Chapter 300: Curtailing the Abyss

"On Vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night
For someone
She lets herself go
Like an angel in the snow
She lays down on her back
Down on her back - she goes

Take me over when I'm gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when I'm gone
Will they burn for me

On Vineland past the candle shrine that melts into the street design
She waits - for someone
Tonight she'll give herself away
She'll break apart all by herself
It's so easy how we come undone

Take me over when I'm gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when I'm gone
Will they burn for me

She pulls me in – strips me down
She pulls me in – turns me out
She pulls me in – strips me down

Take me over when I'm gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when I'm gone
Will they burn for me
Will they burn for me" – "Candleburn" – Dishwalla

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." – Victor Hugo


Sydney bolted the door behind them after they stepped in the foyer. Vaughn waited patiently, taking her hand again as she turned from the lock. She smiled softly and pulled him closer as they walked down the hall. She closed the bedroom door behind them as well, letting go of Vaughn as he walked to the bed and sat down slowly on the edge of it. His gaze drifted towards the patio doors to his right and when Sydney turned, he was still gazing out the sheer curtains into black nothingness. She walked towards him, and he finally looked at her when she sat down next to him. He looked down as she interlocked their fingers, leaning on him gently, her head falling onto his shoulder.

"You ever get the feeling that you're on the edge of a big black hole and you're just one step away from falling in it?" he asked suddenly.

Sydney's head popped up instantly worried, "Vaughn?"

"No, I don't mean it like that…not that I'm constantly on the edge of it…just…" he took a deep breath, "feels that way tonight."

She nodded but didn't say anything.

"I mean I…I want to get it over with in a way you know? But there's still a part of me that's scared to pour it all out…"

"Yeah I can see that honey."

"Maybe if I get it all out…and you read it…if you still want to," he looked at her unsurely for a moment, "Then maybe, I dunno, it'll be easier to let it go. This weekend was so much about moving on…but if I can't even get it out on paper for myself, then I'm gonna be going nowhere fast."

Sydney nodded again, "I want to read it Vaughn, but only if you want me to."

"I've been writing it to you," Vaughn said quietly.

"I know…but if you don't want me to, I won't."

"I want you to know everything," he stopped and then started again, "I do…I just…I mean it's not a happy piece of literature."

She caressed his cheek and made him turn to look at her, "I want to know. I've never disillusioned myself to think it'll be easy to read, but I have to know."

"Ok," Vaughn said unsteadily after a moment of deliberation. He looked off again, this time, his head facing the front, his eyes boring into the grain of the wood on the dresser. "Be a long day…" he said trailing off.

Sydney cuddled closer, her arm wrapping around his back, pulling him closer as her head dropped onto his shoulder again. "It won't be easy for either one of us Vaughn…but we'll get through it…just like we always do."

Vaughn let out a ragged breath and nodded.

Sydney knew that just the idea of thinking about everything that had happened to him had to be eating a large hole inside of him. She also realized that after all the emotions and pain that was most likely to be drudged up the following day, there would be no room for physical connection. Emotive exhaustion would rule over anything physical they might want to share.

That left just this night…this abysmal night; that she hoped would be enough to comfort and strengthen both of them for the task that lay ahead. She knew there would be no time in the dawn of the morning to share this same closeness; he would be too determined and far too fragile. In a way, she never wanted the darkness to end, but if they stayed locked forever in this contrived abyss, he would stay lost in the dark forever, never moving fully into the light that would be their life. He told her once that he was lost in the dark; his old shadow replaced with a darkness that he couldn't shake. If she willingly let him stay in the darkness of this night, he would never leave the darkness behind. His life would be haunted, murky silhouettes would follow him everywhere, never letting him cast his own shadow again, and she couldn't let that happen.

Vaughn was lost in his own thoughts; too many swirling like a tornado in his head. It was hard enough to sort out normal ones, but throwing panicked thoughts of what tomorrow would bring, thoughts of torture past and present, reliving it again in his mind…the tornado threatened to spin him out of control. The only thing that kept him from spinning off of the bed was Sydney, his anchor, tethering him to a sanity that only she seemed able to provide. He knew that tomorrow would not be easy for her either. It was bad enough he had to drag it up again, but this time…this time she would get dragged through it with him…she would be more than an observer this time, watching and reading every thought and every part of torture. In a way, she was crossing a line – to a participant. She would relive it with him. He wasn't sure she was ready for that, and he certainly wasn't sure he was. His mind had extrapolated a million different scenarios and reactions, but he knew none of them he came up with would be how Sydney would react. She reacted outside of the realm of how normal people did, too accustomed and ingrained into the unbelievable world they lived in. He tried to calm his mind, to tell himself that she wouldn't judge him, that she would love him no matter what poured out on the screen, but the thoughts still lingered…

Before he knew it, Sydney's hand reached out for him in the muted light, touching his cheek, seeking something more tangible in his form than her mere thoughts of his shadow. The touch of her hand on him pulled him out of his own thoughts, and he turned to look down at her. She smiled warmly and kissed him softly on the lips, her hand moving down his cheek until it came to rest on his chest. He eagerly responded, shifting to meet her lips, forcing her to move away from his shoulder to meet him.

She stood suddenly, and planted herself in his lap, her legs straddling his as her arms wrapped around his neck, her interlocked fingers kneading through the bottom of his hair. As their mouths melded and their tongues dueled in a passionate war, Vaughn's hands began to roam up and down Sydney's back, kneading the flesh there in a similar manner to what she was currently doing in his hair. Sydney's head tilted to capture his mouth at a new angle, Vaughn's hand moving to cup her neck, his fingers dancing through the soft strands of her chestnut hair. She moaned into his mouth as his other hand moved to the front of her shirt, skimming along the material before he cupped her breast, molding it the way his fingers deemed appropriate. Sydney's hands faltered in Vaughn's hair as he pinched her nipple, urging her to remove the shirt and the bra beneath with a simple glance and a flash of his most charmingly dimpled smile.

She smirked and sat back breathless, carelessly ripping the shirt over her head as Vaughn worked the clasp of the bra in a mere second. She tossed it aside as well, running her fingers through her hair before she settled on his shirt, her hands stopping right beneath his shoulders, rubbing softly and looking longingly at the black cotton fabric, knowing what was underneath. She smiled seductively and her tongue snaked out to wet her lips before she gently helped him remove the shirt, running the pads of her fingers over the newly exposed flesh.

Her mouth replaced her hands, moving lower to rub warmth across his ribs, still encased safely in the rib wrap. Vaughn lost all ability to counter her, deciding instead that hanging on would be a good idea as her mouth made short work of his chest, her tongue running along his collarbone and up his Adam's apple until their mouths met again in a searing and singeing embrace.

Sydney pushed against his chest but he pulled away from her kiss and shook his head, "No…not this time…" he said quietly.

She regarded him closely for a minute, trying to decide what would be different.

"Stand up…" he said.

Sydney backed off and watched as he stood up with her, moving to close the gap between them. His right hand reached for the button on her jeans, pulling gently and rather quickly separating the denim material. He grinned as he pulled the zipper after it, stepping back a fraction of an inch for her to remove them. She peeled them off and got rid of her panties with them, and moved back to him, her hands falling to his jeans, replicating the motions he'd just completed. She pulled the jeans down, the boxers falling with them, and he stepped out of them, faltering slightly when she decided to rake her nails down his thighs at that moment.

She stood up quickly to steady him and then promptly took any balance away as she kissed him and grabbed his enlarging cock at the same time. His brow furrowed as her grip tightened; the moan that was spilling from his mouth immediately swallowed in Sydney's kiss. She started to walk him back to the bed, but he stopped her, moving her hand away from him and making her stop to look into his eyes.

He smiled, assuring her nothing was wrong, but switched positions, making her walk backwards to the bed instead. Her look of confusion turned to utter shock once they reached the edge of the bed. While she stood eyeing him, waiting for what he was going to do next, he pushed her, sending her flailing back on the bed. She propped herself up on her elbows after she landed, her mouth agape, and was about ask him what the hell he was thinking, but the look in his eyes made her stop. He moved forward, stepping into her spread legs, making them spread further as he moved closer to her. Instinct told her to sit up and as she did, he started towards her, kneeling on the bed between her legs. Her face broke out in a mischievous grin that mirrored his own while he steadily forced her to move up on the bed. Once her head hit the pillow, he stopped, resting back on his knees to take her in. His gaze traveled up her body, cataloguing everything he'd missed from this vantage point. Sydney watched him, watched the smile widen when he reached her face; watched his reaction when she reached out for him.

His face was set in determination and based on his earlier activities; Sydney knew what he was thinking. She wasn't sure it was going to work, but she was damn well going to let him try. He started to move down toward her, bracing himself on his right arm, the muscles in his bicep flexing with the exertion and new position. As the space between their bodies decreased, Sydney realized she was going to have to do something to help him stay upright. She thought a minute and then accommodated just as his abdomen met hers. As he bent his right arm to rest his elbow on the bed, she made sure her right bent the same, and moved her hand to the inside of his shoulder, propping him up and affording him the balance he was going to need to be on top. With both of them aiding in his balance, it left each with a hand to roam, and furnished enough stability for Vaughn to feel confident. They took pleasure in the simple fact that Vaughn was on top for a few minutes…

"You're on top," Sydney said quietly, giggling.

"Yes…it seems so…"

"You ok?" Sydney had to ask.

"I'm fine."

"No pain?"

"A little is ok."

"Vaughn…"

"I'm fine," he assured her.

"Pressure?"

"Nope," Vaughn said, shaking his head and lowering his mouth to hers.

She moaned as his tongue plunged in her mouth, an urgency and need in his kisses tonight, but she realized her kisses in return were just as fervent and insistent. Their connection tomorrow would be deeper, more spiritual, even more so than the normal soulful, physical act that she knew they'd share tonight. The following morning would bring the need for support of a different kind, the kind that could outlast the stamina of the flesh; the kind that only their souls shared at their barest essence. But that was tomorrow…tonight was about forgetting, comforting, new beginnings, connection, unity, satiation, passion, peace…love. Separately they were two wonderful people, but they were something completely different when together – whole…

"Make love to me Michael," Sydney whispered in his ear as his mouth had delved to her neck.