"...he's always late on Mondays, sometimes when he says he's going to a meeting he just sleeps in the records department, he makes us work overtime while he goes on dates, sometimes he just burns paperwork he doesn't feel like filling out and then he claims that he lost it, he used all of the rubber bands he could find in the building once because he was too lazy to change a flat tire and he transmuted one, speaking of which Hawkeye is always yelling at him because he makes paper clip launchers out of government issued pens and electrical tape and then he shoots the paper clips at us from his office when we're not looking..."
Havoc took a deep breath and continued, "...he steals my girlfriends, he says he's going to bring us lunch and then we show up in the break room he claims that Breda ate it all – "
Colonel Breaker continued to take diligent notes. "Yes, yes...that's terrible, lieutenant. I'm sorry you had to put up with this nonsense."
"Thank you, sir."
"No wonder he hasn't found the murderer of Major Islip and those poor girls," the colonel shook his head in disgust. "In that vein, Lieutenant...you were present during one of the attacks. Did you see the perpetrator?"
"Oh, uh, yes, sir. I did."
"I haven't seen any sketches. Why is that?"
"Oh," Havoc looked out the window. "I was pretty toasted, sir. I couldn't really describe him."
"But you'd know what he looks like?" He pressed. "If we were to bring him in for questioning?"
"You have a suspect, sir?"
"Yes. A man and woman were found dead in an alley on Weston Street, and our suspect was spotted in the vicinity last night," the colonel's lips spread in what Havoc thought might be a smile. "If you wouldn't mind, lieutenant, I'd like to have you look at him. Just in case you recognize him."
"I'll try," Havoc sighed. "Um, sir, about that cigarette...?"
"Yes, yes, take your time. He won't be available until he's been processed, anyway, which might take until tomorrow." Colonel Breaker clapped Havoc on his shoulder. "You're a great addition to the team, Lieutenant Havoc. I thank you for your help. You're dismissed."
Havoc saluted formally and tried not to run out the doors.
Hughes set Mustang's phone down with a heavy sigh. "Townsend wasn't arrested for conspiracy, Roy."
Roy would have felt relieved that his lieutenant hadn't betrayed him, but Hughes' tone warned of worse news. He gestured for his friend to continue. Hughes sat on the couch and Mustang reluctantly followed suit.
"He was arrested for murder." Hughes adjusted his glasses. "Another couple was found dead outside of Christmas' this morning, and there's a witness that places him in the area."
"Who was killed?"
"Private Orlan Weiss, and his girlfriend, Tandie Phillips," he said. "You know either one?"
Roy shook his head.
Hughes raised his eyebrows. "Well. It looks like we're dealing with a bona fide serial killer, here, not someone trying to send you some sick message. Someone who holds rage towards the military...maybe has some mommy issues..."
"That would fit Townsend, all right, at least the military part," Roy said. "But it doesn't explain Emma's death. She was alone."
Hughes hesitated. "She visited you and Fuery in the military dorms, right?"
Roy fell silent.
Emma. She'd just gotten engaged to an accountant. She'd sounded ecstatic over the phone.
"Roy, it isn't your f-"
"I know," the colonel snapped sharply. "Townsend was in the area last night. I met with him at Madame Christmas', and he left around 0100."
"The timing's right..." Hughes frowned. "I just can't see it being Marc."
"He was jailed for five years," Roy pointed out, "and I can tell you from conversations with the man that he's not exactly rational."
"Not rational," Hughes said, "or just in disagreement with you?"
Roy scowled.
"I thought so," his friend continued. "What about Havoc?"
Roy looked baffled. "I don't like him too much, either, these days."
"I mean," Hughes continued with a trace of amusement, "did he get a clear i.d. on the killer?"
Roy calmed down. "He claimed that he did, but he was so inebriated that I sincerely doubt it."
"The records didn't say one way or the other," Hughes remarked.
"I didn't think it would be wise to advertise that my subordinate possibly knew the identity of a killer on the loose," Mustang retorted archly. "He's seen pictures of Townsend, Hughes. I'm not a complete idiot."
Hughes raised his arms in mock surrender. "Didn't say you were."
"You implied it," Roy sniffed.
"Yes, dear," Hughes quipped. "Well, there goes our afternoon of watching our old friend and potential serial killer bend into interesting positions and conspire to sit in a federal building."
"Thank god."
"Well, what else was on our agenda...oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you that I dug up some dirt on the new star investigator in town."
"You didn't forget," Roy accused.
Maes grinned. "It got me free breakfast, didn't it?"
"Hughes..." he warned.
"Fine, fine," Hughes conceded. "It's not that damaging, but it's something, at least."
"Are you going to draw me a diagram or just tell me?"
"His son was kicked out of the military academy," Hughes squealed gleefully.
"...And?"
"And the reason was covered up," his friend continued. "And I found out the reason."
Roy perked up. "Well, that sounds promising."
Hughes puffed up his chest and grandly delivered his news. "He cheated on his military history final."
"I take it back," Roy sighed. "Thanks anyway, Hughes."
"Sorry, buddy."
Roy just shrugged. "I need to speak with Hawkeye, and then I thought I'd head over to the jail. You coming?"
"Can we grab some lunch first?"
"You're buying."
Havoc savored his second cigarette like a fine wine. He had sucked the first one down in seconds, and he wasn't altogether eager to head back into the office.
He saw her before she noticed him, and a brief, intense battle waged inside him. If he tossed the cigarette and turned, then he would miss her. But if he did that, then he would be nicotine-less and in the office for three more minutes than absolutely necessary.
As usual, he deliberated too long.
She smiled when she recognized him, and he smiled back despite himself.
"Lieutenant," she greeted. "What do you know about Marc Townsend's arrest?"
That was his Riza, all pleasantries and small talk. "Huh?"
One thing, of many, that he liked about her was that she never seemed impatient when he didn't catch on to things as lightning fast as the colonel. Her smile remained in place. "Colonel Breaker arrested Townsend for the murders that have been taking place recently."
"Oh," he replied. Mustang had showed him pictures of the man, and several other men fitting his description, but he hadn't recognized any of them. "I knew he'd arrested someone, but he didn't tell me who it was. He told me there were witnesses placing him in the area."
"He was," she confirmed.
"I know," he replied, softly. "I was...I heard him, at the bar, on Fuery's radio."
It was Hawkeye's turn to sound dumb, for once, and Havoc relished it a little too much. "Oh."
"Yeah."
"Well."
This conversation was going splendidly, Havoc thought sarcastically. He looked around and lit another cigarette. "You guys should behave yourself around Fuery. He's got sensitive ears."
She crossed her arms. "We weren't misbehaving," she hissed. "The colonel drank too much, and he got a little carried away."
"How much did you drink?"
"Nothing."
"Then what's your excuse?"
Riza set her jaw. "I wasn't aware I needed one, Jean. Please tell me anything I said last night that was inappropriate."
She sort of had him there. Havoc began to feel the familiar sensation of alternating from being completely certain to completely wrong, but he wasn't ready to give up quite yet. "It wasn't anything you said."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"It..." he took a deep breath to explain, but he was interrupted.
"Lieutenant!" Mustang grinned. "How's -"
Havoc slugged him in the jaw.
Hughes watched Havoc's fist sail towards Mustang's jaw with a detached horror that manifested into muted panic when his friend crashed to the ground, not because he was afraid that Roy was hurt (he'd done the same thing to the man, many times...he could definitely see the appeal in punching the infuriating man in the face), but because they were on military grounds, and Roy looked like he was ready to fry his former second lieutenant.
He did not turn the taller man into cinders, much to Hughes' relief. Roy stood and brushed himself off.
Havoc looked at his fist as if he couldn't believe it was truly attached to his arm.
Roy smiled pleasantly and slammed his fist into Havoc's gut.
It was now Havoc's turn to sink to the ground. Hawkeye and Hughes exchanged incredulous glances, and Hughes moved to talk Roy down and Hawkeye reached to help Havoc up, but both men ignored their efforts and tackled each other.
Hughes grabbed Mustang's elbow to try to pull him away, but that just allowed Havoc to get in a few cheap blows and garnered him a bruise or three in the process, so he backed away nervously.
"This," he babbled to Hawkeye, "we should probably stop thi-"
"Enough!" Hawkeye shouted, furious. A single shot cracked in the air.
They stopped. So did Hughes' heart, for a half-second.
Roy stood first, and Havoc regarded him warily. The lieutenant opened his mouth to speak, but he was once again interrupted.
"What in tarnation is going on out there?" General Grumman called out from his window. "Are we being attacked again?"
Havoc's shoulders slumped, and Hughes presumed the man was preparing himself for another taste of the brig.
"Training exercise," Mustang called out. "Sorry for bothering you, General! We ran into a bit of a snag!"
A private walking by shot the colonel a doubtful glance, but scuttled away when he raised his eyebrows imperiously.
Hughes somehow wasn't surprised that the man managed to look so haughty with a swollen jaw and a bruise blooming under his left eye. It was that quality, after all, that made him so damned punchable.
"I love your training exercises," the general called back down. "What's it about?"
"Ambushing an unarmed man, General," Mustang yelled, somewhat truthfully, Hughes decided.
"What was the snag?"
Mustang thought fast. "We've decided that next time it should be a planned ambush, sir!"
The general's booming laughter echoed down. "That would probably be wise, Mustang!"
"Yes, sir!"
"I expect a report on my desk by 1700," the general hooted. "Haha! A planned unplanned ambush! The recruits should have fun with this!"
"I hope so, General!"
Grumman shut his window and Roy rubbed his jaw. "Damn it, Havoc, what was that for?"
"Hell, Roy, who hasn't wanted to punch you at some point in time?" Hughes lowered his voice so that only the four of them could hear. "Also, there are probably many people watching from the windows, you damned idiots."
"I'm sorry, sir," Havoc apologized tightly. "You caught me at a bad time."
Roy looked from lieutenant to lieutenant and nodded slowly. "I see."
Hawkeye glared at both men and they stared at their respective shoes. "I am not writing that report," she announced calmly, and without another word she marched back into the building.
"This isn't over, lieutenant," Roy stated bluntly, if softly.
"Didn't expect it would be," Havoc sighed. A trickle of blood ran down his nose and he wiped it with his sleeve. Hughes didn't even want to imagine how the lieutenant was going to explain himself to Colonel Breaker...especially seeing as how the man very likely had watched the entire event unfold.
Hughes followed Roy to the car. "Well," he said once they were inside, "so much for talking to Hawkeye, huh."
"Can you drive? My eye's swelling shut."
They switched seats. "Are you going to tell me what that was about?"
Roy shook his head. "I don't even know."
"I always thought it would be Edward who sucker punched you outside of headquarters."
Roy snorted...or maybe he was just trying to stem blood flow. "He can't reach."
"So I'm guessing Havoc's jealous," Hughes tried a different angle. "I wonder who gave him a reason."
"Hughes," Roy warned mildly, "you're giving me a headache. Just take me to the jail."
"Like that?"
Roy looked himself over. "Fine. Take me back home, I'll change, and then we'll go visit Townsend."
"What about your report?"
Mustang heaved a frustrated sigh.
"See? You should have turned Havoc in. Then you'd be free of paperwork, and you'd already be heading towards the brig. Oh, and as a bonus, a certain lieutenant would be free of -"
"Hughes?"
He grinned. "Yes, Roy?"
Roy rested his head on the window wearily. "Just drive, please?"
Hughes shut up.
