Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of updates…Holidays, work, and school has kept me pretty busy. Another thing, when season 5 ended of SOA, I was fucking pissed off. Poor Tara….All the bad shit always happens to her (and Opie, before his character got killed off). As much as I love Katey S., I was fucking pissed off at Gemma (if she ratted out Tara). Her obsession with her son is borderline incestuous and unhealthy. I have said it in the past, I really hope Tara and Jax get their happy ending but I highly doubt that. I have a feeling that Kurt will either kill her off or one of the babies…Jax, I am pretty sure, will die in the end. Maybe he will die in order to save his sons from repeating his mistakes. And I hope Gemma doesn't die…The worst thing that could happen to her is if Tara leaves Charming, with the boys, leaving Gemma all alone… enough of my rant.

So here is chapter eleven. This one was tough for me to write. I wanted to capture the angst and pain of the reunion but I still had to stay true to the story that Kurt S. has so masterfully written and created. Personally, I don't see Tara being a criminal when she was a teenager; I think she was rebellious whenever she was with Jax but never a criminal. Also, I don't think that Tara kept in touch with anyone when she left Charming. A good example would be, that she did not seem to be too upset when Donna died, hence, I don't think there was any communication between both women after Tara left. In my humble opinion, when Tara left Charming, she wanted a clean break from the small, incestuous town, even if it meant leaving Jax and her friends behind.

March is here and I will try to update as much as possible, but I am writing a Master's Thesis SOOO, we shall see….September needs to get here ASAP. I am so frighten to see where Jax and Tara's relationship will go…I really hope she gets out from jail and back to her boys…And I hope Gemma and Clay gets theirs…lol.

Please review and respond.

XOXO.

Chapter 11: Just a Fool

Another shot of whiskey please bartender

Keep it coming til I don't remember at all

How bad it hurts when you're gone (no no no no)

Turn the music up a little bit louder

Just gotta get past the midnight hour (uh huh)

Maybe tomorrow it won't be this hard

Who am I kidding?

I know what I'm missing

Oh, I had my heart set on you

But nothing else hurts like you do

Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)

And I waited and waited so long

For someone who'll never come home

It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)

I'm just a fool

(Yeah)

[Blake Shelton]

I say that I don't care

And walk away whatever

And I tell myself we were bad together (uh huh)

But that's just me trying to move on without you

But who am I kidding?

I know what I'm missing

I, I had my heart set on you

But nothing else hurts like you do

Who knew that love was so cruel (yeah, yeah, yeah)

And I waited and waited so long

For someone who'll never come home

It's my fault to think you'd be true (yeah, yeah)

I'm just a fool

-Christina Aguilera feat. Blake Shelton "Just a Fool"

Tara placed her shaky hands above her heart.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The rhythmic sound reached her ears.

Thump. Thump. Thump…Just breathe.

Tara walked into her kitchen, her shaking hands firmly pressed against her chest. Flickering on the lights, she looked around the room…

Like the rest of the house, every layer was covered in dust and the walls needed a good paint job. Although she paid the monthly utilities bill since her father's death, she never thought of paying someone to look after her childhood home. She never thought she would be back to the house she once hated with so much passion thus she did not deem it necessary to pay someone for the upkeep of the house. As of lately, all of her poor decisions seem to be stacking up on her.

Walking towards the refrigerator, Tara opened its white door and noted that there was a solitary, half empty bottle of Jameson occupying one of the shelves of the old, but still functional refrigerator. Slamming the door shut, Tara walked towards the sink, noting the piles of dishes that needed washing, the smell of filth infiltrating her nostrils.

Just what I fucking need…

Tara slid down the floor and placed her face in her delicate hands. She let her mind wander freely to the events that had transpired moments before.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

He was as shocked as she was, Tara could tell from the look on his face; his disbelief was pure and honest. She knew that eventually they would run into each other. Charming was a small town and running into Jax would be inevitable, however, she had not anticipated running into him within hours of her return. In fact, she hoped that she would not encounter him for days, even weeks after her resettlement in Charming. She wanted…needed those extra days to mentally prepared for their reunion, but life always had a way of fucking up ones' plans and that's exactly what happened back in the bleachers.

"Tara?" he questioned, the disbelief evident in his tone. He briefly paled as he moved closer to her.

As he moved closer, her heart started hammering against her chest. For the first time in her life, Tara honestly did not know what course of action to take. Jax stopped walking when they were inches apart. Not knowing what to do with her gaze, Tara decided that looking at the ground was better than looking into the eyes of the man she still loved.

The wind blew lightly. Her hair fluttered all over her face protecting her from his gaze. She felt his fingers brushing away the hair from her face as she let out a shaky and unsteady breath.

Just breathe…Thump. Thump. Thump…Just breathe.

She was a coward. For over a decade, nearly every thought that occupied her mind was of Jackson Teller and there he was standing in front of her and she couldn't even muster the courage to look at him in the face.

There was a quick rap at her door. With shaky legs, Tara stood and walked towards the front of her childhood home. Fearing what awaited for her on the other side, Tara hesitantly opened her front door.

He stood there, fully uniformed, with a huge smile firmly placed on his face, his eyes dancing with pure glee. She couldn't help it. Feeling incredibly overwhelmed, for the first time in months, she allowed for the tears to flow freely.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her as soon as the sobs escaped her lips. Shutting the door behind him, David walked her towards her couch as she continued to cry on his chest.

For minutes, she released her frustrations onto his chest, soaking his firmly pressed uniform shirt with tears as he rubbed her back, trying, unsuccessfully to calm her down.

When her sobs subsided, minutes later, David gently asked, "Tara, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Everything is wrong, David…everything," she whispered.

She felt his fingers on her chin. A chill ran down her spine. He lifted her face so she could look at him but she simply couldn't muster the courage. She simply couldn't.

"Tara, please look at me," he pleaded. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her gaze so to stare into his baby blue orbs.

He was looking at her with pure wonderment. "You are really here…" his voice trailed on.

"Yea, Jax…I am," she replied softly.

"Tell me, Tara."

Ever since high school, David has tried to be there for her as much as he could. Tara knew that at times, it was difficult for him to set aside his prejudices aside and not judge her whenever Jax and she did something outrageous or against the law. But with everything said and done, David never gave up on her and her potential, even when she sunk deep into the MC life and Jax. Tara knew that he always believed in her…would always believe in her and for that she would forever be grateful.

"Tara?"

Sighing deeply, Tara looked up and repeated, "what isn't wrong, David?" Pausing before continuing, "I thought I could come back here and put everything in some sort of box. Thought that the past could remain in the past; that old ghosts wouldn't haunt me, so to speak. How stupid the notion? For ten years, I ran away from this small town to come back to what? A house full of painful memories…"

David wiped away her tears with his soft thumbs. "What happened?"

Tara pulled away and lean her head against the back of the couch. She felt David's piercing stare but she kept staring above towards the faded, cracked ceiling.

His hands felt warm against her face…warm and rough. Another small shiver ran down her back as he cupped her cheek with those calloused fingers. She leaned in her face towards that hand…she allowed for her eyes to drift shut.

She felt the tears trickling down her cheeks once again. He quickly wiped them down with his thumbs as he whispered, "Tara." He pulled her to his chest while stroking her hair softly.

"When did things get so messed up David?" she sobbed.

"Please tell me what happened," he pleaded. After a moments pause, he broke the silence with one simple question. "It was Jax, wasn't it?" he muttered as his lips briefly brushed up against her crown.

"Tara," he whispered. She slowly opened her eyes and lifted her gaze. His features were the same. His beard was longer…so were his long locks. He looked older…wiser. His eyes so purely blue were the same color, however, something had changed in his gaze…Tara knew that he had seen things that most people had not seen in their lifetime. Ten years had passed since she last saw him and she knew he was a completely different man from the one she left behind a decade ago.

He was different. She was different. Yet, with his hand stroking her cheek, she felt completely at home…as if no time had passed between them.

"Tara?"

She looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes were so blue. It still surprised her how blue they were…she always loved the color of his eyes but like in high school, she knew that David still saw the world in black and white…right or wrong…no room for the in-betweens.

Jax, on the other hand, lived in the ambiguous. It was one of things that attracted her to him. He knew the whole spectrum of the rainbow called pain. Both of them had lost so much before they became what they became…but once they came together, they gained so much. They had gained a love so pure that it consumed them.

Seeing him at the bleachers reminded her of the passion they once shared…of the absolute passion, which consumed them both so wholeheartedly at such a young age. When he touched her cheek, her body started recalling how it felt to be with him. For ten years, she yearned for his kind of love and when she felt his hand on her face, she yearned for it even more.

But he had changed and so had she…ten years and a million of decisions stood in between them.

"You came back…" Tara glanced up and locked her gaze with his. His gaze always entrapped her…holding her prisoner whenever he looked at her.

She placed her hand above his as he continued to hold onto her cheek.

"Jax," she whispered. He leaned forward. He placed his other hand on her other cheek. Mimicking her earlier act, Tara placed her remaining hand above his. Forward he kept leaning until their foreheads touched.

"You are here…really here," he whispered as his thumbs stroked her cheeks.

Tears burned in her eyes…she shut her green orbs with the hopes of pushing the threatening tears back into their aqueducts…she lost that battle.

With his perfectly manicured hands, David continued to wipe away her tears.

Tara did not know how long they stood with their foreheads pressed together. It could had been seconds, minutes or even hours for all she knew… all that mattered was that he was there with her, holding her like he used to in their younger years and for the first time in years, she felt truly safe. Chicago seemed to suddenly fade away.

She couldn't recall who pulled away first… all she remembers is how right the moment felt, standing there with him.

Looking into each other's eyes, it was he who broke the silence first. With his hands firmly placed on her cheeks, he gently asked, "how have you been, babe?"

Babe…a term of endearment that still made her stomach flutter whenever he said it even after all the years that passed.

Tara pulled further away, stepping slightly away from his intimate touch. His eyes still held her gaze as he dropped his hands to his sides. He was as nervous as she felt due to the fact that he shoved his hands in his jeans' pockets, a trait Tara learned early on, that meant he was uneasy about a situation at hand.

At that moment she knew she was going to lie to him. She couldn't tell him how broken she had been for the past ten years. She couldn't tell him about the faceless men she slept with during her college years so to forget his face. She couldn't tell him about Kohn and the living nightmare her life had become as soon as the ATF agent entered her life. She couldn't tell him about the abortion or the rape. She couldn't tell him how much she regretted leaving Charming; how much she regretted not fighting for them when the cards stacked up against their relationship. With all the strength she could muster, she answered, "I am well, Jax." And with that said, her gaze fell to the kutte that ordained his muscular body. V. President. Jax was VP of the club she despised so much. She always knew that he would eventually take over the MC, however, parts of her still hoped that he wouldn't be the same man whom was incredibly loyal to the club that his deceased father founded decades ago. An unexplainable anger and sorrow spread thru her body.

She allowed for her memory to wander to a happier time in their relationship. Jax had been prospecting for nearly two years. Their relationship was solid. It wasn't perfect and they had their fair amount of arguments and fights but nevertheless, they were a unified pair.

Tara's home life was shit, she fought constantly with the many women who sought Jax's attention. The only two things that mattered to her were Jax and school. When he patched in, she was elated…not for her benefit, but for his. She knew how much that patch and kutte meant to him. She knew how much it meant to him to carry on John's legacy.

As she continued to stare at that kutte that eventually came in between their love, Tara couldn't help but remember Jax's patch-in party. Hundreds of Sons came into Charming. Booze and weed was at abundance; crow-eaters satisfied members' non-stop in various places throughout the lot and music blared thru multiple speakers. Drunk and happy, Jax wouldn't let go of her the whole night.

"I want you by my side, babe," he had whispered to her at one point.

"Always," she had muttered against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

When they broke apart, Jax looked deeply into her eyes and with conviction stated, "you and I, babe…we are the endgame. I shall be King and you will be my Queen. Together, we are going to rule the Sons. Tonight is just not my night…it's yours…it's ours. You and me, forever babe."

That night, Jax locked them inside his room in TM. Drunk and in love, Tara laid beneath him as he repeatedly stretched her walls and brought her to unexplainable heights of pleasure. Over and over they made love, often screaming their declarations of love to one another not caring if they could be overheard over the music that blared all throughout the clubhouse.

But that was a lifetime ago and Tara forced herself to remain in the present as she continued to stare at that God-forsaken kutte that gradually destroyed her relationship with Jax.

"Tara?" he whispered against her crown.

She looked up. Again she looked into those blue eyes of his. He gave her a sad smile as he waited for her to continue.

Sighing Tara, stood up from the couch and held out her hand. "Come on David, let's go for a ride..."

Her eyes watered a bit as he pulled her closer. He heard her gag but honestly, he couldn't care less. As the good crow-eater that she was, she continued to take him deep in her mouth as he tightens his grip on her hair.

He felt himself getting closer to the edge. The closer he got the more erratically he moved his hips. His eyes drifted to a closed… he heard her before he saw her…heard her laughter…heard her voice when she would speak to him in a quiet voice…heard her moans…

Fucking Tara Knowles.

He allowed for his eyes to snap open. He glanced down at the blonde crow-eater.

Almost there…

He continued to thrust into the crow-eaters mouth until he reached his finale. Pulling his pants up, Jax zipped up and walked towards the door of the apartment. With a brief nod of his head, he dismissed the crow-eater and walked towards the front of the clubhouse where the rest of his brothers lounged.

"Ahhh, Prince Charming emerges..." smirked Chibs.

Walking behind the bar, Jax grabbed the nearest bottle of whiskey. Opening the bottle, he took a long pull, as Juice whistled…

"Damn, the blow-job was that bad?" joked Tig.

Slamming the bottle down on the bar, "fuck off…all of you," he muttered before walking towards the exit, the anger radiating out of him in waves.

Walking towards his Dyna, Jax swung his legs to straddle the bike. Strapping on his helmet, Jax revved up his bike and rode out of TM.

As he rode out into the unknown, he allowed for his emotions to over power him. Pure anger consumed him.

He tried to get rid of the anger back in the clubhouse, but that failed miserably. In the past ten years, sex would always be his answer for whenever he felt any sort of deep emotion he did not want to publically convey or privately confront. With sex he was able to shut out all sorts of emotions and memories until all that mattered was his sexual release. But even now, a blowjob by a faceless crow-eater could not block from his mind what had occurred in the bleachers.

She was still breathtakingly beautiful. Her hair was longer…fuller. Her skin was pale as ever and her eyes greener than what he remembered. The moment he stroked her cheek, an unexplainable desire to kiss her lips overtook him. It took all of his willpower to not reach out and grab her and kiss her full lips.

When she pulled away from him, he felt a part of him shatter once again, just like when she left him alone that night ten years ago.

While he was holding on to her cheeks, she briefly allowed for her defenses to slip. With their gazes locked together, he saw something brewing behind those beautiful green eyes of hers; something unexplainable. He knew, deep down in his soul, that whatever reasons brought her back to Charming were big, but like everything Tara, he knew not to push her or she would close down in a blink of an eye, shutting him out and not letting him in, and he knew he wouldn't be able to handle not being part of her life once again. So instead of asking her what was wrong, he kept it safe and asked, "how you been, babe?" feeling like an absolutely idiot as soon as the words escaped his mouth.

After her brief reply, her eyes travelled freely to his worn out kutte. He saw the anger that crossed her eyes for a brief second when she noticed the V. President patch that was so masterfully sowed in by Gemma when he became Vice President of Samcro.

He kept riding throughout Charming, the anger still running thru his veins.

How in the hell did you fuck this up, Teller?

He knew Tara blamed Samcro and Gemma for the demise of their relationship. Saw it in her eyes the moment she saw the V. President patch…He also saw it ten years ago, right before she left Charming.

For months, Tara begged him to leave with her to San Diego. Over and over, she promised to love him regardless of what type of life they lived away from Charming. "We will have each other, baby. Nothing else will matter once we leave. It will just be us, together, forever, like you promised that night you patched in. Please leave with me. Leave all of this violence behind. Please, baby, " she pleaded with him as the tears ran freely during one of their nastier arguments. But Jax wouldn't budge, his resolve strengthening the deeper he got into gun running with Samcro. How could he leave his brothers behind, when they were in deep with the Irish and the war with the Mayans escalading quickly around them?

After a while, Tara stopped asking him to leave and he thought that she moved past her desires to leave Charming and get an education. He failed to see that just like his resolve to remain in Charming strengthen so did her desires to escape. He failed to notice that he slowly starting losing her once he picked to remain in Charming instead of leaving her. By the time he noticed, she was long gone.

He continued riding. For ten years, she left this vacuum inside of him; a deep hole that no one could ever fill up. Not Wendy or any of the women he took to his bed on a daily basis.

Tara's last night in Charming should had tipped him off that something was wrong; he should have known that she was going to leave. She came to the clubhouse, a wild look in her eyes. He noticed that they were red; he knew that she had been crying but like many instances he chalked it up to their most recent argument. She practically dragged him to his room in the clubhouse and torn the clothes of his body. He felt her desperation; he felt her shaking but he quickly quiet down the lingering worry that plagued his mind that night. Naked and hungry to bury himself within her, her eyes stopped him from entering her rapidly. With her fingers tangled with his hair, she looked at him with her soul-crushing green eyes. He saw the midst behind them; her lips trembled. "Jax, please, just love me," she whispered. So, he entered her slowly and made love to her passionately, while never breaking his gaze from hers. When they both came, Tara held his face and simply stated, "never forget that I love you. I will always love you, baby," a solitary tear escaping those beautiful eyes he loved so much. Content with her declaration, Jax allowed the fatigue to overcome his body, as he held her close to his chest. Hours later, he woke up to an empty bed and a letter written by Tara, explaining that she had to leave Charming, with or without him.

He loved long rides because they allowed for him to clear his mind. However, the longer he rode out to the unknown, the angrier he became at how fucked up things were in his life. He steered his bike to the clearing he and Tara use to use as a refuge whenever they needed to get away from Charming, their parents and Samcro. Upon reaching his destination, Jax parked his Dyna and strolled towards the tree that witness many of his happier moments and saddest ones as well. Sitting down, Jax closed his eyes and let his mind wander…

After Tara left, he lost count to know many times he came to this exact place with a bottle of whiskey, drowning his sorrows in liquor. Whenever the sobs overtook his body, he would lie down and stare at the heavens, wishing that he would have had fought for her harder. Instead of accusing her of not loving him enough to remain behind while he fulfilled his legacy, he should have declared his love for her and made her see how much he needed her. Before her, his life was a blur of pain and disappointment. When she entered his life, it was like he saw things clearly for the first time. When she left, he lived in autopilot; he became a shell of the teenage boy that she fell in love with. He became harder…he lived constantly on the edge. Everyone noticed that he wasn't the same. The club became his first and only priority, a fact that elated both his brothers and his mother.

Then Wendy came into the picture. He knew she was broken but still he toyed with her emotions; dragged her thru the mud. He knew what she wanted from him but how could give his heart away when it was still broken? How could he give himself completely to another woman, when Tara still held parts of his soul in the palm of her hands?

Fucking Tara Knowles.

"So, how are things with you, Jax?" she asked. The wind blew lightly, making her hair flutter all over her face. Taking one of her delicate hands, she pushed her hair back, waiting for his reply. How he loved to kiss those hands whenever their fingers were intertwined.

He felt the small smile spreading thru his lips. "Aw, babe, you know…same old, same old. Things don't change much around here."

She tilted her head slight to the right, as her eyes briefly moved towards his kutte, "yet, so many things do change, Jax. Congrats on being VP," she said softly as her eyes travelled back to meet his. "Its everything you ever wanted, isn't it?" she whispered with conviction and slight tone of resentment, perhaps.

He should have told her right then and there, that for the past ten years all he ever wanted was standing right in front of him. But her eyes stopped him. There was a cold glint in them, which was missing moments before.

"Yea, I guess, Tara." Pausing for a moment, he couldn't stop himself from asking, "did you get whatever you were searching for outside of Charming?"

There was another change in her eyes. It was slight but it was there. What he noticed made his stomach turn. Fear lingered behind those eyes before she quickly recovered and put up one of those walls to protect whatever truth she was hiding. She smiled up at him when she answered, "actually, I did Jax. I am a doctor. Worked my ass off in San Diego, then in Chicago in order to become a neonatal surgeon. God, there were days, where I didn't even step outside, just studying, you know. But God, it was worth it. Being able to help babies, when there isn't much hope left for them. It's the most amazing feeling Jax."

Her happiness elated him. Her face lit up when she was talking about helping others. The irony of the whole situation did not escape him though…She saved lives on a daily basis while his actions ended them.

They had truly grown up to be two different people.

When she started walking towards the track, he knew he would follow her. Catching up with in a few short strides, they walked in silence, so many questions lingering between them.

"When he died, I thought you would come back."

Tara just snorted at his comment. "While I was gone, he only contacted me whenever he needed money to buy booze. The father I knew, died when Madison killed herself, Jax. Derek was just a body walking and waiting for death to come to him."

Jax nodded. He couldn't tell her about all the times, he would walk into one of the bars in Lodi, to find Derek in a drunken haze, mumbling to himself. Jax couldn't confess that in those instances, he would sit next to the man that made his relationship with Tara difficult. How they shared endless bottles of whiskey, both mourning their long lost loves not a word muttered between the two, both coming to a silent agreement not to discuss how broken they were without their significant others. Jax would never admit to her how he found solace in her only remaining living relative.

When Derek died, the man's will left everything to his only daughter. He also asked to be buried next to his wife. As Skeeter lowered the casket to the ground, Jax waited around to see if Tara would make an appearance to her father's burial, but she never did. It was just Jax, Skeeter and the cold man being lowered to the ground. Afterwards, Jax gave Skeeter a couple of hundreds and a promise to send a crow-eater to his place, just so he could keep his mouth shut.

"Are you married? Any little Tara juniors running around?," he asked, dreading the answer.

She wrapped her arms around herself, looking slightly uncomfortable for a brief moment.

"Oh, I didn't mean to intrude. Shit, man. Don't answer that if you don't want to."

She stopped walking. Turning around so she could look straight into his eyes, she answered "no. No, to both your questions, Jax."

How relieved he felt as soon as she answered both questions. For years, he believed that she moved on from him…to someone better, who could offer her the life she so desperately wanted outside of Charming. But there she was in front of him, so close for him to claim as his once more. Until…

"How about you?"

His silence was a give away. They stared at each other and he knew that she knew. It was the way she quickly shut down. It was jarring. The brief moments of openness that had occurred moments before were now long gone. With a brief nod of her head, Tara turned and started rapidly walking away as she said, " I got to go. Bye Jax."

"TARA!"

She didn't even turn back as he called out her name.

Since then anger course thru his veins…Anger for getting his hopes up. For a moment he thought they could back to what they once were…but they were beyond that. She was a doctor, while he was a biker. Two worlds that were never meant to co-exist.

But his heart felt like it was shattering to pieces once more and for the first time in a long time, he let the tears flow freely as he wished that his choices would have led him in another path—one that would had allowed him to follow her out of Charming, ten years ago.