Grimmjow did not know where he was going or what it was exactly he was supposed to do, but he knew that he had to do it and that it was important; he could feel it in his bones. Before he left, he felt the need to gaze at Ulquiorra's sleeping form one last time before leaving so he stood by the door. Ulquiorra looked positively angelic when he was asleep.
Ulquiorra…
That name scared him and yet at the same time, it made him feel like nothing in the world could go wrong. It made him feel light and at the same time, fulfilled.
There were so many questions that needed to be answered.
So many loose ends that needed to be tied up.
So many conflicts that needed to be resolved.
Somehow or another, Grimmjow was going to solve them. And he had to do them as soon as possible. Today. He could not put this off any longer.
"Grimmjow…?" Ulquiorra mumbled, his voice laced with sleep.
The teal haired teen stiffened, his eyes widening. Ulquiorra was waking up.
Grimmjow leaned back against the park bench and closed his cerulean eyes. That happened hours ago. He did not know what time it was. He knew that he had promised Ulquiorra that he would return soon, but he felt that after what he had done, he did not deserve to. He was so ashamed with what he had done. So ashamed. He just could not bring himself to look into those innocent emerald eyes and be reminded of what he had done. So lost in his thoughts, Grimmjow lost track of time.
Grimmjow held his head in his hands.
He had never felt so confused in his whole life.
What was happening? Why did he give in to his instincts so easily last night? He had… He had practically forced himself on Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra had resisted him. He did. Now that he was wide awake, he remembered everything that had occurred the night before.
He was about to push Grimmjow away, when Grimmjow suddenly pulled him onto the teal haired teen's lap, never breaking the kiss. The taller teen held Ulquiorra close, as though he did not want to let the smaller teen go. As though he could not bear for them to be apart. He ran his hands down Ulquiorra's back, finally settling them on slim hips and kept them there.
"Grimm… Grimmjow…" Ulquiorra breathed when he managed to pull away. "What…?" He noticed that Grimmjow still had that same look on his face. It worried him. What on earth was going on?
But Grimmjow did not give him an answer. Instead, the teal haired teen just looked into his emerald eyes for a moment and crushed their lips together once more.
Ulquiorra's eyes widened with shock when he felt Grimmjow kiss him once more. Too many thoughts ran through his mind, nagging at him to stop. Wasn't Ichigo the one that Grimmjow wanted? Ulquiorra grabbed Grimmjow's collar and pushed him slightly. "Grimmjow…" Ulquiorra gasped. "Ichigo…"
The only answer he received was Grimmjow kissing him again. Ulquiorra felt like he was drowning, overwhelmed. He squirmed in Grimmjow's arms, only to have the teal haired teen pull him even closer, not wanting Ulquiorra to leave his embrace.
Friends do not do that. They just don't. But why did he…? Grimmjow screwed his eyes shut. He was shaking. Ulquiorra had definitely resisted him, but he, Grimmjow, did not listen. He had simply carried on with what he was doing. And he had taken what was rightfully Ulquiorra's. How could he have done that to Ulquiorra? Ulquiorra was one of the most amazing people he had ever met in his entire life and who definitely held a special place in his heart as a… he did not know what to call his relationship with Ulquiorra as, he did not know what to define it as, and this was what he had done to repay him? Grimmjow lowered his head to his knees.
He was disgusting.
He did not deserve any of the kindness, the friendship, everything that Ulquiorra had given him. And the emerald eyed teen had definitely given him everything. This fact weighed heavily on his shoulders.
Grimmjow slowly lifted his head up from his hands and looked at the empty spot on the bench beside him. He and Ulquiorra used to come here all the time.
Grimmjow glanced at Ulquiorra. "Is that all you are going to eat?"
Ulquiorra held a sandwich in his hands and was about to take a bite from it. From what Grimmjow had observed, Cifer had not eaten since morning and had definitely not eaten during recess. And Cifer was definitely hungry if how lethargic the emerald eyed teen was any indication. Grimmjow realized that Ulquiorra must be low on cash at the moment.
"Yes," Ulquiorra said matter of factly.
The teal haired teen furrowed his eyebrows. "Is that even enough?" He was worried.
"Of course it is," the slender teen responded dismissively.
Grimmjow glared at him. "Don't lie."
Ulquiorra was about to come up with a cutting remark like he always did when Grimmjow suddenly stood up and went over to a stall selling hot dogs.
Startled, Ulquiorra called out, "Where are you going?"
Grimmjow did not answer. He completely ignored the emerald eyed teen's question, which annoyed Ulquiorra. Ulquiorra sat back on the bench and crossed his arms across his chest and pouted. Moments later, Grimmjow returned with two hot dogs. He shoved one into Ulquiorra's hands.
Ulquiorra looked at the hot dog in his hands and then at Grimmjow. "What…?" He looked genuinely confused.
Grimmjow raised an eyebrow. "It's for you to eat. There's no way that sandwich is gonna fill you up."
"Thank you but there is no way that I can accept this. You don't need to do this…"
The teal haired teen sat back down on to the bench and took a bite out of his hot dog. "Shut up and eat, Ulquiorra," he said plainly, completely ignoring Ulquiorra's protest
Ulquiorra looked at Grimmjow then. He smiled. "Thank you."
Grimmjow turned red then, his blush reaching all the way up to his ears. "Tch. Whatever," he said gruffly, trying to cover his embarrassment.
Grimmjow stood up. Even though he was in an open area, he felt like he was suffocating. But wherever he went, memories of him and Ulquiorra spending time together followed him. Everywhere he went reminded him of Ulquiorra Cifer. He could not think properly this way. He needed to take a walk to clear his mind. And so he did. He let his legs carry him to whatever destination they wanted to bring him. Grimmjow did not particularly care. His mind was too messed up to care or to even take note of where he was going.
And so he walked.
And walked.
And walked.
This whole mess started when he first got involved with Ulquiorra. Before this, he had been crushing on Ichigo Kurosaki and had no idea about Ulquiorra Cifer's existence even though they were classmates. After he had gotten to know Ulquiorra, his life changed. His thoughts. And his feelings. Especially his feelings. He just could not understand it. What were these feelings that Ulquiorra stirred within him whenever he was near Ulquiorra? What? How could one person that he had only known for such a short period of time affect him so much?
Grimmjow stopped walking.
When he finally looked up, Grimmjow found himself staring through the window into his classroom. This was where he had first met Ulquiorra Cifer. The classroom looked exactly the way it did on that fateful day he had met Ulquiorra. Grimmjow remembered it clearly.
Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow. "Help?" he said suspiciously. "What for? I do not have the time for this. Look, I am going to be late for class if you do not move. So would you please-" He attempted to walk past the teal haired man.
Only to have Grimmjow reach out and grip his shoulder. Ulquiorra looked back and shot him a look that would have made anyone else falter and back away but Grimmjow stood his ground.
"My name is Grimmjow."
"And I am late for class," Ulquiorra retorted, irritated. "I know who you are. So can you please-"
That little memory brought a sad smile to his lips.
His scowl deepening, Ulquiorra pushed Grimmjow's hand off of his shoulder. "I do not deal in matters like that anymore. So just leave me alone, trash," he said coldly.
Grimmjow stumbled a few steps backward, surprised at the menacing tone that Cifer's voice had taken. No one had ever called Grimmjow 'trash' or even dared to for fear of him punching their faces in. Although the pale man was shorter than him, the tone in his voice sent chills up and down Grimmjow's spine. Blinking slowly, he watched as Ulquiorra smoothed his shirt from wrinkles and then turn on his heel to leave.
That was when Grimmjow's senses returned to him.
He reached out, grabbing the smaller man and turned him around, gripping his shoulders with both of his hands. Ulquiorra's emerald orbs widened and a brief look of fear appeared in his eyes. He had not expected Jaegerjaquez to do that. Grimmjow leaned down till his face was inches away from Ulquiorra's, totally invading the pale man's personal space, making him squirm slightly at the close proximity. He was not used to being so close to anyone. At all. But Grimmjow ignored Ulquiorra's obvious discomfort and growled, "You, are not going anywhere till you help me."
Their first meeting may not have been favourable, or even pleasant, but it certainly was memorable. He would definitely remember it always.
Grimmjow straightened up and shoved his hands into his pockets. He turned his back on the window. It was time for him to continue walking. He decided he had lingered long enough at that spot.
Allowing his legs to carry him to whatever destination they wanted him to go to, Grimmjow walked around aimlessly, random memories of him and Ulquiorra spending time together flowing into his mind with each familiar place he walked past. This went on until he came upon a spot under a tree outside the school. Grimmjow stopped and leaned against the tree trunk, taking a deep breath to calm down his nerves.
It was a sunny day and Grimmjow was sitting under the tree, finding comfort in the shade it provided. His teal eyebrows were knitted together in concentration as he read a book that he held in his hands. It was one of Shakespeare's works and it was doing him in trying to understand the damned book. But he needed to understand it if he wanted to pass his Literature class.
"I never took you for a romantic, Grimmjow." Ulquiorra had appeared by his shoulder, his voice teasing, an amused smile on his face.
"Fuck!" Grimmjow yelped in surprise. When he saw that it was just Ulquiorra, he glared at the emerald eyed teen. "It's for my Literature class. I need to pass that class."
"I never took you as the studious type either."And with that, Ulquiorra snatched the book out of Grimmjow's hands and flipped the pages to some random poem. "Now let's see what you have been reading."
"Hey! Give that back!" Grimmjow growled, scrambling up to grab the book but Ulquiorra merely held it at arm's length while placing his other hand on Grimmjow's chest, completely stopping Grimmjow's movement.
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" Ulquiorra read out loud. "Thou art more lovely and temperate, Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May…" Ulquiorra smirked at Grimmjow. "My, my. You really are into this, aren't you?"
Grimmjow gritted his teeth. "Shut up. I need to understand it to pass the class." The teal haired teen attempted to make another grab for the book but failed.
That amused smile on pale lips widened. "And how can you not understand what this poem is about, Grimmjow?"
"Shut up!" Grimmjow leapt and tackled Ulquiorra to the ground where he wrestled Ulquiorra for the book. Passersby looked at them oddly. Some of them looked at the two teen's antics with a small smile on their faces.
"Bastard! Give me back the book!"
A grab.
"No. Not until you understand what the poem means."
Ulquiorra twisted.
"Damn it! How am I supposed to understand it if you don't give it back to let me read it? Give it back!"
Grab. Pinch. Roll. Twist.
"No."
A flip.
Grimmjow had Ulquiorra under him now and he had pinned the pale teen's hands down to the sides to prevent Ulquiorra from escaping. Grimmjow was practically straddling Ulquiorra. "Give. It. Back," Grimmjow breathed, furious.
Ulquiorra just looked at him. "Do you understand it?"
"What?"
"Do you understand it?" Ulquiorra repeated.
The teal haired teen looked down at Ulquiorra, confused. Their faces were so close that their breaths were mingling with one another. The emerald eyed teen's eyes were bright, pale skin seeming to have a slight glow, raven hair silky smooth to the touch. Ulquiorra may have spoken in a very calm and composed manner, but his breaths came out in short and quick puffs from their little wrestling match. That doll-like face that Grimmjow knew so well was slightly flushed.
It was then that Grimmjow finally understood.
"Yes," Grimmjow said softly.
Emerald eyes widened. "Excuse me?"
"Yes, I understand," Grimmjow said softly. Slim fingers loosened their grip on the book, allowing Grimmjow to take it back and pocket it. Subconsciously, Grimmjow did what he felt was the most natural thing in the world to do; he reached up and stroked Ulquiorra Cifer's pale cheek. Although shocked at first by the contact made by the teal haired teen, Ulquiorra leaned into the touch, closing his eyes as he did so. "It's about a man describing the beauty of his lover, isn't it?"
The meaning of that poem immediately came to him the moment he looked at Ulquiorra properly. No matter how many times he had read it before that incident, he could not understand it. But when Ulquiorra came in, he understood.
Was it just a coincidence or did it have an underlying meaning to it?
Was there something that Grimmjow was missing?
Grimmjow groaned. He felt so lost.
Deciding that he had pondered that question long enough and still did not find the answer, Grimmjow stood up and let his legs lead him once more. In search for the answer to his questions. So far, all of his attempts had been fruitless and if anything, it made him feel even more confused than ever.
He was no closer to the answer than he was before.
Walking out of the school area, Grimmjow found himself to be walking to another park that him and Ulquiorra had once spent time together at. Hands in his pockets, cerulean eyes surveyed his surroundings. There were quite a few families around having a picnic and some mothers bringing their children to the playground. He and Ulquiorra had come here once at night after one of their numerous study sessions because Ulquiorra had insisted that they looked up at the night sky. Grimmjow did not want to go at first, stating that it was something that only chicks did, but Ulquiorra had pulled on his rare puppy dog look that Grimmjow just could not say no.
"Ah, finally! I thought that this torture would never be over!" The teal haired teen stretched, yawning widely as he did so. "Damn, I feel as tired as fuck."
However, Ulquiorra was not listening. Instead, he had placed his chin on his hand as he gazed out of the window, completely lost in thought. He blinked once, twice and then turned to look at Grimmjow. "Let's go to the park," Ulquiorra said suddenly.
"Are you nuts?" Grimmjow said bluntly. "It's late! There will be nothing to do there anyways, I-"
Emerald eyes widened, seeming to take on a slightly sparkly effect. A pale bottom lip stuck out. A look that only Grimmjow had seen so far.
"Ah, fuck," Grimmjow groaned.
And that was how Grimmjow found himself at the park. He and Ulquiorra were both lying down on the ground, the soft grass pressing against their backs, acting as a cushion. Ulquiorra was looking up at the star strewn sky. The pale teen had had a particularly stressful day in school earlier that day so lying there under the stars seemed to soothe him. There was a gentle smile on his face.
Grimmjow, on the other hand, was trying not to be bored out of his skull. But he did not say a thing since it meant so much to Ulquiorra.
"Don't you think it looks amazing?"came Ulquiorra's voice.
"Yeah," Grimmjow said absentmindedly.
Ulquiorra turned so that he was facing Grimmjow. He frowned. "You aren't even looking."
"Yeah, I am," Grimmjow defended.
"No. You aren't."
"I am!"
Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and turned back to his previous position on the ground so that his face was facing the stars. "I still say it looks amazing."
Grimmjow, still not looking up at the stars, turned to look at Ulquiorra. "Yeah, I agree," he said without thinking, making Ulquiorra blush but the pale teen did not make any comment on it. He merely continued to stare up resolutely at the stars but how that comment affected him was shown clearly on his doll-like face.
Where did that come from?
Was it simply an offhand remark or did Grimmjow really mean it at the time?
He still did not know. He was just as clueless as before.
Grimmjow stood at that spot for a few minutes longer, letting all of the memories flow into his mind as he tried to find meaning behind all of them. When he did not, he decided that it was time to let his legs carry him someplace else.
"Do you think Ulquiorra was telling the truth or was he just screwing with me?" Ichigo said, annoyed. It was night time now. He really wanted this whole thing to cleared up as soon as possible except there was only one thing wrong:
Grimmjow was nowhere to be found.
Ichigo did not know who to be pissed off at; Ulquiorra or Grimmjow.
Rukia was sitting on the couch, a magazine in her hands. However, she was not reading it. Her mind was totally elsewhere. "Ichigo," she said suddenly.
"What?" Warm brown eyes turned to look at her.
How was she supposed to put this? Rukia bit her bottom lip. "Don't you find it odd that Ulquiorra sounded a little upset when you mentioned Grimmjow's name to him just now?"
"He was upset?" Ichigo was surprised.
Rukia shook her head. Ichigo really was oblivious sometimes. Especially when it came to things that really mattered. "Never mind, Ichigo." She rolled her eyes.
Ichigo merely shrugged his shoulders and left it at that. He had a lot on his mind.
Rukia sat back against the couch as she watched Ichigo fidget. Was Ichigo really that oblivious? She sighed. It was quite obvious to her that Ulquiorra Cifer was in love with Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. She knew it by just seeing the way the emerald eyed teen would sometimes look at Grimmjow, by how much Ulquiorra cared and spent a very large amount of time with Grimmjow. The mention of the teal haired teen's name would make Ulquiorra smile and sometimes even blush. Then there was also the fact that Ulquiorra seemed more like… himself when he was with Grimmjow.
Or perhaps Rukia could understand Ulquiorra because they were both going through the same thing.
They were both in love with oblivious idiots. And they would both rather see the ones that they love happy even though it hurts them
Ichigo stood up then, shocking Rukia out of her thoughts. "That's it. I'm turning in. I will just corner him in school or something and just force the answer out of him. I want this to be resolved."
"Ichigo!"
"What?"
"Just wait."
"Why? It's really late and I don't really think that Grimmjow is going to come." Ichigo crossed his arms across his chest.
"Just wait a little while longer."
"Rukia," Ichigo said tiredly. "I don't think-"
A knock. Someone was knocking on the door.
Warm brown and purple eyes widened. Was it him? Rukia pushed Ichigo to the door and he just let her. Now that the moment had come, Ichigo was nervous. What was the answer going to be? He straightened himself out before resting his hand on the doorknob. He looked over his shoulder and saw Rukia nod at him, encouraging him to go on before she went back into the living room to give him some privacy. Taking a deep breath to still his nerves, Ichigo twisted the doorknob open.
And sure enough, there stood a very confused and lost looking Grimmjow outside.
Grimmjow looked up. Where had his feet brought him to this time? He blinked several times and realized that a person with striking orange hair came into his vision. That person was looking at him with concern. Who was that person? Why did he look so familiar? He wracked his brains, trying to remember that person's name. His mind was bogged down with so many questions that he could not think straight.
"Grimmjow?"
That person held Grimmjow's hands, intertwining their fingers together.
Cerulean eyes looked down at his feet.
Why was he brought here?
"Are you alright?" That person spoke again, tightening his grip on Grimmjow's hands.
What was the answer?
Will he be able to find it here?
Ulquiorra… That name resounded itself in his mind over and over again.
"Grimmjow! What is wrong?" That person's hold on his hands never left.
Grimmjow's sight focused at that and it finally registered in his mind who that person in front of him was. "Ichigo…?" he said slowly.
Ichigo looked relieved. Gone was the worried look from his face. "I'm glad that I've finally got your attention. I was starting to worry there. I need to talk to you." The orange haired teen paused. "It's important."
They were so close.
He was so close.
All Grimmjow had to do was to lean down a bit more and their lips would meet in their first kiss. It would be his first kiss, he thought dizzily, his free arm wrapping itself around Ichigo's waist. How many times had he imagined this? How many times had he fantasized for this to happen? And now, now he had the Berry in his grasp, their lips millimetres away. It was mind boggling. He had never thought that he would reach this moment. He had always thought that this moment would be unattainable.
And yet, here he was, living his wildest dream. His dream was made possible. All he had to do was lean in and his dream would be complete. And it was all thanks to Cifer.
Cifer.
"Grimmjow? What's wrong?" Ichigo's eyes had sprung open, wide and staring, a slight look of hurt on his face.
They were far apart from each other now, a stark difference from their distance from each other moments ago. Grimmjow was breathing hard, his face flushed, his back against a tree.
He had sprung away from Ichigo and his embrace, breaking all contact.
Away from their first kiss.
"I… err… I gotta go," Grimmjow stammered.
That worried look was back on Ichigo's face again. He shook Grimmjow. "Grimmjow…" the orange haired teen breathed, a look of shock on his face. "Why are you crying?"
Crying?
Grimmjow touched his cheek and was surprised when he found that it was wet. He had indeed been crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He had never felt so confused and messed up in his entire life. Grimmjow did not answer Ichigo's question because he did not know the answer either. Instead, he lowered his cerulean eyes to their linked hands, suddenly realizing that Ichigo had been holding his hands the whole time.
Even as Grimmjow was drifting to sleep, he could feel Ulquiorra intertwine his slim fingers with Grimmjow's. He tightened his grip on that small hand subconsciously. It felt right. In fact, it felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.
Ichigo was holding his hands as well in the very same way. They were warm but not the same. The way Ichigo held his hands was the same but at the same time it was not. It just did not feel the same. It was not the same at all. His tears dripped down onto their hands.
And then, he knew what the answer was. The answer hit him like a ton of bricks.
He knew why he was brought here.
He knew why Ichigo wanted to speak to him.
He knew everything.
Grimmjow raised his cerulean eyes to Ichigo's warm brown ones. More tears rolled down his cheeks. He shook his head, letting go of Ichigo's hands. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I can't do this."
Ichigo closed the door and sank to the ground, his back against the door. Grimmjow had left. He had finally gotten his answer. He did not know whether he should be feeling happy or sad about it. He did not know what to feel.
"How did it go, Ichigo?" said Rukia as she walked into the room. Her voice had a happy lilt to it. But once she saw her best friend sitting down on the floor with his back against the door, she knew that something was wrong. Her happy façade was immediately abandoned.
She knew that it did not go so well.
Rukia came up to Ichigo and kneeled beside him. He looked lost. "Ichigo," she said softly.
No answer.
Instead, Ichigo just looked away. The brown eyes that she loved did not look warm and full of life anymore. She hated seeing him like this. And worst of all, she did not know what words to say to make it all better. Biting her bottom lip, Rukia comforted Ichigo in the only way she knew how to; she wrapped her slim arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug.
Rukia felt Ichigo's arms slowly wrapped themselves around her petite form and the orange haired teen pressed his face against her shoulder. Tears from brown eyes soaked the material of her dress but she did not care. Instead, Rukia pulled him closer and closed her eyes, knowing that this comforted Ichigo. No words were exchanged. There was no need to. They understood each other.
Grimmjow was running. Running. Running. The cold air stung his eyes as it slapped him in the face, making more tears stream down his face. It suddenly registered in his mind that it was already dark. It was night. He had been lost in his thoughts for so long that he had lost track of time. He had not meant to be away for so long. Ulquiorra must hate him now.
I'm coming back. Please don't hate me.
How could he have taken so long to realize?
Why did it take so long for him to realize what had been in front of him the entire time?
Grimmjow nodded tiredly and kissed Ulquiorra on the forehead in response. Ulquiorra snuggled against Grimmjow's warm form, comforted at having him so close and watched as Grimmjow's eyes slid close, giving into sleep. He looked especially endearing when he was asleep, in Ulquiorra's opinion. The pale teen leant up and brushed his lips against Grimmjow's pink ones. "I love you, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra murmured even though he knew the teal haired teen probably could not hear him at the moment.
Grimmjow sped up, his footsteps resounding across the empty street.
Why did it take him so long?
He really was a fool.
Please don't hate me.
Because I love you too, Ulquiorra Cifer.
