Sam's mind was made up. He'd had the fifteen minute journey from the grave site to yet another cheap, run down motel they were staying at to think it through. That length of time didn't really seem enough, he wanted to stew over this for so much longer, but in the end, he knew it would always come down to one thing, would always get the same answer.

He decided that he would resolve this whole 'lusting after his brother' thing when he saw the horror in Dean's eyes back at the crypt. The horror that had formed from being within such close proximity to him. Sam thought that he must have let his guard down and leaned in a little because Dean looked absolutely disgusted and Sam's back ached from being shoved into the hard wall. And to top it all off, Dean went and puked outside. But Dean didn't know that Sam had seen that, and he was going to keep it that way. After all, Dean was only trying to spare his feelings because Dean didn't want to let his little brother know that all that stuff they'd done when they were drunk was taking its toll. Naturally, Sam blamed himself. He knew Dean didn't blame him, they were both drunk, but he thought that Dean should blame him because he was the one having these sick feelings. He was the one that wanted and enjoyed what they did when they drank. Maybe he truly was evil. He was supposed to go dark side, right? Obviously loving your brother wasn't exactly what everyone had in mind when 'dark side' was mentioned. But it wasn't particularly good either. The one thing Sam didn't understand was that sometimes, he got really angry, he couldn't think of much besides the rage and, in those moments, he believed that he probably was destined to be something more sinister and Dean should just shoot him like a dog. However, when Dean was around, everything was so much better. He just felt safer and like he would never do anything wrong, would fight his damned hardest against the demons and what not, all for Dean, because Dean gave him the strength to keep trying. So, why was loving Dean so wrong when Dean made him feel more human?

Even with that in mind, in the car, Sam came up with a plan; he would tell his brother how he felt, and then he would leave. It seemed like a good decision, because Dean's head was already getting messed up from what they had been doing and it wasn't like Sam hadn't noticed how Dean had been avoiding eye contact and flinching every time they accidentally touched since Bobby's. Those actions made Sam come to the conclusion that Dean would be a lot happier and be more comfortable without him. Originally, Sam's plan was to simply take off and leave Dean to it so he wouldn't be burdened with thinking about everything. But with deeper consideration, Sam decided that his brother wouldn't let him leave without a suitable explanation. For a while, he thought about sneaking out at night or lying to Dean about why he had to leave but then he realised Dean would only know and come after him, which would be a waste of his time. Also, Dean most probably blamed himself for what had been going on between them. Dean did always take the responsibility. So, this is when Sam's mind became set on telling his brother how he really felt. Mainly because he didn't want Dean to feel like he was running away because of what Dean had done, which wasn't true in the slightest because it was his fault, not Dean's. But also partly because he just wanted to get it out in the open, this big secret was driving him crazy and he didn't think he could hold it in much longer. Images of Dean's disgusted face flew through Sam's mind, along with pictures of Dean's hand flying at his face. He knew Dean was sure to throw some punches. Sam flinched internally; just thinking about the complete rejection he was to receive made his heart break. He really didn't want to leave knowing Dean hated him, but he had to because he knew it would make everything so much easier on Dean. Dean wouldn't have to come looking for him because, who would come looking for an incestuous monster? Sam constantly worried about the yellow eyed demon and what he apparently had in store for him, because he would never forgive himself if he went down the wrong path, even if it was just a misjudgement. Sure, it would be hard to stay on track without Dean by his side. But it was for the best.