"Why the hell hasn't she called?"

"Derek calm down" Ana tried to reassure him. "She will."

"I should have bloody well gone with her. Letting her do this alone was a bad idea."

"And you rocking up at Jimmy's apartment wouldn't have been?! I know you're worried about her. I am too. But she needs to do this her way. It's not our fight."

"Yeah that only works when she isn't in such a fragile state. Who knows what crap he's telling her to suck her back in."

The night before Derek had taken Karen back to her apartment, and she'd broken down in Ana's arms. Derek, feeling helpless, had gone out to go pick up some takeout for them all, and to clear his head. He wondered how it had got to this. How he had found himself so entangled in the life of a girl from Iowa. This was why he didn't do relationships. They were messy. But with Karen, none of that seemed to matter.

She'd calmed down by the time he returned with the takeout, and was grateful for some food. He wondered if she'd even eaten all day.

"I'm going to speak to him tomorrow" she said quietly. "I can't tonight ... I need to get my head straight. I need to work out how to tell him. I know you think Jimmy's this bad person, but he's not. He's just broken. He's been like that for so long I don't even know if he can be fixed. I'm not even sure he wants to be. But I still want to be there for him. You understand that right? He needs someone to look out for him and I'm not going to desert him."

"I'll come with you."

"No, Derek. I need to do this alone." She winked at him reassuringly, but he could tell she was scared.

She went to bed soon after, exhausted both emotionally and physically. On her way to her room she leant down to hug Ana and kiss Derek on the cheek. "Thank you" she'd said. "I'm so sorry for everything."

The morning after, and it had now been 5 hours since Karen had left for Jimmy's apartment, and both Ana and Derek were now officially panicking.

"Okay this is ridiculous, I'm heading over there!"

Just as he got up the door of the apartment opened, and in walked Karen. She was shivering from the cold, and had dark rings around her eyes. Derek knew she'd been crying. He led her to the couch to sit down, and wrapped the couch blanket around her shoulders. When he touched her he felt her flinch. Her eyes were locked on her hands, and she wouldn't look at him.

"How did it go" Derek eventually asked, cursed himself for asking a bloody stupid question that could only have one reply.

"It's over" she said. "I don't want to talk about it. You just need to know it's over."

He wasn't going to push her anymore right now. He noted how withdrawn she looked. That emptiness in her eyes again. He was boiling inside at the thought of what Jimmy might have said to her.

"Okay sweetheart" he said softly, and moved to kiss her on the forehead. She jumped up before he got a chance, startling him and Ana with her sudden movement.

"Ummm, I'm really tired. I think I'm going to go and have a lie down." She said. She was fidgeting. She smiled at them and made her way to her room, shutting the door behind her, and shutting Derek and Ana out.


If Derek had thought that Karen free from Jimmy would return to normal, he was wrong. If anything she had withdrawn even further into herself. She'd stopped eating. She was looking frail, and Derek made the decision to for Karen's understudy, Emily, to play the role of Amanda for the last few shows at the Manhattan Theater Workshop, before the move to Broadway. Karen needed a few days away from the stress of Hit List. Her complete acceptance of this worried Derek more that anything. This was a girl who'd got pissed when he gave Ana 3 lines of 'Broadway Here I Come'!

It was late, and Derek was busy preparing for Hit List's final show the next day at the MTW, and was holed up in the costume room. Scott wandered in. "Oh hey Derek. Karen was here a second ago. She was looking for you. I sent her to your room. I thought that's where you'd be."

"Thanks Scott." Derek practically sprinted to his office. It was empty when he got there. He cursed himself for missing her. He hadn't spoken to her for a few days. She hadn't been returning his calls but he knew she needed space right now. He dialled her number but it went straight through to voicemail.

"Hi sweetheart. It's me. I believe you just called in to see me. As is always the way, the dark lord was busy working!" he joked. "Give me a call back when you get this will you?"

It was then that he saw the note. A folded up sheet of paper on her desk with "Derek" written on it. He opened it. It was from Karen.

"Hey! Sorry I missed you. I don't know why I came really. I guess I just wanted to tell you thank you, for everything. Whatever happens Derek, this isn't on you. Love Karen xoxo"

"Whatever happens Derek, this isn't on you" ...

Derek was panicking. He dialled Ana's number, and thankfully she picked up. "Ana, Ana, listen to me, this is important. Did Karen say anything to you today about where she was going? Did she say anything unusual?"

"No. But she did give me a massive hug before I left for the show. Kind of out of nowhere"

"Shit"

"Derek you're scaring me. What's going on?"

He read her Karen's note. "I need to find her now Ana! Where the hell would you go if you were Karen right now, not thinking straight, and contemplating doing something insanely stupid?"

"The Old East River Bridge. It's what Jimmy and Kyle had in mind for Hit List. For Amanda's sui ..." she couldn't say it. "For Amanda's 'Broadway Here I Come' scene. It's the only place that makes sense ... I'm heading there now." She hung up and Derek raced outside, practically manhandling an oncoming taxi.

"I need to get to the Old East River Bridge now. I don't care how much it costs me, but you need to get there in record time."


Karen looked over the edge. She could just make out the ripples of water, reflecting from the lights of the distant buildings. It was bitter cold, and she was shivering, but she figured that none of that actually mattered now. All she had to do was take one step forward and it would all be over.

She knew that she wasn't herself. But she didn't have any fight left in her. She was tired. She just wanted the pain to end, and she knew that Jimmy would never let that happen. He'd never let her go. She thought back to her telling him she couldn't be with him anymore, and his reaction, and tears started to build in her eyes. She had thought him capable of many things, but not that.

She thought of her mom and dad, her friends, Ana. She hoped one day they'd forgive her for her selfishness. And then she thought about Derek. She wished she'd gotten the chance to see him before ... she shook her head as if to clear her mind of any doubts. She took another look at the water below. It was so calm, so ... inviting. She closed her eyes and prepared to say her final goodbye.

"KAREN, NO!"