Disclaimer: I don't own Rin-ne/Kyokai No Rinne. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Media.

Note: Possible spoilers up to chapter 89

Realization
Part 11

And they lived happily ever after... right, grandpa?


"You don't need to worry about the expenses... we have seized them from Masato's bank account. We understand that he lured you in illegally using the Forsaken and several banned drugs—"

No, they only wanted to cover up that fact that a rag-tag team of humans and shinigami had single-handedly taken out one of their top devils. Rinne could tell from the nervous glints in their eyes and the simpering smiles. These devils looked out for themselves and the reputations of their businesses. They wanted no association with a demon who had lacked true cruelty.

Such was the reality of business, of hell.

"—in return, you must sign these contracts and never mention this incident again—"

"We have no responsibility to sign anything," Rinne said coolly, making sure to keep his arm around Sakura's waist. He had not parted from her side since the investigation had begun and had no intention of doing so. "We're returning to the human world. If you try to stop us, I promise that the damashigami company will take the necessary measures to sue you."

That was another bluff. He doubted that his underlings cared what happened to him, as long as they didn't have to pay their daily quotas. The fate of their president was meaningless as a celebrity's fame was short lived. Once the initial fandom died, the star would be forgotten in the next decade.

It worked nonetheless. The devils in black suits backed off, afraid to go near Rinne lest he smite them. They apologized profusely for disrespecting him and promised to leave him alone from then on. His father's notorious reign, when he had been Damashigami president, still lived on, even here. It was perhaps the only moment in Rinne's life where he was glad to use Sabato's swindling to his advantage.

He turned to look at Tsubasa, who was supporting a weary Ageha by the shoulder and his father, who stood rather awkwardly in the mess, Rokumon on his shoulder.

"Let's go," said Rinne.

Rokumon transformed into his larger cat form, so that all five of them could climb on. It was a bit crowded, but none of the shinigami wanted to fly separately. Ageha was too tired to fly; his father proclaimed laziness and Rinne didn't want to leave Sakura yet.

He kept seeing images of her risking her life to save him from the Forsaken, he kept seeing her dying in front of him. It was only the steady pulse in her wrist, which he held in his hands, that assured him that this was reality and not the dream.

Dimly he was aware of the soft tones of Tsubasa and Ageha in conversation and the rumbles from Rokumon's breathing. His father was oddly contemplative, gaze drifting to the distance, perhaps thinking of Ageha's sister. The wind rushed in Rinne's ears along with the sound of his pulse.

"...I can't believe he's really dead," Sakura said softly, interrupting his scattered thoughts.

For a moment, he did not answer. But then he replied, "Neither can I."

They let the silence of the wind and crinkling flames on Rokumon's fur fill the void and questions between them.

"He was a kind demon, in the end," she murmured quietly.

Rinne said nothing. His own recollections of Masato were bitter and painful. He did not want to spend his time with Sakura focused on that devil's death.

He tightened his grip around Sakura's wrist. If she found it odd, she said nothing, only to place her other hand around his. Together, they listened to each other's pulse beats, knowing that just because Masato was dead now didn't mean his actions had stopped haunting them.


"Tell me a story, grandpa," Rinne remembered asking him.

He had been young then, only five or six, but he had loved hearing his grandfather speak of fairy tales. He had loved hearing about happy endings.

His grandfather would laugh. It was a rich and vibrant laugh, comforting to a young boy who thought all the world of his guardian. Then his grandfather would lift Rinne onto his lap. They would sit on the balcony observing the backyard, a view of the cherry blossom tree and the little koi fish pond to accompany them. Sometimes they would snack on onigiri or fresh plums. His grandfather had liked those.

In spring the cherry blossom petals would fall in his grandfather's hair as he told stories of princes and paupers, princesses and glass slippers, witches and deceit. But no matter how frightening the villain was, evil would always fall and good would triumph. The hero would end up with the lovely maiden and they would all live happily.

Rinne's favourite story had been a Western tale titled Rumpelstiltskin.

"Why this one, Rinne?" His grandfather had laughed, ruffling the boy's hair fondly.

"Because the little man can spin straw into gold! That's very cool; I wish I could do that!" Rinne had bubbled, his head filled with dreams of wealth and happiness.

"But such power comes at a price, little one. All things do. Would you be willing to pay for it, all that gold?"

"Sure! I would just have to guess his name!"

His grandfather laughed again.

Years later, after death and poverty, damashigami and stingy fathers, he would look back on this memory. He would smile bitterly, because now he knew the price of gold. There was no such thing as the power to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.

There would always been a wide gap between the rich and the poor, no matter how far he reached.

He would never be able to guess that one in a million name.


"Sakura," his grandmother opened her arms wide to engulf them both in a painful hug. "It's been so long! Are you alright?"

"Yes," came the muffled reply. "I'm alright now." She gave Rinne a side glance and smiled. "I really am."

Their hands were still intertwined and they had yet to let go since they had left hell.

They all gathered in Tamako's living room. It was comfy, with a kotatsu in the center (there was a plate of oranges sitting on it) and a rocking chair by the side doors. The side doors led to the sand garden, which had a small pond to the right, a pond with precious gemstones lying at the bottom. The walls were adorned with family pictures, of his grandparent's wedding, of Rinne with them and there were lacy curtains covering the fireplace (a fire hazard not to be tried at home).

Tamako had pulled out a sofa too, for Ageha to lie against. Somehow Ageha's head had ended up on Tsubasa's lap and his hands were threading through her hair and occasionally smoothing out the pink ribbon tied there. It seemed such a private moment that Rinne had to tear his eyes away.

Rokumon, on the other hand, made himself right at home. He pulled out several blankets from one of the spare rooms and passed them out. Tsubasa took his and wrapped it around Ageha carefully. Sabato sat down in the rocking chair, the blanket spread on his lap. After Rokumon handed Rinne two blankets for the sort-of shinigami and Sakura, the black cat curled up in his own blanket on the floor.

Awkwardly, Rinne stood holding the two blankets with one hand, one a rather worn, wool blanket with black cats stitched on it while the other was a quilt with images of rabbits in checkered patterns. His other hand still grasped Sakura's and he was reluctant to let go.

Sakura noticed his dilemma sooner than he had and she merely curled her lips upward. She quietly took only one of the blankets from Rinne (the rabbit quilt) and pulled his hand downwards so that he was sitting next to her by the kotatsu.

She leaned in close to him, so that their shoulders touched and their hands were still linked and she clumsily wrapped the quilt over both of their shoulders, so that they were both warm. Rinne felt the blush spread to his face and nodded his thanks.

He followed suit by spreading the cat blanket on both their laps and soon they were curled up next to each other, listening to each other breathe.

It wasn't long before they fell both fell asleep, worn from the events of the night, heads leaning in against the other.

When his grandmother came in, holding a tray with mugs of hot cocoa, she took in the sight of slumbering humans and shinigami alike. She hummed quietly to herself and put the hot cocoa in the microwave so that she could heat it up later.

For now they could rest. Talking could come after. Resolutions could come later.


Why do you have to go, grandpa? Why can't you live forever like grandma does? Why?

He had wanted to ask this. But he had not. He knew the answer. Things just didn't work that way. He was beginning to realize it every day the illness worsened.

"Rinne… Rinne, come here…" his grandfather called from the bed, the voice that Rinne had admired as a boy, now weak and fragile as a snowflake. It was painful to watch, let alone hear. Just another reminder of what his grandfather had paid.

Obediently, he came to sit by his grandfather's bedside. His hand brushed against now gnarled skin that trembled terribly. It felt that his grandfather could be blown away by the wind and never be seen again. Rinne wanted very much to hold on to this hand and never let go.

But that wasn't the way of a shinigami. He had to accept death. They would meet again in another life.

Still, it wasn't fair. It was painful.

"Rinne…" his grandfather said again. "I'm so very sorry that I have to leave you now, before you even reached high school. I'm sorry I can't take care of you for longer… I wanted so much to be there when you got married… but its time for me to go."

No, he wanted to say.

Instead, he nodded and he smiled because he was supposed to, even though he wanted to cry. "It's alright, grandfather, I will be fine."

"Please be happy with the rest of your life, grandson. Live long and find your happy ending with the woman of your dreams. That is all your grandfather wants as his last wish."

He remembered nodding again and promising his grandfather that he would be happy.

Of course he had never expected to live on the streets right afterwards and scrap by for a living.

Happiness came at a price. It was fleeting and gone in an instant. Afterwards, you had to pay.


"I think we should have a memorial service, for Masato, I mean…," Rinne heard Sakura say to his grandmother when he awoke from slumber. Her voice sounded distant, when he felt the veil of sleep slowly shake off, and yet he could see that she was still sitting beside him, under the haori. She still held his hand.

He felt too groggy and disorientated to get up. Instead, he decided to stay curled up and feign slumber, while quietly listening to the soft discussion. It had been a long time since he had allowed himself the privilege of lying down and just resting without a single thought. His nights had been filled with worries and regrets, plagued with nightmares of demons and a corpse of a girl he vowed to protect.

But she was still here and her heart was still beating. Unconsciously, he squeezed her hand a little tighter, but Sakura did not act as if she noticed.

"He's the reason for all of your suffering, Sakura-chan, and Rinne-chan's suffering too. You would be better off continuing your life happy that he is finally gone," his grandmother replied sternly. Clearly she was still bitter to that demon for forcing Rinne's hand. He didn't blame her. Rinne could hardly find it in himself to forgive that monster himself.

"It's in his nature to—"

"So? It's our nature to chop up chickens and eat them for lunch too, but that doesn't make it right," Tamako scowled. It was rather hypocritical to say, since his grandmother was fond of chicken stew, but Rinne wasn't going to comment.

"But he never killed us, even though devils are 'supposed' to be cruel, he wasn't as cruel as he could have been. If he wanted us to truly suffer, it could have been much worse, I know it," said Sakura. "Besides, he apologized in the end and he sacrificed himself. Even though he did many things that make me want to hate him, I cannot. The least I can do is honour his death and let go of some of my anger. Hatred isn't going to change the past. What happened has happened. All I can do now is live with it and continue smiling."

Tamako did not speak. Rinne felt himself torn between agreeing with Sakura and wanting to disregard everything that had been said in order to justify his bitterness. He wanted to say something, then, but from the shuffling of kimono robes and sock-clad feet, he could tell that his grandmother beat him first.

"Oh, Sakura-chan," she breathed. Rinne had a feeling that she had pulled the human girl into a hug. Stubbornly, he held on to Sakura's hand, so that she would not be taken too far from his side. This made the embrace both awkward and endearing to both women. "You are so very kind… and I think I can understand. I may not agree with this, but you're right, in a way. What's done is done. We can only move on without regrets. Would you like to hold the memorial service in my home?"

"Yes, please. And thank you… thank you so much, auntie…"

The older lady chuckled, but did not hit Sakura as she normally would, "Call me Tamako-chan, sweetie, call me Tamako-chan."

Silently, Rinne wondered if he could ever find it in himself to let go of all his hate and regret. He shuffled back against the haori and Sakura's side.

His heart felt as if it were bleeding. He knew it was because he could not let go.


Sometimes Rinne had dreams, typical dreams of one with his lifestyle, of someone coming to give him a lot of money and saving him from life on the streets. Very quickly, he learned to dismiss such fantasies. They were unrealistic. In reality, people were cruel and harsh. They did not care for those sitting in the cold, begging for money. In fact, they passed by the homeless, as if they had no eyes, as if they could not see.

Rinne hated that and felt bitter. He learned to hide that too, because showing bitterness did not help him eat. He moved forward, tried to find work. When all he could scrap up was a job in making paper roses, he took it gladly. His previous positions had not been fulfilling and had not lasted long because the bosses were unreasonable. You were treated like dirt when the employer learned you had no place to live. His shinigami duties couldn't always help him buy food to eat; sometimes the money was taken by his father or taken to pay off his debts.

Debt, debt, debt. It surrounded him, suffocated him. It was a shadow that would never leave him, it haunted his dreams until all he could do was adapt. The only way to survive in this world was to think in terms of money. He could only survive if he threw away his yearning for luxuries and learned to treat every penny, every job and action, as a key to survival.

This was reality. No one was coming to save him, so he would have to live with it.

They had met once, before. Rinne hadn't remembered it at the time, but after he gotten over the shock that Sakura's memory had remained intact despite the hypnotism, he remembered that he had met her a long time ago, when he was living off the streets.

It was raining then. He curled up in a wet cardboard box (which had once held a rather large screen television, what a waste…) and attempting to keep warm. His ally was covered in shadow and his only possessions were his clothes, his haori and a few cans of food.

Beyond the ally, messy footsteps kept walking, like clockwork, stepping away and stepping forward. Never stepping towards him. He had learned to ignore the footsteps of the common public, just as they ignored him in turn. They lived in a different world after all, in a world of light and opportunity that he would never be able to return him. No one in their right mind would peer into the dark ally, just to look at a rain-soaked boy.

But one pair of feet stopped. He didn't pay it any particular attention, thinking that perhaps the person had dropped something.

Then Rinne felt the rain stop.

He looked up. There was an umbrella held up above the cardboard box. A girl with plain braids and rather unique eyes looked down on him curiously.

They didn't speak.

But he stared at her emotionlessly, waiting for her to walk away. They always did. Or just leave some crumbled bills. Some people did that too.

She did not. Instead, she let the umbrella fall over his head, making her braids get splattered with water. Then she took out her wallet and pried out every coin she had, every bill (he could tell) and left it by his feet. She took off her scarf and coat and wrapped them around his shoulders, leaving herself in a (now drenched) school uniform, a mere shirt and skirt.

"Stay warm, alright?" she said to Rinne's shock, and then she smiled.

That was Sakura.

And unconsciously, after their next meeting… Rinne began to think that perhaps that had been fate.


"How are you feeling, Ageha-chan?"

"Much better. Tsubasa has been doting on me hand and foot. It's really nice of him," the female shinigami said almost fondly. "Thank you for asking, Sakura-chan."

The girls were busy conversing in the corner, curled up on the sofa. There was tea sitting on the table, steaming with comfort. Tamako was busy trying to force feed his father some dango. Apparently she wanted to take revenge on his formerly scheming ways by shaming him to death (she even brought out some hankies and diapers just to mess with Sabato).

Tsubasa had gotten up to get a teacup for Ageha. His eyes met Rinne's across the room, with an underlying glare for Rinne to go and talk to Sakura… alone.

Rinne frowned and looked away. He was sitting next to Sakura, while she spoke to Ageha and he had not spoken to her yet. The exorcist was accusing him of delaying the inevitable. Rinne was, in fact, doing just that. But he didn't like it when Tsubasa pointed it out. He felt as if he were a child, caught in the act of breaking the rules, eyes caught in fear of evoking his parent's ire.

That could be one word to describe how Tsubasa seemed to be glaring at him—with ire. The sort-of shinigami let the glowers continue, content to keep silent and merely enjoy the presence by his side, still warm in his hands. But eventually the glowers grew to be too much; building fire upon fire, until Rinne felt like his insides were burning and his soul was being put to judgement. He was growing restless now and some things could not be avoided forever.

"...Sakura Mamiya..." he was determined to keep his voice as neutral as possible, to avoid the condemning gaze of the exorcist, "would you mind if we stepped out towards the gardens to speak privately for a few moments?"

She was smiling at him. It made his heart pang with pain. She was always smiling at him, even when he didn't deserve it, even when he was guiltily prolonging every moment he had with her, when he had no intention of staying.

I'm sorry, Sakura Mamiya, he thought privately, escorting her out towards the patio, where once he and his grandfather enjoyed fairy tales and fresh fruit to eat. But I just wanted to stay with you a little longer. It's best if we part ways after this talk.

I will not see you again.


It may have been destiny for them to meet, for her to stubbornly aid him in his shinigami duties, for him to protect her and later, learn to love her.

But just because it was destiny didn't mean it would last forever.

He was sitting on a bridge, invisible to all traffic passing below because of his red, gold and white haori. It fluttered behind him according to each truck or car that zoomed across the steel bridge, Tokyo or perhaps further along, as its destination. Rinne watched the sun rise and set, whenever he could, right at this bridge. He liked to think of it as his own time to contemplate, to mourn and to just be himself.

The sun was beautiful, bathed in rich orange and yellow. He hardly felt cold at all, watching the light dispel the darkness, at least for this day, before it would surrender to the shadows for the night. It gave his soul a feeling of being content, that at least something in the world was constant and would remain true. Something in this world would never end. The sun would always rise and fall, until the day the world ends.

In his hands, he held the potion, the thing that would take Sakura's sight, and hence, Sakura herself, away form his life forever.

He hated that vial, just then, and had an urge to smash it into the oncoming traffic below, watch it shatter as it hit the windshield of some poor vehicle and scatter into the air.

But he wasn't that selfish.

Wasn't it better, that Sakura live a life without him, without ghosts, without damashigami? Wasn't it better that she live free without the threat of Forsaken? And wasn't it better that she live like a normal girl and have a normal husband and get married with normal children?

Wasn't it?

He wasn't supposed to have a happy ending because there was no such thing as fairy godmothers or magical objects or even wishes from a genie. There was no one who could spin straw into gold, no one who could gain riches in an instant (unless they won the lottery, but that was another matter. Money was required to buy the lottery ticket in the first place). It was only a one in a billion chance and Rinne wasn't conceited enough to believe he was that 'one.'

(But what if Sakura chooses you? What if you talked to her about it? What if-)

No. He wasn't going to risk it. Knowing Sakura, she would brush it off with a serene expression. She would continue on, for his sake and he didn't want that.

This was for the best, he told himself. This was for the best.

So why was he crying?

"Don't be selfish, Rinne... Don't be selfish."


"...What did you want to talk about, Rinne?"

She was as blunt as ever, staring at him serenely. They were staring at the stone and sand garden, taking in the sight of a vast turning red wheel in the sky, where all souls ventured when they died. Rinne noticed that they had avoided making direct eye contact thus far and wondered if they were both aware of it or if it was merely him avoiding her watchful gaze.

"Please let me take your sight away again."

The words flowed from his mouth like a river clogged up from a dam, now free. Internally, he began to panic; he hadn't meant to say that. There had been an entire speech of reasons and calm words to say in order to prepare Sakura for this choice. But seeing her look at him again (like the old days) made him forget himself, it made him reckless.

Rinne looked nervously at her, but kept his face impassive.

"No," She refused, as expected.

"Sakura, don't be foolish, if you continue on like this, it won't be just one Forsaken like this time, there will be more and they will try and-"

"I know that," Her stance was resolute. "But I suppose I will just have to live with it, don't you think?"

An image, unbidden, fled into his mind, of Sakura on the ground, covered in blood, a Forsaken's ugly teeth pressing into her flesh. Rinne flinched and said loudly, "You can't be serious! You've spoken to Tamako, you've seen the texts this morning and you've encountered one. They are dangerous. They will hunt you down and they will kill you and...," He fought to control his temper, to unclench his fists, but the bitterness did not allow him to. "There won't always be a devil ready to sacrifice himself for you."

He wanted to let that thought rest between them, in the silence, for a little longer. But Sakura took her other hand and placed it on his cheek, turning his head up so that he would look at her directly. Staring into green depths, he found himself staring deep into the abyss of a soul he had wanted to avoid looking at. It felt like a stone was stuck in his throat, that worms were crawling under his skin, as he felt that Sakura was staring right back into his own.

It was frightening.

"Rinne…," she said, with her lips slightly upturned. "I fully comprehend the danger I'm in… and I'm fine with that."

"Sakura," he let himself say her name, his panic causing him to slip, "you can't be serious—"

"No, Rinne. Stop," her hand covered his mouth and she looked at him gravely. "Please let me finish." When he made no move to remove her hand, she continued on. "My sight… may have been a burden at first, but now it's a blessing that I treasure. It means the world to me and I felt so lost… confused… without it. I will not let you take it away, Rinne."

His lips parted, an argument waiting to fly out, but the stern emotion that she stared at him with, stopped him. Instead, Rinne clenched his fists, struggling to find coherent thoughts in his head, ideal words that he might be able to pluck from thin air that would turn this conversation around. He could think of nothing.

But Sakura seemed to understand.

She stepped back from him, but kept her fingers interlaced with his and she stared at the faint clouds, hovering near the wheel of reincarnation, the birds which flew a good distance from it. They were pretty cranes, a symbol of luck and wealth.

"…You know, Rinne… my sight brought me good things too, not just bad. It has brought me a lot of happiness, and it continues to."

"…What kind of happiness…?" He tasted the words cautiously, unsure of what to do.

She smiled and he was reminded of his sunset, his sunrise, when he used to sit on the bridge every morning back in high school. It glowed and it warmed his body in a way the sun never could.

"It brought me you."

And at that moment, Rinne knew he couldn't argue with her about her sight. It was there to stay and he would never be able to take it away from her again, not if it meant, taking away that smile.


"Do you like fairy tales?"

Again, the question had left unbidden from his mind. Around Sakura Mamiya, he had seemed to develop that particular habit of blurting out ridiculous phrases. This particular one made him embarrassed. He was already telling her quickly that she didn't need to answer.

But Sakura merely looked contemplated, if not amused. She held her pen in her hands; the top end had a little kitten decorating it. They were in the library, whispering about an English assignment. They were to analyze an English text of Sleeping Beauty. English wasn't Rinne's greatest subject, he was decent. Sakura was the same as him. Surprisingly, the exorcist seemed to thrive with other languages, particularly French and Italian. So English was naturally a breeze for him.

This has left Sakura and Rinne as English study partners, something that they did not share with Tsubasa (partially because Tsubasa never asked Sakura while Rinne never wanted to mention it… ever).

"…They never really appealed to me when I was a child… and I never disliked them either," Sakura answered. "It just seemed strange for someone to grant all your wishes and at the same time, it seemed wonderful to think about. But I think I liked the fables better, with the tortoise and the hare. Stories with animals in them were my preference. I really liked 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.'"

He felt slightly disappointed, since he had loved fairy tales. But at the same time he was pleased with her response. It was a typical Sakura Mamiya thing to say. He would never have expected anything different.

"Then I guess meeting Rokumon was a dream come true," he smiled.

She laughed, "It was. And he's so adorable too."

They read further into the story, until they reached the ending, with the standard words 'Happily ever after.' Sakura frowned at those words and said, "That's rather misleading, isn't it?"

"The ending?"

"Yes. It implies that they were happy forever. But that's not necessarily true. For all we know, they weren't in love, they rushed into marriage and then her husband turned out to be abusive or she was too spoiled for him. I think this story would be more enjoyable if there had been an established period of time where they fell for each other, rather than this 'love at first sight.' A relationship is about two sides working together, compromising, and trusting each other. If it is going to last forever, then I think the story should focus on that aspect, and then the audience knows for sure that this is 'true love.'"

"…I have never really thought of fairy tales like that before."

That was true. Rinne usually focused on the part of the ending where the hero ended up wealthy, successful and with the girl of his dreams. Somehow his mind hadn't really thought about the 'after' part.

He suddenly found himself wondering what would happen if he told Sakura he liked her. He found himself staring intently at her, puzzling out what her response would be. His lips parted, to say the words, blurt them out. Then he stopped. An intense feeling of fear filled his chest.

(There is no such thing as 'Happily ever after' for you, Rinne.)

They continued their study session.

He never found out.


"There is a way I could survive. The Forsaken don't often venture into the shinigami world. I could petition to live there."

"That's absurd," he found himself saying. "Humans aren't allowed to live here. It's forbidden."

"Not without good cause, I'm sure. But if I make a valid argument, with enough money and persuasion, I think I could convince, say Kain that it would be for my benefit to live at a shinigami residence. Tamako would vouch for me, so would Ageha-chan. They're both influential people. I'm sure Rokumon would also vouch for me. There would be adequate protection and I could learn to defend myself."

He found himself gaping. Such a course had never occurred in his mind and yet such a simple one had been made. (Though inside, he felt that sickening feeling arise when Sakura mentioned Kain. He didn't want her to spend too much time around that swindling jerk.)

Sakura was shaking with amusement, "You did say once, that I would make a fine shinigami if I had the training."

"That was before I learned about Forsaken. This is now."

"Then come with me."

Rinne stepped back. "I'm sorry?"

Sakura smiled again. "Live with me?" She asked sheepishly. "Then you wouldn't have to worry so much. You would be with me every step of the way. Come back to the shinigami world. I want to share my new experiences with you. I want you to be the one who guides and teaches me."

"…But why…?" He wanted to say more, but felt squandered by the overwhelming emotions. Why did just looking at Sakura, who was so determined, so sure of herself, make him feel so unworthy?

"Because I love you," she said for the second time.

The world crashed down on him for the second time. And like previously, when she had said those three words, he felt himself shut down and grow cold.

Instantly, he wrenched his hand away, as if it had been burned. He refused to look at her, his gaze now hard and cold as it was before.

I can't…!

His feet were poised to run, anything to avoid this, to get away from this but—

"No, Rinne." Her grip on his wrist was hard. "Don't run away from this. You're always running away… I love you. Deal with it. But don't ignore it or ignore your own feelings. I was in your mind, in the Forsaken's pit. I know what you feel."

That was true. She had been there, in his head, looking into his darkest memories, looking at his deepest secrets. Sakura knew, she probably always knew, his reasons, his fears.

Why he felt he couldn't love her.

(I'm not good enough. I don't deserve you. So I'll protect you instead.)

(I don't deserve a happy ending.)

She had been able to venture into his thoughts because that was what the Forsaken did. The Forsaken could reach into your mind and tear it open with invisible hands. That was how it attacked you, showed you your fears and hated moments. When other people were around you, attacked at the same time, they could also enter your thoughts.

The closer the people were, the easier it was to venture deeper.

Such was the case with Sakura Mamiya.

"I know you think you don't deserve this. But I think you do. You're always sacrificing yourself, I said this already. It's pointless, Rinne. You have a chance to be happy now. You should take it. Even if things go wrong, I'm happy to share the burden. There are always risks to love, of course there are, but that's love.

Sakura took a deep breath and finished off her thoughts by saying, "If you don't allow yourself to be happy, then you never will be."

She let go of his hand. And he looked down at his palm. A necklace laid there, a necklace with memories.

"It belongs to you; I gave it to you to keep. Please keep it this time," she said.

She re-entered the house. Rinne did not stop her.


The day his grandfather died, he took his book of fairy tales and threw it in the fire. He watched as the bits of flame jumped up to devour the pages of inked words and illustrations. He watched as it slowly turned to a pile of charred ash.

"You'll find your happily ever after someday, Rinne," his grandfather had said once, "just like your grandmother and I."

Liar, he could not help but think right then. Because he was being irrational, because he was grieving, because he felt that he had lost everything. Liar.

They didn't live happily ever after. Not when death separated them.


It was morning when Ageha deemed herself healthy enough to take Sakura and Tsubasa home. Of course, the two of them fussed over her injuries but Ageha brushed off their concerns.

"They're just light bruises and scratches. Don't worry, Tsubasa-kun, I'll take a few weeks off work. And yes, Sakura-chan, I can handle one trip to the human world," she grinned. "So Rinne," she addressed him, "are you coming with us, or what?"

She was presuming that Rinne was returning with them, that things would be normal again.

Rinne shook his head, "No. I'll leave shortly after you."

He could feel Sakura staring at him, but refused to look at her. He wouldn't know what to say or what to do. His heart wrenched again, the way it did when he had given her the potion. He felt as if he was being ripped into pieces again, while his heart was thrown into a shredder, its pieces left to bleed quietly on the floor.

Ageha frowned, "But—"

"Its fine, Ageha-chan. He's made his decision," responded Sakura Mamiya in an oddly constricted voice, though she was still smiling at him.

Always smiling.

Damn it.

No one argued after seeing that. They went quietly out the door, whispering fiercely at each other in silent disagreement. Rokumon looked disappointed at him, before the cat hopped away to accompany them. He had said he wanted to watch over Sakura Mamiya until her petition to live in the shinigami world was finished. Likely, Tamako had suggested he protect the human girl and he had happily agreed.

His father was gone, off to woo Ageha's sister again (Ageha hadn't been too pleased to hear this. There had been a short battle which involved Tsubasa trying to hold back the girl from clobbering Rinne's father with a fork while Tamako watched.)

He wasn't sure where his grandmother was, but she was probably seeing them off as well, at the door.

Rinne couldn't move his feet nor will himself to witness Sakura leave his life again. He decided to wait in the living room, wallow in his bitterness.

The punch directed towards his face snapped him out of his self-misery.

Tsubasa hunched over him, looking furious. "What have you done?" The exorcist said menacingly.

"…Shouldn't you be leaving with Ageha and Sakura Mamiya…?" Rinne grumbled, rubbing his sore cheek.

"Don't change the subject. Why aren't you going after her? What's wrong with you? Are you mentally challenged?"

"There's no reason—"

"Oh my god!" Tsubasa screamed at him, "You love her, you fool!"

"That's why I can't be with her, she'll get—"

"Hurt? You're hurting her now! She's waiting for you. She's always been waiting for you. And yet you hesitate because of god knows why? Eat your damn pride, get rid of your fears and come crawling back when you realize that you have to do because I'm sick and tired of waiting for you to do just that!"

And the exorcist left, the only reminder of his presence, the purple bruise on Rinne's face.

"…Ouch, that must hurt, dear," a cold cloth pressed against the wound.

He looked up and saw his grandmother crouching down beside him, with an amused look.

"…Are you here to lecture me as well…?" He asked her bitterly.

"Not really. You made your choice."

Then why does my heart ache? He wanted to ask, but he did not say it out loud.

His grandmother noticed this and sighed. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Rinne… I am so proud of you. I hope you always remember how much your grandfather and I love you… because we do, so very much. And I… I just want you to be happy."

Rinne sat still in his grandmother's arms. It had been a long time since they had shared a moment like this. It was nice, a reminder that he had family still. He wasn't alone.

A pang filled his heart and it made him realize something.

He wasn't alone.

"…Do I really deserve to be happy…?" he found himself saying his thoughts aloud, lost in a trance.

Tamako combed her fingers through his hair lightly and whispered gently.

"There's nothing wrong with choosing happiness, no one would punish you for it. You just need the courage to go after it."

Was it really that simple? Years of desperation and hopelessness, years of watching silently, years of thinking he would never be happy, all gone in one moment.

But then he thought of her, his fingers tightened around the necklace and slowly he put it back around his neck, where it belonged.

"I love her," he said in a daze, as if he had never known this before.

This time, Tamako truly smiled. "Then go after her."

-End Part 11-

Only one more chapter to go before this story is over. I think I'm going to tear up. I'll try to get it out next week. Thanks for reading, please review if you have the time!