Eleven
Olivia moaned, slowly coming out of a deep slumber, and further buried herself under the plush, down comforter. The room was dark, being it was pushing six at night. She had greatly underestimated just how comfortable Trevor's apartment was going to be. In fact, when she found how he was putting an entirely new bed and bedding set in the master suite for them, it made her even more hesitant. But he had spared no cost because for once, Olivia Benson-Tucker did not want to leave the bed; mainly because it was so comfortable, but also because she was slightly afraid if she moved she would get sick again. She was about to close her eyes when the light sound of footsteps running down the hallway got her attention.
"Maybe I'm still dreaming," she mumbled to herself as she slowly sat herself up, steadying her body against the wave of dizziness. Once it passed, she padded into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. "Gross," she said, looking the mirror at her pale skin. She quickly re-did her messy ponytail, gargled some mouthwash, and grabbed her sweatshirt to throw on before heading out into the living room, still assuming she had just made up the sound of children's feet running. As she neared the door, she heard what she thought was Christmas music and some soft giggling. It sounded like Lizzie, but she quickly shook herself out of the thought.
"Damn, I'm really missing my babies," she thought to herself as she took a deep breath and prepared to be disappointed at the empty living room.
Except she wasn't.
"Oh my god," she whispered, frozen in place as the view of Trevor's large Manhattan living room came into view from where she stood. Trevor was stretched, trying to string lights on the top of what had to be an eight foot Christmas tree. Ed was holding Lizzie up, so she could hang an ornament on the branch she chose. Noah was wrapping himself in tinsel, and Charlie was on the floor unwrapping some of their breakable ornaments and laughing at her brother.
All four of them, Ed included, were dressed in green and white striped elf pajamas that Olivia and Charlie had picked out a few weeks ago. Deck the Halls, the Chipmunk version, was playing the background and Noah would gleefully join the fa-la-la-la-las when the time came, giggling to himself as he continued to make himself into a tinsel mummy.
He was the first one to notice Olivia standing there.
"MOMMY!" he yelled, trying to shimmy out of his self-made costume. Charlie, still laughing at her brother, finally helped him unravel and Noah took off to his mother.
"Hi, sweet boy," she cooed, dropping to her knees and absorbing his hug, knowing she probably couldn't lift him up without a dizzy spell. "Oh I'm so happy to see you," she said, her eyes closing as she felt her son try to wrap himself around her body. "So, so happy."
"Merry Christmas, Mommy," Noah whispered, face buried in her neck. It almost brought Olivia to tears.
"Merry Christmas, Noah," she whispered back, "my precious Noah…"
Ed, Trevor, and Charlie looked on at the scene, all three feeling the immense relief at the fact they were finally all together for the holiday. Lizzie, spotting Olivia, soon squirmed to get down from Ed's grasp.
"Ollie!" she shrieked, hand flying around and feet kicking.
"Okay, kiddo," Ed exclaimed, setting her on her feet and watching her take off, much like Noah had, to his wife. Olivia reached one arm out, taking a much less heavy, but no less enthusiastic granddaughter into her arms. Sitting back on the rug in the middle of the hallway, Olivia pulled both of the young kids into her lap and rocked back and forth, whispering her love to them. After a few minutes, Olivia finally looked up, catching the eyes of her husband, and she offered him a teary, but happy smile.
"Thank you," she said, her voice full of emotion but also gratefulness. "Thank you…"
Ed just smiled, unable to speak due to his own emotion, but he nodded his head towards Trevor. Olivia picked up on the clue and stood up, walking into the living room with Noah and Lizzie running ahead, eager to get back to their decorating. She went straight up to Trevor and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, before pulling back and looking around at the full living room.
"Thank you," she said to him. "This…this means everything…"
"It was a no brainer," Trevor said simply, "and I had a lotta help."
Charlie groaned, getting up off the floor and gathering up the glasses. "Who wants a refill?"
Everyone nodded, and she looked at Olivia.
"Want some tea? Sprite? I brought Cranberry Sierra Mist, for something holiday-ish?"
"Oh, that sounds good," Olivia said, her eyes brightening as she smiled at her daughter. "Need some help?"
"Nope," Charlie declined with a wink. "You stay here…supervise these crazies. I'll be right back."
Listening to the chatter of her family, Charlie smiled as she fixed everyone their desired drinks, humming along softly to herself with the tunes that played in the background. Before setting off back into the living room, she downed a quick shot of the bourbon from on top of the fridge, shook her head, and picked up the wooden tray of drinks.
"Thanks, sweet girl," Olivia cooed, taking a sip of the flavored soda. "This…this is really good," she said, almost surprised that she was enjoying it. Once everyone had their drinks, Olivia reached for Charlie's hand and pulled her down to sit next to her on the couch. She reached out a still clammy, but steady hand and played with her daughter's hair, just like she usually did.
"Merry Christmas, Momma," Charlie whispered, laying her head on Olivia's shoulder and letting out a relieved sigh.
"Merry Christmas, my sweet girl," she said. "I'm so glad you're here."
Ed overheard the exchange and came over, kissing both women on the top of the head, before straightening up. He took in the sight; snow still falling out of the window behind their freshly decorated Christmas tree, and every single member of his family in one room, and they were all smiling. "It's the perfect Christmas Eve."
The sun peeked in through a crack in the dark blue curtains, separating the Tuckers from the outside world. Ed was sound asleep on his side, one hand tucked under his face and the other hand resting on Olivia's hip. Olivia, however, was awake and watching her husband sleep.
She had woken up twice that night, profusely sweating and sick to her stomach. Each time, Ed diligently accompanied her to the bathroom, got her settled with a cold rag, then went back to change the sheets, throwing the dirty set in a pile under the window and making a mental note to wash them tomorrow and thank Trevor for keeping five sets of queen sized sheets on hand. But now, it was Ed's turn to rest. Olivia reached over to trace the lines on his face, admiring his high cheekbones and defined jaw. He was ruggedly handsome, even in crisis mode, and for a brief moment, Olivia forgot all about her illness and just basked in the knowledge that Ed Tucker was hers, and hers alone. Forever.
Forever.
The word echoed in Olivia's mind for a moment, and before she could stop it, she found herself questioning just how long forever was going to last. Startled by her mind going there and assuming it was just the effects of feeling so crappy, she shook her head and followed it up with a groan, as a wave of dizziness hit from the movement.
"Liv?" Ed mumbled, his eyes opening and his arms instinctively reaching for his wife. "Ya okay?"
"Yeah," she whispered sheepishly, "go back to sleep. I just moved too quickly, that's all."
"Liar," he said, eyes now closed again but a smirk forming on his face. "Come here."
Olivia rolled over into his chest, allowing Ed to engulf her in a tight embrace. She ran her fingers along his forearms and let out a content sigh.
"Merry Christmas, Ed," she said, kissing his lips before settling her head just under his chin.
"Merry Christmas, Liv," he answered, "what time is it?"
"Quarter after seven…I imagine Noah and Lizzie will be up soon," she mused. "Let's get up and start the coffee. I don't wanna miss anything today."
Ed kissed her forehead and sat them both up, rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the light shining into the room.
"Me neither," he said, standing up to stretch. Olivia just sat on the bed, continuing to admire him. Ed had slept in the pants of his elf pajamas, but had shed the shirt after her first night sweat. Luckily, Olivia anticipated her night sweats and decided to save her matching set to wear the next day. So the couple dutifully put on their holiday attire, chuckling at each other once they were dressed, and wandered out into the kitchen arm in arm. They stopped when they saw the silhouette of their daughter perched on the windowsill, her eyes focused on the sunrise over a snow-coated Central Park.
"You're up early," Ed noted as he headed into the kitchen to start the coffee. Olivia made her way over to Charlie and rubbed her back.
"You okay?" she asked, concerned at how dark the circles were under her eyes. But Charlie looked up and gave her a smile, leaning up to kiss her mother's cheek.
"I'm good," she promised, "But Lizzie is not a good bed-mate, so after being kicked for the hundredth time, I gave up and came out here."
"And apparently already started the coffee," Ed said as he joined them at the window, handing Olivia a steaming mug prepared just how she liked it and kissing Charlie's head. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Dad," she responded, before standing up and stretching. "Time for my own refill."
Olivia leaned against Ed and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, both of them remaining by the window and admiring the view, with the twinkling of their white Christmas lights reflecting off the glass.
"Calm before the storm," Ed mumbled, referring to the impending stampede of Noah and Lizzie as they discovered that Santa had visited. He allowed his head to fall on top of Olivia's, deepening their cuddle.
"Mmmmmm, but I can't wait."
Several hours later, colorful, metallic wrapping paper and bows littered the floor of the apartment. Noah and Lizzie were busy building an expansive train track on their new train table. Trevor was cursing under his breath as he worked to remove a purple camouflaged remote control car that Santa had brought his daughter, while Ed reacted similarly to Noah's new Star Wars action figures. Olivia had her back propped against the arm of the couch, and her feet were stretched out on Charlie's lap, who sat trying to read instructions to both her dad and Trevor at the same time. All five of them were back in their matching elf pajamas; green and white striped pants and a red top that looked like an elf jacket. Trevor even agreed to wear an elf hat, at the request of Noah, after Ed grumbled and shook it off of his head.
"This is nice," Olivia said, kicking Charlie softly to get her attention.
"It is," she allowed, finally giving up on trying to get Trevor or her father to follow any kind of instructions. "That casserole is smelling good, too. Think you can eat?"
"I hope so," she answered honestly. "The coffee and toast stayed down, so I'm gonna give it a shot." Olivia stole a glance over at the kids, making sure they weren't within earshot, before continuing. "But I just never know…one minute I'm fine, then the next…"
"That sucks," Charlie said bluntly, patting Olivia's ankles and giving them a little squeeze.
Olivia let out a laugh, appreciative of the candidness and attempt and making the morning feel a little lighter. "It really does."
"It's too bad I didn't think to tell you to bring the sleds," Ed declared, finally done opening the one package. He leaned against the couch, on the opposite side from where Olivia was resting, and took a break from the tedious work of present construction. "It's the perfect day out there."
Trevor, still mildly annoyed at the toy car, popped his head and and scrunched his face in thought.
"Ya know," he said, "there may be some in the basement…from a few years back when Tessa was visiting. If I can ever get this fu…er…car…undone, I'll go check. We can take the kids out after lunch."
Olivia smiled at the thought of Trevor and Ed taking the kids sledding, and despite knowing she couldn't join then, she felt herself get excited at their possible adventure.
"Oh, I hope so," she gushed. "They will have so much fun…just be sure to take lots of video."
Ed hearing the wistful tone of her voice, crawled over Charlie's feet so he could kneel by Olivia's face and kiss at her cheek.
"Whatever you want," he said, keepings his eyes on her and trying the evaluate how she was feeling. "Need anything?"
"No, not right now," she responded sweetly, "but thank you."
Satisfied for the time being, Ed moved further over and began to help Noah and Lizzie with their track construction. Olivia let out a content sigh as she watched the scene in front of her. Now that everyone was together, she couldn't imagine spending Christmas any other way.
Charlie brought a cool washcloth over to Olivia as she lounged on the sofa. The men had taken Lizzie and Noah to the park about an hour ago, leaving her to look after her dozing mother. It was pushing four in the evening when Olivia finally roused from her nap and unsteadily made her way into the living room, startling Charlie with how pale she was.
"Momma, are you okay?" Charlie had asked, helping her get situated on the couch and sitting on her feet right next to her.
"I'm fine," she said, but her words were breathy. "Just…feeling a little off…warm…dizzy…the usual."
Charlie made a little face at the term "the usual". She knew Ed and Olivia had been keeping the worst of this from them, but she didn't understand why. She was old enough to know what happened when someone went through chemotherapy, and had stated time and time again that she wanted to be there for them, to help them. Temporarily shoving aside that thought, she stood up and covered Olivia with a blanket, heading to get her the cold rag. Now as she returned to Olivia's side, Charlie noticed just how short of breath she was.
"Thank you, baby girl."
"Of course, Momma," Charlie leaned forward and fixed the compress so it covered a good portion of the top of Olivia's head. "Just try to relax. I'm right here."
Mother and daughter stayed like that for a few minutes, Olivia's eyes closed as she fought to regain control of how she was feeling. Charlie's eyes remained locked on her, looking for any sign that something other than normal chemo reaction was going on.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Charlie finally asked, almost nervous that she would upset her. "You've lost almost all your color from this morning."
"I'm okay," Olivia replied, but knew Charlie could see right through her, so she tried to change the subject. "I just wish I was feeling a bit better. I've been hoping for some alone time with my girl."
"Momma…" Charlie whispered, also craving some one on one time with Olivia, but she knew that was going to have to wait. "It's okay. We have all the time in the world. Right now, I just want you to feel better. Think you can sleep some more?"
Olivia didn't even respond, she just nodded her head and closed her eyes again, succumbing to the exhaustion of the battle she was fighting. Charlie made sure the blanket was snug around her mother and took the washcloth to run more cold water on it. Placing it back on Olivia's forehead, Charlie wiped away a lone tear and kissed her cheek.
"I love you, Momma. I'm right here. You're gonna be okay."
It was almost five when Ed came barging in the apartment door, shaking off his snow covered jacket and boots, and beelining for the couch where Olivia was fitfully asleep. She had broken out into a cold sweat, her breathing was labored, and her face was ghostly pale.
"Charlie?" he asked, kneeling down next to Olivia and stroking her face, whispering that he was there and he loved her. Ed had bolted from Central Park upon receiving Charlie's concerned call, with Trevor promising to keep the kids out a bit longer so they were occupied. "What's going on? What happened?"
"I don't know, she was asleep and then all of a sudden she called for me…I was in the kitchen…I ran back in and saw her covered in sweat…so I called you…" the girl was near tears, rambling off how the evening had escalated, worried that she missed something or somehow made her mother worse. Ed remained calm and immediately called the on-call oncologist at Mount Sinai. After a brief explanation, he muttered a thank you and pocketed his cell again.
"Charlie, grab her some warm socks and a beanie," he instructed. "I'm taking her to the hospital."
Uh oh. *Ducks*
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