"Pick up pick up pick up..." Xander murmured as the phone rang.

Then "Hello?"

"Rory! Pleasepleaseplease don't hang up! It's urgent! I need your mom's number!"

There was a long pause while Rory tried to decide whether she should hang up or not. Eventually, she decided against it. "What do you want, Xander?" Rory asked tiredly.

"Uh, didn't you hear me ask for your mom's number?

"Okay, let me rephrase: why do you want Mom's number?"

"Because she seems to have gotten lost, and it can get a little dangerous in Sunnydale after dark and I need to find her and bring her back to my apartment in the next... 8 minutes."

Rory wasn't sure she heard correctly. "Sunnydale? What? Is Mom in Sunnydale?"

"Well, yes. She came here to beat me to death with a shovel because of that last conversation we had. Sorry about that, by the way. Didn't she tell you she was coming?"

"Uh, no."

"Anyway, Rory, as much as I'm enjoying this half-way civil conversation we're having, I really need Lorelai's number. Quickly, now, please."

Rory thought about arguing, but something about Xander's voice, the urgency and worry in it, convinced her that that wouldn't be the best of ideas. "Okay, fine here it comes..."

Xander scribbled it down. "Thanks, Ro-Gil." and hung up before she could say anything else.

Even as Xander held the phone to his ear with his shoulder, he was scrabbling for weapons. Crossbow? No, Lorelai would wonder what on Earth he was carrying one of those around for. Ditto a sword. Xander settled for a couple of stakes, a dagger, and a bottle of holy water. In a pinch, he could drink that.

"Lorelai, where are you?" Xander said, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

"Xander? How did you get this-?"

"Not the time, Lorelai. It's nearly sundown. Where are you?"

"Starbucks. But-"

"Right. I'll be right there. Do. Not. Move!" Xander said, before hanging up.

Okay then. If he drove like crazy and physically picked up Lorelai and bundled her into the car and drove back, he might just be able to make it.

Xander ran down the steps, taking them five at a time, already rummaging for his car keys.

~*~

It was, of course, not as easy as that. Sure, Xander managed to drive so fast that, if it weren't nearly nightfall, would get him stopped by the police. Sunnydale had to be the only town in the world where police let you go on suspicion of being a demon.

Xander could even see Lorelai sitting at a table with a coffee mug in her hand.

The problem was, she wasn't the only one sitting at that table.

Seriously, Anya had the run of Sunnydale, and she had to pick Lorelai? Why?

Xander contemplated picking Lorelai up, slinging her over his shoulder and making a dash for it (in Sunnydale, no one would stop him) but he decided against it. If only because of Rory.

Instead, Xander decided to say something witty. Unfortunately, all he could think of was "I wish I was Irish."

Lorelai raised an eyebrow. "Got a hankerin' fer Guinness, have ya?" she said in pretty good Irish brogue.

"Nah. It's just that, if I were Irish, I might have better luck."

"Ah, I see." Lorelai said, frowning in confusion. "Anyway, Xander, this is Anya-"

"We've met." Xander said shortly.

Anya snorted. "Oh, we've more than just met. We were engaged."

Lorelai goggled for a moment before she managed to regain her composure. "She's the girl you left at the altar?"

"I am." Anya scowled. "Anyway, Xander, Lorelai was just telling me a charming story about her daughter and some guy who broke her heart. I don't normally take cases like this one, but I couldn't be blamed for taking this one, could I?"

"Um, cases?" Lorelai said, feeling as though most of the conversation was going way over her head.

Xander decided that he needed to do something before Anya told Lorelai everything. "Hey, Ahn? Do you mind if I talk to you for a moment?"

Anya stared at him for a moment, before shrugging. "Sure."

They went off to the other end of the coffee house. "Ahn, what the hell are you doing?" Xander exclaimed.

"Helping scorned women. You know, my job?"

"You've got no case here. I never scorned Rory. Or whatever the right word is. We were never even a proper thing."

"Funny. That's not the way Lorelai told it. She says her daughter came home crying because of you. What did you do, propose and then leave ever at the altar?"

Xander sighed. "Seriously, people have got to stop mentioning that."

"It's not exactly the kind of thing people forget, Xander."

"I know. Oh, I know. But can you just leave Lorelai and Rory out of this? They don't even know about demons."

Anya cocked her head. "Rory? You're dating a girl called Rory?"

"It's short for Lorelai. No, she isn't secretly a guy. Yes, there was a shortage of names when she was born." Xander said tiredly. "And we never even dated, Ahn. Anyway, you've got no case here. I'm assuming you've got the whole story by now?"

"Psh. I've had a thousand years of practice getting people to spill their stories. I know everything there is to know."

"Then you know that Lorelai came here to beat me to death with a shovel if I don't leave Rory alone? Seriously, Ahn, she's already taken care of everything."

Anya sighed. "I know. I don't really have any jurisdiction here."

Xander frowned. "Then why are you even here?"

"Hmm? Could it possibly be because you ruined my life I might want to return the favour?"

"Wow, Anya, your sarcasm is really coming along."

"Thank you."

"But, um, could you not? I'm not going to speak to Rory again. Can you just leave them out of this?"

Anya was silent for several long seconds. "You really like this girl, don't you?"

Xander knew that he shouldn't admit this to the girl that he'd nearly married, especially not when she had the power to make his life really, really difficult. But, in the face of that question, he didn't really have much of a choice. "Yes. Yes, I do." he said simply.

"Well, then. I'll leave you to it."

"Why?" Xander blurted. "I mean, not that I'm not grateful or anything, but this isn't really like you."

"Let's say it's because I slept with Spike that time."

"Ah, just as I was beginning to forget that." Xander groaned.

"But, if I see her again, then..." Anya warned, trailing off ominously.

"Fair enough." Xander said. He walked back to Lorelai, and Anya left. "Anya's just remembered a pressing engagement she had."

"So, that's the one who got away, huh?" Lorelai asked curiously.

"If you think that me leaving her at the altar is her getting away, then yes, she is."

"Interesting girl."

"You don't know the half of it."

"It was strange, she somehow managed to get me talking about you and Rory without actually telling me anything about herself."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Is that all you can say?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch half of that. Could you say it again?"

"You're not going to tell me anything about her, are you?"

Xander shook his head. "Not if I can possibly avoid it, no. Anyway, let's go."

Unfortunately, thanks to Anya, Xander's carefully planned timetable was ruined. So, by the time they left Starbucks the sun had set. And, due to the fact that Xander wasn't even slightly Irish and therefore had no share of their luck, a couple of vampires (newly risen, he guessed) seemed to be sizing them up.

Xander contemplated making a run for the car, but decided against it. Over that distance, the vampires would overtake them long before they got there. Especially given that Lorelai was wearing heels.

So, he'd just have to brazen it out and hope that it didn't come to a fight. The pair looked as though they were new enough not to have picked up the Kung Fu that all vampires inevitably learnt, so Xander could probably take them, but he didn't really want to explain someone turning to dust to Lorelai.

Which left threatening them with the Slayer. Xander hoped that they weren't so new that they hadn't heard of her yet.

"Hey, guys!" Xander said jauntily, waving a hand. Understandably, the vampires looked baffled at being greeted by a human.

"Do you know these guys?" Lorelai asked.

"I know plenty of guys like these guys. Now, if you don't mind, stay behind me." Xander murmured. Lorelai looked like she was going to protest, but she changed her mind and did as he said.

"So, guys, tell me, have you heard of the Slayer?" Xander called. Seeing the vampires' sudden hesitation and the way they looked around warily, he guessed they had. "Well, let's just say that if you bother me, you'll have her after you. And trust me, with the Slayer after you, you won't live until sun up." Xander said, in as menacing a tone as he could manage. He could feel Lorelai staring at him in amazement.

The vampires still hesitated, debating about whether or not to take the chance or not. Eventually, one of them said "Come on, Phil. We don't need the hassle. There's easier pickings around the Bronze anyway."

They left, and Xander let out a sigh of relief. He turned to Lorelai and said "I'm sure you've got about a billion questions, but, please, can you wait until we get back to the apartment before you start the interrogation?" Xander begged.

Lorelai, with a great effort of will, refrained from saying anything. They got in the car.

However, while they were driving, Lorelai discovered that she just couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Did you just threaten those guys with a metal band?"

Xander looked temporarily baffled. "Oh, Slayer? Yeah, definitely. They're like the law in this town. Everyone's afraid of them."

"You're not serious."

"Of course I'm not serious. Don't be ridiculous." Xander said, smiling.

"So what actually happened back there?"

"Can't you wait until we get back to my apartment?"

"Why? I doubt you'll answer my questions there either." Lorelai pointed out.

"True. Can't you just accept that Sunnydale has oodles of weird things going on, and you just don't need to know about it? You're leaving in the morning, and then you'll never hear from me again. It'll be for the best if you just completely forget about Sunnydale."

"Are you going to flash a blue light at me and make me forget this whole thing?"

"No. That's not really my department."

"What is your department?"

"I'm the glorified bricklayer." Xander said with a smile. Then, seeing Lorelai's baffled look, he added "You'd be better off not asking questions, you'll just get more confused."

"Do you have someone whose department is memory wiping?"

"You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Are you kidding? Of course not. I told you I'm worse than the Spanish Inquisition."

"I'm part a gang called the Scoobies and we're at war with those guys you saw earlier. Our leader's called the Slayer. Everyone's scared of her." Xander said. It was, he supposed, more or less the truth. And maybe it would make Lorelai stop digging.

"The Scoobies? Like the cartoon?"

"Yup. Because we're the meddling kids." Xander said cheerfully.

"Couldn't you have come up with a scarier gang name?"

"Hey!" Xander exclaimed indignantly. "I'll have you know that we strike fear into the hearts of... I don't know, at least those two guys we just saw."

"You know what?" Lorelai said thoughtfully. "I'm not sure if I believe you."

"Come on, I just admitted to being in a gang named after a cartoon dog with a speech impediment. What kind of a lie would that be?" Xander said reasonably.

"You just don't seem like the sort of guy who would be in a gang."

"Ha! I knew you just wanted to see me without my shirt on earlier! Checking for gang tattoos..." Xander shook his head sadly. "You'll have to come up with a better excuse next time."

"Look, someone who works construction and would introduce himself to someone's grandparents as Valley Jesus just isn't the kind of person I'd imagine in a gang."

"Stop changing the subject. You just wanted to see me without my shirt on." Xander said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Even if I had, that burn thing put me right off."

"Touché."

"So, I just don't believe that you're in a gang."

"I'll tell you what. You can keep the hundred dollars you owe me for pulling a Valley Jesus skit on your parents if you promise to accept the convenient lie I just told you and stop asking questions, because you're not going to get any answers."

"Are you bribing me?" Lorelai said in surprise.

"Do you believe I'm a gang member now?"

"No."

"I'm hurt, Lorelai, I really am. I could so be a gang banger if I wanted to."

"No, Xander, you really couldn't."

~*~

Lorelai pestered Xander unmercifully until the vast amount of caffeine she had drunk at Starbucks began to wear off. Xander didn't tell her anything.

In the morning, she continued almost exactly where she left off while Xander drove her to the airport. Xander didn't tell her anything.

~*~

Meanwhile, in her dorm at Yale, Rory was thinking about something that Xander said.

"It can get a little dangerous in Sunnydale after dark..."

Xander had already told her about some frankly unbelievable things going on in Sunnydale. She hadn't yet had a chance to look into it, but it had piqued her interest. Really, how could an entire town acting as though they were in a musical not?

Still, if her mom was there, and it was dangerous, then she should really take a look and see what was going on there.

~*~

Somewhere in England...

"Hey, Ted? Take a look at this. Someone's looking into Sunnydale."

"What? They find anything?"

"No... they're looking at old newspapers and things. But, if they keep it up, it won't be long."

"Hmm. It was so much easier when the Mayor was in charge. He might've been an evil snake, but at least he kept away prying eyes."

"What we do?"

"Nothing, Harry. Not yet. Wait and see if they get close to finding anything. If they do, then it's our move."

"Shouldn't we tell the active Watcher, Ted? It's his job to deal with this kind of thing."

"What, Rupert? Nah, he's barely a Watcher these days. He ain't even in the same continent as his Slayer. Hard to Watch from that far away, eh, Harry?"

"Still, it's protocol."

"S'pose it is. Well, protocol above all things. If this... Lorelai Leigh Gilmore finds anything, we'll send Ripper to deal with her."

"You mean... deal with her?"

"That's what I said, Harry."

"Yeah, but do you mean the ominous sort of dealing with her, or what?"

"Really, Harry, I don't know how you got this job."