I sat up for a while watching T.V and trying to decide what I really wanted with my life. Spencer was right she is always here for me when I fuck up even if I hurt her. She's the best thing I have in my life and I have to find a way to make her stay with me.
The nurses kept coming in and making sure I was ok, suicide watch still. I go see the shrink in the morning hopefully he'll realize I was just stupid not suicidal.
The news is on and I am barely paying attention that is until they flash a picture of me. I turn it up listening to them say how I tried to commit suicide. They go to a news lady who is standing at the hospital surrounded by other reporters. The camera man zooms in on the door and there she is Spencer being asked questions about me. "Why did she try kill herself are you two over?" "How did she do it pills?" "Did she slit her wrists?" "Is she going to do her next tour?"
Millions of questions she just kept her head down and my security lead her to the car. She never told me about them why? Is this the stress she was talking about? The reporter went back to the studio were they laughed at me, I love the entertainment business always up in our shit nothing better to do.
I picked up the phone to call my lawyer but ended up calling Spencer.
RING…..RING….RING
Nothing the answering machine, "Spencer please call me when you get this I have to know your ok I saw the news why didn't you tell me?"
"Hello" she was groggy like I just woke her up
"Hey why didn't you say anything?"
"Because Ash I knew you would get pissed its ok I can handle it!"
"True but still I should no these things, you told Kip to not tell me didn't you?" I asked already knowing the answer she always could get my manager and crew to keep shit from me.
"Of course Ashley now go to bed big day tomorrow, seeing the shrink and all"
"Hey I didn't try to kill myself I was just careless you know that right"
I heard her take a deep breath "I don't know I just think you need to stop the drugs and get help I need you here sober the smart cute Ashley"
"Are you saying I'm not cute now?"
She giggled a little "You know what I mean Ashley!"
"I'm going back to sleep now I'll come get you tomorrow just call me let me know what time."
I hated that we had this thing between us, we could talk for hours at a time and not want to let each other go. Now she doesn't want to talk for five minutes.
"Fine, Goodnight!" Sadness came from my voice
"I love you" I think she tried to cheer me because her words carried out.
"Yeah me too"
She sighed before hanging up the phone.
The night drug on I tossed and turned slowly falling into a sleep until a nurse came in. I was ready to strangle them! I must have fallen asleep somewhere between two and three.
I awoke at seven to a nurse standing at the end of my bed. She saw me wake and smiled showing me the clipboard. "Your paperwork is done; you'll see Dr. Fry at nine so try to be packed and ready."
"Ok" I waited for her to leave before I reached for the phone. I wanted to call her but something told me not to.
I was all packed when the Doc knocked on my door letting himself in "Hi" he said
"Hey" I felt kind of nervous talking to him
He came and pulled the chair up to the bed facing me
"So Ashley how have you been since your incident, are you feeling alone maybe different?" he fidgeted with his notebook
"Um no I feel ok" I kept my eyes on his hands
"How is your wife handling this?"
"I don't really know I think she is upset with me for not talking to her about our problems!"
He didn't say anything just wrote little notes on his pad I think we sat there for ten minutes or so till I started talking again.
"You know I really wasn't trying t hurt myself, I was just really upset and I drank too much. I didn't realize what I was doing." I finally looked up at him, he looked a lot like Spencer's dad exept he had a mustache and was a little chubby.
"Is that how you feel?"
"Yes it's what I feel and know"
He just shook his head nodding at my statement "So Ashley what are you going to do when you get out of here?"
I didn't understand why he was asking me this, it has nothing to do with why I am in here now. "Um I don't know go home try to work all this out with Spencer"
"No I mean drugs, alcohol are they still going to be on your list of tings to do"
I was quiet for a minute trying to think of what to say I knew crack was out of the question but alcohol I didn't know if I could give up.
"I'm done with all of that I just want my life back!"
"So does that involve going back to work?" he finally was looking up at me like this was the ultimate question
"I haven't really thought about it much, I mean yes I'll go back but when I don't know!" I was starting to feel suffocated by his entire question my leg started to shake and fingers fiddled with the blanket.
"Ok I have one more question for you then you should be able to go."
"Ok ask away"
"Why do you think you ended up in the hospital?"
This was a question I had to think about I knew why I was here but really why. I ran my hand through my hair and tried not to make eye contact with him.
"I think I fucked up, took what happened and went nuts with it. I wasn't thinking, I needed to push it all away get the world out of my thoughts. I stopped caring for a minute and my world went to shit, I was hurt. I realize now what really happened why I am here."
He waited for me to start again but I didn't so he grinned at me
"What did you realize Ashley?"
"I realized that I can't stop Spencer from hurting or even myself, but I can help by being true and not so dumb, I realize that my music is a dream I had and now I am living it so maybe I should focus on it being my dream and not a job."
I think he bought all my shit I mean I believed it but I did sugar coat some of it. I can always say things to make people happy and I knew that's what he wanted to hear.
"Ok Ashley I hope you stay healthy I'm going to set you up with a guy I know he can help you. He'll let you talk, he can be your vent." He fumbled with his pen and pad "I'm writing you a prescription for your depression, I want you to take this once day"
"Ok, so I'm free to go?" I asked grabbing the paper
"Yes as soon as they sign your release papers, you're good to go" he smiled and stood up
"Thanks" I smiled and reached my hand out to him
"No problem I enjoyed our little chat" he shook my hand
I watched him leave and then went to the phone. I calmed Spencer to come get me but it just rang and rang. I hung up and waited a minute before calling back, this time she picked up.
"Hold on" she yelled
"Hello" I think she put me on hold
"Hey Ash"
"Chelsea what are you doing there?"
"Oh Spencer is sick I going to come get you"
"What is wrong with her is she ok where is she? I know my voice seemed a little wrecked with worry.
"Don't worry I think she has the flu!" she said to e in a reassuring voice "You need me to come now?"
"No stay there with her I'll get a cab"
"Ashley she'll freak! No I'll be there in twenty!
