to be brief. For all the bleak fear and confused emotions of his mother's death have followed him here. Despondent Kylo now covers his face with his hands. He can't help himself. He starts to sob.
He's an emotional guy and usually he vents his anger with his sword. He lashes out at others, he doesn't self-destruct like this. But when you live your life in Darkness, when your world is organized into enemies and allies, when all your goals and objectives require violence, conflict is all you know. With his last surviving opponent, his mother the enemy general, now dead, Kylo feels lost. He is a mess. Brought low tonight by his own success.
He got what he wanted. Now he has to live with it. And with himself.
Kylo is so consumed by emotion that he isn't really aware when Rey awakes. He's only aware of Rey when he looks up to see her standing before him. She looks like an angel in her pale nightgown and corona of messy hair. Rey doesn't say a word. She just steps forward to envelope him in a hug. He's still seated so his face presses into her waist as she clasps him firmly to her.
Kylo proceeds to soak her nightdress with hot tears. Soon words too stream out just as uncontrollably.
"I knew this day would come . . . I just didn't know it would be so hard. This is way worse than my father . . ."
Rey says nothing. She just strokes his hair and pulls him close. And, yes, that feels good. Kylo can't remember the last time someone gave him a hug.
"The last thing I told her was that I hated her . . . I didn't hate her-I hated how we were together. I wanted things to be different . . . but they were never going to be different . . . we both knew that . . ."
"You spoke with your mother?" Rey sounds surprised.
"Yes, last night after the ceremony. It was a mistake."
"This is why you took your sword to your walls?" Rey guesses.
"Yes." Normally, he would have taken his sword to an instrument panel or a prisoner. But as Emperor now, Kylo had felt like he should hide his tantrum. Dignified Emperors don't melt down in public. His mother's crack about him being unstable had gotten under his skin.
"I'm sorry," Rey soothes. She realizes aloud now, "She never spoke again after she spoke to you."
Yes. He's painfully aware of that. "I should have just walked away when she started speaking . . . there was nothing we could tell each other that would help . . . it just made things worse . . . "
Rey accepts the blame. "I'm sorry. I urged you to do that."
He gives voice to his fears now. "I'm all alone. Everyone is gone. She was the last."
"You're not alone."
"Yes, I am. You're leaving me too."
This is her chance to deny it, but she doesn't. While that's not a surprise, it is disappointing all the same. "She said this would happen . . . that I would be alone like Vader was . . . she was right . . . "
"You're not alone," Rey repeats.
"She was trapped in a worldview she had learned from Bail Organa that the Jedi were the ideal. She even named me after the Jedi Master who died saving her on the Death Star. She didn't know what to do with a son like me. None of them did . . . "
Kylo is bitter, very bitter about this. First, his family had tried to use him to recreate their idyllic Jedi Order and then Snoke had sought to use him as his young, vigorous enforcer. His whole life, people have had an agenda for him. What he himself wanted never seemed to matter much. There were two life scripts to follow and young Ben Solo had to choose his path. Part of defeating the Resistance and killing Snoke was Kylo's way of saying to Hell with all that. He is taking control of his life now. The only rules left are the ones he makes.
It's been a long strange journey from his mother's assistant dropping him off at his uncle's temple until this moment now. Does Rey see that? "I'm not the bad guy . . . I never wanted to be the bad guy. I went to Snoke looking for answers. Snoke had some answers. But not all the answers. It took being the Apprentice to learn that . . ."
It was only in his dissatisfaction with the traditions of both Light and Dark that Kylo began to formulate his own views. He built on Snoke's insight to form opinions of his own. But it's one thing to switch sides in a war or in the Force. It's quite another thing to reject them both. Kylo is not even sure he's right. All he's sure is that everyone else is wrong.
"I never thought I would do this alone but there was no compromise in Luke or in Snoke. They each feared what the other represented. I did what I had to do . . . but I never set out wanting things to end up this way . . . I never dreamed my uncle would decide to execute me . . . at least Snoke was what he purported to be . . . "
Change is hard. Very, very hard, Kylo now knows. And sometimes it takes destruction to create something new. Force-users have long been described as agents of change. But to rage against the status quo can make you a lone voice in the wilderness. A rogue iconoclast who threatens the conventional wisdom. It's going to get worse, he knows. First, he took on the Republic and the Resistance. Now, he needs to take on the hardliners of the First Order. In the end, his approach to governing his Empire will make everyone unhappy. Just like his approach to the Force. Both sides will hate him soon.
"You won. Even if you were the bad guy, it doesn't matter now." Rey sighs as she tells him, "You got what you wanted in the end."
No, he didn't. Not really. He got some nice consolation prizes. Because still, Kylo lacks the understanding and acceptance he craves. He had hoped this woman would be the one to give it to him. But alas, not.
"Do you believe in me?" He lifts his head to ask this. "I know you don't believe in the First Order, but do you believe in bringing balance to the Force?"
She answers him honestly. "I don't know. I don't actually know much about the Force even if I can use it."
This is his opening. Kylo tries again to get her to stay. "You need a teacher. Stay and I will teach you the ways of the Force." He is trained in both the Dark and the Light. He can teach her everything.
Rey shakes her head as she smooths his hair back from his forehead and wipes at his cheek. It's a motherly gesture that soothes. This fierce girl can be tender when she wants. "Kylo, you have enough going on right now. You don't need a student too." It's a soft refusal.
But he persists. "I just want you to stay. Stay with me. If you won't be my ally or my student, then be my friend." Is he whining now? Probably. But he might as well. He's pretty much humiliated himself completely tonight.
Rey again shakes her head. "We're not friends."
"Don't tell me we are enemies," he scowls. And now Kylo stands to his feet and gives her a hard look. "Don't set us up as enemies, Rey!" he warns, shaking a finger under her nose. "Nothing good will come of that." He doesn't want to have to kill her too. Please, he thinks, don't let it come to that.
"You're not my enemy," Rey concedes, "but we are not friends." She looks sideways at him. "You know that."
He inhales a ragged breath and reclaims his composure. Kylo looks Rey over a long moment before he agrees. "You're so right." Feeling desperate, he grabs Rey and jerks her to him. Then he dives for her mouth. He'll show her they are not friends.
She pushes back hard before he can land a kiss. "Stop! I told you no more of that. Kylo, your mother just died. This is—this is . . ."
"This is what?" he demands.
"This is inappropriate." Her mouth sets into a hard line and she looks very prim. "Please . . . just don't." She turns away and frowns. "You really shouldn't be here now. . . "
He digests this rebuff and tries another tactic. He wasn't Snoke's Apprentice for years for nothing. His old Master achieved many things indirectly through persistence. "Okay," Kylo readily agrees. "I understand." He wants her to think that he has backed down. "Thank you for all that you did for my mother. Thank you for staying to look after her."
Relieved looking Rey turns back to him and nods. "I'm glad I did it." She looks at him with true pity now. "I'm sorry that this is so hard. I think I understand your family better now. You too," she says with a small smile.
"I know you won't stay," he answers as he steps forward. "But give me a goodbye kiss?" he outright begs.
She hesitates.
"We're not enemies, remember? I won't make you kneel to your Emperor, but give me your kiss of peace."
She considers and then relents. She steps forward to peck at his cheek. "May the Force be with you," Rey murmurs. She pulls back and look up at him. "Kylo, if things were different . . . " She falters a moment and then takes a deep breath and begins again. Rey looks uncomfortable as she avoids his eyes and shifts her weight. "If we were different people . . . if there wasn't a war . . . if you weren't you—"
"You mean if I were Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren."
"Yes . . . but you're not." Rey sounds disappointed and resigned. Apparently, she's still getting over what happened in the throne room.
It frustrates Kylo that he can't get through to her. "You don't understand what I'm trying to do. You don't comprehend who I want to be."
"No, not really," she confesses softly. "Nights like tonight, I don't think I understand you at all. You're never who I want you to be and yet you're not who I think you are either."
Kylo is lost in her vagueness. "What does that mean?"
She looks uncomfortable again as she admits, "We have a connection. Even though Snoke is dead, I see it. But you and I . . . we . . . "
He waits. Silence is a great negotiating tool.
"You're too big a risk," survivor Rey whispers hoarsely.
He looks at her. Rey squirms some more.
"You're so dangerous and unpredictable." She must think those are bad things. Rey is babbling now as she stares up at him.
Is there more? There is.
"You're . . . you're . . . " Stumped Rey has run out of words.
He's done listening to her excuses. "Stop talking," he orders. "Stop thinking and feel." He's not making the same mistake he made in the throne room. He wants her to act on instinct now. Kylo pulls her close again. This time he lands a kiss.
The Force is swirling around them. It's like the air has an electric charge. This time Rey is not resisting him. Kylo takes that as a hint to make the most of things. Any moment she's going to toss him across the room with the Force, so he's going to make this count.
Kissing this woman is everything. But he still wants more. That torrid encounter up against the wall outside her quarters last night has him primed for lust. Rey too, apparently. She might have pushed him away minutes ago but not now. Now, she is a very willing participant. It's a mixed message for sure, but she's not telling him to stop. And since they are in private, there's no Hux to interrupt.
Suddenly it dawns on Kylo that he has the upper hand. That despite all her protestations to the contrary, Rey might be as weak for him as he is for her. She admitted being drawn to Darkness, after all.
Kylo gives his hands free rein to roam. Is she going to stop him now? No. She reaches up to encircle his neck. Rey arches against him and moans. It is the sexiest thing he's ever heard. The feel of her rubbing up against him is getting him rock hard. He's got zero experience with women, but how difficult can seduction be? Kylo decides to give it a shot. The worst that can happen is she turns him down.
Her simple nightgown is thin and loose. Kylo gathers it up in one hand as the other hand holds her close. And, oh Gods, she has nothing on underneath. Excellent. His hands slip under now, kneading at her bare bottom as he pulls her hips close and grinds into her. Gods, how he wishes both their clothes were off.
"O-Oh," she gasps and twists in his arms. She has not been expecting this. Rey makes to pull back.
He stills his hands but doesn't let her go. Time to distract her with words. Rey gets pissed every time he speaks of destiny, so he tries a more traditional approach. "You're so beautiful." It's true. He suspects that this woman has no idea how pretty she is. For all he knows, there are no mirrors on Jakku. Kylo suspects that, unlike most women, very little of Rey's identity lies in her appearance. But that doesn't mean she won't appreciate a compliment. "You and your Light are so beautiful," he whispers. "I can't resist."
She relaxes a little. Good. Now his hands start stroking and squeezing again. He decides that kissing is not enough. His hands travel up and around and her nightgown lifts up too. Now his hands are at her petite breasts. His thumbs find her nipples pebbled and hard.
Now, he's gone too far. Rey jerks back. "We shouldn't be doing this," she pants.
"I know," Kylo smirks. "But I can't resist. Kiss me again."
Confused and uncertain looking Rey reaches up for him. She is tentative and Kylo takes that opportunity to whip her loose nightgown fast over her head and upraised arms. She's naked now and staring fearfully up at him. Rey looks surprised and alarmed. Even in the dim room, he can see that she is blushing furiously.
"O-oh, wait!" she yelps. Rey has her hands across her chest to cover herself.
"Don't be afraid," he tells her. She looks terrified.
"Uh . . . " Rey looks very unlike her normally determined self. This lonely teenage scavenger is way out of her league and it shows. Sex might be the only situation in which this girl lacks confidence, Kylo realizes. That emboldens him more. This seduction is one big bluff, but he's getting away with it so he keeps up the aggressive moves.
Feeling every bit the bold Dark Master, Kylo gently reaches for her arms to pull them done. "Let me see. You're beautiful." He tries the line that worked last time. Then he doubles down. "Absolutely beautiful to me."
She visibly swallows and then loses her nerve. Rey bends down to retrieve her nightgown that she awkwardly holds up to herself. "You should leave," she stammers.
"No." Kylo says this quietly and without heat. "You don't want me to leave."
She opens her mouth to respond.
He beats her to it. "Don't lie to yourself. Don't lie to me." He reaches a hand up to cup her cheek. "You're afraid, that's all. That's okay," he tells her, feigning a worldliness he himself doesn't have. But isn't she curious? He is.
"I don't know what to do," Rey wails.
He doesn't know what to do either, but he's damned sure not letting on. She won't know any better, he determines. He reaches for her again, seducing away her fears with his kiss while one hand works furiously at his clothes. He unhooks his belt and it and his sword unceremoniously drop to the floor. The tunic is a more complicated matter. Worried she will change her mind and the moment will be lost, he just lifts it up and unzips. The bed looks to be the right height, he judges. So he walks her back and sits her down. Then he lays her back and bends over her to start trailing kisses down her chest. Is she as worked up as he is?
No. She's nervous. "I've never-"
"I know. Relax," he tells both her and himself. "Relax."
He himself is anything but relaxed. He's ready to go. Literally aching for relief and single minded in his focus. He needs this. He needs her. Everything he needs to heal his tortured soul will be found within this woman's arms and between her legs. This is the comfort he needs and the pleasure long denied.
"Forget the Force, forget the war, forget my family. Tonight there is only us," he speaks into her skin. He drowns her in kisses as he reaches down to nudge at her thighs. "Give me everything," he commands as his persistent hands coax her trembling knees apart. Yes, this is happening, he realizes with a mixture of relief and anticipation. This is happening now. Kylo nestles himself between her parted legs and pulls her flush to him. Her eyes are as big as saucers, desperately looking for reassurance, as he positions himself and thrusts in.
He feels her flinch even if his ears don't register her small cry. He himself gasps at the feel of being inside. Why has he waited so long to do this? She is warm and tight and slick. The sensation is intense and it threatens to end things before they begin. As he regains his equilibrium, so does she.
"Are you okay?" he demands. Is this as good for her as it is for him? He isn't sure.
"I think so," Rey pants and he's only half convinced.
But that's good enough for him. Because he's ready to move. Kylo can't wait to add friction to this. And, oh yeah, this is just as good as he expected. This is way better than his hand. He is heaving and straining, moving fast and furiously. He's too excited to slow down. Experienced lovers take their time to savor the experience and to please their partners. Thirty-year-old virgins just want to get to the finish line.
Kylo has his head thrown back and his eyes closed as he concentrates on the feeling of her body. He plows repeatedly into Rey, sheathing himself again and again. She's grunting softly with each thrust but Kylo can't hear it above the explosion of pleasure in his mind. He can't get enough. This feeling is amazing. It's even better than the Force.
There is a certain violence to sex that feeds a deep primal need in Dark Kylo Ren. He thrills to the raw physical intensity of the act. Kylo revels in his dominance over his Jedi princess. Rey might steal his saber with the Force but she's submitting to him now. Can Luke Skywalker see this in the Force? Does he know that his prodigal nephew is fucking his would be Padawan right now? Pleasure and power combine for the ultimate high. That it is forbidden makes it all the more daring. Yes . . . together he and Rey will break all the rules. Who cares if they ever balance the Force because they can do this instead.
It ends not long after it began as Kylo pushes in deep, groans, and spends himself. Sated, he sighs and slumps, crashing down on her. "Thank you," he pants. He loves that this was new for Rey too. They will be each other's one and only, he decides. Soulmates in the Force, in his Empire, and in life too. "Thank you," he nuzzles into her neck. "Thank you."
Rey makes no reply.
Concern dawns on him. "Did I hurt you?" Oh, damn, he hopes he didn't hurt her. That might have been a little rough. Suddenly, he is horrified by how inadvertently selfish that was. That had been all about him. When Rey doesn't answer, Kylo demands again, "Did I hurt you?"
"No." She's lying. Fuck.
"I'm sorry," he breathes out. He's still sucking in air to regain his breath. "I got carried away."
"It's okay," she gulps. "I'm fine now."
Fuck. He straightens up and then reaches for her, gathering Rey into his arms. He feels awful. Is she going to cry? No, he is relieved to discover. But she looks more dazed than pleased. Quickly, he tucks Rey into bed, finishes undressing himself, and slips in too. Kylo nestles up close behind with his arms around her. It's bare skin pressed up against bare skin. He buries his face in her soft hair, inhaling her scent. The sex was amazing but this is good too. He likes this.
But does she? "Do you want me to leave?" he whispers into her ear.
"No. I like this. This is nice."
"I'll do better next time," he promises. He's never meant anything more in his life. Practice will make perfect, he decides. This is one training exercise he will enjoy. It is a point of pride now to make it good for Rey next time.
Kylo pulls her closer because this feels very right. He feels incredibly empowered in this moment. Tonight he had been so low, so Dark. Until Rey. This woman is his salvation, just like she had planned. Just not in the way she had expected. Rey is the emotional crutch and the physical release he needs. For years, he has vented his Darkness with violent tantrums. Going forward, he decides, he will vent it with an orgy of sex. This woman is a gift sent to him by the Force to spur him to kill Snoke and to become his own man in all things, even this.
A lot has happened today. Emotionally and physically spent, Kylo drifts off holding Rey. He sleeps soundly all night. But he wakes in the morning with a start. Instantly aware that he is alone in the bed. Where is she?
"Rey?" he calls as he stands to his feet and starts roaming around. "Rey?" He turns on the lights and starts searching. "Rey?"
She's gone. He can't sense her presence near. In fact, he can't sense her presence anywhere on the ship.
"Fuck!" he swears out loud. He dashes back to the bedroom to drag on his pants and his boots. He doesn't waste time with the rest of his clothes. He just calls his sword to his hand. He always takes his sword. Then he makes for the door. As Kylo waves a hand to open it with the Force, his eyes settle on a set of scratches above the release mechanism. These aren't from wear and tear, these are a deliberate set of tally marks in a short, neat line. They arrest him, for Kylo recalls seeing another, much larger set of tally marks in Rey's mind. It was her calendar of days on Jakku. She had started another such calendar here. "Fuck!" he swears again. Then, he races through the door.
Kylo knows exactly where to head as he runs through his ship at top speed. The corridors are crowded during first shift, but as always people part to let him through. They stare agape at the sight of their Emperor unmasked and bare chested, running at top speed with his sword in his hand. He's not heading to the bridge or to the hangar bay. He runs to the lower cargo hold. It's busy with forklifts, personnel, and droids who manage the foodstuffs and other supplies for his great ship. It's all neatly organized and coordinated. Everything is in order here except for one glaring omission. For in the far corner by the exit is an empty space where the Millennium Falcon had been parked.
Kylo stands and stares as he digests what this means. Rey has fled and taken his father's ship with her. She had said she wanted the Falcon all along. And she never said that she would stay. They had made no promises to one another last night. Not with words, that is.
Kylo's chest heaves as he feels his anger rise. For the past, like that old scratch and dent freighter, keeps refusing to die. Nothing ever changes, he laments. Everyone washes their hands of him in the end. Even Rey. She had fallen asleep in his arms and then fled in the night.
This rejection stings deeply. It is very personal.
Reflexively, his sword leaps to his hand to ignite. Kylo doesn't even bother to fight the urge to destroy. Instead, he embraces it completely. He is a snarling, scowling animal as he vents his disappointment and despair on the nearest supply pallet. This is what the young Emperor of the galaxy has been reduced to. He is a runaway Padawan, a failed Apprentice, a secret, politically embarrassing son. And now, a jilted lover too. Good riddance to that scavenger bitch, Kylo tells himself. He hacks away as he blinks back a mix of sweat and tears. He will do it all without her help. He doesn't need Rey or anyone else.
END PART ONE
More to come after a break to go dream it up.
