CHAPTER ELEVEN
Emptiness
Blood dripped from her cheeks, in thick, vile drops that fell to the ground. She was panting, breathing, trying to regain her calm.
She stepped over a dead clicker, shoe falling in the puddle of red. She could feel a sick satisfaction in her muscles, disguised as soreness from the sudden burst of energy. She walked over another dead runner, and another, and another.
All the way until she reached the door again, and opened it, walking out into the soft evening breeze. Her trembling fingers dropped the pistol and machete to the ground, and it clattered on the wood. With a shaky breath, she fell, seated on the stairs, eyes drifting to the branches and sky above.
She walked to the lake, heard her horse neighing and shifting nervously as she passed by, perturbed by her state.
She washed the coat, getting rid of the blood, and then her cheeks and hands. The infected fluids and body parts flew away in the water, and she sat there, watching the waves. Then she took off her clothes, until she was in nothing but her panty and undershirt, and slowly waded into the lake. She remembered last Summer, when Joel had taught her swimming, helping her find her instincts with patience and care that she had never seen in anybody before.
She let her body float, face turned to the sky.
Words came to her ears, from a far off distance, from months ago- from a departed friend.
'Henry tells me that they've moved on. That they're with their families now. Do you believe that?'
She lifted a finger to the sky, tracing a shapeless cloud as it drifted by.
'I go back and forth,' she mumbled.
For once, gathering a bit of courage that she had left, she allowed herself to imagine- what it would've been like to have Riley with her now. Or Vera. At this very moment, floating right beside her.
She saw the scar on her hand, and anger took over her again. She felt it not just towards the infected anymore, but towards everything. The hunters. The military and their preparatory schools. The Fireflies and Marlene. The fallen government, the lost chances, the departed, innocent lives.
She felt it towards the whole world, the entire, wretched world that had taken precious things from her, that had dangled happiness in front of her, like candy to a starving child, and then snatched it away just as she reached. The people in it, that fought and died and killed for hopeless reasons.
The world wasn't terrible because of the Infected. Terror was a part of this world, and no matter what anybody did or didn't do, they could never erase it. It would chase and hunt down everything in its path and out of its path, because that's how things were.
Ellie gently closed her eyes, letting the moment of epiphany engulf her, swallow her whole and digest her down. She felt it running through all her veins, like adrenaline. She felt it gushing in and filling her, reforming her mind. When she opened her eyes, she could feel the realisation in front of her, staring her down like it was a person.
She dressed herself in some dry clothes she found inside the cabin. Her horse neighed and shook his head excitedly as she approached him with a fruit. Sounds of twigs breaking and shuffling reached her ears, and she turned around immediately, bow and arrow drawn.
She saw Earl and Mike riding towards her on their horses, and relaxed.
'Thank goodness,' she heard Mike exhale as they approached her. 'Thought we lost you, kid. It's not good to run off like that, you know?'
'Why are you here?' she asked, her eyebrows drawn together, and they could tell from her face, something was different. Something had changed.
'We was doin' the perimeter,' Earl explained. 'Caught you drifting far from the bridge, so we thought you were trynna run away or somethin',' he lied.
He registered her glare, her disbelief at his white lie. She shook her head, like they weren't worth her time, and got back onto her horse, feeding it an apple. Without a word, she slapped the reins and rode away in the same direction she had come from.
'Eh, she'll be alright,' Earl shrugged at Mike. 'She's no ordinary kid.'
'Like father, like daughter,' Mike mumbled in agreement.
'Well,' Earl grunted, getting off of his horse. 'You think she found somethin' in there?'
He grinned and walked to the door, Mike asking him to hurry up.
He reached out and found it unlocked, and opened it casually. A waft of rotting flesh and organic waste hit him, and he winced, finding the corpses of ten-odd runners and clickers, spread out on the floor, the walls and furniture covered in blood.
His voice got stuck in his throat.
