Day One in the Mist

The Morning After

By Pat Squared

Disclaimer: We are not liable for any damages cause by third parties, karma, ninjas, ninja summons, or even gremlins (the type that was fed after midnight and enjoy dancing underneath the sprinklers for rapid reproduction) due to your failure to submit a timely review of this chapter of The Morning After, a Naruto fan fiction.

Remember, the Kinko's copy ninjas will arrange for those who do not review to be caught in the middle of a youthful hug between our favorite youth loving ninjas. If you do not review at least once, the Kinko's copy ninjas will fill out an application in your name for induction into the Cult of Youth and sign you up for a decade-long Youth boot camp. We have included a complementary 24/7 suicide watch so you can enjoy the full experience of youth camp. Translation, for the unyouthful there is no early release due to premature death.

Warning – Being caught in the middle of a Gai-sensei Rock Lee jug can cause the following – The urge to blind oneself, put on green spandex, make your teeth so shiny, grow uncontrollably fuzzy eye browns that no eyebrow shaper can tame, vow to accomplish an insane physical challenge every other sentence, and damage the psyche of overs by joining the Cult of Youth exposing unsuspecting victims to the Power of Youth.

The Story So Far

Sarutobi Konohamaru was a ninja from a family of ninjas.

He intellectually knew the dangers of being a ninja.

He had witnessed his grandfather and uncle die in the line of duty. He had his assets locked in a clan trust account (safe from both creditors and court judgments), a pour over will, disability and health insurance policy, and a 25-million ryo life insurance policy. In case of capture, he had a Class A explosive tag ready to insure that his remains would be atomized before they could haul him in for interrogation. Lastly, he had his lucky condom in his wallet.

The source of his problems was that his lucky condom was still in his wallet and therefore obviously was not properly placed on his tallywacker when he scored with the most eligible konoichi in the village, Hyūga Hanabi a week ago. Now our unlucky ninja was hiding in the Hidden Mist Village from Haishi 'Big Daddy' Hyūga, master of the infamous Hyūga castration strike and bearer of the traditional, rusty Hyūga spoon. The Hyūga's believe in long, agonizing lingering punishment and so used a dull rusty spoon rather than the more common family sword to deal with daughter's boyfriends who found their tallywacker entering in the inappropriate hole.

Worse, the mother of his coming child just gave him a Tsunade-style beat down because he could not complete the impossible task – A creature with the Y-chromosome (aka a male) reading the mind of a girl and saying just the right thing.

[Interested in preserving his ability to reproduce, our intrepid narrator shuts up as we rejoin our protagonists.]

Marketplace, Kirigakure (The Village Hidden in the Mist)

Konohamaru, the stunned nin staggered upwards. The earth was moving. Two steps and gravity slammed him into the ground will all the grace of a drunken elephant trying to do the tango. It was like a bad hangover, just without the aftertaste of alcohol, the tattoo of unknown origin, and the wonderment of what video would be soon posted on You 'Eediott!' Tube showing just how stupid he was to drink. Konohamaru looked himself over and sighed, "No tattoo."

Hanabi look at the father of her unborn child and prayed that her child would hopefully inherit the brains from her side of the family. It was obvious that Konohamaru was dropped one too many time as a baby. She had once thought that Konohamaru was only the class dobe (dead last) in honor of his mentor and rival, Naruto). Know she knew the truth…he was the one defective child that crops up even in the best of families…it was just her luck to get drunk with the wrong Sarutobi. Hell, even Konohamaru's two-year-old cousin was far smarter that this…

His latest offense – Failure to properly reassure her that she was still beautiful, no matter how fat and pregnant she was…even though she was only a week along and would not be showing her baby bump for a while…

After the beat down, Hanabi planned to find an ice cream parlor and eat all the chocolate chip ice cream. Fat…she will show him what fat really was. Her great grandmother was an Akemchi.

It is a known fact that the Akemchi clan is the provider of the genes that gave Hanabi's sister and a great number of her cousins an enhanced version of the true Hyūga bloodline…can you say boobies…now say it three times…I bet you smiled.

Now, Hanabi was going to show that monkey just how an Akemchi female deals with stress…competitive eating…the awe inspiring competitive eating that would make any male Akemchi either fall in love or cry because when it came to eating the females ate twice as much as the men.

Hanabi grabbed the unfortunate soul doomed to foot her bills for the rest of his life and started dragging her victim along the ground towards the ice cream stand. It was not mercy…someone was going to pay for her ice cream therapy and it was not going to be her. Beside is the time to grow her boobs because every Konoha konichi knew that boobs gives girls super strength.

Mikawaya Ice Cream Stand

Maiko looked wishfully at her future neechan (older sister) as neechan dragged 'stupid boy' to Hirohito's Ice Cream Stand. Maiko remembered the one time she got an ice cream bar.

Stupid boys…

She remembered Gyou-baka smashing her hands and ice cream into her face and that evil matron scolding her for being so messy and clumsy. Maiko hated…hated stupid boys and wanted to beat up stupid boys like neechan.

She wanted…she wanted to walk up…to have neechan treat her to ice cream. However, no one, not even neechan would give a bad girl like Maiko a treat. Only good girls get treats…bad girls like Maiko get scoldings, whippings, or are locked in their room without supper. No matter how had she tried…Maiko was a bad girl. She was bad…she was clumsy. She did not speak right. She was so stupid that she did not get her hiragana right. She could not read like the older kids. She was not even good enough to get milk and cookies. The other kids get milk and cookies and got to enjoy story time. All she got was a metal ruler on the butt for being bad and put in her room.

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad Maiko. Stupid Maiko. Even more double plus dumber than the double plus stupid double plus poo-poo head, snail eating boys with cooties.

The four year old bit her lip trying not to cry as the voices in her head yelled at her for being stupid. She should go away so her stupid cooties do not infect the other kids with her stupid blood limit…

Maiko hugged her pink, stuffed toy whale a little tighter in an attempt to hold back the tears. Shachi-chan (Killer Whale) looked a little worried as some stuffing attempted to escape out of her overstressed ancient seams. Suddenly, Shachi-chan exploded. Shachi-chan's seams gave out just when Maiko needed Shachi-chan the most.

It was too much for the four year old girl. Shachi-chan and the occasional sheet of bubble wrap were the two constants in her life that made her happy. Instinctively, Maiko started crying uncontrollably, hoping that someone would fixed Shachi-chan. The others took one look at her and walked away.

They always walked away.

Suddenly, someone picked up Maiko.

"There you are!" gruffed the voice of the evil child hunters. No matter how many times she attempted to escape, the one-armed child hunter hunted her down and took her back to the bad place where everyone laughed at her.

Maiko was scared.

No one saved for Mei-oneesan picked her up and hugged her. No. The others would picked her up only to take her back to the place with poo-poo head boys and doll killing girls. She did not want to go back. The adults were going to hurt her. Let the stupid boys and older girls pull her hair.

Maiko had to protect Shachi-chan (Killer Whale), her only pal. Unless she could see Mei-basan (Auntie Mei), they were going to take Shachi-chan away. They were going to give Shachi-chan to one of the good girls. Then the good girl would then tear Shachi-chan apart and throw her away like they did to Ino-san (Misses Piggy) and Kamitto no Kaeru (Kermit the Frog). Maiko had to get away.

Suddenly, Maiko got light and dizzy in an all too familiar way as she fell through the grip of her captor. Her ability to pass through things and people was not yet certain, but when she felt light headed, she knew that she could pass through things for a few moments. She knew that she had to run the moment she hit the ground and become heavy again or she would not be able to run away. As soon as she hit the ground, Maiko turned heavy and started running. As anyone who has kids can attest, nothing is faster than a kid running away. The problem was that kids did not have the stamina of ninjas.

"Get back here," a gruff voice commanded.

Maiko could hear her heart screaming as she felt the footsteps of the child hunter chasing her. Maiko ran through the wall and kept on running. Stupid one-arm monster could not run through walls.

Crash…

There were screams as people saw her being chased by the one-arm monster. She could run through walls, but he crashed through them. It was useless. She would run, but he will keep up with her until she could no longer pass through walls. Then he was going to take her back to the orphanage where they would laugh at her.

Just before Hanabi sets the world ice-cream eating record

Hanabi heard the screams. Someone just boldly grabbed at little girl and…

Hyūga had rules. There were thousands of rules and traditions covering everything from who stood up when someone else entered the room to the 135 proscribed steps for properly grooming one's hair every morning. However, rule number one was that child abuser or kidnapper, especially those that hit or abducted a Hyūga child, got a taste of Hyūga justice…long, drawn out, terrifying Hyūga justice preferably with a rusty spoon.

No one…no one was going to steal a child in front of Hanabi. What if that monster hit her child, or worse kidnap that little girl and breed her?

Sick bastard would probably scoop out her eyes and screw the eye sockets.

It was the ultimate fear of many Hyūga girls. To not only be stolen from your sisters, but be forced to be subservient to men, have your eyes taken out and being fornicated in the eye sockets (The horror stories inevitably get a little exaggerated in the retelling and then toss in Hanabi's repressed imagination getting free and oral sex turned into eye socket penetration).

Furthermore, no Hyūga girl would even stoop so low as to think of themselves as equals to boys.

Why would any self-respecting female insist on lowering themselves to the level of some stupid male?

No, there is no creature higher in the universe than a female and a Hyūga female tops them all. Even the kyubi had girl power. It was just that when Madara summon her, the fox has a bad case of PMS and someone took away her chocolate ice cream.

That monster was going down!

Kidnapping was an act so terrible that only child mutilation, child rape and murder was worse.

Orochimaru never had a chance at being hokage because the Hyūga clan would call in every debt to keep that creepy child fondler off the dais. And if that did not work, the Hyūga would go to war. Hyūga may love profits, but they will financially crush anyone who kidnapped or harbor someone who kidnaps children. Gato ran away to Wave and set up a blockage to not squeeze the local economy but rather to run away from the Hyūga clan. And once the Hyūga got their hands on a kidnapper…Orochimaru's test subjects had an infinitely better quality of life.

Hanabi tossed the ice cream vendor a wad of 100-ryo bills and stared chasing after that child abuser. A glimpse told her that Konohamaru was stumbling behind her in a futile effort to keep up. She noted with some level of satisfaction that the idiot father of her child was at least smart enough to grab the five reusable insulated bags each loaded with her twelve, hand-packed, pints of Funky Monkey Triple Fudge ice cream with marshmallows plus six squeeze bottles of Nestle chocolate syrup (fat free, of course, so the calories don't count).

Thoughts of an Eternal Genin

Ichiko Matsumura hated his job and his life for good reason.

First, his father ran out on his mother when she was pregnant with him. This was far too common a story for ninjas, but most mothers did not get vengeance by abandoning their newborn sons at the marketplace with a girl's name pinned to his diaper. Being the orphan boy with a girl's name in the ninja academy was not easy. If Zabuza did not kill his entire academy class in the prior year, Ichiko would have slaughtered the 60 other candidates for laughing at him when he introduced himself on the first day of the academy.

Second, he was the Mist Village's eternal genin and doomed to performing D-rank missions for the rest of his life. As a young genin, he insulted the wrong lady while off duty. He woke up two days later and he found himself missing an arm. Since it was not a job related injury, he could not retire and collect a disability pension.

Quitting mean having to pay back those student loans that all Mist ninja endured. As long as he was a ninja, he could defer those loans and if he made it for five more years, the village would pay off his loan balance for 20 years of service and give him a service length promotion to chūnin so he could spend the rest of his days in a nice safe office working as a bureaucrat and maybe after 30 years of service collect a decent pension. However, losing an arm meant that his ninja skills were compromised. Even with one handed seals, his ninjutsu and taijutsu skills were severely handicapped. Only a madman would risk life and limb by entering the chūnin exam with only one arm.

A one legged man in an ass kicking contest has a better chance of winning.

He was not a chūnin and able to get a full time position pushing paperwork at the Mizukage's office so he was suck on jobs like babysitting kids or listening to the complaints at the mission's desk.

Today was just like any other day.

Wake up.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Get ready for work.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Go to work at the mission desk.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Listen to baby-faced genin fresh from the academy complain about their missions and clients complain about the mission fees.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Take on the one time sensitive D-rank that was not picked up in the morning.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Babysit a rich merchant's brat.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Collect his payment voucher which seem to be shrinking every time.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Stand in line at the bank to cash his payment voucher.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Go home.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku as he tries to deal with the ever growing honey-do list.

Spot an all too familiar kid outside the orphanage.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

Decide if he was even going to bother returning the kid back to the orphanage.

Contemplate the joys of seppuku. Contemplate the joys of seppuku. Contemplate the joys of seppuku.

It was a little troublesome, but the only thing that sucked more than being a village's eternal genin was being the guest of honor at a torture and interrogation session.

There was a pattern the finger of fate gang-banging his arse throughout Ichiko's life and contemplating the joys of seppuku was his way of dealing with it. If he did not knock up his now hideous, hormonal wife one drunken night so many years ago and now have to feed half a dozen obnoxious brats…Ichiko would have already done it.

Now he was hanging on so he continued to torture the soul sucking banshee with his continued existence. He was going to deny her the opportunity to cash in on his life insurance policy and let her become a rich bitch with a paid-for boy-toy. No he was going to live long enough to make sure that she would never enjoy one ryo from his life insurance policy. He would spite her until she would be the one to load her pockets with stones and jump off the pier.

As Ichiko decided to give chase, he thought about the sake he would drink at his seppuku. It had to be a good sake. Expensive since they only let him have four sips so it had to be quality. And then the wakka. Five lines of five, seven, seven, five, and seven syllables.

Should he select a second or go totally bad ass by performing jumonji giri, or seppuku without a second to cut off his head and end the pain. It would hurt but it could not hurt as much as fifteen year of slow death with that she-witch he knocked up all those years ago. Plus the man points for going out like a bad ass.

If only they let him volunteer for a suicide mission and change the beneficiary on his life insurance policy to be anyone but his leach of a wife

Now that he contemplated the joys of ritual disembowelment, Ichiko now had to deal with the issue of the little brat that obviously escaped the orphanage. It was not that he hated kids…he just hated all of humanity and little kids more than most. No. With this kid, if he did not fetch her now, he was going to be stuck looking for her tomorrow.

This kid was too valuable to loose. The previous mizukage had nearly wiped out all the bloodlines in the Mist Village and it would be generations before Mist could recover. The village could not afford to lose any more than it did. Might as well get her back to the orphanage now and collect the fee on the standing D-rank mission. It might not be much, but an extra D-rank meant more sake to dull the phantom pain from his missing arm and his fate in this life.

He sighed, briefly contemplated seppuku, and decided to get her. Being a father of six, he had enough experience to know how to approach the tyke. He just had to get close enough to bribe the child with a couple sheets of bubble wraps. He might have had bad luck, but he was smart enough to know that you do not yell at little kids if you want them to come to you.

He called out to her as he reached into his messenger bag to pull out some bubble wrap. However, she screamed and started running. It looked like that she wanted to play tag today.

Damn, the brat ran before I could pull out the bubble wrap.

It was not going to be an easy day. It never was. He would have to run her down and tag her before she would give up. She thought it was a game of tag and wanted Uncle Ichoko to play with her.

Cue the music and start the chase.

At the Mizukage's Office

Today was good day for the current Mizukage.

Mei had dealt with, or at least delegated the issues that turned up on her desk in record time. Her staff was working efficiently. The academy staff was predicting greater than expected pass rates for this year's academy class while actually increasing the quality of academy graduates. Her two daughters were on a routine patrol assignment with their genin teams and would make it home tonight for a rare sit down dinner. Dinner was waiting in the crock pot and the rice cooker with automatic timer would have the rice ready just in time.

Today was the first day that Mei could relax in a long time.

Mei sipped her tea. The Land of Snow, now the Land of Spring, cultivated a unique tea that simultaneously allowed for relaxation and encourage concentration. It was used by grandmasters of monasteries, dynamos, and the richest of richest nobles. One ounce of the tea traded for five ounces of gold.

However, sipping the rare tea, Mei could not relax. It was not something that she could consciously, definitively point out. However, a couple decades of being a ninja and a kage with two bloodlines in a village know for hating bloodlines gave Mei the ability to sense impending doom.

Doom was ringing the bell, but no one could interpret the message.

The Chase

The crowd parted as if the spirit of Zabuza Momochi came back from the grave in order to finish off the village like he finished off his graduating class. Everyone dived into doorways and windows.

Three more steps…two more…reach out…

Ichiko did not know what was chasing him and why. Everyone knows that good old Ichiko would catch up to the child and bribe her with bubble wrap. It was as effective as bribing Naruto with freshly cooked ramen and the results were just as predictable.

For many years, there would be debates about the events that occurred. Some say that kami, herself, stepped down from the heavens wroth with great vengeance and furious anger. Some said that a new biju (tailed beast) arose from the depths of hell. Another stated that a comet fell from the heavens. Long after ninjas fade from history, folklore, and legends, scholars would argue want happened than fateful day.

It was the battle off two avatars. The Goddess of Youth versus the God of the Wrongfully Punished squared off.

The Goddess of Youth's avatar leapt up into the heaven and summoned the double dreaded megaton power fist.

The God of the Wrongfully Punished avatar, not sensing impending doom, focused his entire attention on completing this D-rank mission. He grasped the child and started to promise her a treat and some bubble wrap if only she would return back to the orphanage. The double dreaded megaton power fist smacked into the skull of the one-armed avatar.

A mushroom cloud arose over the Mist Village as survivors ducked, dropped, and covered. The earth shook. A strong flash permanently burned shadows against walls.

The one-armed avatar collapsed as if he was a Suna puppet and his master cut the chakra string. A thousand miles away, Suna puppeteers shook in instinctive fear and in the afterword Sasori crapped himself as he attempted to crawl away from the Blue Fairy who only wanted to make him a 'real-boy.'

The child turned around and started crying.

"BAD GIRL…you hurt Ichiko-ji-san!"

The avatar of the Goddess of Youth stood still…shocked. She only tried to…

Hanabi suddenly started crying. The hormones and stress of the last week overcame her.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…I can't do anything right. Who am I to raise a child when I cannot even…forgive me."

The little girl was stunned. There was a lady who was sadder than her.

"Here lady-san, hug Shachi-chan. She makes all the tears go away. No one can cry when hugging Shachi-chan," the little girl said as she held out a pink killer whale who was apparently loosing all it stuffing. "You need Shachi-chan to make you felt better?"

Konohamaru wonder if somehow this vision was the result of being hit by a genjutsu during the Chūnin Exams. One of his opponents tried, but he thought that he threw it off before he used the head hunter jutsu and a couple clone with a hammer to play whack a mole with his opponent just like he use to do at the carnival as a kid. If it was, he wondered just how his opponent could craft this nightmare. Sucker the target with a vision of heaven that turns into hell.

He reached out towards the pink whale to feel it. Tactile genjutsu were almost impossible to pull off without a bloodline. He almost made contact when something made contact with his head and gravity knocked him into the ground.

"Stupid boy, I only share Miss Shachi with crying girl, not stupid, poo-poo head, double poo-pooh head boys like you, nose picking troll. Even Goya-baka knows to not touch Shachi-can."

The little girls voice was getting more agitated as her eyes and face took on a demonic hue. She was starting to growl at him. It was like that one time that someone attempted to ban ramen in Konoha.

Konohamaru was male, but unlike boss, he still had enough grey between the ears to know that he could not afford another entity chasing him down. Wordlessly he handed the little girl one of Hanabi's ice cream containers and a spoon.

"Baka!"

Thankfully, the brain forgets what happens about ten to fifteen seconds before knock out. Konohamaru did not remember what happen afterwards.

On the Boat to Wave

Hiashi looked with evil glee at the mushroom cloud on the horizon. The vein on the forehead, just above the bridge of the nose, was throbbing rythematicly, with an unholy intensity not even the ancient gods whose cruelty was unbound could match. The old jōnin's hands were rubbing together in sweet anticipation of making a certain monkey into a stuff trophy on his mantle. The grin on the old man's face was unsettling.

Naruto suppressed the urge to gulp, jump over the side of the boat, water run to the nearest temple, and become a celibate monk in an attempt to escape the killing intent of his father in law. Kyubi was thankful that Minato Namikaze got to him first before he encountered his vessel's mate's father. The man had to be reincarnation of Shiva, the destroyer of worlds. The fox now knew that the old Hyūga would have turned him into a rug and his tails into stuffed foxes for the Hyūga girls.

Sailors on deck and below resisted the urge to make the sign for protection from demons for the king of demons, with the all-seeingeyes of hell, was standing on the tip of the bowsprit demanding that the captain and crew throw on more sail and more ballast overboard in order to speed up the ship. He laughed at stormy sea and thunderous clouds daring, no double daring them to even think of thwarting his quest for summoning forth eternal pain to the boy who took advantage of his baby. The captain watched as his sailors threw perfectly good cargo overboard in an attempt to lighten the ship, his hand clutching the check that the Hyūga wrote wondering what idiot inspired the most dangerous man in the world to chase after him.

The captain looked at the stormy sky and prayed the that old man's viciousness would give the gods of storm and thunder pause while his boat was bobbing on the seas.

Konohagakure

Tsunade carefully examined the six winning lottery numbers and compared it to the lottery ticket in her hand. For six months, no one won the Powerball Lottery and the prize grew to over 5-billion ryo. Now she had the ticket that could pay for all the repairs and upgrades necessary. Normally, most kage would celebrate the end of funding problems for their villages. However, Tsunade, Shizune, Sakura, and the ANBU looked at one another. Nothing good ever came when Tsunade wins a large pile of money.

Mizugakure from the View of Konohamaru's Inner (Yes, it is a mad scientist)

"…And one time, I wrapped the toilet in plastic wrap and that meanie Miss Roach sat on it and peed all over and then another time I put salt in the boys' tooth brush and then another time I swirled the girl's tooth brush in my pee pee water and then I…"

Maiko was talking on and on while somehow devouring the ice cream and stealing Hanabi's heart while Konohamaru wondered just how he was going to tell his girlfriend that they could not 'adopt' a child in the same manner as one adopts a lost kitten. Especially a child that could be Naruto's reincarnation if only Naruto was dead if he could reincarnate. If Naruto did reincarnate could he reincarnate as a five year old?

Another existential question that would require an experiment. Naruto was a cool nii-chan, but it was science.

Konohamaru could already imagine talking to boss about that experiment.

"Renounce this experiment less the spirit of Orochimaru corrupts you and you start giving little boys hickeys and inviting them over to your hidden village for a sleep in.!" Naruto would initially reply to Konohamaru requests.

"Sorry, boss, I cannot be corrupted by science and science alone can answer these questions?"

"Then you are mad…mad as playing with this insanity inducing seal had driven me," Naruto would counter.

"Is it madness to know…to see clearly?"

"Please allow me to elucidate!"

Naruto would never use those words, but this is Konohamaru's daydream and if Ebitsu force Konohamaru to memorized the thesaurus, then Naruto would have to occasionally speak like he too memorized the thesaurus.

Konohamaru would stand firm and reply, "Never, you only seek to confuse me, to cleft me away from my true purpose, to quantify all the factors, and find…to find the answer lest we all be driven mad from knowing that we will never know."

"It could be such an interesting experiment…to break free the truth from the grasp of ignorance…to tip the bowl and partake of the ramen of knowledge…"

"I fear what may happen if we tip the vessel of knowledge…but the answers are so tempting…"

"For science…boss…for…"

"No Konohamaru…for ramen…all thirty one glorious flavors of ramen. I shall risk all to find the 32nd sacred flavor. Ramen gods, why hast thou forsaken me in my quest to sublimate all the goodness of your creation into my being."

Naruto would let him find the answer, even it meant being killed and endure forced reincarnation.

If only the old hag allowed Konohamaru to experiment. It was not his fault that giving the woodchuck summons power tools in order to answer the question, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck could chuck wood with power tools," would nearly destroy the forest around the village. The old hag should be happy that he was willing to do something intellectual like answering those important questions.

All that was left was to find Peter Piper, Susie the Shoe Shine girl, the good cook, and the Mongol horde so that he could get a definitive number on the pecks of pickled peppers, the number of shoe's shined, the number of cookies cooked, and the number of board that the bored Mongol horde hordes. And why do kids laugh at the rhymes, "I was born on a pirate ship", "Pirates Private Property," and "She said she should sit."

Inquiring minds like Konohamaru needed to solve these questions that not even grandpa, the God of Ninjutsu, could not solve. The answer was so simple. Find the one and test them to get the answer. The question will be answer, the problem solved, and the time he spend in Iruka-sensei's classroom pondering these questions instead of doing shiruken throwing calculations would not be a waste of his effort, but rather the preparation to answering life's great questions.

Naruto and Konohamaru had already answered the second greatest question of all…the trick to conquer all paperwork and if you said shadow clones…that is not the answer. Simply give whomever asks the questions or brings up the problem the duty of solving it and doing all the paperwork associated with it plus assign them another task since they were obviously not busy enough. After two or three times, no one would dare bring them any problems.

Should there would only be one question, how to beat the girl's ultimate genjutsu and not end up being the pack mule when it comes time for them to go shopping?