Off you go you pesky plot bunnies!

I do not own Nasuverse or any other movie/book/game/comic book/song/series that might be mentioned here. I just own these couple of words that i wrote.

Warning: Some swearing there and there.


Jerk with a Heart of Gold, chapter 2

It has been six months. Six long months since they started living here. Not that she had a choice. Middle of desert, some oasis, nice looking. The heat was unbearable, forcing her to spend first days half dead, hidden in a shade. This earned her some rather nasty remarks from her caring spirit companion. At least more than usual, he was not in a good mood temperamentally, angry with the fact that he was no longer the local King. And that he had no servants to look after his needs. And that he had to look after her. Even though the stone building they lived in was, according to the spirit, several thousand years old, it looked to be in a good shape. When Nefertiti commented on the fact, Ramesses said this: "People of this era do not know how to build something long lasting, the buildings they build may be impressive but even a weak gust of wind can knock it over! How sad."

After she got used to the heat and gained a tan she never had before, life in there was not that bad. There was water, fruit trees, even some fish. This place would make a good spot for holidays.

But it was such a quiet place it was not even funny anymore.

Humans are species that create communities where they can socialize. There might be people that like to be alone, but nobody can truly endure the loneliness. The person would soon loose grip on his sanity, reality. Things would become meaningless. All of them.

And if a person has nothing to live for, he would slowly wither and die. That is if he won't kill himself first.

Even though Ramesses was annoying, jerk that she wanted to punch ten times more than when she met him, he kept her loneliness in check in the past months.

But still... Nefertiti needed to meet other people. Badly.

Other than searching for food and arguing with the pharaoh, there was nothing really to do here. She could not practice magic, the spirit knew quite a bit of it, but he would never teach her. There were no books to read and walks under the scorching sun were out of the question.

Sun during noon was deadly. Nefertiti might have gotten used to it, but she still felt sick if she spent too much time outside.

This place is like a prison.

Ramesses sometimes ventured out, without her, ten returned, sometimes gloomy, sometimes smug, mostly neither.

Right now, Nefertiti stood next to one of the stony pillars, wearing a thin white dress and feeling the chill that was typical for this time of day. The sun was going down. Even though days were ridiculously hot, nights were ridiculously cold. There was nothing to preserve the heat that was present here during the day. That is why.

The pharaohs golden boat was getting closer and closer, then it started to descent. Once she saw the owner step down from it, she frowned, turned around and went inside the building.

"Are you not even going to welcome me back?"

She did not want to answer, but knowing that he would snap again, she turned around and looked back at him defiantly. "Welcome."

Ramesses seemed to be in a good mood, since he did not say anything, merely kept looking back at her as if thinking about something. Minutes passed. "Feisty girl." An imaginary anger mark appeared on her forehead as her finger stopped twitching impatiently. At least his tone was more bored than poisonous. "Tell me, what is it that you want from the future?"

The anger mark disappeared, the annoyance was replaced with confusion. It was unlike him to ask such personal questions. Nefertiti gave him a long look before answering. "When I was a child..."

"You are still a child."

"... alright. So years back, I wanted a family, few friends I could trust. Small house where I can live in peace." Call her humble, but she was abused as a kid. By her lovely aunt, having a single person she could trust, warm bed she could sleep in and warm food ,that would be only hers, she would be ale to eat. That would be a heaven for her. She hoped to gain friends while in Hogwards, only to fail spectacularly. Not only because of her being a social dud in those days, but also because of meddling of a certain bearded and old man. She still did not know what exactly was it that the man wanted by keeping her away and isolated from everyone.

If he wanted money, he could have arranged an accident and kill her. The money and titles would go to her brother upon her death. After all those stunts he pulled, a small accident would be a child's play for him.

"And now? Do you want money? Richness? Do you want people bowing to you?"

"I am not like you." She frowned. "While I still desire those things, at least people whom I could depend on... " Glare. "...I want to travel the world and see what it has to offer. I want to learn it's magic. Among the other things."

"Travel the world, huh?" He mused.

"Too small of a goal for you? That is understandable. I don't have a large ego to satisfy."

Instead of glaring, he laughed loudly. It was a pleasant sound to ears, to many girls (stupid ones), Ramesses would seem like a perfect male specimen. Unfortunately for this guy, Nefertiti already knew that this guy is quite a jerk. She did not let the sound calm her down. "So? What are you waiting for? Pack your belongings, we are leaving!" Seeing her expression, he laughed once more, this time louder.

"What the... you can't just decide that we are leaving! It is evening!"

"I can, thy I am a king."

"And where do you plan on going, huh? I am not the most welcome person outside this house!" Actually, she is considered a criminal, partly responsible for the death of Ronald Weasely, just as death of several others that this guy fried.

"I have met a stranger that knew about us, while he smells of death and blood, he will make a good teacher. You said that you wanted to learn magic? Then magic is what you will learn. Neither you shall be bored with him."

"Stranger?"

"He introduced himself as Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. He told me that you have received a book from him years back, is that true?"

"Z-Zelretch?"

"I will take it s a yes. Go and pack girl. He shall teach you."

"You can't just decide something like this!"

A royal glare headed her way silenced her, she glared back. It was only after he took a step, she turned around and left, few angry words filling the halls. Last time she rejected doing something, she ended up taking a surprise bath in the oasis.


"You know... when you said that I would be taught by this Zelretch guy, I thought that I would be staying with him. And really taught by him."

"You shall."

"Then what are we doing in Japan?"

Ramesses smirked, the woman to her right continue looking rather smug. "So this is the innocent hatching that my dear friend kept talking about? How cute."

This earned the woman a glare, but she seemed only more amused by her attics. "Feisty girl."

Yuuko Ichihara. The first impression of the woman was... she is a lazy bum that likes to drink and smoke too much. The place she owns is neat looking, a kind of an odd shop where wishes are granted she said. She also said that it was inevitable that she would come here. Also that she would fulfill her wish.

As a result, Nefertiti now really thinks that the woman should stop smoking whatever she is on. She might end up like Trelawney. And that is not a good thing.

She never said that she wished for something!

"Calm yourself girl. Zelretch will be teaching you more technical things. Yuuko here will mold you into a woman. As impossible as such a task seems, she will surely manage."

"Would you mind If I hit my companion, Yuuko-san?"

"Go on."

The only one that was not amused by how the thing ended was the attacker itself, due to being pinned down by the pharaoh's hands. That is after a couple minutes of running around and trying her luck. "I hate you."

"One day you shall fall for my charms girl. Even you will not resist."

"If this means that you want me in bed, forget it! It will be a cold day in hell when such a thing happens!"

"Embrace you? Who would want to do that? Stupid!"

It was Yuuko who separated them, she and her two girls, strange duo that liked repeating stuff they heard. Before Nefertiti knew, she was stuffed into an old house in the neighborhood (she and the spirit), given enough books to fill a small storage and ordered to read. All of them. Having a moody pharaoh standing behind her, watching her 'studies' did not help the slightest.

The neighbors found her odd at the worst and pretty, exotic due to her tan, just as well as interesting at the best. As long as he was not around, even well behaved. Luckily, nobody signed her for regular school. That would be too much.

Zelretch, her great teach never showed up, no matter how many times she asked Yuuko. Yuuko merely said that he is watching.

The study materials themselves were not that bad. Quite intruding, the same branch of magic that the original Zelretch book she red. The one with which she summoned Ramesses.

While wizards focused on using these magic cores, a certain spot in body, usually close to heart that gathered, stored and somehow even created magic, according to these books, magi used magic circuits. Odd zig-zagging lines, usually of green coloring once activated that spread through the entirety of a person's body. While with cores, size was mostly what mattered, with circuits there was number and quality.

Then again, there could be more things to a wizard's core.

From what she understood, magi considered it a duty to know everything about their magic system. Wizards forbade most of the teachings, deeming them as 'dangerous' and 'unnecessary'. Surely, there is more to magic cores. The real question is, why, after seven years of study in one of the most prestigious schools in the world, she had never run into the term 'magic circuit'? Or any magic related? At first, she thought that this Zelretch person is just some whacko that discovered something that the ministry wanted to ban.

But with these books in hand... there was clearly an entire society of people that used these circuits, many of them gathered in London of all places.

The wizards would never ever overlook these people and would try to lock them in Azkaban for the rest of their days after finding out how much they know about magic. Or at the very least would use the press to make them hated and seen as evil by others. It gave no sense what so ever. Some of the magi were bloody as well, they were not innocent. In order to find some things, some magi were quite heartless, forced to dirty their hands if they wanted to find a certain piece of information that would help them with their research.

Both systems, wizards and magi had their perks and downsides. Wizard magic was far simpler, good for every day, but most of the potential was restrained by authorities. Magi did not restrain the usage of magic, at least not that much, but their magic was rougher, required loads of work and was far more dangerous. One wrong step and the user can end up dead quickly. Nefertiti has now access to both. While it will be interesting to know everything there is about the way of magi (as long as it will not turn her into a heartless monster), she really wants to know the full potential of magic cores. Perhaps she may even find an actual reason why the wizards use the words 'dark magic' so often.

But now, now she will learn the way of magi, wizard magic will come later.


I was asked to continue writing this bunny, even make it into a full story. The problem is that... well... I don't really know where to go with it, without it being too focused on romance between Ramesses and Nefertiti. Romance is good in a story, but it should stay in background. It shouldn't be the main focus in my opinion.

I need a good setting where both Nefertiti and Ramesses can shine. And no, I do not see the Voldemort as a good final boss. Why? Well... read this text, taken straight from TV tropes. It speaks about one the abilities of Ramesses:

Temple of Doom - Ramesseum Tentyris is essentially this taken to it's logical extreme. It seals all Noble Phantasms not wielded by people who are/were/became Divine Spirits, and the same goes for their skills. It is also filled with immortal Divine Beast sphinxes who infinitely regenerate all damage done to them, and Ramesses himself is protected by ten layers of temple walls in his sanctum, each of which can resist an Anti-Army tier attack, and even if this is pierced, he has the same regeneration as his beasts. In addition to all this, it is flooded with a poison called "The Majesty of God" which evaporates normal humans in two seconds and does crippling damage to Servants, even working on Arash who has an EX-ranked skill that gives him poison resistance, and the temple also possesses the capacity to fire beams of light at warships in the middle of the Pacific Ocean from Tokyo Bay. Finally, it has the Dendara Light, an enormous beam cannon with firepower equal to solar flares that can win against the EX-ranked Excalibur Proto. Suffice to say, ancient Egypt does not fuck around.

All I can say: Good luck Voldemort. Good luck Dumbles. You are not getting past that!

It also should be noted that it is highly questionable if Avada Kdevara, favorite spell of Death Eaters and Voldie alike would work on servants, since they are already dead. As a writer, I can make it either way, all I have to do is state how the spell works.

Oh, did I mention that his awesome, shiny-shiny barge can reduce all of Tokyo to rubble in less than an hour? And he has this awesome, flaming and highly dangerous sphinx to go along with all the other 'cute' pets. And it is highly suggested that he is good at magecraft, he can even knock out a person with a stare, something which he already did in this fanfic, at the end of the first chapter. Ramesses is a very strong servant, even the official materials state that his weakest noble phantasm is as strong as 3 other servants. I believe that it took Arash, powered by 3 command spells, Proto Saber and his Ex-ranked Excalibur to take him down.

Someone suggested that I would bring Yuuko Ichihara into this story and I agreed, but after seeing few anime episodes, I found out that I need something else as well. Those that want to see this turn into a full story, suggest me an anime where the two would be sent by Zelretch. I thought about making them join a Grail War, but Grail War fanfics are everywhere. If you do suggest something, also write a reason why. Thank you.

I hope that you people are enjoying summer.