Author's Note: I like to think Kylo needed a moment to cool down. Maybe chill with some porgs. Who knows. But we can't just leave it at that, can we? :)

Thank you so much to everyone who continues to read.

Extra special thanks to:

eyreheights – Okay, I've gushed about you and TO you so much, that I don't want to come off as creepy, so I'm just gonna say I LOVE YOU and go spam your inbox on Tumblr. :3

ReyloRobyn2011 – What can I say? You're amazing and a great friend, sticking by me through each chapter. Then, we have Tumblr, and our husbands and ex best friends who are practically the same people. What would I do without you? Can't thank you enough, love.

vivalamiia89 – As always, thank you for your incredible comments! I appreciate your investment in and review of the story so much. I loved those same dynamics you mentioned and was excited to include or at least parallel them in this! I'm also excited that you picked up on that confounding jealousy Ben experienced between himself, Snoke, and the girl (Rey). To answer your questions: it's safe to say that Rey was able to wake up on her own, since she wasn't in the water very long. Kylo's POV is definitely coming, but not quite yet (I promise that when it does, it'll be very pertinent to the story and you'll like where it goes!). And as far as Snoke finding her, that question will also be answered. ;) Thank you again and can't wait to hear what you think next!

Angelique Sauvegarde – My mistake! I re-edited that line so many times that I pulverized it. Originally it compared the traits of the dark side against the Jedi, and that's how "altruism" came into play. Altruism is absolutely a Jedi trait. Thanks for catching it, and thanks for reading.


Chapter Ten

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor.
You know I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah


21 ABY

"Oh, you can do better than that, Little One." Ben rolled his eyes but couldn't mask the chuckle that contradicted his stern stance. Staff in hand, Little One was alone and unaware of his presence on his favorite hilltop – the one that could see as far as the dense woods to the east and the aquamarine waters to the west. At the center of it all were the temple and its surrounding village, a rough visage to match its neighboring wilderness. With only the quiet wind whipping about, whistling its high key, there was nothing that could distract from his meditations. Many of Ben's questions were often answered upon that hilltop, and he hoped the girl would find the same clarity there.

The numerous stones Little One was shakily holding aloft – circling as she knocked them out of orbit one by one with her staff – dropped instantly to the ground. She jumped, her expression riddled with anger and frustration. She couldn't sense his approach, although he did not expect her to. He hadn't visited her in more than a week. They had not continued their secret lessons, and he had not helped her to hone her skills further than where they'd left off. If anything, she was regressing without his tutelage, and her downhearted face showed it. He understood her frustration. She wasn't the only one who felt stronger with the force when they were together.

Ben circled her, tapping her at her shoulder and again at her elbow to correct her stance. She complied, but not without pouting. After Luke's interrogation, Ben reluctantly distanced himself. He knew his Little One was growing attached to him, and vice versa: breaking the number one rule. Uncle Luke said it was difficult, even for him, to follow that rule. That too many good Jedi had faltered beneath it, lost their way or even turned to the dark side at the hands of it, and henceforth proven its importance.

Still, he couldn't help but return to her. "Little One…"

"Don't call me that." Her voice was weak, and Ben winced inwardly. She'd never minded the epithet before. In fact, the few times he would say it, her face would light up and her eyes would nearly disappear beneath the spread of her smile. Ben sighed and cocked his head to one side, drawing a sheepish look from his Little One from under her eyelashes. He accepted his punishment for leaving her, in the refusal of the nickname she adored, deep down.

She toed at the stones that had scattered at her feet. "My momma used to… used to call me sweetheart." She sniffed once, allowing herself to feel the memory and miss her mother – then she let it go, changing the subject. "Did you find another youngling to talk to?" Her question was pitiful, making Ben chuckle.

"Of course not."

One by one, she began lifting the stones back into the air. "He spoke to me a lot while you were gone."

"To me as well," Ben admitted. In the past week, His voice had filled every moment of quiet. It seemed surreal to put a name to it, and though long ago Ben had seen his face, Snoke had never seemed so real. Until then. He had to be real, corporeal, and perhaps that was the reason He did not reveal his name to Ben. Perhaps Uncle Luke would have heard of Him…

"He says we should leave this place. That out there…" her eyes drifted to the vast waters in the distance. The stones continued to lift, their orbit quickening. "There is more to learn away from here. That He could teach us."

Ducking around the floating stones, Ben knelt in front of his Little One and gripped her shoulders. The stones stilled their courses. "Do not listen to Him," he warned protectively. He could kick himself: when she thought he had abandoned her and their private lessons together, she swayed to the only other constant she had left. "If you do not like what Master Luke and the others are teaching you…" Ben racked his brain, worry churning his stomach. The thought of this little thing – a youngling he'd known for mere weeks – leaving him… She needed more than the emotionless teachings of the Jedi, asking far too much from her. "If you do not like it, then I will be your teacher."

The stones fell. Her face no longer pursed with uncertainty and rejection, Little One threw her arms around Ben's neck and held on for dear life.


Present Day

"He was doing the same thing he did when I battled him on Starkiller," Rey explained enthusiastically to Luke back in the cave. She dropped the bandages she was using to tend to Luke's wounds and demonstrated Kylo's motions, mimicking a pounding motion with her fist against her ribcage. "It was like it riled him up in the fight. Like to keep his focus, or-or to –"

"Maintain his resolve. He was keeping the light from coming in," Luke finished. It was obvious now that Kylo Ren was shaken by his own actions that night. Or perhaps shaken by her. She'd undoubtedly been a distraction, rummaging around in his memories. She saw what he wanted: for it to be easy to commit such an unthinkable act as killing his own father. For it to be easy to embrace the unspoken initiation into the dark side of the force. When that didn't happen, he clung to what little darkness remained, inciting himself through pain and anger and regret. But Rey knew the truth. She knew what it felt like to be lost in the middle; in the gray. She knew the torment of being pulled to both sides, wanting so desperately for one to win over the other.

"And he didn't kill you," Rey sputtered, her thoughts running more quickly than her mouth. Luke took up the bandaging, allowing Rey to work through her deliberations uninhibited. From what she'd learned of Luke and what little he had shown her, Rey knew he was powerful. Arguably one of the most powerful Jedi that ever existed. And yet, even while carrying an injury that was several days old, Kylo had gained the upper hand. It was an injury that, through the supposed form he'd chosen under his obsession of Vader, he should have easily dodged... but Kylo Ren had allowed Chewie's blaster bolt to hit. Traipsing through his memories had proved that fact. And despite it, just as he'd nearly done with Rey on Starkiller, he'd overpowered Luke Skywalker. It didn't seem possible.

Luke's expression said it all. His eyes fell shut with a sigh and his head bowed. His resolve to kill or be killed had broken. He let the emotions slip through, and he faltered against his nephew. On purpose.

Rey chewed her lip, wanting to change the subject. "I don't think they healed him… the First Order. They did not heal him and they did not accompany him. Why?"

Luke winced as he pressed the gauze to the burnt flesh across his bicep. If only they had bacta… but being alone on the peaceful island, he did not expect a dire reason to need it. Kylo landed a deep strike there, and had Luke not been on his toes, he was sure he'd have lost an arm.

"He wasn't going to kill me. It did nothing for him to kill Han. And you were right from the start – he is here alone. I cannot sense anything other than him." Satisfied with his acceptable, albeit sloppy work, Luke passed Rey the remaining bandages. "He listened to you. So find him."

When Rey didn't answer, Luke stood shakily and pressed his lightsaber into her hand. His face, inches from hers, was seething with an unkempt disappointment. "It seems that he needs this bond as much as you do." His only movement was the fluttering of his eyelids over his tired eyes, and Rey knew that in his stillness, he was inviting her in. His mind was bright and the images were clear. She saw through his eyes – saw herself running toward the ocean, and Luke was hardly able to keep up. She disappeared through the trees and when he looked to the sky, a small, strange ship was lowering itself to the island. Panic – such a foreign sensation to the usually stalwart Jedi – rushed through his veins. But he continued on until she could see herself again, leaping from the cliff. Luke scrambled to the edge, extending his cybernetic arm ahead of him in an attempt to freeze her mid-fall. All he succeeded in doing was slowing her descent mere seconds before she disappeared beneath the water's surface.

Luke had seen everything, and Rey was ashamed. In all of her years of surviving on Jakku, a moment of delirious madness almost did her in. In mere days beneath the pressure, she'd succumbed. Kylo Ren had felt the pressure for thirty years. Luke was right… she needed the bond, the quiet, and she was sure Kylo had gotten a taste of the same serenity. She was sure that he needed it, too.

Find him. Luke repeated, his voice carrying through their connection. Rey's grip tightened around the bandages in her hands. I am responsible for the death of Ben Solo. I see now that he is lost. I will not be responsible for the death of Kylo Ren also, and neither will you.


The rain was still bearing down on Ahch-To like nature's answer to a drought. Winding her way through the dense woods, Rey could hear the ocean in the distance – its roar a rivalry against the downpour. She shuddered at the thought of what she'd done.

A thousand questions coursed through her mind, not least of all the question of how and why Kylo Ren hadn't killed Luke Skywalker when he had the chance. Luke's reasoning wasn't enough, she feared. How could the creature that mercilessly killed learn compassion so quickly? Wasn't it Kylo's sole ambition to destroy him? Wasn't it the reason he'd sought the map and why he'd taken her captive to probe her mind? Or was he just Snoke's pawn, doing as he was told?

The answer was there, but Rey danced around it as though it would pull her in and drown her for good.

And Luke… she couldn't make sense of what he intended to do. He either wanted salvation for his nephew, or to be the one to rectify his mistakes. But what would that entail? Luke understood what the Resistance expected of him. They wanted him to rebuild the Jedi Order – their last shred of hope for putting an end to Snoke's tyranny. But that's where Rey's knowledge of the Resistance's expectations ended. She assumed that, outside of General Organa, the Resistance was not privy to Luke's compassion for Kylo Ren. To many, Kylo was just an extension of Snoke. A war criminal. They weren't wrong.

Things were suddenly and unimaginably different now. Deep down, Rey couldn't help but wonder if there was hope for both Luke and Kylo Ren… repentance for two men who suffered for very different reasons. And if there was, she had to believe that it would serve a purpose; that it would be the key to finding and defeating Snoke. The thought of going to Kylo Ren now, bandages in hand, was not so unsettling. Rey was sure Han would have wanted someone to help his son, and she would honor his memory by doing so. But the idea of enlisting Kylo Ren's help sounded preposterous, even to Rey who was privy to Luke's plans – at least as much as allowed her to know.

It was still obvious to Rey that Luke was not telling her everything, but in all fairness, she could not do the same. Because Luke was wrong. Ben Solo was not dead. Rey saw him in the forest, in the gray of their combined consciousness just before she'd hurled herself into the ocean. He'd been just a figment of memories that were Kylo's and not hers, but she knew it was him. Even from afar, she recognized him: pale skin that glowed beneath glistening raindrops; thick, black hair that seemed stark against his pallor; tall, even in his youth; and eyes that revealed years of torture and turmoil far beyond any boy or man should endure. So distracted had she been by Snoke's presence in the vision, that she almost missed the heavy, tangible sense of pain that hung in the air. Outside of the vision, she could remember it, and it had emanated directly from him: Ben Solo.

As hard as it was to imagine forgiving a monster, everything she'd done so far… Rey couldn't let it all be for nothing.

She found Kylo Ren in a clearing not far from the cliff's edge. A small, single-man ship, reminiscent of a TIE fighter but with narrower wings and an elongated body, filled the space. His back was to her where he stood at the apex of a path through the woods, and beyond his shoulder Rey could see the ocean and the ledge from which she'd leapt. Rey chewed at her lip. Kylo must have acted quickly after landing, diving after her and pulling her from the sea. If she closed her eyes, she could see the white plume separating as his body speared through the water; could feel his arms wrap around her before everything went black. She wondered if he'd sensed her madness before diving into the churning water… If he'd felt her slowly but surely losing her fight against the pressure and the noise and the presence of pure and utter darkness in her head.

"Yes. I did," he answered, his back still to her. Shoving aside the reverie, Rey abandoned her short-lived reserve and could not deny the anger that welled in her gut. She was sick of having her thoughts read like an open book.

"Was it you?" she demanded, balling her fists and inching closer to the cloaked creature. "Was it you in my head this whole time? Driving me crazy? Driving me to… to the darkness?"

Kylo Ren turned nothing more than his head, and Rey was relieved that he still did not wear his mask. He seemed like more of a man and less of a monster without it. In its stead, a long, faded scar crossed over his eye and followed the contour of his cheek to his jawline. One wound healed, but not the other.

He spoke with grit in his voice. "It was you who sought me. It was you who would not get out of my head."

Rey's eyes darted to Kylo's fist tightening around the hilt of the lightsaber still clipped to his wasitband. The sight of it sent chills across her flesh, envisioning how it sparked and crackled in its instability. He was right. She remembered how she'd wanted nothing more than to run from him, over and over, yet here she was, seeking him out.

"If not you, then who?" She knew the answer already; she just wanted to hear him say it. Wanted to hear that he was not the one tormenting her. That she wasn't alone in her suffering. Rey closed her eyes and was relieved that the pure quietness still remained. Still, she could not forget the sound. "It… it was just a small hum at first, but it grew so strong, so quickly. Every time I opened my mind. When you found me, I… it was all I could hear."

"Snoke." Kylo answered immediately. He was motionless, watching her through his peripheral vision and he seemed darkly amused. "He nearly destroyed what he wants so badly. But he can't find you here; he's weaker than I thought, and so are you. It is interesting what fear and darkness drives people to do. Even you. A scavenger… the new Chosen One." The title was spat with anger and resentment.

"You may wish to follow in Vader's path, but I do not."

His grandfather's name seemed to spur Kylo to life. About-facing on his heel, he strode in large, thundering steps to close the gap between them. It took everything within Rey to stand her ground; to remind herself that the last time she'd found herself in Kylo's crosshairs, she had struck him down and left a scar…

Rey was taken aback. His face was not calm like during the interrogation, but not chaotic either as it was during their battle. It was somewhere in the middle, laced with pain. In spite of his bravado, it looked as though it took everything in his power to remain upright. His hair was glistening, wet from the rain and so much like her vision from the forest – the last one she saw before throwing herself to the ocean. His expression betrayed confliction and longing. But he spoke in an impossibly deep voice, hushed in anger, and Rey could no longer find him pitiable.

"You are just another pawn in the Jedi's game," he hissed, leaning down just enough to bring them nose to nose.

Rey's lips curled in anger and she bared her teeth with each word. "Better a Jedi than the spawn of Snoke."

Kylo Ren could not hide his emotions. They showed, twisting beneath eyes that drilled so deeply into her, Rey thought he'd see clean through to her core. Just like on Starkiller base from behind crossed lightsabers. She couldn't forget those eyes, not for a second.

"If you were not so blind, scavenger, you would see that we are not different. You, so righteous in the light, but the dark is always there. I can see it. It is always. There. Lying dormant. And it is the light that you struggle to maintain."

He spoke the truth, and Rey felt it crush her. Her chest ached. Ever since she was a child, she'd felt it. It was always a struggle to stay positive, to push forward and think of her future. She lost count how often she'd felt the anger well up within her where it felt so at home, manifesting into nightmares. It was a struggle to push it down. It always had been, and he could see this in her head.

But Kylo Ren had forgotten something. She could see him for everything, too. And she would finish the plan Luke started. "You're wrong," Rey said through clenched teeth. "We are different. Because you struggle to maintain the darkness. The light pulls you, because it is what you are. It is where you belong. You were Ben Solo, once…"

A sudden rush washed over her as if a heavy weight had been lifted. Like her mind was finally vacated from every single thing trying so desperately to get inside of it. Kylo faltered, subdued by her insistence and stiffly stepping back. She'd willingly stoked the flames by using the name he hated so much: the same name and person he'd claimed to destroy before murdering his father beneath an evil dictator's will. And yet, he had called her friends murderers, traitors and thieves.

Perhaps, from his view, they were.

From beneath his torn cloak, Rey could see where Kylo gripped his side. She thought of Han. Felt the compassion stir within her. The bandages in her hand felt ridiculous and out of place.

"You helped me," Rey conceded, taking a cautious step forward. She was almost proud when he stepped back in response. "Now you have to let me help you." She could feel his distrust. It was palpable and his eyes fixated on the bandages in her hand before turning to the ground. Sure enough, blood continued to drip along the path he'd taken, his wound aggravated from the exertion of combat.

"You saved me," she reiterated, calling his eyes to snap back up to hers. "How did you know that… I mean, how did you find…"

His stare was hard, like he was still working it out for himself as well. "Don't you remember? You've been in my head, scavenger. You wanted in; forced your way. You wanted me here." His eyes drifted away, staring off into the thicket of trees and shadows but focusing on nothing in particular. In his distraction, Rey slinked in, pushing back his cloak with light, careful fingers. He continued, seemingly oblivious to her prodding. "I didn't realize that it was you who drove out the noise – how quiet it was with you there – until it was not."

"You hear it, too?"

Rey froze, and ironically, so did Kylo. He was staring at her again, suddenly very aware of her hands on his torso. Her fingers were poised at the band around his waist as they searched for entry. She was now the one lost in thought. Noise… He did hear the same noise. And there in the clearing, with her hands on the man who'd once nearly killed her only to save her life, Rey heard nothing but silence. The sweet, merciful silence she'd chased time after time, just to find herself inside his head.

"If I'd wanted to kill you, I would have."

Rey clenched the fabric of his jacket in her fist, eliciting a pained jump from Kylo. He'd so easily crept right back inside of her, stealing her thoughts. He could see that, despite her boldness, she was still afraid of him.

If the man could apologize, he did so by unfastening his cloak and letting it pool at his feet. One by one, each piece of clothing followed suit, leaving a dark mass of fabric on the ground. Rey's eyes swept over Kylo's bare skin as he pulled the last bit – his tunic – over his head. All that was left were the harsh band lines of his arm guards crossing over his chest, stark against his flesh.

Rey had to distract herself, and there was still one last question burning in her mind. "Why hasn't Snoke been able to find me?"

He wouldn't answer. But when Rey timidly pried at the connection between them, he didn't resist. She could hear his thoughts, clear as day. Because I won't let him.

Clearing her throat, Rey focused on the now exposed wound and swallowed back a gasp. The wound spanned the length of his side, cascading over ribs and muscle and revealing wet, red tissue beneath it. The blaster wound should have been cauterized, just as any light-induced laceration would be. It looked like it was at first, but the edges of it were bruised and ripped open, left to tear at itself with every ministration. The image of him beating at his side in his duels with Finn and Luke once again replayed in Rey's mind. Suddenly the bandages she carried seemed futile.

"You have to have medical supplies in that ship, don't you?" Kylo didn't respond, and Rey sighed in frustration. "Fine, I'll go look for myself."

"You'll do no such thing," Kylo growled. Why did he have to resist everything? Rey could see how much he hurt by how still he held, not daring to move as though the slightest inch would send flourishes of white hot pain through his body. That same pain that incited him and could send him flying off the handle.

Throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation, Rey wagged the flimsy bandages in front of his face – which had returned to refusing to look at her, quite possibly out of embarrassment. "This is all I've got!" Yanking a length of it free, she began winding it around him in quick, irritated pulls. When he flinched, his skin tensing beneath her fingers as they brushed against him, Rey felt guilty. Slowing her pace, Rey continued, winding and winding until the blood no longer seeped through. Here and there she pressed her palm to smooth out the gauze, relieved when she felt him soften just a bit more with each subsequent touch. Taming the monster within.

"You'd have bled to death," Ray scolded, tying off the end of the wrap.

His words filled her head, and Rey wasn't sure if he'd entered hers or if she'd entered his. I have been, he thought, traces of self-loathing in his voice. I've been bleeding for thirty years.


Author's Note: So Rey struggles with the dark and the light… I think there's more to that story. :) We shall see!