I got home and Alli offered to sleepover, as did Jenna.
"It'll be a girls' night!" Jenna smiled, clapping her hands in excitement.
"You need one." Alli stressed to me.
I shook my head. "I need to have some time alone. I don't know what'll happen now. I could end up going to court."
I pictured myself, not as a strong judge or attorney, but a poor victim, in front of the murderer of her beloved and her almost-rapist. I looked small and frail…and I knew I'd lose. There was no proof any of this had happened…or was there? Maybe Fitz was stupid and kept the gun…or he'd confess…or…maybe…he'd escape and try again to hurt me…or run away…
My thoughts drifted from good outcomes to detrimental ones.
I banged my head against my wall lightly and closed my eyes.
Thoughts that clouded my mind went blank…and the faces and memories of my friends flew by in rapid-motion.
From meeting and dancing with K.C, defending Connor against the Shep…when Jenna asked who was "off-limits" and said how cute K.C was…how Alli and I did everything together, to my parents filing for divorce…to Adam and Eli and I all laughing- with Adam draping his arms over Eli's and mine as well- as we had been holding hands…
All those thoughts flooded out until I was left only with thoughts of one thing, and one thing only.
Eli. How I met him, how I opened up to him about my parents fighting…I snapped open my eyes for a second and looked to my bed. I got up and got down on my stomach to reach under and grab a box marked, "Eli."
All the things that I couldn't exactly leave hanging around in my room for everyone to see was in there.
My purity ring was at the bottom, I knew that. A dead-hand shirt I'd slept in the weekend after his death- only about a week ago. His black, leather jacket, his story in that Gothic Tales comic…and then I found what I was looking for. His headphones. I took them out and toyed with them, with an absent-minded smile on my face as I passed it between my two hands. Everything still smelled of him too- all the stuff in the box. I took the headphones with me back to my resting place and put them on, just to cancel all the noises in the world.
"It's a noise-cancellation. Good for whenever your parents get out of hand…or when you need to ignore an English partner."
I didn't cry. I welcomed it for the first time in the past few days.
I smiled, even though my eyes were closed.
I didn't hear my mom creep in and look in- seeing me, in that peaceful position, and all of the Eli box stuff scattered on the floor.
She immediately left, like she was intruding on a secret moment.
I remembered him in a good light…mostly.
When he kissed me for the project, and then avoided me…when we finally started going out after the library kiss…Fitz…
I mentally clenched my fists, just thinking about it. Fitz almost killed Eli that night too. That has to count for something, right?
When I found out he was a hoarder, when I found out about Julia, when Fitz came back, when I left Eli after the crash…the memories went hay-wire and I couldn't control it anymore.
I ripped off the headphones and threw them to the side, panting. The pain was unbearable.
Then, I sunk into another world, the world where I visited Eli.
"Hey Blue Eyes." He had himself propped up with one arm, watching me awaken into this world as I fell asleep in the other.
"Hey." I sat up, my curls bouncing.
"What's wrong?" He sat up too, captivated by me.
"I confessed…to pretty much everything…but Fitz could still get off."
"Hey…hey…you still have time before the end of the month. About a week or so. It's gonna be okay."
"But it hasn't…not since you left." I snuggled into his chest, and his arms wrapped around me.
The warmth of him and the sun combined made my stomach flutter.
"You're about to get an answer that will change everything." he whispered.
"Eli? What are you talking about?"
Then the scenery changed and I was back in my room, my cell phone had a ton of missed messages and my home phone was ringing off the hook.
In my frenzy to reach it, I stumbled over the cardboard box and its contents and fell. I pulled myself up and grabbed up the phone.
"'Hello?" I asked nervously.
