Part III
Monster
Chapter 10
That first night Allie and I said nothing, as we walked through trees, brush and tangled undergrowth. This gave me time to think about all that Kanin didn't tell me, but was supposed to. I would have liked to know the story about him and my mom, and how I came to be in this world, because if he was who I thought he was, he had something to do be me being born.
From time to time I would shake my head at the vastness of it all, wondering if it would ever end. There was no road to follow, at least, not where we had come out. After spending my entire life within the city walls, this alien, green-and-brown world felt hostile and dangerous, like it was trying to drag me down and swallow me whole. We did stumble upon a few leftovers of human civilization-old houses crumbling under carpets of weeds and moss, a few rusty car skeletons choked with vines-but the farther we got from the city, the wilder the forest became. I'd had no idea it was this big, that trees could just stretch on forever and ever. I thought of New Covington and wondered how many years it had left, how long until nature crawled up its walls and smothered it completely.
And unlike the empty city, with its silent streets and cold, dead buildings, the wilderness was alive. Everything moved out here. Branches sighed in the wind. Insects buzzed through the air. Things rustled in the bushes just out of sight. At first, it was unnerving; I'd grown up on the street where every noise or sudden movement made you flinch and tense to run. But after a couple nights of this, listening to things flee from me, I came to the conclusion there was nothing beyond the city that could really put us in any danger. The only thing that could harm Allie was me. I could take care of myself and keep her safe from anything and everything.
I was a vampire. I was the scariest thing out here. I was dead wrong, of course. There was one object I couldn't save my sister from if it came down to it, and that was me.
Just after dusk one evening, we stumbled upon a slow-moving stream and followed it for a while, wondering if it led anywhere. I caught glimpses of several deer and a raccoon at the water's edge, and figured more animals would be drawn to the water. But I'd grown so used to seeing wildlife by now. I didn't think much about it… until there was a low growl in the shadows ahead. Allie jumped and I froze.
Something massive and dark lumbered out of the trees, coming to a stop a few yards away at the edge of the water. It was the biggest animal I'd ever seen, with shaggy brown fur, huge shoulders and enormous yellow claws. It snuffed at us, then raised its lip, revealing a set of huge teeth, some as long as my fingers.
My stomach dropped. I'd heard the stories the old-timers of the city would throw around sometimes, of the wild creatures that lived beyond the walls, breeding and populating without restraint. But the word bear didn't do the real animal justice. This thing could tear a rabid in two without thinking about it. It could probably give a vampire a run for its money. Which meant Allie and I might be in a bit of trouble here.
The bear stared at us with beady black eyes, huffing softly, shaking its huge head as if confused. I stood rigidly still in front of Allie and tried to remember what you were supposed to do if you met a bear out in the woods. Fall down? Play dead? Yeah, that didn't sound like a good idea at all. Slowly, I reached back and grasped the hilt of my sword, ready to draw it if the bear charged. If I landed one good, solid blow on the neck, behind its head, maybe that would be enough to kill it. Or at least slow it down. And if that didn't work, we could always climb a tree…
The bear snorted at us, nostrils twitching. It swayed back and forth, making low groaning sounds in its chest, scraping the dirt with its claws. I got the distinct impression that it was confused. Maybe I didn't smell like prey. Maybe I didn't smell alive at all, but I knew Allie did. Maybe the combination of the two of us confused it even more. But before I could think anything more of it, the bear turned and, with one last grunt in our direction, lumbered away into the woods. I waited until I could no longer hear it plowing through the undergrowth, then hurried away in the opposite direction.
"That was kind of close," Allie commented.
"Yea," I said, still staring at where the bear disappeared. "Let's go. I don't want to see if it comes back."
Okay, so there were bigger, scarier things out here than rabids. Good to know. I wondered why it hadn't attacked us. Had it sensed another predator, like itself, and decided to look for easier prey? I didn't know. But I could guess that the bear thought I was something unnatural, something that didn't belong in this leafy world with its endless trees. The wildlife out here probably didn't meet many vampires. I also wondered what the rest of New Covington would say if a bear came waddling down the street into the city. I smirked at the thought. They'd probably crap their pants. If Stick saw one, he'd faint dead away.
My smile faded.
'Where was he now?' I wondered.
Was he still living in the warehouse with the other Unregistereds? Or had he sold Allie and I out to move into the vampire towers, to be fed and taken care of, beginning a new life as a pet? Did he even know about Allie telling me about them coming after us? Did he even care?
The more I thought about it the madder I got. I growled and grabbed a branch, tearing it away from the trunk, making Allie jump and walk back a few feet, crouching low behind a tree.
'He wouldn't do that to me, to us,' I told myself angrily.
It couldn't have been him. We looked out for each other, watched each other's backs. I had saved his life countless times. He wouldn't just throw all that away, as if all those years meant nothing to him, as if I was dead to him now. The enemy. A vampire.
'Stop kidding yourself, Pidge,' I sighed, as I kicked a rock, sending it flying into the undergrowth. 'Who else could it have been? Just because Allie's here doesn't mean all people are understanding like her.'
The way Stick had looked at me that night in the warehouse, that was true terror. I'd seen it in his eyes: Pigeon Hansen, the girl who looked after him for years and years, was dead. My emotions still held a stubborn hope that humans could be loyal, that they could hold out against the promise of an easy life. But I knew better. Unregistered or not, if offered a way out of being hungry, cold and dumped on, Stick would take it in a heartbeat. It was just human nature.
"You ok Pidge?" Allie asked from behind the tree.
I looked in her direction, feeling a little guilty for scaring her like that. I had to be careful. I didn't want her to leave. I don't think she could leave even if she wanted to ,because of where we stood in life, but after what Stick had done, I wouldn't put it past her to try.
Looking at her now I thought of another bad thing that was probably going to happen sooner or later. I would have to feed soon. If I couldn't find anything to eat… Allie would be the closest thing to a meal. I wasn't going to her hurt. It was going to take all of my self-control not to give in to the sweet scent that was going to come from her veins when I got hungry. I swore to myself and her, I could never hurt her in anyway. I'd died before I did anything to hurt her.
"Pidge?" her voice rang again, being me out of my dark thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked.
"Are you ok?"
"Yea. I'm find Allie."
She came out from behind the tree and walked to my side. I looked at her and then ahead. This was going to be a long walk and what made the thought more terrifying was I didn't know where we were going.
"Let's go," I finally said.
We walked in silence once more. After walking all day Allie wondering off, looking around for food every now and then, but she didn't go far. She only ate what she thought was safe to eat. I killed a deer and we stopped so she could cook it. As she ate some of it I stood guard to make sure nothing would sneak up on her. When she got thirsty she'd drink from the stream. Most of the time we just walked in silence. Just enjoying each other's company after weeks a part. Nothing seem different between the two of us, considering she was still human and I… well… wasn't.
The wilderness went on, and we wandered for several nights, not knowing or caring where we were going. When dawn tinted the skies pink, I'd make sure Allie was up in a tree before I burrowed into the earth, only to awake the following night with no sense of where I was or where we should go next. We met no one in our travels, human or vampire, though the woods were teeming with wildlife, most of which we had never seen before and knew their names only through stories. Fox and skunk, rabbit and squirrel, snakes and raccoons, and endless herds of deer. We saw larger predators, too: a wolf pack loping silently through the trees one evening, the tawny form of a huge cat, its eyes glowing in the darkness. They never bothered Allie because of me, and we didn't bother them. We gave them a wide berth as well, one predator to another.
On the sixth night, I climbed out of my shallow grave with a sense of purpose, feeling my fangs pressing against my bottom lip. I was hungry. I needed to hunt. I looked at Allie still asleep in the tree. She looked so tempting but I couldn't think like that about her. To keep my mind off of her, I thought about all the lessons Kanin taught me.
But when I saw the small herd of deer feeding – when we started our night of walking – it was hard not to fantasize about sinking my fangs into they're neck. When they saw me they scattered, and I couldn't help myself. Allie jumped as I ran after them. I was faster than they were. I pounced on a stag and bringing it, kicking and bleating, to the ground. The blood that flowed into my mouth was hot and gamey, but though I felt it spread through my stomach, the gnawing ache was still there. I ran down another deer and gorged myself on its blood, to the same effect. I was still hungry. Other animals couldn't fill the Hunger, either. I went to sleep famished, and each night, rising from the earth, I went hunting, chasing down and draining anything I came across. Nothing helped. My stomach was full, sometimes overly so; I could feel it pressing against my ribs. But the Hunger only got stronger.
I couldn't look at Allie. I had to stay away from her. I stayed at least three hundred feet or so away, but still listening to everything around us, making sure that nothing was after her. She didn't ask and I didn't have to tell. She knew whatever I was doing was for a reason. I looked at her once and she looked hurt, but otherwise she didn't complain. When I sensed her getting hungry I'd kill an animal for her, but still staying three hundred yards away. When she was done, we'd be on our way. Killing the animals got harder and harder not to sink my teeth into their necks, but I knew if I did it'd make me ten time hungrier.
As the nights went on I got hungrier and hungrier. As I got hungrier and hungrier, it got harder and harder not to turn around and sink my teeth into Allie's neck. I kept trying to make animals work, but no matter how many I killed for myself or for Allie, nothing helped. Until, one night, starving and desperate, I chased a doe out of the briars, lunged forward to grab it, and landed on a stretch of pavement. Blinking, I stood, letting the deer bound away into the trees. I was in the middle of a road, or what had been a road.
Most of it was covered in weeds and brush, and grass was pushing up through numerous cracks in the pavement. Forest was closing in on either side, threatening to swallow it whole, but it was still there, a narrow strip cutting through the trees, vanishing into the darkness in both directions. I stifled a flare of excitement. There was no guarantee the road led anywhere now. But following it was a lot more promising than wandering aimlessly through the wilderness, and right now, I'd take what I could get.
Allie finally caught up with me, and I held my breath to keep from breathing her in. It helped, but only a little. I was going to have to feed soon, or she would be gone forever, and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. As she stood beside me she looked at the road, same as me. I could feel her own excitement radiating off her body. She knew what this meant.
"Which way should be go?" she asked.
I just shrugged.
"I guess we just pick a direction," I said.
I looked both ways, then we began walking. We slept one more day, Allie up in a tree on the side of the road, and me burrowing into the earth on the side of the road and waking the next night completely starved.
My fangs kept slipping out on their own, and I found myself perking at every rustle, every movement in the darkness around me. When Allie woke up I started walking till I was at least four hundred feet or so ahead of her. I made it so I could still see her, and she could still see me. The urge to hunt was almost overwhelming, but I'd only be wasting time and energy, and it wouldn't stop the awful Hunger gnawing at my insides. So I kept walking, following the road, my mouth as dry as grit and my stomach threatening to eat its own lining, but I was going to do everything in my power to not kill my best friend.
A few hours from dawn, the woods finally began to thin out. Not long after that, they turned into rolling grasslands, with barely a tree to be seen. I was relieved, for I had seriously started to think the woods went on forever. I stopped and turned to look behind me. Allie was still there, slowly making her way down the road. Then I looked to the road in front of me, walking once more.
The road widened as it cut across the plains. It was quiet out here, unlike the forest, with its constant rustle of small creatures in the brush, the hiss of wind moving through the leaves. Except for my soft footsteps and Allie's shuffling one's against the pavement, the world was silent and still, and the stars blazed overhead, stretching on forever. So I heard the rumble of engines a very long ways off, probably several miles in the distance. At first, I thought I was hearing things. Coming to a stop in the middle of the road, I watched, fascinated, as headlights appeared about five hundred feet behind Allie and the rumbles grew louder.
Gliding over a rise were two short, sleek machines. They weren't cars or trucks or any type of vehicle I'd seen before; they had two wheels and moved faster than a car, but it was difficult to see anything else beyond the headlights. Watching them approach, I felt a ripple of excitement. If there were strange vehicles like these on the road, then maybe humans lived outside the Wall, after all.
The headlights drew closer, shining in my eyes, nearly blinding me, even from so far away. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the old Pigeon, the wary, cautious street rat, was telling me to get off the road, to hide, to let them go by without knowing I was there. I ignored the voice. My gut told me that whatever powered these strange machines was human. I was curious. I wanted to see it for myself. I wanted to see if humans could live outside the city, away from vampire influence.
And… I was hungry.
I started walking fast to go check it out and it didn't take me long to get in hearing range. I also wanted to make sure whoever it was wouldn't hurt Allie. I was her only protection out here. If I didn't protect her I don't know what would happen. I thought back to the first night that Kanin had taken me out hunting. I thought about what the gang wanted and if the owner of these bikes were anything like the gang back home, I knew she would need me.
The vehicles pulled to a stop a few feet away from her, as I made my way up from behind and the rumble of engines kicked off, though the lights remained, shining in my eyes. Raising a hand to shield my gaze, I heard a rusty squeak as something stepped off the machine, coming to stand beside it.
"Well, well," the voice was deep and mocking, and a large, rough-looking man stepped forward, silhouetted against the light.
He was tall and barrel-chested, with tattoos covering his arms like sleeves. Another covered half his face, the image of a grinning dog or wolf or coyote, baring its fangs at Allie.
"What do we have here?" he mused. "You lost, little girl? This is a bad place for you to be stranded, all alone, at night."
A second man joined the first, smaller and skinnier, but no less threatening. Unlike the first, he seemed more eager, less cautious than his companion. He had the same dog tattoo on one shoulder, and a bright, hungry gleam in his eyes.
"No," she said, boldly. "I'm with a friend."
"Oh really?" one of them asked, running a tongue a long his bottom lip. "Where is she? We don't see many bitches out here. Why don't you keep us company for a while and we can wait for her together?"
I bristled, getting close to my friend. She backed up a step, and I fought the urge to snarl at them. This had been a mistake. They were human and, worse, they were men. I knew what they wanted; I'd seen it on the street countless times, and it made my gut tense. I should've stayed hidden, should've let them go by. But it was too late. I could taste the violence on the air, smell Allie's fear and also the lust and sweat and blood pumping below the men's skin. Something inside me responded, rising eagerly, the Hunger a dancing flame in my gut, as I stood outside the shadows waiting for them to make they're move.
There was a metallic click, and the first man drew a gun, pointing the barrel at Allie's face. I held back a growl.
"Don't even think of running," he crooned, baring yellow, uneven teeth in a wide grin. "Just come over here and make it easy on yourself."
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I finally spoke up.
I walked up beside Allie and she let out a sigh of relief. I looked at her and gave her a small wink. Looking back at the men in front of us, I stepped in front of her. Out of sight out of mind. The men where in front of me and the gun was now pointed in my face.
"Ah, there you are," the second man said to me. "Your friend said she was traveling with someone. How about you and her come a long with us."
His companion made a show of the gun, to let me know that he meant business. But when neither of us moved, the first man nodded at the second man, who stepped forward and grabbed my arm. The second his hand touched my skin, something inside me snapped. Prey! Food! With a wild screech, I turned on the human, fangs bared, and he jerked back with a screaming curse. I snatched at him, sensing the heat and hot fluids below his skin, pumping in time with his heart. I could smell his blood, hear his frantic heartbeat, and my vision went red with Hunger.
A howl and a roar behind me. The vivid scent of fresh blood, and the human jerking against me, gasping. I spun, furious now, searching for my prey. It stood against the light, smelling of blood and fear, the gun leveled at my chest. I roared, dropping the limp human, and lunged. The gun barked twice, missing, and I slammed into the prey's chest, driving him to the ground. He swung wildly at my face, elbows glancing off my cheek, as I yanked him up and sank my fangs into his neck.
The prey stiffened, going rigid, and I sank my fangs in deeper, piercing the vein and causing the blood to f low more freely. Warmth filled my mouth and throat, flowing down to my stomach, easing the horrible ache that had been there so long. I growled in pleasure and tore impatiently at the surrounding flesh, causing even more blood to flow. I drew that power into myself, easing the pain in my stomach and shoulder, feeling my wounds close and the Hunger fade. The rest of the world disappeared, all sounds vanished, all sensations shrank down to this, this perfect, intoxicating moment where nothing mattered but power.
"Pidge!" I heard Allie exclaim from behind me, but it was too late.
Beneath me, the human made a choking, shuddering sound, like a whimper, and I suddenly realized what I was doing. Shaking, I released him, staring down at the man, the human who, for a few insane moments, had been nothing but prey to me. His neck was a mess of blood; in my eagerness, I'd done more than simply bite his throat. I'd shredded it.
Red soaked his collar, but the wound wasn't oozing blood. Experimentally, I shook his shoulder. His head lolled to the side, and his eyes stared ahead, unseeing and glassy. He was dead.
No. I put both hands to my mouth, shaking so hard I thought I would puke. It had happened, just like Kanin had said it would. I had killed someone. I had murdered a human being. The second I'd tasted blood, the demon had taken over, and I'd lost my mind. I'd lost control to the Hunger. And in those mad few heartbeats, with the blood f lowing hot in my mouth and through my veins, I had loved every second of it.
"Oh, God," I whispered.
I stared at the body, the corpse that, a few minutes ago, had been a living, breathing being. I'd killed him. I'd killed him. What did I do now? I looked behind me at Allie and you could tell she was scared at me. I stood up and took a step toward her. She stepped back.
"Allie please," I begged. "I promise I won't hurt you… I'm back."
She said nothing. She looked the same as she did at the warehouse that night.
"Allie," I tried again, "I'm sorry, but please say something."
"You killed him," she whispered.
"Yes I know. I'm sorry you had to see that. Please don't hate me."
"Pidge I don't hate you. You save me."
I just stared at her. I watched her go from scared to thankful in just a few seconds. I let out a sigh of relief. She didn't hate me.
"You saved me from God know what," she stated. "You're scary, but you save me, none the less."
I opened my mouth to say she was crazy for staying with me, but an agonized groan interrupted me. I looked fearfully to where the other human lay sprawled on the pavement, gazing up at the sky, next to Allie. She looked down at him not moving to lead a hand. He was breathing in short, panicked gasps, and his eyes widened as I stood and walked toward him.
"You!" he gasped.
His legs twitched as he tried to get up. Blood seeped from his chest, where he'd taken a bullet meant for me. He didn't have long, even I could see that. But he didn't seem to notice, staring up at me with glazed eyes.
"Didn't know… you were a vampire," he gasped.
He looked over at Allie. She took a step back, still staring at him.
"Is she one too?" he asked.
"No she's not," I said, when I knelt on my knees by him.
The man gagged, blood spilling out of his mouth, running down to the pavement. His blank stare cut me like a thousand knives.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
That's the best thing I could come up with. I didn't know what else to say. But that only seemed to push him over the edge, for he started to laugh.
"Sorry," he repeated, as his head lolled to the side. "Vampire kills my mate, then says she's sorry."
He collapsed into uncontrollable giggles, choking on his own blood.
"This is… a joke, right?" he whispered, as his eyes rolled up in his head. "A vampire… joke? A human… and… a vampire… Jackal… would've… laughed…"
He didn't move again. Allie and I didn't say anything. Just stared at the now dead man. I might've stayed there, kneeling in the cold grass, the smell of blood clogging my nose and mouth, except the sky over the hills was lightening, and my internal clock warned me dawn wasn't far away. For a moment, I wondered what it would be like if I just… stayed aboveground. Met the sun, as Kanin once said. Would it burn me to ash? Would it take very long, be very painful? I wondered what lay beyond; I'd never been very religious, but I'd always believed vampires had no souls, and no one knew what happened to them when they finally left the world. It didn't seem possible that I, a monster and a demon, could ever have a shot at heaven or eternity or whatever happened when humans died. If such a thing existed. But if heaven existed, then so did… the other place.
Shuddering, I crawled into the grass and burrowed deep into the earth, feeling it close around me like a grave and saying a word to Allie, just like the night I left Kanin behind.
I might be a demon and a coward, and I might deserve to burn, but in the end, I didn't want to die. Even if it damned me to hell, I would always choose to live. If I didn't have Allie with me, I just might have met the sun, but with her around I couldn't do it. Though, for the first time since the attack that terrible night in the ruins, I wished Kanin hadn't saved me, after all.
