Her first days were spent in disbelief. This wasn't happening, it was just a dream. No job, no Ryan, absolutely nothing. And to top it all, her landlord had found someone new to live in her apartment so she needed to move out because she, in her complete haze, forgot to let him know that she wasn't leaving anymore.

She hated anything to do with her mother and yet it had come to begging her mother for a place to stay or being on the streets. She couldn't believe it but there it was.

Veronica had laughed it all off. It felt to Taylor like she had been expecting her for ages. Like Taylor's failure was predictable.

She spent her first days back in Newport crying in her childhood room, eating chips and icecream and watching crappy soaps. She couldn't believe how addictive this lifestyle was - she found it harder and harder to get out of bed. Then one day as her mother somehow found her way to her room and spent enough time with her to warn her about getting fat, Taylor shook herself off and decided she was not going to be in this pitiful state any longer.

Her first stop was the beach where she spent another couple of hours watching the waves crash. She loved the smell of fresh salty air - although sunbathing wasn't her thing. However sitting on a beach and smelling the sea was so peaceful and nice, she found it hard to move.

"Taylor?"

Summer's voice woke her up. She didn't look at her, she didn't have to. Summer had found her. She was going to find out she was Newport and she was gonna tell Seth. And from then on either Seth was gonna slip it casually to Ryan or Summer (as the biggest Ryan-Taylor fan out there, including Ryan and Taylor at the moment) was gonna do it herself. No matter how, Ryan was gonna know.

And then there's two versions: he's either gonna think she lied to him about Chicago (totally justifiable thought, after all) and be even angrier. Or he's gonna believe her story and pity her. None of those options looked very good.

"Summer" she said dryly. "What happened to honeymoons that actually lasted a month?"

"Jobs happened. You know, like yours. In Chicago?"

Of course she brought that up.

"Yeah, well, that's not looking very good right now."

Summer took one good look at her and sat down next to her. Judging by the fact that Summer's initial irritated voice suddenly changed to a friendlier tone, Taylor assumed she must look terrible.

"What happened?"

"Well, basically, the old guy who was leaving the job - therefore creating a vacancy for me - decided he didn't want to leave his job anymore."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So what about your old job?"

"Well, that would have been fine, except for the tiny detail that the Chicago guys announced me about their change of plans after I was fired for accepting their job offer."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So what are you doing here?"

"Well, in my idiocy, while believing that I had the Chicago job in my pocket and believing that I needed to move to Chicago, I kinda told my landlord to find some other guys to stay."

"Wow."

Taylor laughed.

"Yeah."

"Where are you staying?"

"With my mother. And Greg. Who isn't so bad. Greg, that is. My mother's just as bad. Greg is OK, although he's kinda young and I'm kinda thinking he's in it for the money, but hey, she deserves it."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Well the Chicago guys offered me a middle management job in LA and I might take it."

"Yeah, that might be..."

"Or I might not, considerring that I don't want them to think I depend on their mercy. After all Veronica's got plenty of money to keep me for decades and after all she puts me through I deserve to live off her for a while, at least until I find a job that doesn't take away any part of my dignity."

"Uh..."

"Yeah."

"So, does Ryan know you're here?"

"Well since he hasn't dropped by to my house yet and this is the first time I'm going out, I'm thinking there's no way he knows."

"So what do you intend to do about that?"

"Nothing. But I'm assuming you'll fix that."

"Do you want me to?"

"I don't know. It might be too late anyway."

"Taylor..."

"Summer, my life's really messed up. I left with my head up and now I'm returning to him with my tail between my legs? How does that look? He's gonna think the only reason I'm back is because I have no choice!"

"Would you be back if you had a choice?"

"No but that's not the point!"

"So how much do you like Ryan after all?"

"Enough to leave?" Taylor looked at her and frowned.

"Yeah. Thought so."

"What?"

"You have some weird ideas about love, Taylor."

"Who said anything about love?"

Summer rolled her eyes. Just then her phone rang.

"It's Seth. We're supposed to meet at the diner. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I'll let you enjoy your marital bliss and go read a book or something. I think The Young and The Restless is on at this hour."

"Yeah. I'll see you around, Taylor."

"Yeah."

Summer got up and answered her phone: "Hey baby!"

Taylor almost cried at the sound of her happy voice.

--

It took exactly one day until Taylor got out to go to the beach and found Ryan at her doorstep. She stopped short, staring at him in surprise.

He seemed undecided. She definitely was undecided. Until she chose to go back to her own ways, bury everything and be a lady.

OK, this is weird.

"Ryan, hi! Wanna go to the beach?"

Her friendly tone must have surprised him. He certainly looked surprised. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back and nodded.

Taylor went ahead and Ryan came after her. His hand touched hers in the process and they both jolted at the electricity still burning between them. They kept a safe distance after that.

"So... uh..." he started.

"Summer told you."

"Yeah."

"She knows."

"Yeah. I kinda figured that after the wedding when she came to talk to me."

"What did she say?"

"I don't remember much. I was a bit drunk."

"You, drunk? I thought you Atwoods could hold your drinking?"

"There's a limit, even for Atwoods."

"So why did you cross it?"

She bit her tongue right afterwards. What has she expecting? For him to declare his undying love? For all she knew he was mad cause Marissa was continuing her world tour instead of staying in Newport.

"I was angry."

"Why?"

"Are you gonna be honest with me Taylor? For once in your life?"

"I never lied to you."

"You never told me the truth either."

They reached the beach and Taylor sat down on the nearest spot. Ryan sat next to her. She could feel her eyes burning her cheek, but she refused to look at him. She smelled the salty sea and watched the waves.

"Why did you take the job in Chicago?"

"Because you told me to think about myself and no-one else."

"Had I known the job was in Chicago I wouldn't have told you that."

"A-ha so basically when you tell me to think about myself, you mean to think about myself unless of course you're involved."

"Pretty much."

"Why does it matter so much, Ryan? What? You've never been dumped before, is that it?"

"That's offensive."

His tone was calm, not offensed. She finally dared to look at him.

"OK, be honest."

"I've never been anything but honest to you, Taylor. You know, all this time, I thought we didn't need to talk. Cause you see, I'm not much of a talker, myself. I've always dreamed of a relationship where someone simply understood what I meant, without me having to say it. Somehow I thought you were it, because we practically lived together for months without you bugging me once, without you shouting at me whenever a client kept me late, without you calling at me at all times to ask where I was, without you feeling the need to ask me all the time how I feel about you and where we stand. I thought, in my stupidity, that that meant that you knew me, that you understood me. That you felt secure in our relationship. While all the time it simply meant that you didn't care."

He turned his head, suddenly staring at the other side of the beach. Taylor's eyes opened wide at his confession.

"What are you saying, Ryan?"

He turned back and stared her in the eyes. That look was back on his face - that look from the night before Summer's wedding. And this time she knew that look. It was her look every time her mother told her she was fat. Every time she came home happy only to have her mother slap her happiness right down. Every time she liked a boy only to have him make fun of her. Every time someone said 'you're cool, Taylor, but...".

"You know, all those times people told me you were weird in highschool - they were right. Not before you're smart and can learn anything. And not because you're not afraid to look people in the eye and tell them things they don't like to hear. But because you are the weirdest combination between annoyingly smart and annoyingly blind."

He got up and left, leaving Taylor dumb folded. She stood there for hours staring at the sea and thinking of his words.

Could Ryan actually like her? Could Ryan have thought they were in a real relationship? Could a guy like him really like her? Above the sex, above the free meals and desperate easiness she offered? Her?