DISCLAIMER: MaiHime and MaiOtome are Sunrise property, fini. The song that inspired this was written by Wayne Hector and Steve Mac and performed by O-town.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Feeling better now that my inner child has played quite a bit and gotten my Sei Satou fix, yup really love that girl…
All or Nothing
I can't believe I'm back here again with this girl. In her room, on her bed, buried between her legs or at least I was until…I had to give in. We definitely are more than friends now. At first this was all we shared, these moments in each other's embrace reaching for something we both needed. This time around though, the intimacy has been completely a shared union. In the past three months, I've come here four times, still waiting and hoping for someone else.
With her inside me, pleasuring me without any awkwardness, I'm letting go and moving on. It's not that I've given up hope. I'm giving in to fulfilling my needs and desires for a change. Every other time I've left her room feeling hollow and incomplete, walking away in the shadows, not waiting for first light. Not anymore, from now on it's all or nothing for both of us.
Earlier this morning I sent her a text message asking for her company. I really was surprised to get her 'now or never' reply. Even though it's a day off, people are milling about campus because the weathers decent, so yeah I'm really surprised. As I was getting dressed, she had sent another text that shattered my expectations. I had to sit down and read it over again because the words had finality to them.
No more halfway, all or nothing. Want and need more than this.
After the fourth read through, I turned off my cell phone and left it on my bed. While I finished getting dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror and made a choice. Our first two encounters, I held her off with my words knowing she would understand. Our third encounter, I played dominant with her and kept all of her touches off-limits. It was our fourth encounter, when she asked me to lay with her that brought about this change. Of all the things she could have asked me, her only question was, "Why are you afraid of my touch?"
I didn't answer right away because the words were trapped in my throat. I wanted so badly to yell, scream, or even cry, but no words would leave my mouth. I sat on the edge of her bed with my head down and body shaking. She came up behind me and embraced me, staying just like that for an eternal moment that I still can't seem to shake. I kissed her hand before she pulled away and gestured for me to lay with her. I had still left before morning's first light but for a few hours I slept in her arms, quiet and safe from the truth beyond the door.
So here we are now, middle of the afternoon, enjoying each other's touch, scent and taste. She had greeted me with open arms in the doorway and kissed me hard, before allowing me access to her room. Inside though, she had pushed me onto the small sofa and we spent the next two hours talking. She had taken off the kid gloves and it was quite clear to me that we were no longer playing a one-sided game. In those two hours, not a single word of intimacy was spoken. It was all truth, to share her bed, have her body; I had to be open and willing to give of my own in return.
Earlier she had stopped me from bringing her to climax; she wanted to be the one to bring me there first. Between the smell of our bodies, soaked with sweat from our intimacy, her hungry kisses on my neck, throat and chest and the feeling of her repeated penetration and withdrawal I am aware of that very moment. She is holding my hand above my head, while the other has twisted itself in the now loosened bed sheet, muscles taut as my body and mind explode with a scream so primal.
I am vaguely aware of her kisses and her hand, now running through my hair, as she lies beside me. Her voice soft and comforting as my body and brain become aware of each other and her. Shaken and spent I bring my hands to my face, her scent so heavy and yet so calming as chills spread throughout my body. She reaches to the floor and retrieves the covers for us as the room now seems quite colder.
Though my body is still shaking, her closeness is warming me once more. With her head lay gently on my shoulder, she kisses me and whispers 'sleep now, talk later'. The sun is just slowly fading outside but that doesn't matter right now. Before I close my eyes to the world, I look beyond her to our glasses on the nightstand wrapped together from our earlier disregard of them. It's an odd yet comforting last sight as I kiss her head and close my eyes.
