PART ELEVEN
Elladan had not realised how much he had truly missed home until he was standing upon the balcony overlooking the inner gates of the Last Homely House. Lothlorien had been grand, as always - the trees ever tall, the grass ever green, the weather ever temperate - but there was something wild and unpredictable about the mountains of his home that meant so much more to him. He could feel the crisp air that whistled through the valley, and he could smell the waters of the Bruinen.
Though he was tired and aching after a less than comfortable trek home in the sultry summer weather, Elladan was glad to be wandering about in the night air awhile, having bathed and changed into clean leggings and a light tunic that he had pilfered from Elrohir's room, which was nearer than his own.
He noted with a frown that his twin had not been present in his bedroom. He had been hoping to find him there and surprise him with his return. The hour was late and most of Rivendell's populace had retired to bed. Indeed, he had seen none save the guards since he had arrived. Perhaps Elrohir was posted on one of the far border guards. He had also noted, with a deeper frown, that some familiar faces were missing from their old posts, and that settled uneasily in his gut.
His sharp ears picked up a barely-audible footfall behind him, and he turned to see a tall figure walking towards him, dressed in a light robe, golden hair gleaming in the pale moonlight, apparently unaware of his presence. He lingered in the darkness of the balcony until the figure came close to him.
"Good evening, Glorfindel!" he then called, stepping from the shadows to greet him.
Glorfindel halted with a start. "My word, Elladan! I did not see you there," he gasped. "When did you return home? We did not expect you for a few days yet."
"I returned a few hours ago," Elladan told him. "I insisted we hasten our pace, be it hot weather or not. Elrohir would kill me for doing that to the horses, so I beg you not to tell him; but it was important that we did not linger, lest someone should come to an untimely end."
A frown crossed Glorfindel's face. "Did you have trouble from orcs?"
"No," Elladan grinned. "Just with the escort Grandfather provided me with. Collectively, I think they have the conversational skills of a mute troll. Had I spent one more day with them, I would have gone and found some orcs to take them in for me. I have sent them to retire to some rooms in the East wing."
Glorfindel laughed loudly and patted him on the shoulder. "Sleep is not coming easily to me this night. Would you care to walk with me?"
"Yes, I will," Elladan accepted, indicating for Glorfindel to lead the way. "I was just thinking how wonderful it is to be home."
"It is good to have you back," Glorfindel responded, walking elegantly down the steps into the garden. "I must say you look much better than you did when you left us. I trust you feel better too?"
Elladan followed, noting with a fascination that had not evaded him since he was a child, at how Glorfindel's slippered feet made a lighter imprint in the dewy grass than his own bare feet did. 'Heavy man's blood', Celebrian used to call it when they would blunder about as children.
"I do feel much better," he replied in answer to Glorfindel's question. "I was in need of some time and space to sort some things out in my mind, and Grandmother and Grandfather have helped me overcome much, and it was wonderful to see Arwen again, but I am so glad to be home now. That escort aside - I think they were just subdued anyway - I always feel that I am never quite at home in Lorien, outside Caras Galadhon. I feel they look down their nose on us of less than elven extraction."
"They should not," Glorfindel said defensively. "But you know what the Lorien lot are like, Elladan. They are a very insular folk. They don't like anyone new and strange, even their Lord and Lady's own grandchildren."
"They like Arwen well enough," Elladan snorted. "She is being paid advances from all over. I still feel she would be safer here with us, especially the way the world is turning these days with orcs and evil things creeping out from everywhere in overwhelming numbers." He shrugged in reflection. "Though she is happy there, and she and Grandmother are very close. I suppose my dear Evenstar is just surrounded by men here since Mother left us. She has many friends in Lorien."
"Yes, Arwen misses your mother terribly," Glorfindel said sadly. "Though I know you all do."
Elladan forced a smile and cast his sight West. He did miss her awfully, though it was easier to bear now. He had schooled himself into not thinking about what had happened, but to remember her as she had once been, and as he liked to think she would be now. She would be well now, that was all that mattered. No longer did her image haunt his dreams, and the memory of her beauty once again graced his mind.
He fingered the chain around his neck, feeling the green stone brush cool against his breast. He had made the necklace for his mother when he was barely of age, and she had given it to him upon her departure to the Havens. For many a year it had hung heavily around his neck, weighted by his guilt, until he had refused to wear it any longer and had given it to Elrohir to put away. But tonight he had retrieved it from his brother's jewellery box and put it back around his neck to remind himself of the way the jewel had looked upon her fair form, and to remind himself what he was fighting for.
He smiled. Yes, it was good to be home, and lots of things were going to change now. Speaking on friendly terms with Glorfindel was a start. They had spoken only with forced niceties for many years. Much like himself and his father, he reflected.
"Elrohir has missed you a lot, of course." Glorfindel broke into his thoughts. "Not a day has gone by over the past month that he has not looked for your coming from his window."
Elladan smiled at the thought. "I did not intend to stay away as long as I did, and I know I said I would be home by Spring, but…. Well, time always seems meaningless in Lorien." He sighed. "And it took me a little longer than I thought to… to sort things out." He swatted a moth from in front of his eyes. "How is Elrohir?" Not a day had gone by when he had not thought of his brother.
"He is well," Glorfindel assured him. "He's been busy with me on the border guard. We had a nasty little incident shortly before Yule... "
"Orcs?" Elladan walked along the grass border as Glorfindel turned onto a stone path. "What happened? I thought I saw some missing faces from the guard when I entered the valley this evening."
A shadow seemed to cross Glorfindel's face. "Yes, I am afraid so," he sighed. "The paths around the orc colonies are used little these days, as you know, and there are few travellers for them to accost, so they came down from the mountains and set upon the human settlements around the borders. When they had finished plundering there and found nothing – for we had heard rumour of their movement if not their numbers, and moved the women and children of the Dúnedain inside Imladris – they then grouped in masses and tried to attack our borders. Our guard was not strong enough to withstand them all. There was not time to call for assistance and there were many casualties, and more losses than we could really afford. They would have infiltrated our fair realm had your father not raised the river."
Elladan listened to the account with a grave face. "I thought they had been sitting pretty for too many months," he muttered. "It sounds like they were getting their numbers up to make sure our resources were down for the winter." His frown deepened and he balled his fists in anger. "Disgusting beasts! I knew I should not have gone away!"
"Elladan," Glorfindel spoke his name softly and laid a soothing hand upon his arm. "You would have been no good to anyone as you were. You were right to go away."
Elladan let his breath out slowly, trying to remember Galadriel's words about not blaming himself for every orc-related misfortune in the world. "How many losses did we suffer?" he dared to ask.
"Over half of the eastern guard." Glorfindel shook his head regretfully. "But the rangers came to our aid and we hunted the orcs back into their lairs. We could not kill as many as we would have liked, but we drove them back. We haven't had much trouble for the past few months."
"But I daresay we will have twice the trouble in months to come," Elladan said grimly. "They breed faster than mice! I do not know how they do it! The world seems to be swarming with the damn creatures at the moment. But worry not, Elrohir and I will be back soon. They have had it cosy while I have been absent, but the Grey Death will ride out again soon." He grinned. "'The Grey Death', that is what they call us, did you know?"
Glorfindel shook his head with a smile. "I would say the name is well deserved."
"I knew there was something about Lorien I loved – no orcs!" But in truth, he had missed hunting. Despite fighting to defend his mother's honour, Elladan took great responsibility in keeping his land secure, and the roads around it safe to travellers. He was now almost itching with anticipation of getting up into the hills and raiding the caves for the ones that had maimed his people.
"Do not brood on it, Elladan," Glorfindel said firmly and the younger elf looked up to see his old mentor arching a stern eyebrow at him.
"What else has happened while I have been away?" he asked, taking a seat upon a stone bench by a fountain.
Glorfindel smiled broadly. "Oh, there is a very amusing tale to tell about Erestor and a young boy known to us, and a very large toad in a washbasin, but that can wait until we are at dinner tomorrow and there is a vast audience to humiliate the Counsellor before."
"I shudder to think!" Elladan laughed. "How is Estel? He was still a little sickly when I left."
"He is very well," Glorfindel replied. "He's a little taller than he was when you left; they grow so fast, don't they? And he has mastered that pony beautifully. Erestor has started to tutor him, which of course Estel is claiming to hate every second of, but I think he's enjoying it really," he smiled. "And Elrohir has been trying to teach him to swim these past few weeks, but he is a little reluctant to get into water any deeper than his bath after what happened at the river. It is to be expected, the poor lamb. He cannot be blamed for being afraid."
Elladan swallowed a thick lump of guilt, and resolved that he would make teaching Estel to swim his first priority
"He has also made a very strong companion in a lad of the Dúnedain called Halbarad," Glorfindel continued.
"That is good," Elladan nodded. "That child spends far too much time around adults, and not even adults of his own kind. He spends far too much time around old elves."
"That he does," Glorfindel agreed. "Elrond is doing a wonderful job of playing father to him, and Elrohir is a wonderful brother and mentor to him – both your father and your brother seem more taken with Estel than I've ever seen with any other child that has been fostered among us." His face grew grave, and almost sad then. "That boy has a teacher for every subject he could want to learn, be it art, or music, or swordplay, or equestrian… but it would grieve me to see him have all this and grow up forgetting he is human. It would be terrible for him to become a man and never feel comfortable among his own kind. Though I foresee the future of a recluse ahead of him."
It was indeed an ill image, though one Elladan could not see being avoided if his father had no plans as to when he would reveal the young human's heritage to him. "What will become of him, do you think?" he asked. "Estel, I mean." He unsuccessfully fought back a yawn, unaware of when he had suddenly become so tired.
"I do not know," Glorfindel shrugged, rising from the bench and turning to walk to the stairs that led into the back of the house. "That is the business of your Father, and Gilraen of course. For now, he is fine as he is."
Elladan followed behind the Elf Lord and up the stairs. His father was a wonderful replacement father to Estel, and Elrohir was a wonderful big brother, and Glorfindel an uncle, and Erestor a tutor, but where did he fit in? What could he provide the boy with? If indeed he was able to provide him with anything.
"I note you did not mention me in there," he said softly. "Though I have hardly been the best to him. I am so regretful of my behaviour, Glorfindel. I acted like a child. I was so scared Estel would become Number One Son in my stead, though I have hardly much right to Father's love after the way I have acted. I want to be a brother to Estel. I want to be as Elrohir is to him. I want to teach him lore, and I want to teach him the way of the sword when he is older. And when it is time, I want to teach him to be the best ranger these lands of ever seen. He is a dear child, and I want to help make him into a great man. And I know it would mean a lot to a lot of people if I were to do so. I was wrong to have acted so childishly towards him." He could feel the colour creep to his cheeks as his words came out in such a rush.
"Elladan, I have never heard you speak so frankly!" Glorfindel could not hide his smile. "Your Father does love you, I wish you would see that. You are as stubborn a beast as he is, but now you have both finally backed down a little, maybe some old bridges can be rebuilt. I know things can never go back to the way they were before…" he seemed to consider his words before deciding on: "back to the way they were, but I think we can all try to make things better around the family." He smiled sadly. "Though it is not my business, I am not family. You have said that to me many a time, and it is true. I suppose I do get overly involved at times."
Elladan saw the sadness in Glorfindel's eyes. He had been beyond cruel in some of the things he had said and done. "You are family, Glorfindel," he placed his hand on the golden Elf's arm. "You made a promise to Mother when she left that you would take care of us. I would like things to start getting better now, with everyone and that includes you. I would like us to be friends again." He sighed heavily, thinking back on the past centuries. If he were Glorfindel, he would not have taken the extended hand of friendship gladly. "I know not whether you can forgive me for all the things I have ever said and done and accused you of over the years."
"Perhaps." He looked hard at Elladan. "I only ask that you do not do it falsely, Elladan. I would rather have you still accusing me of trying to bed your Father than that."
"I don't know if that was ever right," Elladan said. Galadriel had assured him it was not, and he would like to always believe her. Even so, the words stuck in his throat. "Even if it was right, it is not my business." He saw anger flare in Glorfindel's body in that second.
"I never did anything Elladan," he said firmly, "though I will not argue the case with you now. I have protested my innocence to you for far too many years, and I do not see that I feel the need to anymore. If you still do not believe me about that night after Celebrian left then ask Erestor, he was there and he will tell you. But we have been through this a thousand times."
"I do not care what did or did not happen!" Elladan cried. "I just want to forget about it all and put it behind me. I have spent far too much energy fighting with this in my mind. I just want to forget about it all."
"I love your Father more than I have the need to breathe, you know that. But I love your mother, and I love you children, and I would never do anything." He turned on the balcony to face the valley. "Even if I had a chance," he added softly.
"Glorfindel," Elladan walked to his side. "I did not intend for us to argue. I just want us to make amends. Can we? For Father and Elrohir if for no one else."
"I don't suppose I have much choice," Glorfindel smiled strangely, "or I will have Lady Galadriel on my back, and she frightens me. And anything has to be better than the way you have been for the last half a millennia."
Elladan nodded, not sure whether he had been given an answer there or not. He could see that he had much work to do, and not least of all with the one he loved the most. It was giving him a headache just thinking about it, and he rested his head in his hands as he leaned upon the veranda. "I was vile to Elrohir in my madness, and even worse to Estel."
"And Elrohir was too wrapped up in that child, and Elrond was an insensitive beast who took no regard to your state of mind until it was too late," Glorfindel interjected. "And I told them as much."
"You did?" Elladan's eyes grew wide and he straightened up to look at the Elf Lord, who was still staring out over the landscape. "Why did you defend me so?"
"Yes, I did, though I know not why," Glorfindel answered quietly. "Not that I expect things to stay rosy amongst the Peredhil family for long, of course. You and your father are far too alike for things to be nice for too long."
"Like you said, we can try," Elladan said, fighting back another yawn. "I must bid you goodnight now Glorfindel." He could see his bedroom door from here and he yearned for nothing more than to fall into bed. "I will see Father in the morning, but I must retire. I am quite shattered."
"Yes, of course you are," Glorfindel reached to squeeze his shoulder gently. "Goodnight, Elladan."
"Goodnight," Elladan said, as he and Glorfindel parted ways to go to their respective chambers. He yawned widely as he opened the door and crossed the room to his bed, stripping his tunic and dropping it carelessly over the chair. He surveyed his chamber with a smile. Though he had been away months, someone had taken the care to dust and put down clean bedding for his return home.
Bedding which was not unoccupied, he noticed, as he walked further into the room. The familiar shape of Elrohir lay curled beneath his covers, dark hair tangled over the white pillow, and beside him lay the small form of Estel.
"Elladan!" Estel's eyes opened in a second and he clambered carefully from the bed to run to the Elf. "Elladan, you are home!" he squeaked in an excited whisper.
"Yes, I am home," Elladan smiled, stooping to hug the child. It still felt awkward. It all felt awkward – promising to resolve things with his father, speaking nicely to Glorfindel as he had not done for centuries – but he was determined he would make things right for everyone. He would try his very best, at least. Even though it was against his very nature, and against everything he had believed for years. He had to stop being vindictive. It hurt himself more than it did anyone else. Though he could not help but think, with a smile, that being humble did not suit him well.
"Why are you both in my room?" Elladan whispered, nodding towards Elrohir.
"I found Elrohir in here looking sad," Estel explained, "so I thought I'd better stay with him. He has been so lonely without you." He tugged Elladan's hand. "Oh, Elladan, I have so much to tell you! I was in awful trouble the other day! It was just a bit of fun, but how was I to know Counsellor Erestor went icky over toads?! Really, I thought he was going faint!"
"Shh!" Elladan whispered with a chuckle. "Tell me about it in the morning, it is late now." There was much to be sorted in morning, but he was dying most of all to know about this toad, and now he was even more intrigued, but he did not want to wake Elrohir. "I am awfully tired Estel, and I would not be a good listener right now. But you must tell me everything tomorrow." He stepped behind the screen to change into a thin nightshirt, already laid out for him.
"Do you want me to go back to my own bed now?" Estel whispered softly as Elladan stepped out. "I know I'm not supposed to be in your room, but poor Elrohir looked so sad."
Elladan stepped quietly over to the bed and ran his hand through Elrohir's hair, smiling lovingly down at his sleeping form. "No, you can stay here Estel," he said. "Hop back in bed at the other side of Elrohir."
Estel grinned broadly and did as requested. "I did promise him I would stay all night."
Elladan smiled quickly at the child but he only had eyes for one person in the room. Part of him wished Estel had not made such a promise, but he was far too tired to do anything anyway. Elrohir looked tired too, he noticed. He had missed his brother more than he had thought he would, and he wanted to kiss him but he glanced at the boy watching him and decided then that he would no longer flout Elrond's request on that matter. Maybe a time would come for Estel to know of them, but that would not be for many many years.
"Come and lie by me Elladan, if you want," Estel offered. "He has left you no room there."
"It's all right, I'll move him." Elladan nudged Elrohir's shoulder gently. "Really, Elrohir. My first night back home and I cannot even get into my own bed. Move over, you take up more room than one of those horses of yours."
Elrohir's eyes came open slowly. "Elladan?" he sat up. "Elladan! Oh, Elladan, you are home!"
Elladan's gaze darted to Estel as he was pulled into a tight embrace. "Yes, I am home, brother dear," he said, "and Estel is still here watching over you."
Elrohir took that as warning and released his hold.
"He looks good, doesn't he Elrohir?" Estel said with a smile. "He looks strong again."
"You do look well, Elladan," he whispered with tears in his eyes. "My brother is back at last." He took Elladan's face in his hands and looked long into his eyes. "How are you?"
"I am much better," Elladan replied, sliding beneath the sheets beside his twin. "But I am so tired. I want nothing more than sleep now."
"I understand," Elrohir moved over to lie close against his back, laying a warm hand upon his thigh. "But there is much to catch up on come morning," he whispered.
Elladan closed his eyes and snuggled back into the familiar warmth. "Mm. There is," he smiled.
~TBC~
Elladan had not realised how much he had truly missed home until he was standing upon the balcony overlooking the inner gates of the Last Homely House. Lothlorien had been grand, as always - the trees ever tall, the grass ever green, the weather ever temperate - but there was something wild and unpredictable about the mountains of his home that meant so much more to him. He could feel the crisp air that whistled through the valley, and he could smell the waters of the Bruinen.
Though he was tired and aching after a less than comfortable trek home in the sultry summer weather, Elladan was glad to be wandering about in the night air awhile, having bathed and changed into clean leggings and a light tunic that he had pilfered from Elrohir's room, which was nearer than his own.
He noted with a frown that his twin had not been present in his bedroom. He had been hoping to find him there and surprise him with his return. The hour was late and most of Rivendell's populace had retired to bed. Indeed, he had seen none save the guards since he had arrived. Perhaps Elrohir was posted on one of the far border guards. He had also noted, with a deeper frown, that some familiar faces were missing from their old posts, and that settled uneasily in his gut.
His sharp ears picked up a barely-audible footfall behind him, and he turned to see a tall figure walking towards him, dressed in a light robe, golden hair gleaming in the pale moonlight, apparently unaware of his presence. He lingered in the darkness of the balcony until the figure came close to him.
"Good evening, Glorfindel!" he then called, stepping from the shadows to greet him.
Glorfindel halted with a start. "My word, Elladan! I did not see you there," he gasped. "When did you return home? We did not expect you for a few days yet."
"I returned a few hours ago," Elladan told him. "I insisted we hasten our pace, be it hot weather or not. Elrohir would kill me for doing that to the horses, so I beg you not to tell him; but it was important that we did not linger, lest someone should come to an untimely end."
A frown crossed Glorfindel's face. "Did you have trouble from orcs?"
"No," Elladan grinned. "Just with the escort Grandfather provided me with. Collectively, I think they have the conversational skills of a mute troll. Had I spent one more day with them, I would have gone and found some orcs to take them in for me. I have sent them to retire to some rooms in the East wing."
Glorfindel laughed loudly and patted him on the shoulder. "Sleep is not coming easily to me this night. Would you care to walk with me?"
"Yes, I will," Elladan accepted, indicating for Glorfindel to lead the way. "I was just thinking how wonderful it is to be home."
"It is good to have you back," Glorfindel responded, walking elegantly down the steps into the garden. "I must say you look much better than you did when you left us. I trust you feel better too?"
Elladan followed, noting with a fascination that had not evaded him since he was a child, at how Glorfindel's slippered feet made a lighter imprint in the dewy grass than his own bare feet did. 'Heavy man's blood', Celebrian used to call it when they would blunder about as children.
"I do feel much better," he replied in answer to Glorfindel's question. "I was in need of some time and space to sort some things out in my mind, and Grandmother and Grandfather have helped me overcome much, and it was wonderful to see Arwen again, but I am so glad to be home now. That escort aside - I think they were just subdued anyway - I always feel that I am never quite at home in Lorien, outside Caras Galadhon. I feel they look down their nose on us of less than elven extraction."
"They should not," Glorfindel said defensively. "But you know what the Lorien lot are like, Elladan. They are a very insular folk. They don't like anyone new and strange, even their Lord and Lady's own grandchildren."
"They like Arwen well enough," Elladan snorted. "She is being paid advances from all over. I still feel she would be safer here with us, especially the way the world is turning these days with orcs and evil things creeping out from everywhere in overwhelming numbers." He shrugged in reflection. "Though she is happy there, and she and Grandmother are very close. I suppose my dear Evenstar is just surrounded by men here since Mother left us. She has many friends in Lorien."
"Yes, Arwen misses your mother terribly," Glorfindel said sadly. "Though I know you all do."
Elladan forced a smile and cast his sight West. He did miss her awfully, though it was easier to bear now. He had schooled himself into not thinking about what had happened, but to remember her as she had once been, and as he liked to think she would be now. She would be well now, that was all that mattered. No longer did her image haunt his dreams, and the memory of her beauty once again graced his mind.
He fingered the chain around his neck, feeling the green stone brush cool against his breast. He had made the necklace for his mother when he was barely of age, and she had given it to him upon her departure to the Havens. For many a year it had hung heavily around his neck, weighted by his guilt, until he had refused to wear it any longer and had given it to Elrohir to put away. But tonight he had retrieved it from his brother's jewellery box and put it back around his neck to remind himself of the way the jewel had looked upon her fair form, and to remind himself what he was fighting for.
He smiled. Yes, it was good to be home, and lots of things were going to change now. Speaking on friendly terms with Glorfindel was a start. They had spoken only with forced niceties for many years. Much like himself and his father, he reflected.
"Elrohir has missed you a lot, of course." Glorfindel broke into his thoughts. "Not a day has gone by over the past month that he has not looked for your coming from his window."
Elladan smiled at the thought. "I did not intend to stay away as long as I did, and I know I said I would be home by Spring, but…. Well, time always seems meaningless in Lorien." He sighed. "And it took me a little longer than I thought to… to sort things out." He swatted a moth from in front of his eyes. "How is Elrohir?" Not a day had gone by when he had not thought of his brother.
"He is well," Glorfindel assured him. "He's been busy with me on the border guard. We had a nasty little incident shortly before Yule... "
"Orcs?" Elladan walked along the grass border as Glorfindel turned onto a stone path. "What happened? I thought I saw some missing faces from the guard when I entered the valley this evening."
A shadow seemed to cross Glorfindel's face. "Yes, I am afraid so," he sighed. "The paths around the orc colonies are used little these days, as you know, and there are few travellers for them to accost, so they came down from the mountains and set upon the human settlements around the borders. When they had finished plundering there and found nothing – for we had heard rumour of their movement if not their numbers, and moved the women and children of the Dúnedain inside Imladris – they then grouped in masses and tried to attack our borders. Our guard was not strong enough to withstand them all. There was not time to call for assistance and there were many casualties, and more losses than we could really afford. They would have infiltrated our fair realm had your father not raised the river."
Elladan listened to the account with a grave face. "I thought they had been sitting pretty for too many months," he muttered. "It sounds like they were getting their numbers up to make sure our resources were down for the winter." His frown deepened and he balled his fists in anger. "Disgusting beasts! I knew I should not have gone away!"
"Elladan," Glorfindel spoke his name softly and laid a soothing hand upon his arm. "You would have been no good to anyone as you were. You were right to go away."
Elladan let his breath out slowly, trying to remember Galadriel's words about not blaming himself for every orc-related misfortune in the world. "How many losses did we suffer?" he dared to ask.
"Over half of the eastern guard." Glorfindel shook his head regretfully. "But the rangers came to our aid and we hunted the orcs back into their lairs. We could not kill as many as we would have liked, but we drove them back. We haven't had much trouble for the past few months."
"But I daresay we will have twice the trouble in months to come," Elladan said grimly. "They breed faster than mice! I do not know how they do it! The world seems to be swarming with the damn creatures at the moment. But worry not, Elrohir and I will be back soon. They have had it cosy while I have been absent, but the Grey Death will ride out again soon." He grinned. "'The Grey Death', that is what they call us, did you know?"
Glorfindel shook his head with a smile. "I would say the name is well deserved."
"I knew there was something about Lorien I loved – no orcs!" But in truth, he had missed hunting. Despite fighting to defend his mother's honour, Elladan took great responsibility in keeping his land secure, and the roads around it safe to travellers. He was now almost itching with anticipation of getting up into the hills and raiding the caves for the ones that had maimed his people.
"Do not brood on it, Elladan," Glorfindel said firmly and the younger elf looked up to see his old mentor arching a stern eyebrow at him.
"What else has happened while I have been away?" he asked, taking a seat upon a stone bench by a fountain.
Glorfindel smiled broadly. "Oh, there is a very amusing tale to tell about Erestor and a young boy known to us, and a very large toad in a washbasin, but that can wait until we are at dinner tomorrow and there is a vast audience to humiliate the Counsellor before."
"I shudder to think!" Elladan laughed. "How is Estel? He was still a little sickly when I left."
"He is very well," Glorfindel replied. "He's a little taller than he was when you left; they grow so fast, don't they? And he has mastered that pony beautifully. Erestor has started to tutor him, which of course Estel is claiming to hate every second of, but I think he's enjoying it really," he smiled. "And Elrohir has been trying to teach him to swim these past few weeks, but he is a little reluctant to get into water any deeper than his bath after what happened at the river. It is to be expected, the poor lamb. He cannot be blamed for being afraid."
Elladan swallowed a thick lump of guilt, and resolved that he would make teaching Estel to swim his first priority
"He has also made a very strong companion in a lad of the Dúnedain called Halbarad," Glorfindel continued.
"That is good," Elladan nodded. "That child spends far too much time around adults, and not even adults of his own kind. He spends far too much time around old elves."
"That he does," Glorfindel agreed. "Elrond is doing a wonderful job of playing father to him, and Elrohir is a wonderful brother and mentor to him – both your father and your brother seem more taken with Estel than I've ever seen with any other child that has been fostered among us." His face grew grave, and almost sad then. "That boy has a teacher for every subject he could want to learn, be it art, or music, or swordplay, or equestrian… but it would grieve me to see him have all this and grow up forgetting he is human. It would be terrible for him to become a man and never feel comfortable among his own kind. Though I foresee the future of a recluse ahead of him."
It was indeed an ill image, though one Elladan could not see being avoided if his father had no plans as to when he would reveal the young human's heritage to him. "What will become of him, do you think?" he asked. "Estel, I mean." He unsuccessfully fought back a yawn, unaware of when he had suddenly become so tired.
"I do not know," Glorfindel shrugged, rising from the bench and turning to walk to the stairs that led into the back of the house. "That is the business of your Father, and Gilraen of course. For now, he is fine as he is."
Elladan followed behind the Elf Lord and up the stairs. His father was a wonderful replacement father to Estel, and Elrohir was a wonderful big brother, and Glorfindel an uncle, and Erestor a tutor, but where did he fit in? What could he provide the boy with? If indeed he was able to provide him with anything.
"I note you did not mention me in there," he said softly. "Though I have hardly been the best to him. I am so regretful of my behaviour, Glorfindel. I acted like a child. I was so scared Estel would become Number One Son in my stead, though I have hardly much right to Father's love after the way I have acted. I want to be a brother to Estel. I want to be as Elrohir is to him. I want to teach him lore, and I want to teach him the way of the sword when he is older. And when it is time, I want to teach him to be the best ranger these lands of ever seen. He is a dear child, and I want to help make him into a great man. And I know it would mean a lot to a lot of people if I were to do so. I was wrong to have acted so childishly towards him." He could feel the colour creep to his cheeks as his words came out in such a rush.
"Elladan, I have never heard you speak so frankly!" Glorfindel could not hide his smile. "Your Father does love you, I wish you would see that. You are as stubborn a beast as he is, but now you have both finally backed down a little, maybe some old bridges can be rebuilt. I know things can never go back to the way they were before…" he seemed to consider his words before deciding on: "back to the way they were, but I think we can all try to make things better around the family." He smiled sadly. "Though it is not my business, I am not family. You have said that to me many a time, and it is true. I suppose I do get overly involved at times."
Elladan saw the sadness in Glorfindel's eyes. He had been beyond cruel in some of the things he had said and done. "You are family, Glorfindel," he placed his hand on the golden Elf's arm. "You made a promise to Mother when she left that you would take care of us. I would like things to start getting better now, with everyone and that includes you. I would like us to be friends again." He sighed heavily, thinking back on the past centuries. If he were Glorfindel, he would not have taken the extended hand of friendship gladly. "I know not whether you can forgive me for all the things I have ever said and done and accused you of over the years."
"Perhaps." He looked hard at Elladan. "I only ask that you do not do it falsely, Elladan. I would rather have you still accusing me of trying to bed your Father than that."
"I don't know if that was ever right," Elladan said. Galadriel had assured him it was not, and he would like to always believe her. Even so, the words stuck in his throat. "Even if it was right, it is not my business." He saw anger flare in Glorfindel's body in that second.
"I never did anything Elladan," he said firmly, "though I will not argue the case with you now. I have protested my innocence to you for far too many years, and I do not see that I feel the need to anymore. If you still do not believe me about that night after Celebrian left then ask Erestor, he was there and he will tell you. But we have been through this a thousand times."
"I do not care what did or did not happen!" Elladan cried. "I just want to forget about it all and put it behind me. I have spent far too much energy fighting with this in my mind. I just want to forget about it all."
"I love your Father more than I have the need to breathe, you know that. But I love your mother, and I love you children, and I would never do anything." He turned on the balcony to face the valley. "Even if I had a chance," he added softly.
"Glorfindel," Elladan walked to his side. "I did not intend for us to argue. I just want us to make amends. Can we? For Father and Elrohir if for no one else."
"I don't suppose I have much choice," Glorfindel smiled strangely, "or I will have Lady Galadriel on my back, and she frightens me. And anything has to be better than the way you have been for the last half a millennia."
Elladan nodded, not sure whether he had been given an answer there or not. He could see that he had much work to do, and not least of all with the one he loved the most. It was giving him a headache just thinking about it, and he rested his head in his hands as he leaned upon the veranda. "I was vile to Elrohir in my madness, and even worse to Estel."
"And Elrohir was too wrapped up in that child, and Elrond was an insensitive beast who took no regard to your state of mind until it was too late," Glorfindel interjected. "And I told them as much."
"You did?" Elladan's eyes grew wide and he straightened up to look at the Elf Lord, who was still staring out over the landscape. "Why did you defend me so?"
"Yes, I did, though I know not why," Glorfindel answered quietly. "Not that I expect things to stay rosy amongst the Peredhil family for long, of course. You and your father are far too alike for things to be nice for too long."
"Like you said, we can try," Elladan said, fighting back another yawn. "I must bid you goodnight now Glorfindel." He could see his bedroom door from here and he yearned for nothing more than to fall into bed. "I will see Father in the morning, but I must retire. I am quite shattered."
"Yes, of course you are," Glorfindel reached to squeeze his shoulder gently. "Goodnight, Elladan."
"Goodnight," Elladan said, as he and Glorfindel parted ways to go to their respective chambers. He yawned widely as he opened the door and crossed the room to his bed, stripping his tunic and dropping it carelessly over the chair. He surveyed his chamber with a smile. Though he had been away months, someone had taken the care to dust and put down clean bedding for his return home.
Bedding which was not unoccupied, he noticed, as he walked further into the room. The familiar shape of Elrohir lay curled beneath his covers, dark hair tangled over the white pillow, and beside him lay the small form of Estel.
"Elladan!" Estel's eyes opened in a second and he clambered carefully from the bed to run to the Elf. "Elladan, you are home!" he squeaked in an excited whisper.
"Yes, I am home," Elladan smiled, stooping to hug the child. It still felt awkward. It all felt awkward – promising to resolve things with his father, speaking nicely to Glorfindel as he had not done for centuries – but he was determined he would make things right for everyone. He would try his very best, at least. Even though it was against his very nature, and against everything he had believed for years. He had to stop being vindictive. It hurt himself more than it did anyone else. Though he could not help but think, with a smile, that being humble did not suit him well.
"Why are you both in my room?" Elladan whispered, nodding towards Elrohir.
"I found Elrohir in here looking sad," Estel explained, "so I thought I'd better stay with him. He has been so lonely without you." He tugged Elladan's hand. "Oh, Elladan, I have so much to tell you! I was in awful trouble the other day! It was just a bit of fun, but how was I to know Counsellor Erestor went icky over toads?! Really, I thought he was going faint!"
"Shh!" Elladan whispered with a chuckle. "Tell me about it in the morning, it is late now." There was much to be sorted in morning, but he was dying most of all to know about this toad, and now he was even more intrigued, but he did not want to wake Elrohir. "I am awfully tired Estel, and I would not be a good listener right now. But you must tell me everything tomorrow." He stepped behind the screen to change into a thin nightshirt, already laid out for him.
"Do you want me to go back to my own bed now?" Estel whispered softly as Elladan stepped out. "I know I'm not supposed to be in your room, but poor Elrohir looked so sad."
Elladan stepped quietly over to the bed and ran his hand through Elrohir's hair, smiling lovingly down at his sleeping form. "No, you can stay here Estel," he said. "Hop back in bed at the other side of Elrohir."
Estel grinned broadly and did as requested. "I did promise him I would stay all night."
Elladan smiled quickly at the child but he only had eyes for one person in the room. Part of him wished Estel had not made such a promise, but he was far too tired to do anything anyway. Elrohir looked tired too, he noticed. He had missed his brother more than he had thought he would, and he wanted to kiss him but he glanced at the boy watching him and decided then that he would no longer flout Elrond's request on that matter. Maybe a time would come for Estel to know of them, but that would not be for many many years.
"Come and lie by me Elladan, if you want," Estel offered. "He has left you no room there."
"It's all right, I'll move him." Elladan nudged Elrohir's shoulder gently. "Really, Elrohir. My first night back home and I cannot even get into my own bed. Move over, you take up more room than one of those horses of yours."
Elrohir's eyes came open slowly. "Elladan?" he sat up. "Elladan! Oh, Elladan, you are home!"
Elladan's gaze darted to Estel as he was pulled into a tight embrace. "Yes, I am home, brother dear," he said, "and Estel is still here watching over you."
Elrohir took that as warning and released his hold.
"He looks good, doesn't he Elrohir?" Estel said with a smile. "He looks strong again."
"You do look well, Elladan," he whispered with tears in his eyes. "My brother is back at last." He took Elladan's face in his hands and looked long into his eyes. "How are you?"
"I am much better," Elladan replied, sliding beneath the sheets beside his twin. "But I am so tired. I want nothing more than sleep now."
"I understand," Elrohir moved over to lie close against his back, laying a warm hand upon his thigh. "But there is much to catch up on come morning," he whispered.
Elladan closed his eyes and snuggled back into the familiar warmth. "Mm. There is," he smiled.
~TBC~
