Hello my dear readers! I am so very again for such a late post (and a missing extra chapter) but since last week another family member was admitted into the hospital and my 13 year old cousin was diagnosed with a very life crippling sickness. I was also sick as well (I hate cold weather) and have been beyond busy at work for the holidays. I know even if these excuse are reasonable they are still excuse and ask you to bear with me until after Nov. 27th (aka the holiday anyone in the American food business will call the Worst Day Ever). I WILL UPDATE ON TIME NEXT WEEK. I also plan on adding two more one shots to the series (should I do two from Clint and Kahea's past or one from their past and one from Kahea's and Caden's?) Thank you so much for the reviews and adding me as a favorite and/or following my story! I am so glad you all seem to be enjoying it! So after the longest author note ever...
I DO NOT OWN THE AVENGERS OR THE TITLE/LYRICS RUNNING THROUGH THE STORY (that would be the very talented Tom Fletcher who wrote and sings "Something New"), I do own the plot line and character's from the plot line
Enjoy!
Like the Feeling When You're Falling, It's like Walking on the Sky
-Clint's POV-
Clint was sitting on one of the ceiling beams next to Caden, who was trying to smother giggles beneath his palm. They were playing sardines. So far only Caden had found Hawkeye. Steve was looking for them in Kahea's room and Tony was searching outside. He knew though, they were just giving him time to relax with his son. After everything that happened this morning, Clint was trying twice as hard to connect with Caden.
Clint had walked back into a quiet scene this morning. Caden was sitting in his chair, his fork pushing his pancakes side to side. At the sound of the door sliding open he looked up with a slightly trembling lip. The guilt Clint felt multiplied ten fold. He spent the rest of breakfast reassuring his son that he hadn't done anything wrong. Clint tried to convince him that it was bad memories, not careless word that made Clint rush out.
It wasn't until Steve offered to play a game that Caden finally shook off his melancholy. Smiling for the first time since the event when Clint didn't hesitate to join in.
"Ya know Mister Hawkeye, mom never lets me up here. It's one of the MOST important of her rules."
Clint smirked at Caden's "inside voice", like a true four-year old the boy didn't know how to whisper. The smile on Steve's face supported his thoughts. Any one could have heard the small boy, especially a beyond enhanced super soldier.
"Well, that is why we waited for your mom to leave to play. She knows I would never let you get hurt. Anyway, I thought she said something about you being a Hawkeye in training and Hawkeye's have to be able to deal with heights. You aren't scared are you?" Clint's eye's sparkled with mischief as the small boy immediately narrowed his eyes. Any thoughts of getting into trouble where forgotten at the man's silent dare.
Kahea had left to go get food for tonight since the Avengers had literally eaten everything. Bruce had also left, Kahea dropping him off at their hotel on her way to the food store. He claimed he needed time to meditate. Having been put in a very stressful situation Clint was surprised he had lasted as long as he did. Bruce had made amazing progress in controlling and understanding Hulk but he had a long way to go till his control would be perfect.
Clint was glad Bruce was taking time away and was even happier that Kahea had trusted him enough to leave him with Caden.
"Clint, I don't want to throw you right into this and honestly I am a little scared that I will come home and no one will be here," putting her hand up at the sound of his protest she continued to talk. "You have to understand he is my world and even if I know that you should be a part of his it is still hard. A part of me is seriously screaming not to walk out this door but I am trusting you. Do not screw this up Hawkeye."
After a ten-minute lecture to the men about what Caden was not allowed to do and another five-minute goodbye to her son, she finally walked out the door. Looking back over her shoulder, she hesitated to get in her car. It wasn't until Caden walked over and pushed her in that she finally left.
Now they were sitting above the others with their feet swaying. Clint had the boy on his lap, an arm wrapped around Caden's waist just in case. Talking quietly Clint was having trouble believing this small person belonged to him. It was hard to get it through his head that he was now responsible for another human being. Some one that had thoughts, individual opinions, and would grow up to become a man with his own responsibilities. All the pressure to help mold Caden into the best man he could be was a weight, but not an entirely unwelcomed one.
Clint had never thought of having his own children until Kahea walked into his life; the thought leaving with her as well. Apparently though, she had left with more then a thought.
-Tony's POV-
Tony smirked as he leaned against the door jam. Caden's head was just visible over Clint's shoulder and the picture they made was a bittersweet one. His own father had been much less, well just much less, of a father then Clint already was. Tony knew that out of everyone in the group, he probably had the best fatherly example but no one's childhood had been Hallmark worthy.
Okay so he was rich, he had a pretty awesome IQ, and yeah, his mother was doting but that didn't take away the sting of a dad who never thought he was good enough. He watched as Clint carefully moved his other arm to hold the child still when Caden tried to turn around in his arms.
Caden was definitely a mover and Tony loved that about him. The kid had a spark that seemed to light up the room. Caden seemed to just pull people towards him. Though he never commanded to be the center of attention, and didn't seem to care either way, people couldn't help but surround the boy. That opinion may be biases though.
He imagined Clint would be a lot like that until Clint's dad beat it out of him.
He could almost see Clint as an energetic toddler, running around and causing all kind of trouble. Little feet patting away as he scaled the couch just to jump onto the TV.
Moving a bit to keep his foot from falling asleep Tony felt a cloud of sadness pass through him at the thoughts of the man losing the spark that was so obviously in his son.
He made another silent promise to protect the kid as long as he could. Caden deserved something none of the other Avengers had, a childhood. He knew he couldn't shield mini Hawkeye forever, or even for that long, but he knew he would do it for as long as he could.
Caden had already had to deal with some stuff no one his age should ever have to, but they were here now. Caden would never have to deal with daddy issues again, well at least until he was a teenager, and that was normal. Money issues where definitely a thing of the past. Tony was actually excited to introduce Caden to the rest of the group back at the tower.
Well, he was until he had the slightly paralyzing thought that they wouldn't be going back with the rest of them. She wouldn't do that though.
Right?
The hurt he felt flowing through his veins at that thought shocked him. Tony logically decided that it was reasonable to want Kahea to stay in their lives. She was a big part of them before and he wasn't surprised to want her back. It was the feelings this mini Hawkeye was eliciting that really took him for a spin.
Tony was notorious for not letting many people into his private life and even less into his heart. In fact the number of people he considered family or loved ones could be counted on one hand, and one of those was a butler A.I.
Pepper was the only one he had ever said, "I love you" to out loud and that was after several years of dating, decades of a deep friendship and partnership. Tony was not good at letting people in, yet this boy was hardly breaking a sweat as he scaled the walls Tony put up around his heart.
He was afraid how fast his own kids would be able to wrap him around their tiny fingers.
Where the fuck had that little thought come from?
A shiver went down his spine as he moved from the doorframe before Caden could spy him standing still. All this thinking needed to stop anyway and what better distraction then irritating the brand new father.
Walking towards the pair Tony furthered the thought from his mind. He was shaken, that was it. This was a new situation to them and his mind was just processing it. The fact that it was processing it in such a very disturbing way as thinking of his own future as a father, meant nothing. It was just one of many theories Caden's presences had incurred. Just something new.
He really hoped they were ready for something new.
-Clint's POV-
A song goes off in the back round and Caden calls the game to a halt so he can run to the phone in the kitchen and call his mom. It was a few heart racking beats before Clint was able to get Caden calmed down enough to climb down the ladder holding him. His eyes lit with confusion as he watched his son run to the phone and turn up the radio at the same time.
"Mom my song is on."
Holding the phone close to the radio for a few seconds as if to reassure the woman he wasn't lying he then settled on the kitchen floor and held the phone back to his ear. His eyes caught Clint's and his small hand motioned for him to come over. Obeying Caden he waiting till Caden patted the floor next to him before lying down next to him.
Instead of lying on his back like the boy Clint turned to his side, a hand under his cheek and waited on what he should do next. It wasn't until Caden scooted over and held the phone between them that Clint finally remembered Caden's comment this morning.
"Just another movie where they saved the world,
And every roller coaster does a loopy-de-loop,
I guess I'm ready for something new"
Kahea's voice came through the phone crystal clear. Even though she was in public somewhere as soon as their son played the music she sang along right away. It was obvious the song meant something to them and Caden was offering for Clint to be part of it.
The promise from this morning of sharing Kahea echoed in Clint's head and heart. He couldn't keep his hand from brushing the hair out of Caden's eyes, smiling as he saw the complete openness in them. For the mistakes Kahea had made by keeping Cade away from him, Clint couldn't fault her ability to be a loving and amazing mother.
Everything she did was for her son, from the decision to stay away from Clint to the decision to let him back in, she didn't think about herself much. It was all for this boy. The love she freely gave to Caden was now the same love Caden was freely giving him.
Lying on the floor with Caden, Clint was overwhelmed with how much the amazing boy had already effected him. A person he had just met was already wiggling his into Clint's heart. Caden might be a lot like his father, but the compassion he showed others was all Kahea.
The ability to encompass every good thing that had ever happened to Clint was also a Kahea James trait. It seemed like the sunshine through them, warming him from the inside out.
-Steve's POV-
Steve wondered if he would ever get a song of his own. If one day, he would have a son to lie on the floor with. He wondered if Clint even realized how much they glowed, framed in the light shining through the kitchen door. Yet, it was more then that, it was the pair. Watching father and son share something so openly emotional was like looking straight at the sun.
As a child, Steve was always looking towards the sky. Staring as long as he could at the bright white ball. Steve always thought the sun was hope that he could actually see. Something so pure that it couldn't be anything but made out of love, hopes, and dreams.
As long as he knew the sun would shine; no matter how cold, lost, dark, forgotten, or useless he felt, a part of him would always hope. He would spend whole afternoons trying to stare at it longer and longer as the children around him played.
A family, like the sun, was something for him to look at with hope yet never actually touch. It was there for him to watch but never to grasp. As a poor boy with no father, a teenager who was always the runt, sickly, and weak, who would want him?
Then he became a science project. He was tall, strong, capable, but completely alone.
But then she showed up, Peggy. For a bit there it seemed like he would finally grasp a bit of sunshine for himself. The warmth and strength that poured out of her shone like a tangible shield, one she let him in. He was truly warm for the first time. From the tips of his toes all the way to the top of his head, he was warm. He didn't dream of picket fences per say, more like rolling hills and a small stream for children with her eyes, and his smile.
He forgot though, he forgot that the sun was just a very hot ball of fire.
He forgot that all fires could be extinguished if the ice was cold enough. So now it wasn't he was to weak or even to strong, it was his soul that didn't belong. It was that he was out of place; physically perfect it was his soul that kept him slightly cold.
Watching Clint with Caden was like getting to close to the sun again. He couldn't stand to long lest he be blinded by the light or burnt by the heat. But just as when he was a child, Steve's eyes never strayed. He watched and ached and smiled.
Caden was a gift, a gift to all of them. Steve was never sure if he would ever get his own chance to walk through the flames. His brother-in-arms would though, that was enough for Steve. Caden was Clint's chance at something bigger. He was their chance at doing something better then anything else the Avengers could do.
Caden was a better chance at securing a greater future. There would always be a bad guy, always be an evil entity waiting in the wings. That child though, he was a real chance at passing along all the good, all the hope, that worked so hard to save in the first place.
So Steve took a seat on the floor against the counter, folding up that small space of loneliness until it was barely a glimmer. He let the love he saw from the boy pour over him. He let the care he saw in Clint warm him. Steve sat on the floor and listened to the song.
For the first time, well the first time since before he could really remember really, Steve relaxed.
Steve relaxed, letting his body decompress. Today would be a good day. Today would be a day to get him through the days where the sun wasn't shining and the dark seemed to be closing in on him.
Today was something new.
-Clint's POV-
The song came to an end to fast for Clint's taste. It was the first private moment he had with his son and he could see why Kahea was worried about missing them. He felt his lips stretch into a small smile. Hand playing with Caden's hair still he felt a as if everything was a little bit softer.
The sun still shined, the floor was still made of wood, the air still cool but some how everything was softer. It was as if the boy beside him had the power to change matter in the blink of an eye, letting the actual molecules relax.
"Mom will we get a song for Hawkeye to?"
Caden's ability to make situations deeper and more awkward in les then five seconds was also impressive. Clint's first reaction was to say they already had a song. He had sung it to her not to long before their break up, or a cover of it at least. It was a song that had begun their relationship and during big moments became their anthem. It had been a perfect song for them.
"Well we will have to listen really well for one won't we? Maybe find a song for all the team so they don't feel left out?"
Well that stung a bit.
Had she really forgotten their song or was it just to painful to remember? Would it be selfish for him to not want the guys to get their own songs? Was is bad that he want Kahea only singing for him and Caden?
He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer to those questions.
"Okay but you will only sing to me right? Well me and maybe Hawkeye since he don't got a mom or anything."
Caden smiled at Clint, his hand moving to hold the larger version of his own. As if reassuring him it was okay. That just because he had grown up with out a mother didn't mean there wasn't one out there for him. Winking at Clint when Kahea agreed, Kahea who had only a paused momentary before agreeing with Caden.
Clint felt like the Grinch, his heart growing three times bigger.
He wondered if Caden liked the Grinch, it was one thing from his childhood that liked. Every Christmas he watched the cartoon and read the book, it was just habit now. One he could now share with his own family, pass it down.
"Hey Caden how did you get the scar on your thumb?"
Clint's own thumb had brushed against Caden's after the kid had hung up the phone. Embarrassment covered the boy's face, as he made no move to get off the floor.
"Ummmmm…well….uhhhhh…." Pink cheeked Caden's eyes where looking everywhere except his father.
"Okay here is the thing. I might have not been listening to my mom or teacher and I might have tried to use this really cool looking arrow when I shouldn't have and I might have actually shot it but I might have not been able to get it out of the target so I might have been a little bit in not wanting to wait mood and get caught so I might have tried to pull it out with my hands and I might have gotten it out but I might have almost cut off the top of my finger."
Eyes that were on the ceiling shot back down to his. Narrowed and slightly glaring, Caden looked as if he didn't agree with he was about to say next.
"Though I think my finger was always going to be alright. I think she might have said that to scare me a bit."
Clint smiled again at Caden's reaction. The scar on his thumb was pretty long and far down his finger so it was quite possible that Caden could have lost the top of it. Not that Clint was going to admit that he agreed with Kahea.
Obviously Caden needed an ally for this issue and Clint had no problem being one.
As Steve and Tony joined them Caden jumped up and offered to move the couches and seats in the TV room around to wrestle for a bit. Apparently that's what Pappy and him would do when he got the wiggles. Clint had found out the wiggles was when Caden's ADHD kicked in a bit harder then usual from Kahea before she left. So they pushed the couch over and the war began.
Armed with Nerf guns and pillows that became shields the boys were running, jumping, flipping, through the house. Clint couldn't remember the last time a day was so just fun. Tony was dying in true Iron man fashion, dramatic and drawn out. So of course Caden was on the floor laughing.
Clint had heard so many laughs in his lifetime. Some were soft, some loud, some crazy, some musical, others sounded like a braying donkey, some fake, and some genuine, some sad, others the result of that last rush of adrenalin, but none like his son's. Only Kahea's would be able to match the intense want to laugh back. It was as if they both just had the magic to turn Clint's day around with one giggle.
It was hard to believe that one small laugh could cause Clint to feel so much. At first that scared the shit out of him but now he reveled in it. Knowing how easy it could leave his life Clint had found a new appreciation for having some one who could affect him so. People in his life who had come to mean too much to him that their happiness meant more then his.
So maybe he was going to have a small emotional break down or two along the way. Maybe he would have days and nights when his flight instinct tried to kick in. He wouldn't run. He would fuck up; multiply times, though the same way as before Kahea left. Oh he would fuck up, royally, but it was things like that laugh that would keep him there.
Guessing he might be ready, thinking he might be ready, hoping he was ready for something new.
