AN: Thank you guys so much for all your reviews by the way they always make my day. I honestly wasn't sure if any one would like it but honestly I just write because I love it and it is one of the best therapies for me.
Stef and Lena found Callie sitting on the bench out back. Her legs were curled up to her chest. She sat there hugging them her head was resting on her knees and she was just staring across the yard. She hadn't looked up at them so they weren't sure if she really even knew they were there.
"I'm sorry for running out like that I know you guys really don't like when I do that but I just couldn't deal with that. I-I thought I could but I just.." She trailed off not finding the words for how she was exactly feeling. She still had yet to look at them but at least she had acknowledged them.
"You don't need to be sorry about not being able to deal with something love." Lena said as she sat next to the girl wrapping her arm around the girls shoulder. Even with the small amount of time the girl had been out here the cold had already set on her skin. Both mothers could see the goose bumps that had formed on her arms since she wasn't wearing a jacket. It was one of the coldest nights they had had so far.
"We are sorry that all of this happened like that. We were going to ask you if you wanted to be there for that conversation. Neither of us would have blamed you for not wanting to be there." Stef pulled a chair up to sit in front of the younger girl so she could see the girls face.
"I thought I could handle it. I would have said yes to be there for that conversation. I wanted to be there for Jude. He needs me to be there for him. How is he handling finding out about all of this. That I am a fraud" The two women shared a look silently communicating with one and other. Of course she would be more worried about Jude then her mental health.
"Love Jude will be fine. But its you we are worried about right now. How are you dealing with this?" Stef chose not to comment on her calling her self a fraud, that was a battle for another night
"I'm fine." She answered simply refusing to acknowledge that she honestly wasn't dealing with any of this well at all. Her mind kept attacking her. It kept telling her Jude would look at her differently now that he knew how screwed up she really was. He wasn't going to love her or look up to her any more like he used too. He was going to be so disappointed in her, and that was something she just couldn't take. She could handle her past foster parents telling her how weak and messed up she was but if Jude felt that way and finally believed that, it would absolutely kill her.
"Love.." Lena couldn't finish when the backdoor opened and all three sets of eyes turned to see Jude walking out into the backyard. He stopped in front of the three of them though he never took his eyes off of Callie.
"Can I talk to Callie please?" Stef sat there for a moment trying to get a read on how Callie was feeling. She could see the fear in the girls eyes but she knew Callie needed to hear what her younger brother had to say. She and Lena both knew he didn't think anything less of his older sister but Callie couldn't see that. Maybe hearing his say it would help her understand.
Sharing a look with Lena she nodded and stood patting Callie's knee trying to comfort the girl.
"If you need something we will be right inside cleaning up the kitchen." Lena said rubbing Callie's back trying her self to get the girl to calm down some. "Just don't stay out here to long neither of you are wearing a jacket and its cold out here." She said with a pointed look not wanting either of the siblings to get sick.
Jude took the spot Lena had just vacated sitting next to his sister not really sure where to start. He didn't really understand why she was so afraid to tell him about this. All he wanted was for his sister to be happy. She was always trying to make sure he was happy. She had sacrificed so much for him to be happy, he knew that. So many times she had taken a beating for him and took the blame for him so many times. She had been sent to juvie trying to protect him. She deserved to be happy.
"Callie.." He paused and looked at her waiting for her to meet his eyes. When she didn't he let out a frustrated sigh. Why wouldn't she look at him? What was she so afraid about?
"Callie Stef and Lena they kind of explained to me what was happening and I sort of understand it. Why are you so upset about me finding out?" He was watching her the entire time so he didn't miss the tear that rolled down her cheek even though she had tried so hard not to let it fall. She never let him see her cry, he never really understood that either. She had seen him cry on many occasions.
"I- Please talk to me Callie." The desperation in his voice was what finally shook Callie out of her shocked state.
"Jude I just I don't know what to say. I have been trying to deal with this on my own I just didn't want you to see me like this" She finally said after a few moments. Though she still refused to look at him. She was so sure he would have a look of disappointment on his face and she didn't want to face that yet.
"But why?" That question had been burning in his mind since Callie had left the dinner table and the mothers had explained to him what was going on with his sister.
He understood the panic attacks if anyone deserved to break down it was the person sitting next to him. The hell that she had endured through out the years warranted a breaking point. Sure he had been by her side though out it all but never once had he seen her break down. Every beating she had she took it with out breaking down. Every ugly thing any of their old foster parents had thrown at her she had taken on the chin and shrugged it off with out a second thought. The one time he had seen her really not be in control of her emotions was when their last foster father had found him in one of his wife's old dresses and hit him. She was in such a state of panic that she had let the situation get out of control by going after the mans car. That was when she ended up going to juvie and Jude had hated him self for that. If only he hadn't been in that dress none of that would have happened.
"I just didn't can we drop it please?" He could hear the raw emotion in his sisters voice it almost made him agree to drop it but he needed to know why she wouldn't tell him. They had made a pact to never keep secrets from each other and he wasn't about to let her break that promise to him.
"No no secrets remember? We promised that long ago and we aren't going to break that now. So why were you keeping this from me Callie?" He saw the hesitation in her eyes so he continued. "You don't need to protect me from this Callie. You can tell me."
"But I do need to protect you Jude. You don't need to see me like this. And I really don't want you to see me having a panic attack, I don't want to scare you. You have seen me go through so much and take it all like it was nothing. I'm supposed to be strong for you. And me having these stupid attacks is not being strong for you it is weak!"
"No Callie you don't need to protect me from it. You have protected me for so much and I don't know if I could ever thank you enough for that but this this is where I can be strong for you. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met Callie you always will be strong. This is not making you weak you are so far from weak I just wish you could see it." And he truly meant that, he really couldn't understand how she saw her self as weak. They grew up in the same housed went through everything together.
"You shouldn't have to be strong for me Jude. I am the older sibling it is my job to do that for you not the other way around that isn't how it works."
"No but I am your brother that's what siblings do they are there for each other through thick and thin. Isn't that what you always told me that mom said? That we need to be there for each other when she couldn't? And besides everyone needs someone to lean on, everyone has their breaking point and all I want is for you to let me.. Well all of us Stef, Lena all the rest of us to be there for you. So you can get better and become even stronger than you are now." He paused and turned towards her hoping she would get the hint to look at him and continued . "All I want is for you to be happy and once you get over all of this I think you really will be able to let yourself get there. We are finally safe here Callie you do not have to protect me from anything her. It is time you start to protect your self." Everything he had just said stuck in her mind. Since when did he become so wise and grown up?
Callie finally glanced over at him and caught his eyes. What she saw was not something she expected instead of fear and sadness all she saw was such love and such protectiveness a look she usually gave him when something was bothering him, that was when the dam broke inside her. He wasn't seeing her any differently just saw her nothing more nothing less. He didn't see her as weak like she had feared he didn't see how messed up she was like she saw. All he saw was that his older sister was hurting and just wanted to help her.. He wrapped his arms around her and for once she let her self break down in front of her little brother.
Stef and Lena had been watching the scene from the kitchen window. The moment they saw Callie start to break down Stef looked over at Lena and smiled sadly.
"Should we go help?" She asked knowing the answer already but she really didn't like seeing one of her children in a state like that. Lena looked back out the window seeing the two Jacobs siblings hugging each other and shook her head.
"No she needs this. They both need this" Both mothers knew this to be true. They could see it was already helping Callie even if the girl didn't truly see it yet. It was definitely a step in the right direction. The took one last look at the pair before turning away from the window to give the siblings some privacy.
AN 2: So I know Callie isn't really this fragile but to me I think it needed to happen.
