Valentine's advice
Rory and the Doctor were bored. Their wives were off doing girly mother/daughter stuff with strict instructions to the men to behave. They'd played a few games of darts (the Doctor swore he won the last game fairly but Rory said otherwise) gone for a swim and finally ended up in the library.
"Should we go and find them?" the Doctor asked as he flipped another page in his book.
"Do you want to die?" Rory replied without looking up.
"No, I'd imagine it's quite painful," said the Doctor.
"Then we should stay here."
They were quiet for another few minutes.
"Oh bugger it, let's go find them," Rory sighed, pushing himself out of the chair and leading the Doctor to the most obvious place the women would be. "Amy's version of girl talk involves lots of drink," he explained to the Doctor as they approached the kitchen. Laughter from inside told them that Amy and River were:
Fairly drunk at this point and,
Were less likely to murder their respective spouses.
"Should we go in?" The Doctor whispered, only getting a long suffering look from Rory in return, "Oh, right." They leant against the wall, both interested in the girls' conversation and terrified that they'd be caught (and then killed).
"So that's the truth River," they heard Amy slur, "valentine's day is a load of crap, it isn't about being a couple in love. It's about chocolate and fake orgasms."
The Doctor bit his lip to keep from laughing as Rory's expression quickly changed from embarrassment to outrage to hurt. "I'm sure that's just the drink talking," he leant over and patted Rory's back sympathetically.
"That may be for you mother but I don't have to fake it. The Doctor is a wonderful and very talented lover." River replied, sounding equally as drunk. The Doctor's hand slowly stopped its movement on Rory's back as the sentence sunk into the men's brains.
"Now Rory," the Doctor took a few steps back as his normally calm, cool and collected friend/father-in-law stalked towards him with the air of someone who wanted to kill him, "you know I respect your daughter and, uh, Rory? What are you doing with that sword? Have you been carrying that all day? Rory? Ahh!" he rolled to the side as Rory swiped at him and scrambled to his feet.
"I'll teach you for having sex with my daughter!" Rory yelled, giving chase, the heavy gladius barely slowing him down.
"River help! No Rory! Not the bow-tie!"
In the kitchen, River and Amy looked over to the door. "Did you hear something just now?" Amy asked.
"Not a thing," River replied, smirking as she refilled their glasses.
