Chapter 10 – Protection
Hey there everyone! Thanks for the favorites, follows and reviews! Thank you StardustSpike, I think it was a pretty awesome chapter as well. We get to see more in depth into Eric's character and how he works. Thank you so much XWarrior for your amazing words! It means so much to me! As a sidenote, I've been reading your story about Aria/Eric and I'm absolutely loving it! Keep writing! As always, please review for feedback, comments or questions. PM with any private matters, I'm nice! Favorite if you like what you've read and follow to keep updated. Enjoy!
P.S – Eric will begin to regress back to old habits, habits that Ashe seemed to working through. Don't get discouraged, the juicy bits will be coming a few chapters from now!
Previously...
"Continue shooting until you make every shot." With that he turned on his heel and walked over towards the other initiates, critiquing them with harsh words and rough shouts. I released my long held breath and looked at the target. Maybe things would look up after all.
My arms ached from the heaviness of the gun, even though I hadn't shot a gun since three days before. I sat in the mess hall, my fingers controlling the spoon playing with the rice on my plate. I hadn't seen Eric for the rest of the few days after the shooting range and for some reason that fact sent me on edge. I hated it, that I wanted to see him. I couldn't admit to anyone else but my thoughts that Eric was like an addictive drug that I seemed hooked on. The more I prodded the more he would respond, and if I was lucky, I would get a reaction–good or bad. I had never been one to prod, always too shy and too small to say words aloud. To threaten or to ask questions. Now, with this new air of confidence, the support of my friends and the adrenaline that seemed to constantly beat through every single body, it seemed I couldn't let Eric seem to drown in the coldness of his own stare. At least that's what it felt like to me. I hung my head, patting the rice and pushing a spoonful of the white grains into my mouth.
"You okay?" Dahlia asked, sympathy lacing her sweet tone. I knew that all of them were worried about me, especially because of Archer, but the more I denied thinking about him, the better I felt. Tonight I would have to sleep in the dorms again and I would have to face Archer. I don't know what scared me more; the fact that I couldn't trust sleeping or that I felt cornered at every moment, afraid that somewhere he'd turn a corner and Eric wouldn't be there to help me again, if he even decided to after the other day. It seemed like I had used up whatever warmth he had in his system, and he was back to being the Eric I had met the first day here. The one that had challenged me with his eyes, his voice, his entire body. Now I felt like I was on a withdrawal from that feeling. Eric was one volatile substance.
"Yeah," I murmured, glancing at her with eyes I hoped conveyed confidence or at least some semblance of happiness. I didn't want to start looking like Vera. That was what giving up looked like, and I wasn't ready to give up. Not yet. Jake smiled at me. So far Archer hadn't pulled anything, and for that I was lucky.
"You know, if you ever need someone to share cake with–"
"I will slap you with this piece of buttered bread." Dahlia threatened, her fingers curled warningly around the small butter roll. Jake stuck his tongue out at her and she threw the roll at him. I figured he would dodge, or at least try and slam it back at her, but no. That's not like him. Instead Jake effectively caught it, biting into it and smiling at her. After pissing her off enough, Jake poked my side with his elbow.
"But really, I'm here for you." I smiled, picking my butter roll and trying to throw it at Jake too. Jake recoiled from my hand but ended up biting the bread and ripping it from my palm like a feral animal. Once he had swallowed both pieces, he whooped triumphantly and raised his arms above his shoulders.
"I am the Official Butter Roll Champion!" He called out loudly within the mess hall.
"More like the Official Dauntless Idiot Champion." Dahlia muttered, her gaze dangerously close to murderous. I could see the two of them being a couple, their daring natures two to be competed with. That and Jake often succeeded in annoying the living hell out of her any chance he got.
"You're just unhappy because your people made these rolls." He paused. "Probably." The red haired girl puffed out a breath and gave him a death stare.
"My people could pin your ass to the bench you're sitting on with a pitchfork, my friend." Jake widened his eyes for a dramatic effect, suspiciously eyeing the crowds of Dauntless members.
"You're telling me a bunch of Amity pitchfork wielders managed to break into Dauntless just to spear my ass to this seat?" I couldn't hold in my laughter as I leaned across the table, trying to keep the food that was in my mouth exactly that–in my mouth.
"You guys gotta give up, you're too much." Vera admonished with a small voice. Jake peeked at her from around my shoulders.
"Watch out or the vicious Amity defectors will come and spork you. That or Dahlia here is gonna throw her peas at you."
"It's not a spork dumb ass," she commented, putting some of the said peas in her mouth. Jake managed to put his fork on top of his spoon and tried to poke Dahlia with it. "Hey!" She squealed loudly, dodging his spork attacks.
"Revenge of the Spork! Amity Edition, baby!" I leaned away from Jake as he pushed himself over the table to reach at Dahlia better, the spork falling from his fingers as he tried in vain to move close enough to tickle her sides.
"Oh my god, Ashe! Ashe help! He's nuts!" I held my stomach as I practically fell backwards off the seat from laughter that I couldn't hold back, watching the pair play around. Vera just shook her head and returned to eating, her eyes meeting Zach and his hazel eyes. I had the acute sense that Zach and Vera were somehow very close, or at least would start a relationship. The way that she looked at him and the way he looked at her made me think that nothing like that could be innocent, and I silently wondered if I looked at anyone like that. Eric was the first person to pop into my brain unwelcome, and I tried to push my thoughts of him down where I wouldn't have to worry about them.
I glanced around the mess hall but Eric was still nowhere to be found.
"Hey Ashe," Dahlia said, finally getting rid of Jake's attacks. "You want to head back to the dorms and get some rest? Early?" I sucked in a breath. I knew what she was doing, knew that the once Amity, redheaded girl only wanted to watch out for me, but the Erudite part of me wanted to tell her that I didn't need it. That I didn't need anyone.
"Yeah. Sure."
"Okay, cool."
Jake looked up and pouted at me, his brown hair and blue eyes meeting my own.
"Really? You guys have to leave early?" I let out a small laugh, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, but patted his back and moved around the table.
"Goodnight guys, goodnight Jake, Vera and Zach."
Dahlia stood up straight and saluted everyone at the table. "Good luck my friends, and may the dinner rolls be with you all." With that we left, trying to walk around the crowded mess hall, the masses of people clothed in black numerous. Dahlia peeked at me from the corner of her eyes as we made it to one of the many hallways adjoining the mess hall, which ultimately led to the pit and split off into the dorms.
"Look," she held her hands in front of her, stretching them, before letting them collapse back into her lap. "You don't have to tell me what happened, and I don't need to know. But, if something's going on and you feel you need someone to tell. I'm here and I won't tell anyone else." I snorted.
"Right, and that's why Jake found out what happened so fast." I said almost venomously.
"Ashe...He needed to know. I asked him to watch over you when Vera and I–" She cut off as if realizing Vera wasn't a great asset, like she couldn't do anything which made a pang of guilt rush through my chest. At this rate Vera had a great chance of not making it through, as time seemed to be passing more quickly. With training, and food, and just general interaction, ten months would pass faster than we could have ever thought.
"Jake and I are here for you. And it seemed like you have Eric on your side too." She said, albeit a little bit more curiously. She had questions, and I knew she wanted answers.
"For another night." She waved her hand as I began to speak. I had no intention of telling her what had happened that night between Eric and I, because honestly it would probably confuse her as much as it confounded me. We walked silently into the dorms, and there I found Archer, sitting on his bunk, staring at me. Dahlia's back straightened, and her eyes hardened fractionally. In that moment I was elated to have such friends that would be so defensive and protective over me. My eyes welled and I turned around, not wanted Dahlia or Archer to see. It had been a long time before I had people that truly cared about me, and my wellbeing, and having Dahlia and Jake in my life made me appreciate that so much more. Archer stood, shot me a final glance before he walked off to the showers with a towel.
"Go to sleep." Dahlia said, her voice barely a murmur. "I'll keep watch." I was about to argue with her, but she placed her hand over mine and nodded once, a small smile creeping up on her features.
"It's okay." I let out a sigh and laid down on the bed, curling against the stiff pillow and the even more solid bed. I found myself missing Eric's bed, the soft pillows, the comfortable mattress. I found myself missing the warmth of Eric's body as he had pulled me closer to him, bringing me into his chest. The thoughts frightened me more than anything, but I shoved them out of my brain as I heard the water in the showers turn on, shutting my eyes closed with deliberate forcefulness.
I glanced at Dahlia once or twice to make sure she was still awake, out of fear or curiosity, I couldn't tell. I did that before I was too tired to even look up, my eyes dragging me down into the peacefulness and lull of deep sleep.
My body jolted awake as weight pressed down on me, my mouth suddenly covered. Green eyes, eyes I knew which were frightened, opened fearfully and found that my worst fear was right. Archer held his hand over my mouth, his eyes bright despite the complete darkness of the room. I yanked my head away, trying to shimmy further up the bed, my terrified eyes seeking out Dahlia, Vera, anyone. Archer was so close I felt the rumble of amusement he let out of his chest as he held me down, his leg pushing apart my own, looming over my body like an evil presence.
I choked back a scream, tears welling in my throat. No one was awake, no one could hear me. Archer had won and I had been stupid. I had been a stupid, defenseless Erudite. I wasn't smart and I wasn't brave, and it was going to get me raped. I wriggled in his grasp, my mouth shut off from tears and fear, my eyes rapidly taking in my surroundings. The smell of cigarettes as he leaned close, the hard press of his hand against my mouth, soft hands. He leaned forward and I tried to pull away in vain.
"You may have gotten away the first time, Ashe," he whispered pressing his hips against my leg. "But I have the advantage now." I let out a noiseless yelp, kicking my legs, aimed so perfectly right between his legs. I shoved him off me as he fell to the ground, his hand over his groin, his mouth held open in a large O. I heard a small moan and a shuffle, knowing that someone was waking up and that I couldn't stay there. I had to get away. I tore out of bed like a bat out of hell and ran up the steps, my sweatpants so long that they pooled at my ankles and my tank top exposing me to the new, cold air. I ran, and I didn't know where I was running. I ran through the corridors, through the empty mess hall, all the way to the pit until finally I came to the chasm. I froze, looking over the edge.
Water tumbled below, the harsh beating of liquid against rock ricocheting up the jagged walls and to my ears. I fell to the railing, my legs buckling beneath my weight. I was terrified and I let hot, wet tears drip down my face like the river down below me. I cried for everything. My parents, my faction, my personality, my stupidity. I cried for the people that cared for me because they didn't even know me that well, didn't even know my real name. I cried for that innocent girl that had died in Erudite along with her life. I cried for things that I shouldn't even cry for–Eric. I cupped my face in my hands and rocked myself back and forth, my body shaking violently. Overwhelming fear and sadness welled in my chest and I crawled, and the water below me seemed more appealing than ever.
The quick rush of water, the soothing sound of the crashing, the beating like a drum or a heart. They probably wouldn't find me if I jumped, and those who cared would move on. It would end up alright. I would be safe, wouldn't I? I imagined seeing my parents on the other side of the water, my eyes becoming blurry again with tears welled up from time.
I loved Dauntless, I loved the idea of bravery but if I couldn't even stand up to someone like Archer, how could I ever be Dauntless? The slow thought trickled through my brain–I wasn't even Erudite. I was Divergent. I was a mix, I was that person that shouldn't even be alive. I was a danger, and yet I wasn't. I couldn't even protect myself and the pathetic thought repeated through my brain like a broken prayer. A long forgotten line from some old poem.
"Ashe?" I turned around quickly, my eyes searching for features as fuzzy outlines came into view. Striking blue grey eyes, blonde hair that was no longer glued in place permanently, or so it seemed. He usually resembled something of an intense sculpture, but now he seemed extraordinarily human. Especially for the dorky smile that outlined Eric's face and left adorable dimples in his cheeks. That was a sight I never expected to see on Eric.
"Asheee." He slurred, stumbling forward, and it was then that my eyes cleared and secured around the bottle of wine he clung to in his other hand. So we had an attempted rapist, a starving, outspoken Erudite girl who would probably end up factionless, and a drunk leader. I sighed and dropped my head backwards, watching as his footing took him one step closer to the edge of the chasm; the chasm that was not closed off.
"Eric." I warned, my voice cracking pathetically. His eyes darkened and his smile turned into a smirk.
"I," he let out a small, childlike hiccup. "I like it when you say my name." I rolled my eyes at him.
"You're drunk." I whispered, and I wondered if he could hear me over the sound of the tumultuous water.
"No really." He took a step forward, then another, and plopped down with a loud thump next to me. The emotions behind the grey in his eyes were hauntingly sweet, like that of a broken glass. Something beautifully broken. He had definitely been drinking, the smell of whiskey and some other concoction of drinks making its way to my nose. "Sometimes you say it in this way," his hand tried to show me, but only ended up making swirls in the air. He chuckled at nothing and glanced at me with vulnerable eyes. "Almost like I actually mean something." My observation fell to the grating on the floor, my fingers playing with the little holes in between each break.
"Eric." My voice was surprisingly soft for the amount of crying I had done, cracking and rasp aside.
"See." He pointed, blue eyes darting over my body before reaching my green eyes again. Then he looked at the chasm, perplexed. Slowly he seemed to be processing the series of events, asking himself the most obvious questions of all. The question I would ask myself if I was in his shoes. Why was an initiate up this late, sitting in front of the chasm bridge with obvious red, puffy eyes I could feel. A headache pounded behind my thoughts but I pushed it aside. I was too exhausted to process everything.
The most obvious question was what I dared not answer and what his eyes picked up on. With a sudden urgency he turned towards me, hands outstretched.
"No." One word, and it held probably all the command he could muster in his state. No. No he disapproved or no he didn't want me to, either way his drunkenness kept him from answering me, I knew, in any advanced way.
"I wouldn't." I said, eyes carefully scanning the jagged rocks.
"You can't."
"I can, but I won't." His fingers made their way to my arm, his grip on me strong despite his state.
"No, I won't let you." I shook my head at the decisiveness in his voice.
"Why? Why do you want to protect me?" Maybe I could get a truthful answer out of him now, now that he was in a better state to tell me, rather than his cranky and hard one I was more used to working through. I knew he wouldn't like it if he remembered, but he probably wouldn't so I stuffed it away along with everything else I blamed myself for and watched him curiously.
"Because..." He searched for words, his thumb tracing little patterns on the bottom of my arm, rubbing me and soothing me in ways I didn't expect. Ways I was learning that he could. "Because you mean something too."
"You're an awful liar."
"I'm not lying." He said, almost indignantly.
"Ah huh."
Eric let out an exasperated sigh, taking a swig from the bottle in his hand. "Always so freaking stubborn." I quirked an eyebrow at him, the want for me to tell him how infuriatingly stubborn he could be popping into my brain. But I didn't want to go there.
"We should get you back to your apartment." He stretched, standing slowly before gripping the rail with tightly. His body swayed.
"I know my way." He muttered, before taking a few steps in the wrong direction.
"Your apartment is the other way." I could feel the glare, but I didn't particularly look for it as I turned around and walked in the direction of his apartment. I knew he was following, the loud thud of sporadic and clumsy boots trailing behind me. I walked until I stopped in front of the black door, the middle door in the hallway, I remembered. Eric put his hand on the door, and then turned to me with a small smile.
"Hi." Eric leaned forward, his lips coming dangerously close to my own. He paused, patting his sides with one hand, looking for the key. I looked down and saw the little card that he had used before in his pocket, and with some form of confidence that I didn't even question, I slipped my fingers into the tan pocket of his pants, taking the card in my hand. His smile shifted into a very deviant smirk, a dark, carnal look to his eyes. I spun on the soles of my shoes quickly, swiping the card and opening the door. Eric followed behind me, like he was a child and I was his mother. Although I hated the analogy, especially since whatever I was feeling definitely didn't relate to motherly emotions, it seemed childish was the best way to describe his state.
Immediately he kicked off his boots and stumbled towards the bedroom, leaving the bottle of wine on the small kitchen counter along the way. I shut the door, looking at my socks. I hadn't even worn boots, and suddenly I felt a chill run down my spine. I could practically feel Archer's hand still covering my mouth, and the thought of him over me sickened me to my core.
A curse came from the bedroom and I took one hesitant step forward after the next, until I opened the door. Eric sat on the large plush bed, struggling to pull down the zipper on his pants. I looked away, my eyes focusing on anything other than him. I never imagined in all of my time here, no matter how short it was, that I would ever be in Eric's bedroom, witnessing him stripping his clothes off. Now that the visual of him like this was in my brain I doubted it would leave anytime soon. I peeked out carefully and found him next to me standing, his grey orbs glinting with humor.
"Hmm," he took both of my hips in his large hands. I shuddered at his touch, my body wanting desperately to move towards him.
"Stay." He practically moaned, nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. I felt his lips, so seductively soft, kiss a sensitive part of my bare shoulder. Goosebumps riddled my skin at his touch. I felt as if I was under a spell, obeying each and every one of his commands.
"Eric." I could barely find my voice, I could barely contain my thoughts. All I wanted was to run my hands over his bare shoulders, feel the muscles moving under my fingertips, and that want scared me beyond reason. I pressed my hands flat against his abdomen, and he placed his palms on top of them, securing them on him.
"You're drunk and you don't know what you're asking." He groaned and moved backwards, bringing me with him. Fighting against Eric was like fighting against steel, his body keeping me locked against him.
"You told me that this wouldn't happen again." I said. Eric pulled away, his eyes dark and hooded in the unlit room. He was asking me a question, even if it wasn't verbal. Do you want to stay?
I sighed, admitting defeat. It wasn't like sleeping in his bed was terrible, and earlier I had wanted to feel him again. Now I could. Slipping on the bed with cautious movements, I laid down and watched as Eric slumped forward face first, adjusting once he landed so he could lay on his side. Facing me. I watched his eyes close slowly, as his breathing began to become more clear and regular. Reaching closer, I let my fingertips trail over his bicep, tracing the lines of muscle. One eye opened and peered at me curiously. Eric's arm moved, wrapping around my middle and bringing me in close to his body. I curled into his chest, wrapping my hand around his neck. It was unorthodox, and it shouldn't have been happening. Eric was a leader, he was my trainer, he was everything that should've been off limits to me. I should've let him be off limits to me, but instead I found myself growing closer to him despite the obvious walls he placed so thickly and carefully around his heart. My hand trailed through the short hairs on the back of his head as I felt myself gradually fall back asleep. I was no more safer than before. I knew that when I woke up in the morning Archer would still be a threat, but in Eric's arms, I knew that no one would think of hurting me. I probably should have been afraid of Eric, afraid of the way he touched me in ways that seemed almost needy, at least now. Afraid that it would end up like Archer, like assault. But I knew that wasn't it. From some form of intuition I knew that Eric was simply protecting me, for whatever reasons he had.
I fell comfortably asleep in the strength, security and warmth of Eric's arms.
