A/N: I think it was in 2x10 when Spencer told Toby the Hastings motto: "why enjoy today if you can worry about tomorrow?"
Thanks to aliena2012 and Maxi-Luca for your compliments on my English too. Then again, thanks to everybody who took time to review last chapter!
Emily quietly rang the bell of the Hastings' front door after taking a deep, courage-inducing breath. A couple of minutes passed until Veronica Hastings opened, with a surprised expression on her face that rapidly disappeared into a blank, slightly welcoming glance.
"Emily", Ms. Hastings greeted. "I didn't know you were coming tonight. Come in."
And so Emily came in, thankful that it hadn't been Spencer who'd opened the door. Delaying the apology would only make her more anxious about it. It was better to do it already, to get it over with as soon as possible; and to do it preferably with no witnesses. She didn't know if she'd be able to say what she wanted to say in front of Peter Hastings; even of Spencer, because she'd probably blush in a mixture of guilt and pleasure if she had to say only part of the truth, or rather if she had to silence the other part of the truth, the one she wasn't going to apologize for although she still felt slightly bad about it. It would be harder to talk to Spencer's mother if Spencer was there in the same room with them, observing her with her typical cutting, amused, bewildered glances.
She followed Ms. Hastings through the kitchen into the living room.
"Spencer's in her room."
Ms. Hastings pointed at the stairs with her hand and prepared to disappear again into one of the rooms, probably her own study. The woman moved so fast. Emily had better be quick or Ms. Hastings would leave before she even found her voice to speak a word.
"I actually wanted to talk to you, Ms. Hastings." Her voice came out a little weak, but firm enough to not sound as the scared child she was now. "It'll only take a moment."
Ms. Hastings stopped walking away and turned around to look at Emily with curiosity. Emily was a little afraid to see disdain or contempt in her after she'd watched her in such a disgraced state yesterday night, but she could only distinguish that very slight touch of curiosity that indicated she might be interested in whatever Emily had to say, but not as much as to spend a lot of time listening to a lengthy explanation. She probably had a lot to do. In fact, Emily hoped she was preparing for Spencer's hearing. Whatever the case, Emily would need to be direct and forward before the woman decided to slip from the living room, leaving her with an open mouth and a mind full of excuses.
Ms. Hastings didn't sit on the couch or on a chair. She just stood a little rigidly and prepared herself to listen.
"Call me Veronica, Emily", she advised. It wasn't the first time she'd said this, but Emily kept making the mistake from time to time. "How are you feeling today?"
Here was the first direct allusion to the drunkenness of the last night, and Emily blushed a little at the mere mention of it.
"Much better, thank you", Emily responded, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room too. "That's more or less the reason I wanted to talk to you."
Apparently, Ms. Hastings noticed they were both a little awkward because she smiled at Emily and started moving towards the kitchen with an inviting gesture.
"Let's go to the kitchen", she said while Emily followed. "I'll have a coke. Would you like one?"
Emily agreed to have one, if only to start the conversation politely. Back in the kitchen, she took a sip of her coke and decided to speak right after Veronica Hastings turned around to face her in expectation, but her voice didn't easily work and the words got confused and mixed up in her tongue.
"Tell me", Veronica Hastings straightforwardly invited her to speak, noticing her confusion.
"I really want to apologize for what happened yesterday night", Emily started, her voice wavering a little after she'd managed to order the sentence in her head. "I'm very sorry about it. It shouldn't have happened. But I also want to thank you for taking me in despite all, and for…" Here she trailed off and hesitated, trying to find the correct expression. "For not telling my mother."
She didn't want to make it sound as if that was the most important thing. She was actually very sorry not only because she'd gotten drunk but mainly because she'd been seen by Spencer's mother. And by Caleb. Oh, no, but Spencer's mother was worse, much worse. It was awful. It was terrible. It was a disaster, and that was why she was here.
Veronica Hastings smiled again at her, but sent her a cutting look that was very similar to those her daughter was an expert in offering to people when she wanted to impress them.
"I appreciate your apologizing to me, Emily", Ms. Hastings answered slowly. "I actually didn't expect less of you. It shows you're both brave and responsible and that's how I always thought you were."
Emily nodded, swallowing: she knew the message behind Ms. Hastings' words was directed at those other things she didn't expect from or thought of her, like the fact that she might become an alcoholic mess who'd appear at her home in the middle of the night.
Ms. Hastings left her glass of coke on the counter, her eyes not leaving Emily's face.
"I know I made a very bad decision", Emily extended her apology. "It was totally foolish of me."
"Spencer told me about that, yes", Ms. Hastings cut in, and Emily inwardly thanked her because that kept her from giving excuses that should confine to Spencer's story. She talked as if she believed Spencer out of convenience and not exactly because Spencer had told the whole truth. "And as much as I appreciate the fact that you were trying to help Spencer, I think you both should stop trying to do things that are not suitable for your age and that won't really help you stay focused on your real obligations, and let the adults take care of those other things."
Emily nodded again. If only Ms. Hastings knew half the things that were happening in Rosewood, perhaps she wouldn't be so harsh on them. But she couldn't know, and neither Spencer nor Emily could tell her. Besides, it wasn't as if Ms. Hastings had actually taken care of those other things back when Ian was trying to murder her daughter; her other daughter.
"Yes, I know." Emily tried to look as truly apologetic, brave and responsible as she could. "And I promise it won't happen again."
This time it was Ms. Hastings who nodded in acceptance.
"We like you, Emily", she asserted, her tone less sharp now. "I hope you know that. You've always been a really nice girl and we like having you around."
Emily offered her trademark sweet-and-polished smile. "I do know, Ms… Veronica. I've always liked being around here too."
She'd always liked being around Spencer, so that worked as well, right?
"I hope you don't do anything similar in the future, though, because if you do I will have to tell your mother." There came the warning that somehow Emily was still expecting. "You understand I have to tell you this."
"Yes, I know", Emily repeated. "And, as I said, I'm very sorry I caused so much trouble. But, really, it won't happen again."
And she was absolutely serious about this one. Whatever A did again to push her, to force her to do anything against Spencer, Hanna or Aria, but especially against Spencer, she would never again resort to alcohol either to encourage herself or to shut herself down. Never. That was clear and definite for her in the future. She'd rather do anything else than that. It'd been an epic fail: first, because it hadn't helped her carry her decision through; she hadn't really been able to pursue either a good-looking, harmless boy or a girl who'd be susceptible to her charms, or even to get Samara in motion; then, she hadn't even forgotten about it, which was her only hope after becoming so wasted; she remembered every awful, miserable thing about the night. Worse than that, Spencer was still in a difficult position. Every consequence had been bad, except for that one consequence she shouldn't start thinking about while she was still looking at Veronica Hastings' face. Although that one was the only thing that was good about last night, still – it shouldn't have happened like that. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. It was supposed to happen when Spencer's parents were not in the house. But it had happened. It had happened, and she felt a rush of heat creep up to her face when the thought slowly cut its way through every negative thing that was making her feel apologetic and responsible, obnoxiously lightening her heart and her head.
Yes, she was the thief in the night.
It made her feel ashamed, but happy at the same time. It was worth it.
She knew she wouldn't control herself the moment Spencer mentioned a make-up kiss. There was no human way to control that even if she'd been sober, which she wasn't; she wasn't sober, she was still so drunk, and that made her loss of control so much easier. Every principle, limit and rule was completely left aside for future consideration. She totally went for it in every way and with every inch of her body, regardless of everything that wasn't Spencer on the bed. The fact that it'd been so easy did cause a commotion in her moral system of values, but not as much as to really, really regret it. She couldn't really regret something like that. It'd been too good to regret it, to penalize it, to think of it as something that was wrong or that shouldn't have happened. It was right. It was more than right. It was so freaking awesome and it just had to be repeated (without alcohol). Ironically enough, she'd started the night thinking she'd lose Spencer, at least until the course of their love was somehow restored; thinking of that experience in Texas, thinking it'd be the only one to cherish if they were forced to break up. But by the end of the night she'd gotten so much out of a bedroom she couldn't still believe it. Somehow she'd become the queen of inappropriateness and audacity without actually trying. Apparently, that was what happened when you were in love and, therefore, sexual about it. There was no caution in her once she reached that level, and she felt strangely happy about it, mainly because Spencer seemed to enjoy it as well. Perhaps they were both crazy people, perhaps they just had too many hormones flying around wild and free. Perhaps it was both.
Whatever the reason, she tried to focus on Ms. Hastings' face.
"It's good to see you're so clear about it", Ms. Hastings said. "You girls should be enjoying the summer and preparing for the year to come. It's a really important year. Are you finally settled on Danby?"
Emily inwardly thanked her dark skin, which somehow masked her increasing blush.
"Yeah, probably", she answered, remembering that other lie she had to keep up to. "If I finally get the scholarship."
"You should definitely try other colleges too, Emily", Ms. Hastings advised. "Danby is good, but there are others which are also good. Spencer's always talking about how you should try Princeton with her as well."
She was? Well, she'd never said anything of the sort to Emily.
"Really?" Emily echoed the surprise in her mind. "Well, Princeton might be a little too much for me, but I definitely see Spencer there."
"She should work harder too", Ms. Hastings warned. "But with your swimming, Emily, you shouldn't rule out any good schools, you know. And you've got good grades too. Just give it some thought and work really hard this year so you don't lose any chance to get the best you can get out of it."
Emily gave yet another firm, serious nod. In a sense, the Hastings passion about reaching outstanding goals and acquiring perfection was also invading her existence. She was Spencer's girlfriend, so she guessed it made sense. But it felt weird for her. She'd always been moderately ambitious about her academic possibilities, and was well aware of her limits. She'd always cared about being good in whatever she did, but not about being the best.
She already had a lot of trouble with that Danby fake letter, anyway.
"So, Emily", Ms. Hastings started to close off the conversation, "you can go now upstairs to say hello to Spencer, if you want."
"Yeah", Emily agreed. "I have to be home for dinner, but I'll go up say hi."
Ms. Hastings started to leave the kitchen, already in a hurry, when Emily suddenly felt rushed to ask her a question.
"Veronica", she called after her, remembering to use the first name in time. Ms Hastings turned around again, a little confused. "Sorry. I just… Will Spencer be all right? With the hearing and all that's coming?"
It was probably a stupid question, taking into account that Ms. Hastings didn't know about the bloody hockey stick yet. They hadn't had any news from A during the day, ever since she got that text in the morning.
Ms. Hastings stood at the threshold and her eyes cut through Emily's body like a chainsaw.
"Don't worry about that, Emily."
She sent her a sympathetic, yet distant look. It was the kind of look you send to a child when you want to calm her down also to show that it's none of her business. Then she left the kitchen and disappeared into the house. Ms. Hastings was a well-known lawyer, acute and sharp, but she didn't know either about A or about the hockey stick. It might be true that this wasn't Emily's business, because she was no lawyer and no doctor and no policewoman and not even good enough at seducing a nobody; but at the same time it was her business. It was Spencer, and everything about Spencer was now her business. She'd been thrown the poisoned apple to save Spencer from jail, and she had become intoxicated with it instead of actually saving her; now she wondered about what was going to happen to Spencer, to both of them. Because she still couldn't deal with the idea that Spencer might go to jail. She couldn't, no matter what Spencer said about eventually getting out, about being in love as opposed to being free, about having sex before being imprisoned, about all those things they had talked about yesterday night.
Spencer couldn't go to jail.
Spencer was destined to really big, important things and could not go to jail.
The light Emily felt in her heart grew dark and heavy with this thought.
Too small to try a shot at defending Spencer from everything that could happen, Emily entrusted herself to Ms. Hastings, the woman who'd just left the kitchen after giving her the impression that this was a world only adults could understand and deal with. Even though that was clearly a lie. Nobody could understand and deal with A, or else Dr. Sullivan would be alive. She sighed, and walked towards the stairs with the sigh still on her lips, praying for Veronica Hastings to actually be able to rock the legal system and crack every one of A's evil plans against Spencer.
She knocked and then opened the door, popping her head inside the room. Spencer was sitting on her bed, looking anxious, and immediately stood up when she saw Emily appear. She offered her a bright smile, which Emily instantly returned as she entered the room.
"Hey, how did it go?"
"Did you know I was downstairs?"
"I saw your car and I figured you wouldn't want me there", Spencer explained. "So how did it go?"
She spoke like a little girl wanting to know every detail.
"It went moderately well, I think", Emily answered, while she leaned against Spencer's study table. "I hope."
Spencer stood next to her. "Trust me, moderately well is very good when it comes to my parents. So it's good."
"Yeah." Emily offered a little smile. "I just came to say hi to you."
"Only hi?" Spencer leaned in and kissed Emily on the lips. "Hi then. And see ya."
Emily smiled wider and wrapped her arms around Spencer's waist. "I gotta be back for dinner. Hanna's mom's a little suspicious about the whole thing, so I'd better not push it."
"You already said hello", Spencer teased, breathing really close to Emily. "You're free to go now."
The immediate result was a kiss, longer and deeper than the mere hello-how-did-it-go one. When they separated, Emily kept breathing Spencer's breath.
"So do you ever talk to your mom about us going to Princeton?", Emily asked, out of curiosity.
"What? No." Spencer seemed surprised. But then she looked thoughtful. "I might've mentioned it a couple times. Why?"
"It's just that your mom mentioned it now, like I should try really hard to get into a really good college, and then she said you constantly talk about me going to Princeton with you."
"I don't constantly talk about it", Spencer said. "I just, you know how my parents are. So I just talk about getting into Princeton if I don't go to jail, and then I sort of imagine us going there together, so I don't have to travel long distance to Danby or to another college."
Emily smiled. "That's sweet." She was the one to kiss her on the lips this time. "We both know I'll never get into Princeton."
"Maybe I won't either, but you never know", Spencer winked. "So you're not staying for a while?"
"I can't", Emily pouted, "but I'd like to."
"Yeah, I bet you would."
Her sultry, raspy voice immediately lighted Emily's heart and whole body again. It was as if she was continuously torn between joy and anguish.
"I definitely would." She decided to give her most explicit agreement, and Spencer smiled brightly. "I'll try to spend the whole day with you tomorrow. Don't you wanna come have dinner with me and Hanna?"
"Didn't you just say Ms. Marin is kinda worn out with you?"
"It's more with Hanna, to tell the truth", Emily explained. "She took the fall, so I have to be there, since it's, you know, it's my fault really."
Spencer nodded. "Then it's better if I don't show up tonight."
Emily already expected that outcome, but she felt a little disappointed with it.
"I just asked your mom about the hearing", she decided to say. "She seems pretty sure nothing's gonna happen to you. But she doesn't know about the hockey stick."
"Nothing's come up yet", Spencer answered, separating a little to gain a better view of Emily's face. "Have you heard anything new from A?"
"Not since this morning." Emily frowned a little at Spencer. "And I'd tell you if I got another text. We have an agreement now."
"I was just checking."
Emily's frown slightly increased, which made Spencer raise her finger and press in order to dissipate it.
"Relax."
"Aren't you scared?", Emily asked. "You can tell me if you're scared, you know."
"I'm okay. I have the best lawyer."
Emily quietly observed Spencer's face for a couple of seconds. "You can tell me, Spencer."
"If I tell you", Spencer half teased, "you might just go running and disappear in the night to make out with some stranger."
Emily rolled her eyes. "That's not gonna happen anymore. Time's out, and we already talked about this."
"What's more important? That time's out or that we talked about it?"
Emily checked the correct answer in Spencer's test. "That we talked about it." Then she pulled Spencer closer, taking her by surprise. "You don't have to protect me from myself, you know."
"I'm not so sure", Spencer answered in a mock tone, but then she gave her a serious look. "I am a little scared, yeah. Well, I'm scared shitless, but I'm trying not to show and it'll help me if you play along."
Emily felt her heart sink at Spencer's confession, but she was right: if she wanted to help her, she had to play along instead of worrying her further. So she just swallowed her choked throaty knot and gave her a soft kiss on her crooked nose.
"Your mom scares the hell out of everybody. She's like you, but worse."
Spencer laughed, but feigned shock. "What do you mean she's like me? She's much worse." Then she pressed her forehead against Emily's. "Did she totally scare you?"
"Not totally", Emily admitted. "Almost totally."
"That's my girl. You don't get easily scared by a Hastings."
"But there's only one Hastings I can actually handle easily", Emily teased, and it was the truth.
"Oh, here we go again with the easy thing", Spencer playfully scolded. "And now you're actually proud of how you handle me, huh?"
"I'm pretty happy about it, yeah", Emily played along, holding Spencer's gaze. "Aren't you?"
The sexual undertone of the joke Spencer herself had more or less set in motion was suddenly too much to bear in light of the recent circumstances, so Emily finally gave in for another long kiss that lasted until the sound of a car's engine made Emily's heart jump. They were really close to the window in Spencer's room, so they both pulled away.
"It's my dad", Spencer said, peeking out of the window. "Apparently he's decided to come by tonight."
Emily caught a glimpse of the clock besides Spencer's bed. "I have to get going. I'm already late for dinner."
Her hand was grabbed when she was already moving away from the table.
"You'll call me later?"
"Yeah, after dinner. And after that", Emily joked, but in truth that was what she'd probably do anyway. "And then again after that."
Spencer accompanied her to the door, where she sort of cornered her before letting her out.
"Make sure you spend the day with me tomorrow. I wanna enjoy my last day of freedom."
Emily frowned again. "Stop that."
"I'm gonna use it as much as I need to."
She grinned, and Emily frowned more intensely before kissing her briefly.
"You should know you don't really need to use it."
They kissed again, this time more longingly, until Spencer decided to finally give Emily space to leave the room. She heard her walk down the stairs and say hello to her father, and finally, once she approached the window again, she saw Emily's fit, dark figure get into her car and drive away from her house.
