Slightly shorter update but once my exams are done I'll be back coming at you frequently! Thanks for not giving up on me, guys!

11

By now, Leia was used to being looked at. As a princess, her moves were deliberate and layered with political significance. As one of the few women in the rebellion, she could feel eyes constantly tracking her with skepticism and, yes, sometimes desire – although she knew the desire was more projection than anything else, Leia a stand-in for the woman waiting for them they really wanted. And this past month, when she'd been visibly – in a situation, she could practically feel people jumping out of her way before she could even see them, then staring at her once they thought she couldn't see.

None of that felt quite like this.

Both of them were decently hungry, so they'd decided to head down to mess; she didn't have the heart to tell him she often avoided it because she felt so alienated and looked at, sitting alone. And though he seemed a little surprised by it, Leia had immediately taken his hand as they walked down the halls. When he'd raised his eyebrows, she'd said wryly, "You forgot that everyone already knows that the smuggler got the princess, in the end."

"Yeah, well. Since I got you, wouldn't mind havin' you again."

"My schedule is very clear these days," she said casually. "If you'll pardon that everything isn't quite how you left it."

He shook his head, as if disbelieving. "Said it before and I'll say it again. You look good, sweetheart."

"I look like yours," she corrected wryly.

"Nah. You look––"

"Glowing?" she teased.

"Healthy. And uh. Y'know. You uh…" He rubbed the back of his neck with a crooked smile and made an ambiguous gesture.

"Would you believe it's actually easier to find a brassiere now? Because I finally have breasts to speak of."

"Oh, they were spoken of before. Don't worry, sweetheart."

"Charming," she said, but she was smiling. Finally they walked past some people, and true to form they stared – but Leia just squeezed his hand tighter and tipped up her chin almost triumphantly.

"You know, there was a time when you didn't wanna be seen as having been alone with me," he said, grinning and lopping an arm around her.

"Yes, well. We've obviously been alone together," she quipped, but then surprised him again by pausing to kiss him, full on, in the middle of the hallway.

"I love you," he muttered, grinning enormously when she pulled away.

"Would you say it just a bit louder?" she teased. "The whole galaxy seems to think you cut your losses and ran, so…"

"'Scuse me?"

"Because once you got what you wanted, why hang around with such a frigid shrew, right?" she said casually, rolling her eyes.

"No one fuckin' dared––"

"Not to my face, but I heard rumors. It wasn't judgement on you, Han – it was about me, I'm sure. How insufferable…"

"So now you wanna make sure everyone knows you've got me wrapped around your finger, huh?" he muttered.

"I don't want anyone to think I'm ashamed to be with you. Or, yes, I suppose, to think I'm so unlovable that my boyfriend would swan dive into carbonite to avoid a pregnancy."

"Your boyfriend, huh?"

There Leia flushed, really flushed. "I don't know. I'm sorry, that sounds – trivial, or…"

As they stepped into the mess hall, both very away of all of the eyes on them and the whispering, Han said casually, "Dunno, my puking self was pretty intent on making you my wife."

"Please don't be embarrassed – I know you were just ill."

"Nope, s'not it," he continued, all Solo ease, filling his tray. "F'I was gonna have a kid I'd want to marry you now. F'you really wanna go through with – whatever this is you think you wanna go through with – I'll just – dunno, marry you later."

"It's not a think, Han," she admonished lightly, but she still smiled.

"Yeah," he muttered, shaking his head, "Whatever."

"Han..." she said, and when they finished filling their trays she grabbed his hand once more. It was like she couldn't stop touching him – every time she looked at him, she felt a little warmer, like she needed to be a little closer, like he was radiating heat.

"Where you wanna sit, sweetheart?"

"I would like to sit," she said, looking up at him – handsome, rugged, frowning and squinting at the hall before them, unimpressed by everything and looking so cool, "wherever you are sitting."

"One of those babymaking hormones also make you a sap, sweetheart?" he muttered, giving her a crooked half-smile.

"Something like that," she said, leaning against him a bit, as if to get some of that heat. "Anyway. I normally sit alone."

"'Course you do," he muttered, rolling his eyes as they sat down in her usual private spot.

"What's that supposed to mean, Captain?"

"Always so certain no one wants you around that you cut yourself off from everyone."

"I don't know," Leia said, picking at her food. "Much like after Alderaan, I think people just look at me and feel – sad."

"Well. I sure as hell don't," he insisted, digging into his food. "Ugh. Same old crap six months later, huh?"

"Worse, really," she said, giving a half smile. "Oh, actually – Han, if you could try to eat – tha-at, yes – as quickly as possible – I'm sorry, I should've told you, the smell – I can't do any cooked green things right now…"

He widened his eyes a tad, but casually got up and scraped the offending item into the trash. When he returned, he shook his head.

"What?" she asked.

"You're just – fuck, you really are pregnant, sweetheart."

"I am. I really am."

"Fuck," he said again, ducking his head and shaking it. "Well, alright – now I've got an excuse to nag you, right? Go on, go an' – eat for two, whatever."

"You're unbelievable," she murmured, but she was smiling a bit in spite of herself, and she did eat. It was almost like – gods – it was almost like some weird domestic fantasy, plopped right in the middle of the war. Talking and laughing and squeezing his hand, she was able to ignore the whispering and pointing. Even though she could tell that he could not. He would grin at her, tease her, even reach out and tuck loose hair into her braids, but he was also looking around, glancing behind her head and nodding when he saw someone he recognized, trying to gauge how folks were treating her.

"Hey," he said suddenly when they walked back to her place, clearing his throat and leaning back, rubbing the back of the neck. "They uh. They in here? They around?"

"What?"

"They – Stella an' – what's the guy's name – the, you know, the folks you wanna give the baby to," he said distractedly.

"Oh," she said, nodding slowly. "Stella and Lou – yes, wellI haven't met them in person, so I wouldn't know, but they have their own little apartment because they're a couple, and Lou is high ranking, so I can't imagine they still eat in mess. And – ah, they're both women, Han."

His surprised, slight nod was unreadable, something kind of like – well, that's something at least. Right – because they wouldn't have a child on their own, because he knew she was bi, although maybe that would be threatening in its own way... And maybe – well, would it be somehow emasculating, possibly, to give another man his own…? No, she couldn't think about this.

"You gonna meet 'em?"

"I think so." For some reason, her heart was pounding anxiously. He was mad at her now, wasn't he? "I'd like for you to come with me," she blurted out. "When I do."

He nodded thoughtfully, still kind of looking off into space. "Whatever you want."

"Han. Come back to me?" she said, palming them into the door and touching his face so he'd look at her. "Han – you know I can't possibly take care of a child right now."

"I'm just tryna wrap my head around everything, alright," he said evasively. "Look, I'm gonna support you – fuck, Leia, I wanna – I wish I could just…. I feel like such a fuckin'."

Get me that abortion a few months ago? "I know," she promised, resting her hand on his chest.

He shook his head harshly. "You know what I feel like? Honestly, babe? I feel like I ruined your whole life." He gave a harsh laugh, rubbing the back of his neck again. "I feel like I ruined your whole goddamn life."

"You did not ruin my life," she said seriously, setting her other palm on his chest as well. "You have in fact helped save my life on numerous occasions."

He gave another harsh laugh, shaking his head again, almost jerking it, clearly actually – upset, shaken up, she'd only seen him like that once or twice. "You're fuckin' miserable. You don't want this. They're not lettin' you do the work you gave your whole life for. Just… Leia," he practically groaned out, his voice husky and horrified.

"It isn't how I would've planned things," she said delicately, "but if it's a byproduct of having gotten to be with you, I don't regret it."

"Yeah, alright," he sort of scoffed, his throat almost tight.

"I did have a very good time in the 'fresher," she murmured. "For what it's worth."

He shook his head, all You're unbelievable, Princess.

"And in the cockpit… in Cloud City, as well…"

"Yeah alright, Leia. I think m'damn good in bed but not that good to be worth all this."

"I don't know," she said, delicate. "I think the 'fresher was the first time you did that one thing that I ultimately enjoyed, so…"

There was his smug smile, albeit accompanied by a snort. "Yeah, but that's not what got you pregnant, baby."

"How did that go again?"

He was smiling fully now, woolfishly, accepting her invitation of Let it go, ignore it for now, can we talk about it later. "Gettin' you pregnant or gettin' you off otherwise?"

"Either. Both."

"Hmm…"

"I mean I've been relying on merely memory for months now, so…"

"You've been tryin' to remember, huh?"

"If you think I haven't orgasmed in six months then you are severely misinformed on pregnancy hormones and their effects..."

"You're fuckin' unreal," he mumbled, kissing her neck. "L'see if we can remember, huh?"

"I only wish," she murmured, moaning softly, "that I looked a bit more," another moan, "like I did…" and another, "back then." He pulled away, and she looked up at him as he gripped her upper arms seriously. "So it would be easier to imagine we were there," she finished, licking her lips and frowning.

"How many times do I gotta tell you I like the way you look, huh?" he said, his voice low.

"You like the way my breasts look, and the surprise is they're so sensitive it's not even––"

"S'not your breasts," he said in that same low voice, then laughed a little, almost as an afterthought. "Though I mean, they are…"

"Han."

"You look. Listen – s'might not be… don't get mad at me alright but damn sweetheart. Y'look like you're mine."

She kissed him hard. (She didn't get mad.)

#

In the next chapter we'll go back to having other characters – I just wanted to get them to a real much-deserved reunion. As always: review, review, review! Even/especially if you've been following along and haven't said anything until now. Even the smallest, shortest notes really do motivate me to write faster!