Penny was alone in her apartment blankly staring ahead at the television as she obsessively thought and re-thought over everything that the girls had said to her yesterday. She knew she had to let Leonard know how she felt, despite her reservations. She was scared… No, she was terrified. She had never been one to talk about her feelings, to put her heart and soul out in the open. It would leave her incredibly vulnerable and open to be hurt and there was every chance that she could bare her soul to Leonard and he could tell her it was too little, too late. And he had every right to. She had hurt him when she broke up with him, hurt him bad, and she knew it. Who was she to expect that he would just go running back into her arms, just because she was finally ready to be with him properly? He could throw it back in her face, and by rights, he should. She didn't even know what she was going to say, or how she was going to start. She didn't have a clue how she was going to tell him how she felt, but she knew it was something she had to do. If she didn't, she risked him falling in love with someone else, like he had with Priya. And she was certain that, if he did, that woman wouldn't let him go as easily as Priya had, and she will have lost him forever. Leonard was a brilliant man, and she knew that she and Priya had been foolish to let him go so easily. He was incredibly smart, beautifully sweet, and surprisingly handsome. He would do absolutely anything to make the people he cared about happy. He was unique and different to every other man she had met in her life, in the best way possible. She hated herself for letting him slip out of her grasp. He had given her his heart, and she had taken it from him, and then threw it out the window. She hated herself for that.
A single tear fell from Pennys face as she remembered the day they broke up. She had broken his heart, without even meaning to. She had made a rash decision in a time of complete confusion and she regretted it deeply from the moment she had done it. But she told herself they would be better off with other people. She convinced herself that he would be better with someone who could give him everything she was too afraid to give.
Penny took a deep breath, swallowing her tears, and decided that she wouldn't be scared anymore. She had spent too much of her life being scared of her feelings, and now was the time to overcome that fear. The fear of commitment, the fear of being brutally hurt by someone she loved, it all had to be stared in the face and charged at. She had to take a risk. She had to risk being hurt, for the chance to spend the rest of her life with someone she loved. She would have to give her heart to him, like he had to her, giving him the power to break it in half, but hoping that he would never do it, like she had to him.
Pennys heart began to thump and her stomach churned with anticipation. She had to do it now, before she lost her nerve. She got up off her sofa and began to pace around the apartment, talking to herself to psych herself up. She thought through a little of what she was going to say, but then decided to stop because it was making her more nervous. She walked over to her apartment door and stopped. This is it. I'm going to do it. She nodded as she stared at the door, willing herself to take those last few steps out of her apartment and over to Leonards.
Then, *Knock, Knock*. The sound startled her. She was confused for a second, so completely lost in her own thoughts that she didn't recognise the sound of her own door knocking.
*Knock, Knock*. She jumped again, and then shook her head and answered the door.
Her jaw dropped when she saw the man standing a few feet from her.
"James?" She said as if she didn't know who he was. She stared at him, wondering if she was just imagining him standing there. If she had had a million guesses she would never have guessed it was him that had knocked on her door.
"Hey, Penny. Can I come in?"
Penny looked at him in shock. Everything in her told her to shut the door in his face, but before she knew it she was slowly stepping backwards, allowing him to come in.
Leonard was sitting at his desk looking at his laptop, watching the line on his word document flash as he tried to remember what he was going to write. He knew it was something to do with the experiment he had done at work, but he couldn't remember what had happened. He knew his notes were somewhere around the apartment, but he usually didn't need them. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. His mind hadn't been focused today at work, and that was probably why he could barely remember what had happened. Thoughts of Penny plagued him all day.
Being at work was usually the one place he could go and he would forget all of his troubles. He could focus his mind on an experiment and for those few hours he was free of any sort of stress brought up by life at home, but not this time. The events of the day before stayed glued to his mind. He thought about the look she had given him when he was holding their picture and if it had meant anything. He wondered how she felt when she saw the picture of them at the wedding, and how she felt about what had happened that night. He still had no idea how she felt about anything that had happened over the past few weeks. He thought after he had apologised, that she had forgiven him, but her distance told him otherwise. For the past few weeks he would think things were getting better between them, but they never did. Penny constantly confused him. He just never knew what was going on in her mind, and he was sick of it.
And then, for the first time since it happened, Leonard let his mind wander back to the night of the wedding, the night when everything seemed so easy and so natural, yet was so wrong. He remembered her telling him that she missed him, and in his mind he had agreed. He remembered her resting her feet on his legs, and how she had tried to move them but he wouldn't let her. He had liked having her so close to him again and feeling the touch of her body against his. He remembered her eyes, her big, beautiful green eyes and the passion and need that flooded them. He wondered if she had really missed him that night, if she felt what he had felt when they kissed, or if she was just horny. Maybe it was just like the other drunken night when she had come to his room and all she wanted from him was the sex, nothing more.
But he could have sworn he saw something in her that night, something more than just lust, but he didn't really know. He never knew. He always had to guess when it came to Penny and her feelings. He never knew. She would never let herself go, she would always hide her feelings from him and it was so frustrating. He wanted to know how she felt about him, he needed to know. He may not even be clear about his own feelings for her, but for once in his life, he wanted to know what she was thinking. He wanted to know where their friendship, or whatever it was, was standing. He decided that now was as good a time as ever.
Leonard put his glasses back on, shut down the laptop and headed out of his apartment and over to Pennys. He stopped when he reached her front door and took a deep breath. He thought about turning back. He was stressed and tired and he would no doubt say something that he didn't mean to say because of that. But he knew he couldn't turn back into his apartment because if he did, he would still be riddled with thoughts of her. He had to figure out what was going on between them, for his own sanity. Leonard summoned the courage and banged on her door.
Penny opened the door to Leonard and a slight look of panic covered her face. She hadn't expected him to show up, and now was definitely not a good time.
"Penny, we need to talk." Leonard said with a harshness that neither of them had been expecting.
Penny shook her head, "Leonard, now isn't a good time, can we talk later?" She pleaded. She had hoped he hadn't heard the desperation of it, but he had and he was confused. She seen him frown and angle his head so he could see in her apartment and his face fell as he saw James, standing at her kitchen counter. Leonard looked at her in disbelief. Penny felt sick. She had hoped he wouldn't see him because she knew what he would think. But it wasn't what it looked like, he had come over to apologise and she was in the middle of telling him to get lost.
Leonard didn't see it that way, he simply saw her ex in the apartment and he assumed they had gotten back together. He shook his head as he looked at her. How could he believe that this girl cared about him at all when she could take back a complete idiot like James? How could she be back with a guy like him after what he had done to her?! Fury built up inside of him, fury and hurt.
Penny saw the hurt in his eyes. She couldn't believe this had happened. She spoke quickly, hoping that he wouldn't jump to conclusions and assume the worst. "It's not what it looks like." She said, immediately remembering that the last time she had said that, she had just come out of his room with Raj.
Leonard frowned at her, anger built up inside of him. He tried to contain it but failed miserably. "Really Penny? Because what it looks like, is you have gotten back together with another one of your dumb exes. Why am I even surprised?! You do this all the time! When are you going to realise that none of these assholes care one bit about you!" He shouted and then turned and walked off.
"No, Leonard wait, it's really not what it looks like!" She shouted back. Penny went to follow him downstairs, but quickly remembered that James was still in her apartment and she definitely wasn't leaving him there. She turned around and looked at James. He was still standing at the kitchen with a smug grin on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but Penny cut him off. "Get the fuck out of here!" She yelled. "I told you, we are done! I don't care what happened between you and your girlfriend, you mean absolutely nothing to me, now LEAVE!"
James smiled, "You are so cute when you're angry babe. Come on, calm down. We can work this out, we were good together." He said casually as he walked towards her. "You know we were. Just ignore that little nerd, he doesn't know what he's talking about. How about we head out, get something to eat then go dancing or something?"
Penny glared at him as he walked towards her. "Don't call me babe, I'm not you're babe" She spat.
"Damn, that little hobbit guy really got you riled up huh?" He laughed then took a hold of her hand and leaned in to kiss her.
Penny felt the fury inside her build. She clenched her fist, gathered all her strength and punched him straight in the jaw. She felt a slight stab on her knuckle as it hit one of his teeth, but the pain was gone within a few seconds as her adrenaline kicked in.
He was doubled over in shock and pain. "What the hell!" He shouted as he held his bloodied mouth.
"Don't come here ever again! We are done!" She said as she pushed him out of her apartment, "And by the way, that 'little hobbit guy' is twice the man you will ever be!" She yelled as she slammed the door in his face.
Penny stared at the door once again as she caught her breath. She searched her mind for what she should do next, as the adrenaline pumped through her body. She stood there for longer than she had thought. Leonard! I need to find Leonard. She quickly opened the door and headed over to his apartment, hoping that he had gone home. She barged into their apartment and shouted his name. Sheldon frowned at her.
"Leonard's not here."
"Where is he?!" She yelled.
Sheldon hadn't expected the anger and desperation in her voice. "I don't know."
Penny scoffed loudly, left their apartment and began to run frantically down the stairs, passing her blood stained ex as she ran. She knew he could be anywhere by now, but she hoped that he was on foot because maybe then she could catch up to him. There was no chance she would be able to find him if he had taken his car because by now he could be literally anywhere! Well not anywhere. He has only been gone about five minutes so there's only so far he could have went, depending on how fast he was driving and how much traffic there is. Penny stopped in her tracks, confused at her own thought process. She had never thought anything like that in her life. It was something one of the guys would say. She smiled a little as she realised just how much those guys had gotten into her head, without her even realising it. Quickly, she shook herself out of her little daydream and thought back to the problem at hand; she had to find Leonard. She ran down the last few steps and out into the street, searching for his car. Her heart sunk when she realised it was gone, and so was he.
Penny immediately ran back up the stairs, once again pushing past her ex as she ran. She passed her apartment and headed up to the roof. She didn't know what she was looking for when she got up there. She knew Leonard wouldn't be there, she had seen him head down the stairs, not up, and his car was gone so he was definitely not on the roof, but still she went up there. She told herself that maybe she would be able to see him or his car from the roof, but in reality she just had too much energy coursing through her body that she had to do something with. When she reached the top and he wasn't there, even though she knew that he wouldn't be, the disappointment stabbed at her chest and she had to stop herself from breaking down in tears.
Penny took a deep breath and ran back down the stairs. Maybe he was home now. She reached Leonards apartment once again and ran in the door. Sheldon was still sitting in his spot watching television and once again frowned at her when she walked in. "Is Leonard home yet?"
Sheldon huffed. "No."
Penny let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding and slowly walked out the apartment, closing the door behind her. She stood with her back against the door and slowly slid down, letting the tears fall with her. She sat on the floor with her back rested against the door and her legs stretched out in front of her and sobbed hysterically.
A few seconds passed and the door opened, making her fall to the floor as it moved. She looked up and saw Sheldon standing over her.
"Penny, why are you sitting out in the hallway?"
Penny growled, sat up and shuffled to sit with her back to the wall outside the door. "I'm waiting on Leonard coming home."
Sheldon looked at her for a second and then into his apartment. "Do you want to wait inside?"
Penny didn't speak, she simply shook her head. She didn't want to go inside. She was going to wait there so that she would see him the moment he returned. Sheldon eventually shrugged, and turned back into his apartment shutting the door behind him. Penny closed her eyes and cried, as she waited on Leonard to return.
