ByakuganHyuuga360: Is it really? I always feel bad for Naruto and he's my favorite character and I wanted him to have the shining moment and you know actually get the girl through love and determination! Thank you for the exception! I know I hate him too…and yet there will be more Itachi to come! Bwhahaha!

CheezingIt54: I know! I never really get to write them as kids and I was like I bet Hinata was an outgoing little girl who bossed Sasuke around without him noticing!

I always wanted her to be like that just sprout random stuff during stressful but also happy situations.

That he is, not a fine ass but just a jerk-faced-ass.

I know it'll take a while because you'll know after this chapter why he hates his mom so much. Sasuke on the other part…it's pretty hard because he has his brother's girlfriend as a constant reminder that even if he's dead he's still in charge of his life. But I guess Sasuke could have some happiness in the end…

I will! I will never give up and continue to bother you with this story! I'm so happy they make you happy!

Takichixhc: Yay! New reader! Welcome and I'm glad you love it! Because of this I must declare my love for you! Is it unique? Now my love for you has grown ginormous! I'm pretty sure there are some unique stories on here! I should really start reading again. I'm so happy you are and I hope you will continue to!

Sorry it took me so long but I finally made it happen! I actually had most of the chapter typed out last year I just completely forgot about it…sorry!

Hinata6: I feel like no time has gone by since this review…it's still the same with the late replies and I promise to reply soon~!

Never feel stupid with me! It's okay to make mistakes but you are not stupid!

Why thank you! I hope you like this chapter! Did you like it? So happy that you did! Yes! I'm telling you this usually when people have asked me I always deny them because it's a spoiler but yup he'll make an appearance! You'll know in this chapter the relationship he had with this parents, and you'll know why he hates his mom so much.

I'm glad that you did it's because of this loser story that I can honestly call you my friend! I hope you enjoy it! By the way the Hinata picture you reblogged for the new anime movie Oh MY GLOB! She is going to be a bad ass character! I know it with that outfit! And stupid Sasuke is going to be a flirt! Oh my GLOB! I can't wait! I secretly hope he flirts with Hinata and all that! Oh I can't wait for it! I hope it's going to be good and the fact that his parents are alive! I feel the tears in my eyes already! Sorry I just had to talk to you about it now! Are you watching animes this season? I'm virtually watching them all! Okay not really but the good ones I' am. This is the season where I've watched the most anime! And it's cool because two of my favorites are licensed for release here so I'll be buying them! But yes we have much to catch up on and I'll reply to the email you sent last year! Glob I'm behind!


Hello my favorite people in the world! How are you today? Excited because the awesomeness of Legend of Korra and Young Justice hasn't worn out yet?

Saturdays are just like they were when I was a kid!

So I enabled anonymous reviews again. Not sure if it's a good decision or not! We'll see…

So an update on my life: I got accepted into a State University! So excited yet terrified about it! So I'm not sure how this fall is going to be but I'll try to update these months because I believe that fall semester begins in August…so yes I finally got that stupid C in calculus. Just last year I was crying because of a D and now I graduated from my community college! Didn't attend my graduation but that's all right.

I guess that's all…oh I hope all of you are doing well!

And I'm mostly on tumblr by the way! If you're on there and don't mind following me and if you tell me who you are I'll follow you back my page is: comicsare4women2 so you guys can see for yourselves just how much of a dork I really am! Now that's it! I hope you enjoy this chapter now without further delay here is the chapter!


Chapter 11: Past

I wait a few minutes after Sasuke leaves then I open my eyes. Does he really love me?

I can't…Sasuke has always been with me, he's always been there. Will I be able to act like I normally do after this? What about Naruto?

This love I'm starting to feel for Naruto is it real? Do I love Naruto? I decided that I did but I feel that I shouldn't want him anymore because of Sasuke. I know he doesn't want to pressure me but I can't just tell him no. Sasuke…he's like my brother just like Neji.

I have to give Sasuke a chance don't I?

But then I think about that voice that I've heard. Am I trying to forget that man? Why don't I want to remember him? Are the memories bad or good? Could they change me? But why do I force myself to not remember?

I have so many questions about myself that I can't even answer.

"Hinata do you want to go to class?" I shake my head "Or do you want to continue to rest?" I nod and lay on my side as Shizune-sensei continues to do her work and closes the curtain around my bed.

Everything is so complicated. I just want to live a peaceful like without any troubles.

Why did I…the tears start to fall, I don't…I cry silently as I start to wonder if I'm going to lose Sasuke…Please not him.

I spent all day in the nurse's office. Now its lunch time and I lost my courage. I was going to eat lunch with Sasuke but I lost my nerve.

Now here I sit in the library eating alone. I never realized how lonely it really is. Sasuke is probably out there having fun with all the girls. I use my chopsticks to stab my rice.

"It isn't the rice's fault that you my friend are an idiot," I stare up surprised to find Sasuke here. "I was waiting for you all day and nothing. No Hinata to be seen. I knew you'd be in here like a loner. Remember this Hinata you are not alone in the world." I feel my eyes grow huge. "Believe that you have friends who will be with you through everything."

I keep my eyes on him. How should I react? I don't fully understand what it means to feel. All my life I was advised to never show how I feel or what I'm thinking. My sensei's always told me to not feel anything. When I'm with Sasuke it's different. But right now I'm conflicted. What am I supposed to express? Gratitude? Happiness? Sorrow? What is it that I'm supposed to feel?

I look up at Sasuke wondering what he thinks I should feel instead I watch as he comes over to me and sits next to me.

"I had a similar upbringing. So even I' am having troubled feelings. I'm not sure what you're supposed to feel. I'm not going to tell you. I think you have to discover them yourself. That way you'll learn how to feel all on your own." Sasuke can be pretty wise if he puts his mind to it. I smile at him and nod my agreement. "Do you know where Naruto is?" Sasuke questions me.

I take out my notepad and pen and write down.

We were walking to school together when a lady came and called out to him. It looked like he saw a ghost, then he got angry. She was really pretty.

I stare at Sasuke amazed at how his jaw hangs open. I sort of want to put my finger in his mouth…

"Holy shit…" he mumbles. "Did you notice anything weird about him?" he questions me in a urgent manner.

Like he was in a hurry and wanted to run for it.

"Fuck!" he shouts this is so not Sasuke. He never yells or gets surprised. So to see him react this way makes me feel like I should fall off my chair.

"Shut up Uchiha-san!" Shiho sensei screams. My eyes grow huge at her reaction. She really doesn't like Sasuke. I lower myself in my chair to avoid her angry gaze. Sasuke's should get in trouble not me.

"Look," Sasuke directs his words at me. "I have to go look for Naruto before he does anything idiotic. I'm sorry." He rushes the words out before he bolts for it. I stand up surprised at his reactions. Sasuke can actually feel…no he loves Naruto like a brother…

"Don't think about him!" I look back and find a young girl standing by the bookcase behind me.

Who are you?

"You before you lost your voice," she responds. "I have your voice because I'm protecting you, if you tell the truth you'd be breaking your promise. You can't break your promise, you can't!" she pleads with me in a desperate voice.

When will I get my voice back?

"You can't ever get it back if you do you'll give away his secrets. We must protect them at all costs! He depended on us! It means the world that he chose us! Is your voice more important than him?" she asks me growing angry.

Yes.

"We've changed. He was my sun now he's but a fog in your heart. Is there no meaning in your life? Who are you Hinata? I knew who I was but what about you?" she questions me as she looks into me and waits for my answer.

I' am the quiet girl who never cries in front of her tormenters, Sasuke's best friend and a girl who is falling in love with Uzumaki Naruto.

"Yo," I look back over my shoulder and see a smiling Chouji and an embarrassed Shikamaru. "We were in the main hallway when we saw Sasuke run out of the entrance. Is everything all right?" he asks me in a concerned manner. I was about to nod but I shake my head and walk to my writing pad and write.

No, Sasuke is concerned that Naruto is going to do something stupid. So he went to go look for him.

"Isn't Sasuke lazy? I mean he never ran in P.E. so it was freaky to watch him running like that it felt like the world was going to end. Who knew he could care for anyone else." Shikamaru comments as he takes a seat at the table in front of me I go back to the chair I was sitting at before and sit down.

Does he run funny? Do you have video proof? I always thought he had no physical strength in him. But I think Naruto and Sasuke are in a "special" relationship together. Maybe you four could double date?

"Ha ha, it seems our secret is out," Chouji says as he puts his arm around Shikamaru's shoulders. My eyes widen and I feel my jaw drop. I knew it! I knew they were together!

"We're kidding jerk," Shikamaru speaks up. "Look we're straight and honestly admit that we are really close we love each other but not in a sexual sense. Why can't two guys be close without being viewed as gay?"

Can girls be close to each other without guys imagining them making out behind closed doors? I question them as I stare at them with a skeptical glance.

"Y-yes!" Chouji stammers with pink cheeks and avoids looking at me in the eyes.

"Ino and Sakura…" Shikamaru murmurs with a silly grin on his lips.

Idiots, I write down before leaning towards them and flicking their foreheads with my bent fingers.

"Ow!" they say in unison as they reach up to run their forehead.

"Hinata there is no need for violence," Chouji semi-shouts.

Violence solves all the world problems so violence is definitely needed here. I scribble quickly.

"You should've talked to us like this before," Shikamaru murmurs as he looks away from me.

I'm sorry. I begin; I don't understand what lead me to stop communicating with all my friends. At the time when I lost my voice Sasuke was the only one who didn't treat me differently. All of you starred at me with pity and I hated it. I had no need for pity what I wanted was for you guys to understand me and hear me without a voice but now I comprehend that I was stupid. Sasuke never understood me and I feel that everyone would've continued to care about me even though I can't talk. After all, we were just kids it was hard to understand. I hope we can start over again and be friends like we were once before. Is that okay?

Next thing I know I'm pulled out of my chair and I' am being bear hugged by Chouji. He lifts me off my feet and circles around; I get dizzy when he sets me down.

"We've wanted to hear that for the longest time," Shikamaru admits with a happy smile. I find my eyes get blurry and I roughly rub my tears away.

It feels like I'm starting to return to the child I was. Maybe I can be like who was before when I was always surrounded by friends. Maybe I'm getting closer to receiving my voice.

"No you aren't," I hear myself in the back of my head

Chouji hugs me again and this time I find my arms circling around his softness.


I look at her doorbell and before I can think it over more I ring her doorbell as I stand outside Hinata's apartment.

I don't know why I'm here; it's two in the morning. I stop ringing the doorbell and give the door my back just then the door opens.

I look into her eyes and find myself losing myself in the lavender abyss. She suddenly moves to the side. I take that as her invitation and step into her entrance. I grab some slippers and walk in silently. I show her the bento and she grabs it. She motions for me to sit down at her dining table and I do. A few minutes later she returns with a tray full of food. She sets up the table and I watch her hands. They look so pale.

"I'm sorry for bothering you so late. You didn't have to make me food," I tell her. She shakes her head and reaches for the white board and writes.

I'm an insomniac, I can't sleep at night. I sleep a few hours during the day. Plus I always make too much food. You are welcome here anytime. I read it once more to make sure I read it correctly.

I look into her eyes and find myself talking without thinking.

"I'm using you," I blurt out. She looks at me without judging anything I'm saying. "I'm like everyone else who go to you to spill their secrets. I just want to get it off my chest. I don't want to lie to you anymore," I confess. She erases what she wrote earlier.

I don't mind being used by you since you admitted it. But before you continue eat first or else it'll get cold. We have all night for you to talk to me about what's troubling you.

How can the one girl who can't talk know exactly what to write?

I know she has something to say but is waiting until we are done eating. I've always had a difficult time connecting to people. I never understood why people wanted someone else to get them. But as I sit here in silence I finally understand the concept, the need to have someone in my life that gets me. There is this comfort and security in life, I've missed it. I hide my face as the tears slide down my cheeks. This is all because of her…I'm feeling this because of the lady…I hate her.

I feel Hinata's warmth and I look up to find her hand on top of mine and she squeezes my fingers. I continue to eat with one hand. Being with her it makes me feel like home…

Once I'm done eating Hinata brings over some mint tea with sugar cookies

I drink the tea and reach out for a cookie as I go over what I want to talk to her about.

I look to my right and find her sitting next to me with the whiteboard on her lap. Her hands hold onto the warm teacup with both hands. Her empty yet beautiful eyes focus on me. I feel my jaw loosen as I stare down at my steaming tea.

"I had a good childhood," I begin my story. "I had a wonderful dad and mom. We were happy but my mom she was never happy. She always wanted more and forced my dad to make even more money than he already had. But it never satisfied her. My dad he did some shady deals and he lost it all because of it. Mom stayed for a month but then she left my dad and me. By then my dad had turned to alcohol for comfort and to take him out of the reality that was his life. I had to be the adult at the age of seven. I could barely write yet I went out shopping, made the food, and cleaned the house. I took care of everything because my dad wouldn't function like an adult would. They only time he would do anything was when he went out to by his sake and beer, he always told me he loved me and was happy that I stayed with him and didn't leave him like my mother did. He was…he used to be a very happy man, he was strong, his eyes had this determination that never broke, he was nice and loving, he was everything to me. I hate my mom because she killed him, she killed that strong man that loved me and the city, he lived to serve everyone…he turned to alcohol because of her and she just abandon her family to rot because she couldn't get any more money out of us." I think back to those days and I become sweaty and shake. I look up at Hinata and look into those eyes that I lose myself in so easily. "He used to always tell me that I shouldn't hate my mom, that none if it was her fault. I watched my dad deteriorate, I watched as the alcohol killed him, slowly. No one had any idea it had gotten this bad by the time Jiraiya found us I had been with my dad's dead body for a week." I finally let out the truth. The reason I ran and continue to run. I watched my father die and I couldn't help him. I was a kid who couldn't call for help when I saw my dad get worse.

"I killed him" I cry out and I find myself in her arms and she hugs me tightly. I cry on her shoulders, and I can't stop seeing my father's dead body. I hate that woman, I detest and blame her for my dad's death. If she would've stayed he wouldn't have killed himself like that. He would've been happy and not turned to drinking. Dad would still be alive. We'd be happy. But no, she chose money over love. She left us…

I don't know how much time has passed but I look out her window over her shoulder and notice the sun.

"Why didn't you tell me its morning?" I ask her as I pull away from her thin frame.

She shrugs her shoulders indicating that it doesn't matter.

"Are you going to be okay for school?" I question her and she nods with a weak smile on her lips. "Get dressed I'll go home, take a quick shower and come back so we can go get some coffee," I say before she could respond.


I wanted to shout out that there was no need but I couldn't. I go to my room and do my hair in braids and put on my uniform double checking that I put on some deodorant. I'm too lazy to take a shower so I go into my kitchen and put on my apron and quickly prepare the bento's for today's lunch. I usually prepare everything the night before and just cook it in the morning and assemble it in the morning too. There is something fun in finding places to add sides or main dishes in such a small container. And there are days where instead of putting steamed rice I put in some noodles or something else. I guess I just really enjoy cooking because it takes my mind off things. I get to follow directions and slowly watch as my food comes together. I never taste it as it cooks, I don't do that I'm not sure why. I just like the rhythm and the order of things. I know some cooks don't follow measurements and just eyeball it but I can't do that. I think there is a reason why there are directions in a recipe and precise measurements because that's how it's meant to be. No more or no less. I hear my doorbell ring and walk to the door and open it to find an out of breath Naruto standing on the other side. He gives me a wide grin and I can't help but smile back.

"Are you ready?" he questions me with a wide smile. I watch him and realize what he's doing, I go to my dining table and get the whiteboard and I write.

I know that you are suffering after what you told me but I'm telling you now that you do not have to lie to me. Be your true self with me alone, I write and I watch as his lower lip trembles a bit.

"I don't want to be like that. My dad he wouldn't have wanted me to smile and enjoy life you know? I don't want to be depressed and sad all the time it isn't how he brought me up." He admits to me in a clear and happy voice. I stare at him growing even more jealous of his attitude and resolve. And how he could smile so easily even though he… "Come on let's go buy some coffee," he says as he reaches out for my arm and drags me away. But I stop him and point at the kitchen. "The bentos," he mumbles and I nod. He lets go of me and I walk into my kitchen and finish packing the bentos and cover them with the lids and tie them all together with a cloth and Naruto takes them from me and once again grabs my arm and instead of fighting him I walk behind him in a normal pace.

He can be so impatient just like a child. Wait wouldn't coffee make this worse? Maybe it isn't such a good idea to go get some coffee. He grabs my book bag and puts it over his shoulder on the opposite side of his hip where his rests. Naruto lets go of my arm and I lock my door only to bump into the maid father sends.

"Hyuga-sama good morning," she says as she bows at me. She rises and turns her attention to Naruto and I look over at him and find a funny expression on his face.

"You really are loaded aren't you?" he questions me and I shake my head intending to say that it's my father who is rich. "Oh, I wish I had a rich parent," he mumbles and directs his attention to the maid and bows. "I'm Hinata's friend, my name is Naruto Uzumaki it's a pleasure to meet you," he semi-shouts.

"Thank you for taking care of Hyuga-sama," she says as she bows back at Naruto. He laughs at her.

"She takes care of me," he says with a wide smile. I'm beginning to think that he has no other smile other than his big wide infectious one. "We should be going," he announces as he walks faster than before and I try to keep up. He suddenly looks back and notices my flushed face as I breathe harder.

"I forget that I'm with you I guess this means the stairs are out of the question?" he asks me and I nod vigorously, how does he have so much energy even though he didn't even go to sleep? We wait for the elevator and once the doors open we walk in and wait a few minutes until we stop at the first floor. "I actually don't live that far from here," he tells me as he looks around the elevator. "I saw your light on when I was walking by and I decided to come and check to see if you were still up, so you don't sleep at all at night?" he asks me and I shake my head. I usually take naps after school unless Hanabi comes over then I wait until she leaves to take my nap.

"I noticed that all your lights were on," he tells me and my eyes widen as I stare into his honest eyes. "Are you scared of the dark?" he questions me softly. I can't lie and just nod my answer. "So am I, it's just something about the darkness that it feels like it's enveloping me in some kind of evil entity. Is that what happens to you?" he asks me.

For me it feels as if all my past demons come out to haunt me in the darkness that's why I need all the lights on. The coldness of the darkness makes me shake in fear. He lets go of my arm and the elevator door dings and I walk out of the elevator and wait on the other side for Naruto. He looks at me waiting and takes a few steps forward and I give him my back and walk ahead of him. I think back to what I talked about with Kurenai-sensei and I feel myself turn bright red. Yet I think back to Sasuke's expression when he told me that he loved me…I can't do this to Sasuke. He's my best friend, the one guy who stood by me and never left my side. I can't just not think of loving Sasuke I should give him a chance…I think.

"Something is troubling you," Naruto suddenly says as he leans forward and looks under my bent face. I suddenly feel redder and push his face away with my sweaty hand. Why does he do this? He makes me more nervous than usual. I've never felt this before with any guy. He just makes my heart jump that's the only way to explain it. Is that normal? Am I finally becoming a normal girl? "What is it?" he asks in a sing song voice. I stop and reach for my book bag that Naruto has and take out the yellow legal pad and a blue highlighter. I write down how Sasuke confessed his love to me.

I watch his expression as he reads it and it stays blank then a small smile comes up on his mouth.

"I knew he was lying to me. I could tell he loved you even though he denied it to me to my face even. How do you feel about him? You can't just say no to him it'll put your friendship in jeopardy even though he says it doesn't matter it does. At least it does in dramas and stuff. I've never fallen in love and don't intend to, just like I don't want kids to a women to nag me I plan to be alone the rest of my life," he tells me in a honest clear voice. I watch him for a minute wondering if what happened to his dad turned him away from happiness.

Or is this his own punishment for not saving his dad? Does he plan to live a lonely life?

He told me that what I decide won't affect our friendship. I write on the paper. I also believe he is lying to me; he doesn't love me not really. If anything he feels something deeper like he cares for me like a sister or something. It's wrong to ignore his feelings but I can't truly accept them. I don't see Sasuke as a man but as someone whom I cherish as a friend.

"You can't say that without Sasuke telling you that. It's not right for you to deny someone else's feelings, it makes you look weak Hyuga and bitter," Naruto says in an angry voice and I notice the disappointment in his eyes. I feel my eyes widen as I grow surprised that he could feel anger over this.

Are you seriously getting upset over this? I write quickly and he looks away from me. I wait for his response.

"It's just…when people deny other's feelings their own private feelings without even thinking of the person it's unacceptable to me. You shouldn't deny something that you know nothing about. Are you inside his heart? Can you read his mind? No, so don't think that it's okay to deny someone's honest feelings about you. Don't dismiss something so important and beautiful," he tells me in a semi-angry tone. I gulp down my salvia. I look away from him and stare at the bright sky.

I get what he's trying to say but I can't bring myself to believe in Sasuke. I love Sasuke but the way he's treated me over the last few years has always had me wondering. If somewhere deep inside of him does he resent me or something. Does he hate me for something that I did to him? Because he has enjoyed the torment our classmates have put me through. Because I have to admit that if he actually loved me he wouldn't let me live through that.

I turn my head to stare at Naruto. Suddenly I have this need to tell him all this. To let him know, why I don't believe in Sasuke. Instead I keep quiet, like always. This is the one time I wish I could scream. To scream so loud it hurts my throat and leaves my lungs empty of air. Before I know it my vision becomes blurry. I stop walking and try to force myself to stop crying. Instead the tears come down faster. I bring my hands up to my eyes and wipe the tears away but more fall, I rub my eyes hard hoping to stop them but nothing comes of it. I've become a cry baby…this isn't me. I'm not supposed to feel anything or care about anything. I'm supposed to be indifferent to everything. But Naruto's words they hurt. They hurt me so much.

I know Sasuke doesn't love me. I know it yet Naruto got mad at me for writing my opinion. Naruto got mad at me…I gasp for air as I sob into my cupped hands.

"What's wrong?" I hear Naruto ask me, I shake my head. "Why are you crying?" he questions me terrified, he reaches out to touch my shoulder but I pull away from him.

I crash into someone and I take my hands off of my eyes to see Gaara there with Temari and Kankuro. All three look at Naruto and he ignores them and focuses on me. I turn around and give Naruto my back and grab onto Gaara's arm, he stares at me wondering what is going on.

"What did you do to the girl, new boy?" Kankuro angrily asks Naruto as he steps up to him.

"Nothing, we were just talking!" he says. I look at Gaara and he looks at me and without even trying to ask me anything he puts his arm around me and walks with me to school. We walk alone Kankuro and Temari staying behind and bothering Naruto with questions. Gaara doesn't say anything and the tears stop falling after a while in silence. Gaara doesn't look at me as he removes his arm.

"He most likely didn't know he was saying anything bad. I've watched him and could tell that he doesn't know how to talk to normal people. He doesn't realize when he's being an asshole. So don't take it seriously," he tells me as he walks away from me. I stand alone watching as Gaara leaves me. Gaara will always be a mystery to me.

"Yo," I hear Sasuke say to me as he sneaks up behind me. "What's all that commotion with Naruto and the siblings?" he questions me acting as if nothing is different. He hasn't even looked over at me. I write down on my notepad and I shove it in his face.

I need to talk to you about everything. He finally looks at me and notices my red eyes but chooses to ignore it.

"I don't want to talk to you," he says as he begins to walk away. I grab his shoulder and whirl him around by force and slap him on his left cheek. He looks down at me shocked and awe clouding his expression.

You WILL listen to me. I write angrily. I grab him by his sleeve and pull him along with me.