Lost in Darkness: Found in Stars

Chapter 11: Shattered Visions

Aarini woke with a gasp, sweat coating her skin. She kicked her legs wildly, trying to free them from the snare of sheets clinging to her, and sat up. A blurry haze clouded the edge of her vision as she blinked away the last remnants of her dream. She forced herself to take deep steady breaths as she trembled in the cold morning air.

She could still feel the blood underneath her fingernails, in her hair, dripping down her neck—oh god, it's everywhere…

She vaulted off the bed and made it to the trashcan before she began vomiting, the acid burning her throat as her stomach cramped and spasmed. Sweat dripped into her eyes, causing them to water as she knelt on the floor shivering. After a moment, she forced herself up, stumbling to the bathroom blindly in the dark.

She splashed water across her face, hoping it would bring her some relief. It did not. She stood there hunched over, her fingers leaving dents where she dug them in on the side of the sink. After a few moments, she looked up and sighed. The woman staring back at her in the mirror was almost unrecognizable. She was pale and thin with sharp cheekbones. Her lips were pale grey and the bruises beneath her eyes were dark purple. But, it was her eyes that were truly strange. They were tired and frightened, lacking any warmth or spark—dull and hopeless.

The truth was she was tired. She was alone. Her people, her family, were all dead. She had been placed on this ship for god-only-knows what reason, waiting for the puppet master behind all this to reveal himself. But, until then, she was like a mouse in a maze—running an endless journey of predetermined paths as the powers that be sat back and watched. She couldn't escape, and even if she did where would she go? She had no one and nothing. There was no known corner of the universe she could go that Star Fleet couldn't find her. If she ran, she would be hunted and slaughtered. She was trapped. All she could do was wait.

Suddenly, Aarini snarled, drawing her hand back and smashing it into the mirror with all her strength. Her fist went through the mirror and the frame, leaving a sizeable dent in the metal wall behind it. She could feel the shards digging into her skin. She relished in it. She closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the blood dripping down her hand.

She snapped around and began pacing the room like a caged animal. Her heart hammered. Her muscles tensed as her lips pulled back in a snarl. She could feel a hum of energy beneath her skin, like she had just been electrocuted. It itched and ached and burned and begged to be released. Finally, she turned and ran out of the room, her shoulders tense and hands still clenched in fist as she made her way through the corridors of the ship. She felt as if she was on the verge of breaking—shattering into a thousand pieces.

She moved quickly through the dimly lit halls. It was the middle of the night and few people were about. She met no one. She walked with no destination in mind, just a compulsive need to move that was all consuming. She was lost in herself, her thoughts having moved from rationality to a blur of images and feelings. She had been going for almost fifteen minutes when, suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed her shoulder.

She reacted on instinct. In one swift movement she reached back and grabbed the persons arm, jerking them forward and elbowing them in the gut as hard as she could without causing internal bleeding. She ducked quickly, anticipating a retaliatory blow, and delivered a sharp uppercut, slamming the person into the wall. She silently cursed herself for her own stupidity as she pinned her forearm across his throat.

"Alright, who are…Captain?"

"Yes," The blonde gasped out. "…you can stop choking me now." She released him and jumped back, her eyes wide as she realized what she had done.

"Captain, I'm…I'm so sorry…I didn't…"

"Is ok, it is me who should be apologizing." He said hoarsely, reaching up to touch his throat. "I did not mean to startle you. I…holy shit! Are you alright?"

A crease formed in her brow as she stared at him in confusion, her mind whirling. Shouldn't she be asking him that?

"Your hand," he continued reaching for her hand, which was still dripping blood. She watched as he tenderly took her fist, examining the cuts and bits of shattered mirror sticking out of her skin. "How did this happen?"

He looked up at her, meeting her gaze, and a strange thing happened. In that moment, as James Kirk stared at her—his gaze almost kind, despite the fact that she had just assaulted him—Aarini had the sudden urge to tell him everything. About the loneliness and sorrow and anger and fear. About how sometimes she felt like a shell of herself. About how sometimes she was genuinely happy with her new friends, and how she hated herself for it. About the lies and manipulation and the mouse in the maze. All of it. The desire was so fierce that for a moment she found herself taking a breath and opening her mouth to speak.

But then, out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the emblem on his uniform. Her face hardened into an expressionless mask as she stepped back, swallowing the bile rising in her throat and letting her hand fall to the side.

"I'm fine," She said, her voice monotone. "Just a broken glass that's all. I was just going down to see Doctor McCoy now."

"I'll walk with you."

Aarini could feel his gaze on her as they walked silently through the corridors. She stared straight ahead, keeping her expression neutral as they made their way. She thought she heard him begin to speak several times, but he never seemed to settle on what he wanted to say.

The med bay was empty when they arrived. The rows of beds neatly made up and the offices were dark. The only sound was the quiet hum of the life system. Aarini reached to ring for the on call doctor, but Kirk stopped her, taking her hand and leading her over to one of the empty cots. He gestured for her to sit down. She watched as he walked around, opening drawers and gathering supplies, obviously very familiar with his surroundings.

"Here," He said, taking her injured hand and setting in on a table he had wheeled over. "Let's have a look at this."

"Captain, you don't have to…"

"You don't have to call me that when we're off duty you know." He interrupted, using a pair of tweezers to pick out the pieces of shattered mirror from her skin. "You can call me Jim, or Kirk if you're more comfortable with that." He looked up and smiled charmingly.

"Captain," She repeated. "You really don't need to do that, I can call the doctor…"

"Who will ask how it happened." He finished, not looking up from his task. She winced as he hit a particularly tender spot. "And you know as well as I do that Bones won't buy any of that dropped a glass bull shit. So, why don't you just let me do this?" She had no response to that, so she sat quietly, watching the pile of bloody glass beside her hand steadily grow.

Kirk worked with slow steady hands, his careful methodical actions at odds with his normally wild personality. Aarini watched his hands with interest, observing the callouses and scars not unlike her own from working in the engine room. They were a workman's hands, not a bureaucrat or a diplomat's. Interesting.

"I've been meaning to ask you," he said after a few moments of peaceful silence. "How did you know Bones before you came here?"

He tightened his grip on her hand as he felt her tense. He waited for her to pull away or give some carefully constructed story, but she surprised them both by speaking honestly.

"I was hurt and he took care of me." She said, her tone carefully flat and even.

"How were you hurt?" He finished taking out the last piece of glass and began cleaning the injury, looking up at her through his lashes. She sat there with her eyes closed, her lips pressed together.

She considered the question carefully, debating if she should tell him anymore. Not even the good doctor knew what had happened to her before she had come into his care. Why would she tell Kirk? Why was he asking?

"I was requested to do something," She said finally. "When I refused the asker was…displeased. I came to Dr. McCoy because I was suffering from severe dehydration and malnutrition, and had several phaser burns and broken bones." He paused his work, but did not speak for a long time. They sat in silence.

"You might need stitches here." He finally said.

"Don't bother," She replied dismissively. "It'll heal on its own by the end of the work day tomorrow." He nodded and went about dressing the wound, wrapping it securely with a soft cotton gauze and covering it with a thick bandage.

"You should take tomorrow off," he advised, "or just stick to paperwork. If you try to move your hand to much the cuts will split open and take longer to heal." He looked up and met her gaze, both considering the other carefully.

"Did you end up doing what the person wanted you to?" He said finally.

"I'm here, aren't I?" She countered, her eyes giving him no clue as to her emotional state.

"Do you know why I joined Star Fleet?" He asked, rising. She didn't reply, but he seemed to take her silence as an invitation to continue speaking. "I was in a bar on Terra, getting the shit kicked out of me, and I met the man who would become my mentor—Christopher Pike."

She watched as he disinfected the supplies and put them away, making his way back over with a rag to wipe down the table. His smile was light and carefree, but his eyes were darken with sadness.

"He told me that I was wasting my life and my talents working in a junk yard and getting into bar fights. He said that in Star Fleet I could do something worthwhile, something good."

She rose off the bed and walked towards the door. "Why are you telling me this?"

"What Admiral Marcus did was appalling and inexcusable." She closed her eyes and fought the urge to wince at the sound of the name of her enemy. Even from death he tortured her. "But he does not represent all of Star Fleet. There is a purpose in what we do, and I believe in it."

"And what purpose is that, Captain?"

"Are you still coming with the away team to Hwata?" He asked suddenly. Aarini's brow crinkled as she turned around, looking at him with confusion.

"I said that I would."

He smiled brightly. "Good, hopefully, I'll be able to show you what I mean, then."

They stood in silence, watching each other.

"Goodnight, Captain." She said finally.

"Goodnight, Ms. Williams."

XxX

"Everything is in place, ma'am." Commander Zabulus reported, hands clasped behind his back as he stared straight ahead.

"The team is in place?" Eris asked, her cold gaze staring out the window onto the station where the USS Vengeance was being repaired.

"They arrive in the morning. Dr. Urush has made some significant strides over the past few days and the suits are ready for testing."

"Excellent. And the asset?"

"Our agent onboard the Enterprise reports that the asset is settled. She performed as we predicted and the crew trust her. She seems to have begun to form an emotional attachment to them."

"Good…" Eris murmured to herself. "Where is the Enterprise now?"

"They dock in the Hwata system tomorrow. The Captain is to oversee the peace negotiations between the Albri and Xeti people."

"Very well, bring her in after the conclusion of the negotiations. Be sure to erase the records. I want it to be as if she never existed."

"Very good, Admiral." Zabulus turned to leave.

"Commander," Eris said, stopping him. "Does she suspect anything?"

Zabulus smiled. "No."

"Good."

XxX

Happy New Year! We're really getting into the thick of things now, how exciting! Forgive me for the gaps between updates, but I think they should be coming more regularly now. Also, I've started a new story and I would love if you guys would check it out and tell me what you think. As always your feedback, comments, and criticisms are welcomed and appreciated. I hope you're all well.

-Angel